The reasons why a man does not write and does not call.
Master of Psychology, a practicing psychologist of the 1st category with 19 years of experience. 85% of my clients are men. The main themes of treatment – the interaction in the family and the team, sexual problems.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from collapse. I help couples regain love and understanding.
It happens that you met the man of his dreams and spent an unforgettable evening with him. Like, everything went as in a fairy tale and you are waiting for his call, mentally already compiling a wedding menu. But he does not call today or tomorrow … Why? There are at least a damn dozen reasons. And the same number of reasons why you shouldn’t call first.
One, he didn’t like you. Yes, he was struck by your beauty at first, but after the conversation, something didn’t sit right with him. Maybe he thought you were too confident and independent or, on the contrary, too “homey. He didn’t like the fact that you didn’t drink alcohol or, on the contrary, that you drank “too much.
He didn’t like your tone of voice or having an older brother who is a boxer. Anything, but he doesn’t see your “tomorrow” together. You don’t have to get upset. It hurts, but it’s much worse to spend your whole life pretending to be the person that other people “want to see. You’re bound to meet someone who appreciates you for who you are.
The second is that it was all too quick. It’s about sex on the first date. A young man might think you’re so promiscuous for life. Why would he call you, then? Just one more time? Well, then wait until he’s drunk with his friends, and then he’ll call.
If you want it to happen quickly, you can, of course, call him yourself. But I’m afraid this will only cause him an attack of irritation. Men want to be hunters, and the longer he “hunts” for you, spends his efforts and time, the higher your value. And after the first time, well, what’s your value?
Third, he liked you too much. Yes, sometimes you can rewrite all the jokes about female logic in a male way. But, men are frightened by this sudden passion, he realizes that a little more and he will not be able to control it all and will look ridiculous and ridiculous. This is usually a characteristic of guys who try to control everything and overreach their pretensions.
Basically, these are people with certain psychological complexes. If you call him yourself, he might get even more frightened. Remember that such people tend to look for “casual encounters” after a while to continue communicating. But, think three times, do you want your partner to be defiantly cold with you and avoid “calf tenderness” just because he is afraid of losing control of his life?
Fourth, he’s putting a price on himself. Guys like that, and when you’re around them, periodically kind of talk to other women and blow them off. The expectation is that the competitive spirit will kick in and you’ll call yourself. But, such speculators are complete egoists. And they will involve more and more girls in their game. What’s in it for you?
Fifth, he’s afraid he doesn’t like her. An insecure man worries that a girl doesn’t like him and is afraid to call her lest he get proof of that. He’d rather dream about her and wait for the right opportunity to see how much he can count on reciprocity. Well, what can I say? If you don’t have the stomach for it and you have to get married tomorrow, you can call, of course. But you’d better call his mother right away. He does not seem to be able to make up his mind.
Sixth, he waits. This kind of guy doesn’t mind calling, but he takes a certain time-out, so as not to look intrusive and save face. Most of all, he is afraid of intrusiveness and strong pressure from your side. That’s why you should wait for a call from him with dignity, as the song says: “a sleepy voice answers: “ah, it’s you, hello…”.
Seventh – the planned “planner” makes a plan for the month. You’re not there yet. These are very tedious types, but, capable of making good money. They plan their lives meticulously and meticulously, and they don’t allow themselves much confusion. Because of this, in fact, they succeed at work, but are very specific in relationships. If your main goal is to find a reliable and predictable guy, here he is. But, it’s still worth waiting for him to make his time for you. Otherwise, your call will put him in a “knocked out” state, which he hates more than anything.
The eighth is fear of change. This is an even more neglected version. He fears that his measured life will be compromised and the sterile cleanliness of his apartment will suffer. If you’re okay with the guest version of the relationship, you can try it, but not with calls. Send him a link to a clever article about the benefits of this kind of marriage, and an article about the fashion for arranged relationships with clearly spelled out rules and meeting times.
Also on your social media op-eds that kids are just unnecessary dirt and unimaginative squeaks. Maybe then he’ll call you back. Only why would he? Well, except to practice as an aspiring psychologist and realize that psychiatrists, in cases like this, are still cooler.
