The love boat is going down: how do you know it’s time to break up?
Frederic Beigbeder (52) came to the conclusion that love lives for three years, and even wrote a book on the subject. “In love, the situation becomes truly disturbing when the couple goes from porn to baby babbling. It becomes noticeable very quickly: even voices break down within a few months of being together. The masculine macho man with the sonorous bass begins to babble like a baby on Mommy’s lap. The femme fatale with a hoarse voice turns into a syrupy girl who confuses her husband with a kitten. Our love is ruined by intonation,” he wrote. And what other signs that it’s time to break up you should pay attention to, PEOPLETALK will tell you.
You have to ask permission.
It’s certainly nice when you respect your partner’s wants and needs and try to consult with them. But if it goes from the category of “compromise” in something like “Can I go to a party with friends?”, it’s time to think – you have the right to do what you want, and to ask permission of his beloved is not obligatory.
You’re constantly on edge.
All your energy is spent not on what makes you happy, but how to make him happy. And you are constantly arguing and fighting with him. A happy relationship should bring joy, not cause early gray hair and constant trips to the drugstore for sedatives.
You can’t be yourself.
99% of people on a first date try to seem better than they really are. Then they loosen up and fall in love with each other for who they are. But if you have to watch yourself all the time and pretend for someone, it’s time to do the legwork. If they don’t love you for who you are, then they don’t deserve you.
You don’t talk.
Talking to your partner and discussing your problems rather than putting them off is the key to a happy relationship. Are you trying your best to avoid any serious conversations? Maybe you’re afraid of the conversation and its consequences. Talk to him once and decide what you want out of the relationship – to continue it or put a stop.
He makes you feel bad all the time.
Your partner is supposed to support your other half in everything. If that’s not happening and you’re constantly feeling insecure, you need to get out of this relationship. After a while, you will find someone who will help you open up.
He doesn’t listen to you.
Your work doesn’t interest him, he doesn’t care about your problems at home or at school, and he basically doesn’t remember what you say. Asked for birthday earrings – got a bracelet. Said that you like flowers, you will not get a bouquet. What’s that all about? He doesn’t care what you think, so why are you still with him?
You two fight a lot.
What can I say, some people confuse the constant fighting with passion. Remember once and for all: it is not. If not a day goes by without a fight, it means you can’t get used to each other.
You often think about the past instead of the future.
After a year of relationship, you remember how good it was in the beginning, over and over again replay your first date in his head, but the future you do not want to think about? So you just don’t see it with your partner.
You are forced to hide something
Hiding receipts from beauty salons, stores, and restaurants so you don’t upset your boyfriend – he keeps yelling that you’re spending too much? It’s simple: he’s trying to control you, and you’re not happy about it.
You don’t trust him.
You never know what to expect from him. Will go to a bar with friends and return: sober, drunk, drunk to excess, will not return at all (underline). You do not trust him, and this is probably the main sign that the relationship is over.
You’re thinking about breaking up…
…and it makes you feel better. If you realize you’re better off without him, why are you still with him?
I dated a young man for two years, and everything seemed fine, he even talked about getting married. But I often caught myself thinking that I had to constantly adjust to him, make compromises, and in the end I just stopped feeling free. In the end I realized that I would just burn out in this relationship, so I broke up with him.
On the second date, the guy said to me, “I never let any of my girlfriends go see their friends without me.” In the same second, my trail was gone – no one has the right to restrict me from seeing my friends.
All of this applies to guys, too! Girls often fall into extremes and believe that we should be around them like bees around honey. And they are sure of their uniqueness. Only it is not. Good and free in our time is full. So if they tell me something forbidden, drip on the brain, or ignore, I do not even bother to ask – leave.
Artem Pashkin, psychologist.
Alarming signals can be countless. The most important thing – listen to the inner voice of reason, and if it says, and even shouts that something is wrong, then most likely it is. In this kind of situation, intuition fails very rarely. And here it makes absolutely no difference how long you’ve been together or what you’ve been through together. After all, all lives end, all hearts are broken, and being unequal is not an advantage.
When to break up with a guy or girl: the main signs
The information provided in the article can not be used for diagnosis, prescription of treatment and does not replace an appointment with a psychotherapist. Consult a specialist.
Everyone dreams of a beautiful love tale in their life, and many hold on to their relationship until the end. After all, it is so difficult and time-consuming to find your soul mate again, to get to know her better, to establish trust. And with your current partner, even though everything went wrong, but at least it is clear what to expect from him. But how do you know that the relationship can not be saved, and should stop kidding yourself? Is it worth to break up or not?
How to understand that the breakup is the best decision?
Here are 7 basic and clear signs that no matter how hard you fight to save your couple, it will not get better, which means you need to calm down, breathe out and let each other go. How do you know it’s time to break up?
You have different goals.
This can be career issues, or decisions about the future of the family. Believe me, there is a very small chance that the careerist suddenly decided to have a large family and stay with babysitting children, and vice versa – it is unlikely that the partner, for many years dreaming of a family, suddenly wants to do self-development and devote his time only to himself. Couples with different goals sooner or later break up, and it’s better to do it as early as possible to simplify your lives. Different goals for life are a clear reason to realize that it’s time to break up.
You are constantly avoiding sex.
Everyone has emergency situations or periods of ill health when there is no time for intimacy at all, and that is normal. But if you systematically refuse intimacy for no particular reason, this is the beginning of the end of your relationship. Sex is a very important part of a couple’s life, both physically and psychologically, and both of you should be comfortable with your partner in these matters.
You don’t trust him.
This destructive feeling of jealousy will not go anywhere with time, and in general will only intensify. If after a long time to establish trust has failed or your partner has betrayed you and you can not trust him, the relationship can not be saved, the cup of patience of one of you will soon be overflowing.
Relationships hurt you
Unfortunately, such relationships occur, and it is believed that if they exist, the partners like it – a kind of tribute to masochism. However, a healthy person in such an unhealthy environment is not capable of living for many years, so it is better not to torment anyone and break up now.
You fight for any reason.
Quarrels strengthen relationships, but if they do not subside, and even in the heat of discord everyone is trying to hurt and hurt each other, then it’s definitely over. Conflicts should help you to grow above yourself, and the constant repetition of scolding indicates that nothing moves, and partners no longer intend to improve themselves and develop their couple.
The man wants you to change
It is worth remembering that in many of his innate traits a man does not change, so it is impossible. If a man suggests, for example, that you wear dresses more often because he likes the way you look in them, that’s okay. The key word is “suggests,” he remembers that you are an independent person. If a man demands some kind of change and gives ultimatums, it’s all not worth it.
The relationship is based only on physical intimacy.
If there is so much sex in the relationship that there is nothing but sex, then it is not a relationship, but a rental of bodies from each other, a “barter.” The couple has to talk, experience different life situations together, support each other. Otherwise, what’s the point of it all?
The man underestimates you.
First of all, there is a big question, how did he, in this case, get into this relationship in the first place? But life is multifaceted and diverse, so if you find yourself in this situation, you should think about breaking up – there will be no respect, no support, no true love in such a relationship.
If you have problems with your partner that you would like to solve, but you can’t cope on your own, write to astro7.ru or call the hotline. Astro7 has hundreds of professionals who work 24/7 and are always happy to help with your issue.