Will the guy come back after a breakup – learn all the nuances

How to understand that an ex wants to get back, and to help him in this

Breakup is always hard for any loving female soul. And if a woman loves, she begins to wonder, “Do men come back after a breakup?”, “How long to wait, how long before a man comes back after a breakup?”, etc. Of course, it all depends on what your relationship was (you are husband and wife, just lovers, etc.), how close you are, broke up stupidly and still love each other or love is gone, etc. In any case it is important for a woman to know when and when a loved one returns. Man is not a mysterious alien creature. He, just like a woman, worries, suffers, misses. Therefore, there are certain signs that indicate whether the young man will return or not, whether he is ready to continue your relationship. Also, psychology knows the answers to the question “Why do former men come back after a breakup”.

Do men come back?

There is data that suggests that in 50% of cases, men after breaking up with a woman do come back. Or they try to, and in this case everything depends on whether the former partner is ready to accept him. Will your lover come back or not – all depends on the reason for the breakup and how strong his feelings for you.

Many women believe that if a man loves, he will return after the breakup, but this is not always true. After all, there are those people (not ready to compromise in any way), who will never go on about their own desires and, even suffering, will keep their word to themselves. They do not know how to forgive. And, as a rule, to the end of their lives they proudly tell their acquaintances that they still love you, but they will never go back. If you met with such a person, do not humiliate yourself. It is useless. Look for a new love. But these are isolated cases. There are other factors of breakups.

Reasons for which close people can break up are quite common:

  1. A cooling of feelings. You have fallen out of love with each other, or someone has fallen out of love with one another. From this all other manifestations begin to flow: emotions, quarrels, etc.
  2. Infidelity on the part of the husband or wife. Such a reason is not always a reason for separation. There are couples for whom adultery means nothing (such families live with the knowledge of adultery, periodically win each other back from mistresses and lovers). There are other people who are quite painful, but still forgive the infidelity of the other half. And there is another category of people (there are many more of them) who in no way can forgive the fact of having a rival or a rival (especially in the first time after finding out about it).
  3. Domestic problems. Unfortunately, not every couple understands in time that a joint household requires work on themselves, mutual concessions and other efforts to build a harmonious family life.
  4. Lack of sexual attraction. Occurs usually because one of the spouses has stopped taking care of himself, or the husband raises his hand against his wife, etc.
  5. Incompatibility for various reasons. For example, one spouse is actively developing, expanding his/her horizons, growing in outlook, while the other spouse is doing nothing. In this case the one who has significantly grown spiritually, it becomes elementary bored with the one who was not able or simply did not want to move forward. Worse, the other one begins to irritate the first.

These are the main reasons, there are others, because everyone’s life is different.

Read also: 5 most common causes of quarrels in the family and 8 simple ways to solve family conflicts

If we talk about which reasons are more likely to return a man, it is more likely to happen if you broke up because of infidelity, because of household problems or because of a lack of sexual attraction. You can get the latter back if you start taking care of yourself, arranging intimate dinners with your spouse and many other things that should be clear to the loving heart. Genesis can also be established. If a man left because of scandals and quarrels over domestic problems, he may begin to reflect (perhaps meet another woman and realize that you are better) and come to the conclusion that he wants to return. Infidelity is something that any man is sincerely capable of repenting of. And so for a representative of the stronger sex it is also not a reason to break up the relationship forever. In this case, he will do everything in order to come to you again and start the relationship anew. Women need to understand that, on the one hand, the hackneyed phrase “if a man loves, he will never cheat” – the absolute truth, on the other hand, it is important how a man understands love, what was his upbringing, how impulsive he is, etc.

But if there has been a cooling of feelings or incompatibility, that is much more serious. Such things are irrevocable, it’s almost impossible to get them back on track.

Why does the ex-husband want to come back after the divorce?

If a woman has had a difficult divorce or breathed easy afterwards, she is unlikely to want to step on the same rake. By restoring her emotional balance and learning to rely only on her own strength, her heart and mind have become stronger. However, the hope of becoming a loved one, an inspiration and part of someone’s life does not leave any of the divorced ladies. And hearing the childish expression, “I won’t do it anymore,” falls into a stupor, though it is only applied by cheaters, tyrants, alcoholics and slackers who count on forgiveness and leniency in the end for self-serving purposes.

The husband could enjoy freedom after divorce, limiting himself from trouble and responsibility to others. In fact, there is nothing strange about the idea in his mind of returning to a place where he is no longer remembered. First, it vividly shows his insignificance, because he came only with words (sometimes with gifts), but not with concrete achievements and changes in external and internal qualities, and secondly, it shows the study of the mechanism of your forgiveness, which automatically makes you simple-minded.

The first proper step, if your husband has decided to return and you have feelings for him, is to remember his words and accept the gifts with the idea of “Since you brought it, let him pay for his past suffering.” Next, it is necessary to analyze his behavior before the divorce and compare the result with the promises.

Not satisfied with the existing relationship

From psychotherapeutic practice known cases where the husband first goes to his mistress, and then tries to humiliate her in the eyes of his former wife, to cause good emotions and emphasizing as possible advantages, it was easier to enter into confidence and return. This is a familiar trick of cheaters, for if these qualities satisfied him, he would not look for a replacement. In addition, cheating husbands know the fragility of love that begins with intimate attraction. On this basis, it is better to close the door in front of him, if except for promises and entreaties with apologies you did not get anything.

On the other hand, your husband could have come to his senses, corrected the problem that caused your separation. This could be breaking up with his mistress on the day of the divorce or after a short period of time. In addition, not sparing his health, money, trying to get you back in all kinds of ways. In this case, you can try to return, but with a “trial period”.

Love addiction

Choleric and melancholic people are prone to love addiction. The addict cannot imagine his life without his beloved, which manifests itself in not the best behavioral pattern: jealousy, aggression or tearfulness, attachment to himself. If the ex-husband previously tested for cheating, was jealous of every man, did not allow to meet his girlfriends or somehow distance himself for a while to breathe a full breath, today, promising not to do this, he betrays himself, because this program is embedded in his subconscious and long treated by a psychotherapist. It follows that the scenario that tormented you in the past, will repeat in the future.

If after the divorce, the husband was not active in relation to the former spouse, the sudden urge to return may arise for the following reasons:

  • Dumped mistress (disappeared object of love giving self-confidence);
  • Unsuccessful romances with new women (each acquaintance becomes fruitless, which lowers self-esteem);
  • Fear of new relationships (since new relationships are not created, it is better to return to the old ones, where they are usually forgiving and accepting);
  • Jealousy over an ex-wife’s appearance on the horizon of a new man (the husband’s possessiveness quotient is so high that the subconscious “all the ladies are mine” compels you to win you back);
  • Realization of personal changes for the worse (the divorce became a reason to think about inappropriate actions against his wife and led to depression, which changed the physical and mental state of the husband).

Often women return to such husbands because of insecurity, because watching his efforts, they understand their need for at least someone, but this is a fiction. In fact, getting closer will strengthen the self-esteem of both, but it will not change the situation: jealousy will remain, the risk of cheating will remain.

Selfish reasons

Among other things, ex-husbands often return to women whose status after divorce exceeded male expectations. In addition, if the husband did not have a high income, and now he is unemployed, the only way out of the difficulty is to win the heart of the former spouse. But what will she get in return from the alphonse? Love? And whether it is necessary to an established personality with a high status and the prospect of a self-sufficient man? After all, the brighter the success, the more noticeable the person. And if the husband went to another woman and wants to return thanks to the needs, it’s hard to call him self-sufficient.

Evaluate the prospect of your husband to rise to your level and the ability to accept the lost selfish man. If he needs his mother, let him go to her. You don’t have to be responsible for his mistakes.

Signs that a man will come back

Almost any woman usually understands on a subconscious level whether her lover can return or not. It is possible to understand this by the most personal, intimate nuances. For example, a month ago he was “dying of happiness” in your arms, you definitely saw his loving look, and today a silly quarrel, you said mean things to each other – then, of course, he will come back, even if in a burst of rudeness he said that he finally “got fed up”. Or you have noticed for a year that the man has become indifferent to sex with you, you have ceased to interest him as a woman, he almost does not notice you and now he claims that he needs to be alone for some time. Then, of course, you have to stress out here and think about the fact that you’re losing him, that maybe he has someone else. He leaves, and you are left with your thoughts alone.

There are some average signs that your loved one is ready to come back.

  1. He is looking to see you. Thus, the man may appear in your way in the following places: on the way to work (if he knows your route and method of travel), in those places where you just may appear (kindergarten, where you take your child, school, your favorite cafe, fitness center). It happens that an ex-lover comes to the place where you will definitely be. For example, a party at a mutual friend’s house is going on, and he knows exactly about your presence there and comes himself. If this happens quite often, know that the man is looking for meetings with you, which means that he is basically on his way back.
  2. Often writes, calls. You have broken up, but he calls. Even if not every day, and maybe even once a week or two. But he calls you, specifically you (does not count if he wants to know about the baby and does not ask about anything else). Maybe the man wants to hear your voice and does not say anything. It is quite possible that you don’t even know, and he makes calls from different numbers. But this should be understood for sure, otherwise you will think that this is your former lover, but it will turn out to be just a wrong number. So, if the person you broke up with, writes you messages in social networks, often visits your pages, looks at your photos, avidly looks at new photos, puts “class”, calls, often wondering how you are, know: he wants to come back. Or, at least, he misses you.
  3. He learns about you through mutual friends. Surely you have common acquaintances, buddies. Or your relatives have become close friends. In that case, they will tell you if your former lover is interested in you. This is one of the most frequent cases that men use if they want to know something about the one they broke up with. Here are the options for this kind of development. If a woman suddenly has a new man, former husbands or lovers can become active. Here it is important to understand: is it from a great love and understanding that irresistibly want to return, or just from the desire of the type “neither to me, nor to him”. If the man is sincere, he is sure to repent, tries to mend the relationship, correct himself if he was wrong, do something he has never done.

If your beloved wants to return, it is important to understand: he returns, because he realized how dear you are to him, or he simply has nowhere to go, or he is trying to hide from a new insistent mistress. Or it is even simpler and worse for you. An ex-lover wants someone to just wash his socks and shirts still, iron his clothes, cook delicious food and always “be at hand” if he wants sex. Are you ready in this case to continue the relationship?

Or is he sincere and wants you back no matter what? Because he cares about you, he can’t live without your laughter, without your hands and lips, without your joint gatherings? This, of course, is a very different attitude. For the sake of it you can forgive a man.

Ex-husband wants to return: what to do and how to behave

The return of a man to the family does not mean that he has strong feelings for his wife. It is just that he is not able to live independently, since the woman cooked, did the laundry, cleaned, cared for him.

As long as the man has not met a new passive who will take care of him, he will make attempts to reunite with his wife, if he is sure that she is waiting for him and will accept his apologies. Coming together and separating such spouses can constantly.It also happens that the ex-husband did not make himself known for a long time, and then appears, full of tenderness. But soon disappears again. The conclusion is one: he was bored, wanted intimacy, but none of his ex-girlfriends agreed to spend time with him, and you did.

When a man swears in love and is ready to move his stuff back tomorrow, do not be in a hurry to accept it.

Talk, find out the reason for the abrupt change in behavior. Fear of responsibility.

Signs that the man will not come back

These moments a woman is also capable of feeling. Only those who prefer to live “with rose-colored glasses” usually do not understand anything until the last. After all, anyway, one way or another, the signs of cooling are observed from the man, but they are not always noticed by the woman. However, there are members of the stronger sex (these experienced “Lovelace-Kazanov”), which is almost impossible to catch until the last moment. After all, they are affectionate with his wife, and his mistress, and all other women.

There are also reasons why exes never come back:

  1. If he left for another woman, especially because of a love flare-up. Here there is a chance only if it was, for example, only a passion or a high feeling was not involved. Then your lover can still, on the basis of a comparison between you and the woman he left, return because you are better! But if he is seriously in love, then, most likely, about the return and does not think. But do not forget that everything is relative. And every case is different. For example, a man may think that he is madly and forever in love, and then the feeling disappears, and he bitterly recalls the only woman with whom he lived before. But you have to be careful here. What if he will fall in love more than once? Do you have to relive it all over again? In any case there is a statistic that if the man left you for another woman, in rare cases he will come back again.
  2. He cut off contact, does not get in touch. Here, most likely, all is lost forever. First of all, a man in love cannot do this because of a basic concern for the object of his love. If we don’t know how our love lives, we are very worried, we want to know if everything is okay with her. And this is normal. Secondly, the person cutting off the connection for good clearly doesn’t want to have any more relations with you. And this is already a disturbing symptom.

How to understand that the ex-husband wants to return to his wife.

During this period, there is a loss of interest in work, intimate life, entertainment.

Romance quickly ends, and the sweetness of the nights is shattered by the harshness of life. And here is the paradox: and the salary again have to give, and you can not sit with friends, and the borscht is not as tasty, and forced to exercise in the morning.

This is where the comparison wakes up: and the ex-wife brought breakfast in bed, and organized recreation, and intelligently allocated the budget … There comes a time when the values are reconsidered, mistakes are recognized, all bad things are forgotten and comes the understanding that love is still alive.

What to do if a man wants to get back in a relationship

Like a thunder from a clear sky may sound the news that a former man wants to return relationship. And like dotted all the i’s, and the heart has ceased to beat frantically from the sight of his photo, and forgotten all the insults. But he suddenly shows up at the door with a bouquet and words of remorse.

Or maybe not with flowers. Sometimes the thought of “what if again. ” a man is enough to accidentally bump into a former lover in a cafe or a movie theater. And it turns out that she is not suffering for the lost relationship, and became even better and more beautiful – literally blooming. Feelings of sympathy, sprinkled with a slight jealousy shot, may prompt the idea of resuming the old relationship. But let’s understand what exactly are the motives that drive a man who wants to return to the relationship, and whether they are so necessary to the abandoned woman.

7 reasons for a man to return after a breakup

The time span in which a woman experiences a breakup is significantly shorter than for men. But from a psychological point of view, it is harder for her than for her partner. Maybe the reason lies in the fact that the man has not yet fully realized that you are not there. When you are almost completely recovered from the loss and slowly return to full life, he is just beginning to feel loneliness and emptiness. Former lover makes attempts to return to the woman at a time when she has almost forgotten about his existence.

What is it? Is it the omnipresent law of meanness or is it a grave injustice of life? At a time when you’ve already suffered and calmed down a bit, he comes back. How do you behave so you’re not left with nothing if a man wants to get back into a relationship after a breakup?

First, take off the rose-colored glasses and look at the situation reasonably. Your favorite favorite wants to get you back no matter what the circumstances and frantically confesses his love? Although in your mind it was like this, do not exaggerate the romantic side of the story. You are mistaken if you think that a man realized everything and dramatically changed. He hasn’t. He remained the same, he just realized that his performance failed, and you have no desire to be with him again. Maybe he was counting on leaving so he could come back later. The truth is not always easy to discover. In reality, his intention has nothing to do with you. Maybe he got his priorities right, and felt that he needed you more than he thought.

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There are many factors that influence a man’s actions and depend on his character and behavior. Let’s turn to complex male psychology to find out the background to this situation.

He became lonely . Rather trivial reasons may be the impetus for the emergence of a man’s desire to return to the relationship. When he was with you, he felt care, affection and love for him.

Often men are tired of the excessive attention, and they want to get rid of the intrusive relationship as soon as possible. But when they find themselves alone, they realize how much they miss their former lover.

This often happens with married men. It becomes difficult for them to bear the constant care of their spouse, so they decide to change their environment. In most cases, it is not without the intervention of another woman. The husband looks forward to meeting his charming girlfriend and hurries to leave his spouse. But this euphoric state quickly passes. The beloved wife, who indulges her husband’s whims, turns out to be much better than the mistress, who has to be constantly satisfied. The man begins to pine for his spouse, he has a desire to return to her. As a result he leaves his mistress.

Often men need to miss their woman, so that feelings flared with renewed vigor. Oddly enough, but a woman in their eyes becomes especially important after the separation. For such men fit the term “egoist”, because they think only about themselves and their own desires.

He is disappointed in life . If there is too much love, it sometimes leads to quite sad consequences. It seems to the man that he does not need a woman and can easily live without her, as he is capable of many things. He leaves his spouse and goes in search of happiness. But in reality everything turns out to be much sadder. The newly minted Casanova suddenly learns that he is not as attractive to women as he imagined. In addition, he realizes that no one needed. As a result, left all alone, the man rushes to return the woman, which itself in most cases, he wants. The wife should think very carefully about whether she needs the relationship that much.

He is jealous . Jealousy is one of the main reasons for returning a man who is not willing to share his woman with someone else. Even though they are separated, the husband is convinced that his wife belongs to him and is obligated to suffer for the rest of her life. As soon as the jealous man finds out about your new suitor, he will return, wanting to remind you of his existence.

But before you welcome your husband back with open arms, consider whether he really loves you. Maybe he’s just jealous, and that doesn’t always indicate true love. Beware of a possible mistake when you decide to resume a relationship.

The unexpected realization of your stupid behavior . Not all men are capable of taking responsibility for their actions. When he left you, was absolutely sure that he would never even look in your direction. But as time goes by, those old feelings are back. He begins to idealize the former lover, and increasingly convinced of the stupidity of his action. Realizing that his decision to leave was made in haste, he rushes to get his woman back.

A harmonious sexual relationship . This is another good reason why a man wants to get back into a relationship. Intimacy is an important part of most men’s lives, and some even put sex first. Left alone, the husband realizes that he will never find a woman who understands him in an intimate relationship like you do. It’s up to you, but do not forget that while sexual compatibility is important, it is not the main condition for a strong family.

He is naturally endowed with a sense of duty . There are men who find it difficult to see how their ex-passenger is experiencing difficulties. Despite the fact that he no longer has feelings for her, he can not just look at the unhappy woman and returns to help her and help her out of a difficult situation. The relationship will be restored, but it will not be a happy one.

He wants to be with his children . Some men find it very difficult to separate from their children, so they come back. It is not easy for them to realize that the children will have another daddy to take care of them. As a result, the man returns to the family, but the relationship between the spouses is irrelevant in this case.

What about love? At first glance, it may seem that the man does not come back at all because he loves them. That is not true. It is love in most cases is the reason to return to the family and restore the relationship.

Spouses will try to pick up the pieces of the relationship and glue it together, even if it is almost impossible. And the only reason will be genuine love.

Often people break up because of conflicts. It happens that a ridiculous quarrel becomes a reason for separation, and in some cases makes people enemies. But the husband and wife who love each other continue to have mutual feelings, which brings them suffering. It happens that neither of them dares to make the first step towards communication, even if they strongly want to.

In some situations, separation is necessary for the couple to realize how much they need each other. In separation, their love only grows stronger, people in love become even closer. They begin to appreciate their partner more as they reconsider their feelings.

Signs that the man wants to return to the relationship after the breakup

He is still waiting.

Any termination of a relationship is a hard ordeal for the heart and soul. It seems that living the old life is no longer possible, much less moving forward. A man who regrets a failed relationship does not take other women seriously. It does not matter how many of them were, and with what objectives he met them. What’s important is that he has a hard time getting over you. He harbors the hope that it is possible to fix everything and return to the former relationship.

If you heard from someone that the former lover lives alone, not paying attention to other women, know – he is waiting for you. He manages to keep a distance with the other girls, to show that he is ready to return to the former, not yet cooled down feelings. It is this behavior that is the first significant sign of a man’s regret.

He maintains contact.

After a relationship has broken down, it can be very difficult to resist the urge to start communicating again. Sometimes this is necessary for people who want to remain friends.

In some cases, a man keeps in contact so that he can always be in touch and available to an ex-lover. The reason is that he has the hope of returning.

How can you tell if a man wants to get back in a relationship? When he seeks to communicate, calls, reminding himself, takes every opportunity to strike up a conversation, it means he wants his former lover to return. However, there are exceptions. Therefore, you must always be vigilant to get to the bottom of what is going on during the conversation.

He won’t stop apologizing.

There are times when a man feels guilty about the breakup. This feeling is intensified if he failed to express his regret and apologize earlier. A woman can notice this not only from his words but also from his behavior. At this point, his sincere regret becomes apparent. This can be manifested in the manner of talking, in his actions and looks. He changes literally in front of his eyes, and you do not recognize him as the old man. This means that the man repents and regrets that the relationship was lost.

He is still not reconciled with the difficulties and the consequences of separation

Just because a man is having a hard time coming to terms with the difficulties in life and their consequences does not mean something is wrong. Your former lover may have exhausted his patience, which will be expressed in his conversation, gestures and emotions. The reason for this behavior is the non-acceptance of the fact of a complete breakup. He may still regret what happened.

A man suffers just as much as a woman because of the breakup. There is a struggle going on inside of him. Even after a long time he will be jealous and angry, seeing you with someone else, so as not yet reconciled.

Clear signs of attention

A man after the breakup of a relationship changes a lot. After breaking up with a woman, he begins to give her the kind of attention he never had before. During this period, it seems to her that she is in the center of the universe, which smiles at her. The woman feels everyone’s eyes on her. What could be better? Have you ever experienced it?

There is a simple explanation: he tries to win you back and does everything possible to do so. This can manifest itself in gifts, presenting rich bouquets, invitations to the theater or restaurant, buying expensive things. All of these obvious gestures indicate a sincere desire to return the relationship immediately. And for him it does not matter the past.

Do not feel a breakup.

Even if you parted very unpleasantly, with scolding, accusations, breaking dishes, you may not come to feel a complete breakup of the relationship. You feel that this phenomenon is temporary, passing, similar to the next quarrel. Maybe it’s because of the constant presence of a former partner nearby, showing feelings (albeit a little restrained).

He tries to maintain a friendly relationship by continuing to visit you and tactfully communicate within the bounds of propriety. This behavior is confusing. In reality, he is making amends and doing good deeds, thereby trying to cover up all former offenses. This suggests that the man regrets the breakup and wants things to go back to the way they were before.

His pain is noticeable.

Dating a former lover is not always pleasant. It is not uncommon for these dates to cause heartache, which fills the brain with events from the past life. The same feelings are experienced by the man.

It also happens that a man wants to get back into a relationship, but doesn’t act on it. His desire is evidenced by his strange behavior, which his friends may pay attention to and tell you about it. Alarming is his reticence, unsociability, reticence, unwillingness to share their emotions. This indicates the presence of mental pain, which overflows inside. His memory reconstructs pictures of his past life with you, causing a desire to go back. Maybe he still loves you. There are times when a person thinks these signs are an act or a sham. Make your own parallels and draw the right conclusions. After all, real pain can be seen even with the naked eye.

Is it worth it to get back in a relationship with a man if he wants to?

Spouses who simply get back together, seeking to restore a broken relationship, are making a mistake. The main thing, in their opinion, is feelings or passion, which is not the same thing. Partners believe they can be together because their attraction to each other has not disappeared. At the same time, they pretend that nothing happened. This is similar to the position of an ostrich that hides its head in the sand and does not want to notice what is happening around and respond to certain events or facts.

Tip: If there was a breakup, you need to reset the relationship. Otherwise a second breakup is inevitable. All unresolved problems, because of which the couple broke up, will appear again.

According to psychologists, in order to avoid a second breakup, the spouses need to:

During the period of separation to change and realize it;

Take into account all the mistakes of the past;

Try to keep the attractive qualities of character;

Do not try to simply glue the broken cup, and build a relationship from scratch.

If the above conditions are created, the couple will be able to upgrade their relationship to a more mature one. It is necessary to consider the signs that lead to the breakdown of the relationship. One should consider if:

there is frequent infidelity in the couple, with the spouses taking fidelity rather lightly;

There was physical abuse;

The partner has bad habits: gambling, drug or alcohol abuse;

The partner has financial difficulties in the form of large debts, moreover, he does not stop borrowing money and taking out loans.

Psychologists argue that these disadvantages are based on a persistent mental component. It is very difficult for this category of people to change. If a woman is not afraid to bind her life with such a man, she can start a relationship with him anew. But first it is still necessary to make sure that he has already made some attempts to change and has taken the path of correction.

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