The ninth is for no reason. The man had a beer, chatted (and for him it does not matter who – even with a fabulous animal, just with a girl is more pleasant) and that’s it. Why doesn’t the man call? It wasn’t in his plans to call at all. He won’t even remember your name. And your calling him surprises him. “Why don’t you call?” you ask. What should he answer? If true, “because he wasn’t going to!”
Eleventh, he has a girlfriend (or even a wife). It’s a shame, but many guys get involved with others, seem to give them a chance, and in the morning pray to God that his new acquaintance has forgotten him. If you slept with him, he might even “lose his cell phone” just to keep his regular partner from worrying.
If not, he will genuinely wonder into the phone: “Nastya who? And when did we get acquainted with you? Well, then comment on your call to his beloved such as: “Strange girls went: not had time to say two words, as soon as the calls pestered. And where did she get my number!”
Twelfth – he decided that you do not suit him. Men are much bigger gossipers than women! How many times have you had to deal with a situation where you were “inquired about. And, if his buddies/colleagues or other people whose opinions he values characterize you “not so much,” he may decide that he “shouldn’t.” Your call won’t change anything.
It will only add to the certainty that this reference group is right in its evaluations. In fact, it’s for the best. It’s hard enough to live with a man for whom his friends are more important. Soccer, sit-ups, and fishing will make you shed many more tears in your loneliness. They make bad husbands and fathers. Time passes, and such a man is still “the main man on the block” among boys in their thirties.
And finally, the thirteenth – force majeure. Yes, it happens that he actually the next day had an accident, he was sent on a business trip to the tundra or stolen from a cell phone with your number and access to all bank accounts. Naturally, he just can’t physically call you for a while. But, he won’t be able to talk to you if you call him either. So, trust that this is your case and wait until he solves all the problems with the bank, buys himself a new phone, “hooks up” with the friend who introduced you and asks for your contact again. Or come back in a year from his flight into space.
In general, a man may not call because of a number of circumstances. But, most importantly, don’t do it first! If it’s your man, he’ll call you back after a while. If not, it’s better to cry a little now than endure humiliation and even worse to raise a child together alone. Think of the lack of a call as help from your Guardian Angel. After all, women sometimes fall in love recklessly.
If you’re not sure that this relationship is not worth your time, read our article.
Why a man does not call
Why won’t a man call? How many young ladies and mature girls suffer from insomnia long summer nights, trying to find an answer. Why is it so? Magic acquaintance, long-awaited meeting, an unforgettable rendezvous, a kiss under the porch, admiring glances of the chosen one and a promise to call, but a day passes, and the phone is silent. What happened? There may be thousands of reasons for this. But the most likely one – the sons of Adam do not call the beautiful feminine because there is no desire. No need to try to find faults in his own person. Yes, she did not hook the guy enough, because of this unsuccessful suitor and did not call back. There is no need to suffer and make a tragedy of the lack of news. It is impossible to be liked by absolutely all male individuals. It’s enough to remember how many inept admirers she herself refused.
Why a man does not call – a man’s point of view.
Virtually every young lady is familiar with the torment of the lack of calls from the guy who fell in love and the meaningless waiting for news from him. Unfulfilled “dreams” cause frustration, create resentment and annoyance. Girls begin to think up a lot of excuses for the behavior of the chosen one. Often, their contrived excuses for the absence of a call quite ridiculous. However, everything is simpler than it seems.
It is necessary to recognize the truth of the fact that the views of the sons of Adam and the beautiful feminine to similar events strikingly different. If the gentleman you liked did not call you back, then you should not look for excuses. The probability of finding the chosen one is only 1%, the missing phone – 1%, the wrong “scored” number – 2%, the unwillingness to bother to communicate with his person with a new-found acquaintance – 86%. If a man is not indifferent to the beauty, he will find an opportunity and take a moment to call her. The remaining 10% – are other, so to speak, valid reasons. There are ten of them. A percentage of probability for each reason.
So, option one, why a man does not call first. The strong half simply does not give value to such a pointless activity as pointless conversations on the phone. Talking for hours is considered a woman’s prerogative. Man dial a number she liked the young lady, when ripe for an invitation to rendezvous or when he decides to tell something important. Although, here we should clarify that the gentleman in love, more often than not, will cut the phone lines.
Option two – not much time has passed, so the guy did not have time to get bored.
In addition, not all of Adam’s sons are assertive and confident, there are guys who are afraid to be intrusive, afraid that they do not like a girl, afraid to be misunderstood. And that is why they do not call.
Often the reason for the lack of messages lies in financial difficulties, preventing a man to invite the lady he likes for a date. However, when the financial problems will be left behind, he will most likely remind about his own person, unless of course he is infatuated with another young charming.
Also, there are force majeure reasons that do not depend on the guy, such as illness, urgent business trip, the load in the professional sphere. When the situation evens out a little, the man will call the young lady.
Often the male sex often doubts that he inspired a reciprocal sympathy in the lady, so there will not be a lot of suitors. These gentlemen have no idea that it is necessary to win the woman they like. It is easier for them to believe that to make an impression failed, and therefore there is no point in continuing the communication, than to summon up the courage to invite a charming young lady to the rendezvous.
Also, the possibility that the new acquaintance is already in an affair should not be rejected. He met a pretty girl under the influence of the moment, mood, friends pushed, but later, reasoned sensibly, the guy came to the conclusion that it is better to explore an old relationship, rather than the unknown. Men are pretty lazy and big conservatives. So that the male sex decided to end the old relationship to have a relationship with his new acquaintance, there must be either a mad passion, which clouds the mind, or an arrow of Cupid, which lands right in the heart.
Option eight – the guy decided to use the technique of NLP, called “further and closer. On the date he enveloped the girl in warmth and affection. This is the “closer” stage. Then the young man practices the “farther away” stage, that is, he pulls away, takes a pause, does not phone. He wants the young lady to get bored, which would move her to make the first step on her own. These guys are professional manipulators.
The guy does not give news, because simply do not know what to talk about with a new acquaintance, he is not a fan of telephone conversations, when he sets a clear plan of action in relation to the beauty, then he dials her number and invites her to rendezvous.
During the acquaintance, the suitor wrote down her phone number on a piece of paper, a used trolleybus ticket, a money bill and lost the cherished digits. It happens, too.
However, it should be remembered that the probability of each of these problems preventing a man from calling back is only one chance in a hundred. Basically, the strong half does not call back when the girl is not strongly attracted. So, rather than aimlessly tormented by the question why a man does not call first, it is better to devote your free time to self-development, your appearance, self-realization, shopping, meeting with friends, family, sports, walks. There are thousands of options to spend a fun and interesting, as well as useful, time. Against the backdrop of a pleasant and productive leisure time, the absence of a call from a young man you don’t know is a trifle.
Why a man does not call first, but always answer?
It’s so elementary to take the phone and by simple manipulation dial a number in order to hear a native or not so native voice. Then why do men say “call” instead of calling themselves? Why do some men almost instantly answer the phone, but never call first, so as not to disturb the peace of the girl? Does it really matter who first dials the ill-fated digits of the phone number! When a young lady missed talking to her girlfriend, she did not hesitate to dial her number. So why, when it comes to the opposite sex, women are torn by doubts? All this is because this particular gentleman is a stranger to the girl. Their relationship is still at the stage of acquaintance or the first meetings. After all, the wife never doubts whether to call her husband today first or wait until he remembers that his wife is waiting for news from him. The exception is the situation of a temporary confrontation that arose, for example, on the occasion of the disappearance of a pair of socks after the laundry. Here married ladies are tormented by questions of a slightly different kind: why the man does not call first after a quarrel.
So, why do beautiful females doubt the need to make the first step. First of all, because to this day it is considered wrong to call the first strong half. Most ladies, brought up on heroic novels, are used to waiting for the initiative from men. However, it should not be overlooked that the age of chivalrous valor is long gone. Modern cavaliers are rather inert and expect initiative from girls. This is because the supply exceeds the demand. After all, many young pretty girls have forgotten all about dignity. Girls today are readily available and rather obtrusive. If one doesn’t call, the others will. So there is no point in men getting worked up. However, if a girl really hooked him, if he really liked her, he will always find an opportunity and will allocate time to phone chitchat with his date. A girl who conquered the heart of a guy will not hear from him the phrase: “well, if anything, phone. This is the explanation why men say “call”?
Also there is a separate category of males, which includes males who prefer to answer the phone, and not to give news first. This can be a character trait, an established habit or a kind of zest.
No matter what the reason was that moved the interested young individual not to make an attempt to communicate. It is important to behave with dignity. You need to love your own personality and do not allow the so-called males to play with their feelings.
Why has the man stopped calling and writing?
After several meetings with the guy, the girl has already colorfully presented the wedding dress, picked up makeup, made a guest list, and he disappeared. How could this happen? Against the backdrop of apparent prosperity, the “soulmate” suddenly stopped calling and writing. What to do? There would have been a conflict, and then the explanation why a man does not call first after a quarrel, do not look for it.
And if the relationship is good, then why did he take a position of silence? Maybe he fell from the balcony, saving a kitten, or burned in a fire, pulling out of a burning building grandmother? What happened is unknown to the girl. But it didn’t matter. A woman’s time is too valuable to waste it in a futile search for excuses for a failed macho man. Finding excuses for men’s behavior is time wasted.
Therefore, if the suitor does not give news for a while, you need to forget it, first of all, stop thinking about this man. Waiting for a man’s attention is a fairly common type of female self-torture.
It was written above that a frequent reason for the silence of the opposite sex is their unwillingness to communicate. But there are exceptions. In order to understand why he stopped calling, you need to realize what kind of person he is. After all, every man has an individual set of traits, preferences, as well as his own assessment of being and the role of the daughters of Eva in it. Even harder to sort out if the chosen one is a strong, self-sufficient and self-actualized person.
In addition to a set of characteristics, it is also necessary to analyze his behavioral patterns in interaction with the lady, the stage of development of the relationship, the degree of manifestation of his interest before the “vow of silence”, the number of calls from him per day.
If a woman is faced with a strong personality, with a man going straight to his goal, it is likely that the “silent cavalier” is a thought-out strategy, the end result of which should be the conquest of a woman’s heart.
The reasons for “no calls” may be different, but they lead to uncertainty, to the state of suspension of the young lady. Women as if move into a “waiting mode” in which they cease to be interested in what is happening. In this mode, a fantasy runs wild, drawing all kinds of situations that justify the behavior of the chosen one. In addition, the more often the young lady thinks about the suitor, waiting for him, the sharper her heart is pierced by Cupid’s arrow. The woman falls in love, and her head is “lost”. The consequence of this is a dissolution into a man and a falling into dependence. Where there is addiction, there is no room for love, and consequently a healthy relationship is impossible.
In order to avoid such a sad fate, it is strictly forbidden to appear in the life of the chosen one. That is, you can not text, call, “like” posts. A man needs some space in order to realize whether he needs this particular young lady or not. If he makes up his mind, he will call or not call.
You need to realize that your own compulsive behavior can force a man to meet a couple of times, engage in intimacy, but do not move him to create a strong relationship. Demonstration overly emotional reaction to the disappearance of a man, only gives the latter to understand that the woman is conquered and subjugated. Constant such reactions lead to predictability. The consequence is a loss of male interest in this young lady. After all, she is manageable, simple, submissive, and insubstantial. And the stronger half is looking for mystery, rebelliousness, mystery in their chosen one. They need barriers on the way to winning a girl’s heart. Coldness will cause more interest than willingness to do anything. However, showing outer restraint and disinterestedness to a man, the main thing is not to go overboard. A rare representative of the sons of Adam will be to the bitter end to achieve the lady, not reciprocating.
Men, of course, are hunters by nature, but today, due to the influence of feminism, their hunting instinct has somewhat faded. Therefore, there is no need to flirt with playing an impregnable fortress. The strength of the beautiful half of the balance between external detachment and passion, as well as the timeliness of replacing coldness with ardor. At the same time, you should not reveal all their secrets. For the sons of Adam, the beautiful daughters of Eve must remain somewhat inscrutable. Only by periodically challenging the stronger half, women will be able to keep the fire of love in men’s hearts, as well as to remain to their partners weak creatures in need of protection.
Author : Practical psychologist Vedmesh N.A.
Speaker of the Medical-Psychological Center “PsychoMed