How to return an ex-girlfriend and start over if there is another
When everything is already solved, the relationship is ruined and you have broken up, often comes the realization that it was a terrible mistake. You want to get back the girl with whom it was so good, close your eyes to all the misunderstandings and become happy again. But is it worth it? Let’s talk about whether it is possible to restore the relationship with a woman who left, how to get back the girl you love, and what to do to get your ex back.
Is it even necessary to get the girl back
Despite the strength of the initial impulse, this desire may be a mistake. Most likely, you did not break up over nothing.
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- If it was an impulsive gesture on her or your part, things are a little easier, you can cool down and decide to get the relationship back.
- But if you broke up because of a serious conflict – the chances are slim.
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The main thing you need to realize – you split up when you noticed something in the girl, with which you are not ready to put up with, that you can not stand it. Or she noticed it in you. This means you won’t go back to the person you were with before, but to the person you can’t be with by your own decision. This is why stories about returning to exes fail in most cases.
There’s also the mistrust factor – you’ve already broken up once, which means someone (or both) will be a bit on edge the whole time. Won’t that happen again? How much is your (or her) word worth? After the first breakup, deciding on a second one will be much easier because of nerves and mistrust.
Therefore, there are only two cases where it is really worth it to get your ex back:
- You broke up over an obvious trifle and you love this girl. Whoever initiated the breakup
- you can’t let her go the first time. Thoughts of having to get it all back are keeping you down, and you need a second run to make sure the person is not yours and needs to be broken up with.
So think a few times before you decide to act in a way that will make the girl want to come back. Read the article how to win a woman back once and for all.
Top 7 Ways to Get a Girl Back
I share strategies for behaviors that will help you win back the love and interest of your ex-wife or girlfriend. Choose one or mix a few, but don’t try to apply them all at once – it will cause confusion rather than a desire to restore the relationship.
- Be honest. The best strategy is if you really care a lot. Go to her or call her and tell it like it is. Think about what you’re willing to do to get the relationship back, and tell her that, too. Talk as much as you can – women love to listen, and it’s important for them to understand what’s going on with you. But don’t forget that everything you say has to be true. If you promise something, keep it. Think in advance about what you want to say, what you are ready to do, take at least a few days to find the right words.
- Show how the breakup has affected you. This is a pressure to pity, but if you frame it intelligently and show how you really regret the breakup and suffer from it, there is a great chance to melt her heart and try to continue the relationship. To produce the desired effect, look unimportant, talk sensitively, but illegible and inappropriate, make the impression of a person who has lost the most important thing in life.
- Come back to her other. Contrast the previous strategy. Wait a while (more than a week), and be calm and confident during the conversation. Tell her that she is very important to you, and that you have weighed everything up and know how to solve the problems that caused the breakup. Emphasize that she is more important than some of life’s principles. Act like someone who has changed or decided to change: try not to do things that would normally piss her off, at least during the first conversation. The longer you hold out, the better the chance that things will get better.
- Make her jealous, and then go for it. Make her see you in the company of another girl or even several. Give the impression of someone trying to move away from a breakup in the company of others. Do not prolong this game: after a few days or a week, you can come and say that no one is or will be as good as with her. In this case, she may be bribed by the knowledge of your experience – you really preferred her to other girls.
- Disappear from her life. Right away, as soon as you break up. Completely. Completely and irrevocably. Do not get in touch, do not write or call yourself, do not answer her. Cut off contact as much as possible, don’t cross paths and don’t interact at all. Don’t let her know the news about you – as much as possible. The girl will start to miss you, complete absence will be a shock to her, and she will try to get you back herself. By deciding to part friends, you give her a chance to get used to your absence. At least as a young man. And in this situation, she will be so uncomfortable that she will make a move on her own, and that is how you will get her to come back.
- Remind her of something good. Write that you remembered one of the nice moments in the relationship. Describe it in detail and in a way that she can feel the warmth with which you remember it and relate to her.
- Act as a friend. You probably have things in common – friends, hobbies, maybe even things. Keep in touch, but don’t give her any signs of attention – deliberately keep a friendly distance. And when she wants to break it herself, let her do it, agree that you’d like it all back, too.
What you need to do to get her back
There’s a simple plan of action to avoid cheating. You’re unlikely to get the girl back if she doesn’t want you to. But by acting on this plan, you will do everything right and get the best quality results.
- Be alone. At least for a couple of weeks. Put your feelings and thoughts in relative order, get over the breakup, and think things through.
- Pay attention to yourself. These two weeks or more, devote to activities that bring you joy. Enjoy life and freedom, do the things you love, remember what bachelors live by and why that way of life is good, too.
- Think about the reasons for the breakup. Where there was incompatibility, where you ran out of patience, where you couldn’t find a way out. If it’s a girl who dumped you, think about what drove her completely.
- Get in touch with her, if after the first three points the desire to get back on track has not disappeared. Show a positive and lighthearted attitude when you call or text her, and talk about the serious stuff when you meet her.
- Keep a straight face when you meet. Act like you went out for coffee with a friend-even if it’s going to be hard. Don’t cause drama. Show her the guy she fell in love with, not the one she broke up with.
- Keep seeing each other if you haven’t changed your mind even after the meeting. Watch how you feel – do you really need it back, or is it an obsession or a hunter’s instinct.
- Lay out all your cards after a few sporadic meetings. Tell them that you survived the breakup, have come to your own conclusions, have changed, and still want to be together. Reassure her that you’re working on yourself, that you’ve heard her words and are ready to change.
- Once you get agreement, start working on the relationship to avoid past mistakes and not make new ones. Talk about what’s going on, criticize each other gently, be patient.
What to Write to a Girlfriend to Get Her Back
Before you sit down to write a message, learn about what it shouldn’t be:
- Outbursts of emotion and rudeness. You might really hate your ex. But if you let her know that, and also give her some tough talk, it’s unlikely she’ll ever want to talk to you again.
- Spam. A constant stream of messages about everything. Feelings, weather, memories, thoughts, plans.
- Drama-queen mode. Don’t write about how she broke your heart, that the only time you ever felt that kind of pain was at the dentist as a kid, and it’s a little worse now, that you want to reset, that without her the world has faded and you’ve lost the taste for life. Don’t grovel.
If you still can’t help yourself and make any of these mistakes, write something like, “Sorry, I wasn’t myself. I had a lot going on besides the breakup, so I snapped. I wish you the best of luck.” Succinctly apologize, and end the correspondence with a final sentence.
It makes sense to wait with the first message for about a month. By getting in touch earlier, you’ll put yourself in the weak position of stalker girl and give her all the power to decide what to do with you and the relationship.
A month of being out of touch will change you:
- She’ll be the one seeking your attention,
- Worried about why you’re not responding to messages,
- stalking you, and depending on you.
In addition, in a month you both have time to cool down and understand a lot about each other and the relationship.
Remember a few rules of correspondence as well:
- Don’t respond to messages instantly. Wait anywhere from 15 minutes to a couple of hours so you don’t show you’re waiting for her responses.
- