Question Wife wants a divorce, married 10 have children fell in love with another
– Good day to day! Though it is not simple but I will try to tell our story in brief.We have got acquainted with the spouse on my initiative through her second cousin, our communication has begun with long conversations by phone, then meetings of walks. Frankly I was not in love with my future wife, I was not lucky in love, I fell in love with the wrong people, I was attracted to her because I liked her character and in general I wanted to meet such a woman, externally of course I was attracted to her too. We had a problem. Her parents were against our relations, to say nothing of our marriage. We met each other in secret, we decided to get married, there was no wedding as such, we secretly married, we celebrated in the circle of close people. In 2007 I had a complicated surgery, a liver transplant and the percentage of my survival or not was 50/50, but regardless of this, my wife did not hesitate to marry me. Her parents did not communicate with us for six months, then they took us in when they found out we were expecting a new addition. As a wife, as a hostess she was perfect, to my regret, I did not appreciate it, and took for granted. I have always liked women and also liked their attention, a general lover of women. I have cheated on my wife and she found out about it as she looked at my pages in social networks. She was hurt, even after parties she was waiting for me, met me, fed me dinner and went to bed. I felt guilty, but continued to go out. I treated her as just a housewife, care, warm attention I almost did not give, but she still continued to be a faithful wife, taking care of me and our children, 2012 was born the third daughter. And at that time, when I had two children older than 3 younger just born, I met a young girl, we started a stormy love affair, I thought I fell madly in love, eventually my mistress set the conditions to choose either her or my family, I chose the family although at that time I had feelings only for my mistress. Time passed, my relationship with my wife was usual without emotions, just as friends. I looked to the left. I had sex with my wife, and it was good, we both had orgasms. But suddenly in 2015, my wife started to look better, more fun, (she works in the organization ) that is, communication she has. I began to look at her, and I did not realize that I suddenly began to wake up sympathy for her. Then she began to hang out on the phone a lot, put the threshold, and I began to guess that she was flirting, it spurred me on even more. It turned out she was flirting with a colleague, I found out, there was a scandal with her, a fight with him. She said she hadn’t loved me for a long time, I hadn’t paid attention to her and the man gave her what she lacked, attention. They did not get to sex, thank God. She apologized and cried and said let’s start all over again. She said that even though she didn’t have those feelings, things might get better later. I was a fool not to take it as a chance and didn’t do anything special. I thought once my feelings were awakened in me, that’s it, love me and that’s it. I should have acted and won her heart. So I blew my first chance. It got worse. In October 2016, a new employee came to them and immediately noticed my wife, all the time did her compliments, saying how jealous of me to her husband. (This she herself boasted) and a couple of times he hinted her to go to a cafe, she blew him off, and he realized that he had to act differently, started very tactfully. eventually he won her heart. He fell in love with her, they dated, now they are practically not, but I guess they see each other secretly.
She is very attached to him. I have already beaten him in the face, it does not help, with her the quarrels, scandals, separation. The children suffer. My parents and everyone around me sees and feels everything. She does not dare to move out as it would be a shame for her. Frankly. During the last six months I have begun to change, I have been reading a lot and working on myself. There are huge shifts for the better. But at the moment I am very much interfered with my jealousy. I’m just starting to act right, my hobbies, my work, I’ve cleaned up, she’s started to look at me.
– at me, writing to call me. And suddenly I find out about their communication, then tolerate then snapped. (One of the negative factors, I used to have an unstable job, out of my health, and on my dilapidation, now everything is different, I have matured that really need from life, and as a father and as a caring husband, I consider myself quite worthy. Now I am working on myself a lot of people began to respect me more, her relatives in the first place, they see how I change, and of course everyone condemns her for her thoughts of divorce. While we live together. Not long ago there was a big showdown, I was her brother pressured the old man to forget about her, and her and explained to her in a nice way that she would think about her behavior. With his wife now communicate, cold, cold from her side. With her boyfriend she communicates less frequently, but I do not know exactly, I almost do not follow, I am tired. We have a mutual friend with whom she shares, and she says that yes, she sees that I have changed but no feelings, she does not know that she is confused, and tells me that I do not love and want to live alone with the children, but does not leave. And by the way, then says that she does not care, only as the father of children, then calls and asks how you got to work? Or calls from home and asks if I drove home, where am I going? Goes to the stores and buys Christmas decorations for the house, sends photos of what to hang lanterns in the garden, sends a photo of what chandelier to buy in place of the old one. I recently filed for divorce, I was provoked by the fact that my eldest daughter calls in tears, hiding in the closet from his wife and said that Mom again talks to this man, her daughter despises him, she found out that Mom communicates with him Children! Children love me very much, very! She sees this, and at any hint of us getting a divorce, the kids get stressed. That’s the way it is, guys. That’s all in a nutshell. I’m waiting for your advice guys who have any experience, I understand that I made a lot of mistakes. How do you calculate, the situation is hopeless, or there is still a chance. Life is hell, and with her it is hard to see her indifference and without her too bad. The thought that the children will move out and I will sometimes only see them, it kills me.
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All these photos of her (chandeliers, etc.) pity you and justify themselves. At one time he came to his senses, his gut understood that he did not need to communicate with you, it will only get worse.
There will be some time to twitch you, help and stuff like that, all this dod (let’s stay friends). all this helps women to get off painlessly after separation.
Wife wants a divorce has a child: learn with us
Wife wants a divorce has a child: learn with us
“What to do? My wife wants a divorce and I don’t!” – you write. Divorce – a sad thing, and often, unfortunately, unpredictable in a marriage … when today, it would seem, all is well with your spouse, life is established, there is mutual understanding, and tomorrow she suddenly “as a knob on the head” categorically told you that he wants a divorce. The hardest thing in a story like this, as in any stress, by the way, is to keep self-control, calm and willpower.
To react to stress in the right way. We were not taught this at school, they have been teaching it for years in different religions and psychological help centers, but they still cannot completely eliminate negativity from their lives.
So it’s normal that such news caused you a lot of negative emotions. It’s like a thunderbolt out of the blue. You are upset, confused, maybe even scared, and do not know what to do next. Our article will be a good helper and adviser to you. We will answer your question and tell you what to do next.
Before you continue reading, we recommend that you watch the following video:
If your wife has announced the divorce and you have already realized inside yourself that you cannot be without her and you do not want to give her a divorce, then you will have to make her want to come back to you herself. Of course, in the situation that you are in now, such a scenario seems impossible to you. But it isn’t. Return the love of his wife to you can, to revive your marriage and a happy life, too, provided that you, as a man, ready to fight for their happiness and are not going to give up.
So, what should you do?
1 Get it together. You will have to put all your efforts, call on the help of willpower and courage in order to meet such a blow of fate as a divorce with fortitude. You have to do this in order for you to have a chance to get your spouse back.
A lot depends on how you behave after her declaration of divorce, and first and foremost, your chances of reconciliation.
Once your wife has said that you want a breakup – try to calmly accept her decision. Say that you are very uncomfortable with this news, that you still love her, and you are seriously hurt, but put pressure on her, hysterical, begging and, moreover, threatening her, you are not going to. She’s free to make her own decisions, and you respect them. Simply put, give her free rein.
Don’t hold on to a man who wants to leave you. It’s a very humiliating position for a man to be in, and it won’t add points to your advantage. Let her go and try to forgive her. Two people are always at fault in a marriage and in a breakup, and even if she is the first to say she wants to leave you, it is still just as uncomfortable and difficult for her. Realize that there are no winners in your story, both are now in a losing position.
You should know: the calmer and more dignified you meet this blow of fate, the more respect and admiration you will arouse in his wife. Everyone loves strong and confident people.
2 Talk to your wife. You need to find out what caused your separation. The main catalyst. Of course, there aren’t always happy days in a marriage. There are misunderstandings, unpleasantness, petty grudges. And if some of them we quickly forget, others live in our souls day after day, not disappearing anywhere … and here they are just in time to turn into one big problem, which leads to a breakup. Find out exactly what she no longer wants to tolerate, what was the main reason for her desire to break up. You need this in order to then fix the problem. Remove it from your life once and for all.
3 Maintain Distance. The moment both spouses decide to divorce, psychologists recommend separating immediately after the decision is made. This is a very good step, because it gives you both an opportunity to cool down, to come to their senses a little, to reset the degree of tension in communication.
In addition, at a distance you will be able to miss each other. This is also very good. If yesterday you annoyed each other, then in a month you can start to miss each other. So much for the positive dynamics in the relationship.
4 Occupy Yourself. This point is the most important one. Unfortunately, any stress in our lives leads to what suffers primarily our self-esteem. A self-esteem, or in another way – the inner core of man, this is the most important internal resource that helps him to live, develop, move on, and, as you know, to cope with difficulties.
So, it is the strengthening of your self-esteem, after recently experienced stress, that you have to do.
How to strengthen it:
– Engaging in sports. Sports – the best natural antidepressant of our time. In ancient times, it was sports, by the way, treated such a serious illness like depression. Decide for yourself, what sport you like most and do it. Of course, you don’t have to work at full stretch. Everything in life should be fun.
– Fight your fears. We all have our fears. And after stress, our fears can get worse. So your job is to do everything you can to overcome them. If you do not cope with it, go to a psychologist. Work through your fears with him. But fight it. Once you start conquering your fears, your self-esteem will start to go up.
– Remove those who criticize you from your life. Criticism is hidden aggression. If someone is constantly telling you how to live your life, dictating how to behave, and constantly lecturing, he doesn’t love you. He is trying to assert himself at your expense. The more of these “friends” you have, the worse it is for you. Try to communicate only with those who do not judge and support you in any unpleasant situation.
– Live, not live your life. It’s about becoming active: the more events, meetings, successes and travels you have in your life, the better for you. You can easily get over the breakup and the pain of losing your spouse, find the strength to move on, and fight for her.
As soon as you begin to change for the better, the first person who will notice the change in your life will be your wife. And as you can imagine, she will realize that she was in a hurry when she decided to break up with you. So, let’s go through our article again, briefly, and answer your main question, “What to do? My wife wants a divorce and I don’t!”. Get your act together. This is a blow of fate that you’re going to have to go through. So, first, you need to chill out. Do everything you can so that emotions don’t overwhelm you, and you “can stay afloat.”
Try your best to take the hit with dignity and tell your wife that she is free to make her own choices. You will not hysterical and hold her back.
- In addition, it is recommended that you:
- Talk to your wife. Find out the reason for the breakup and address it.
- Keep your distance. If she wants to leave, don’t hold her. Your spouse will come back to you anyway.
- Occupy yourself and strengthen your self-esteem.
Bluntly let your spouse know that you still care about her, but you will not beg and humiliate her.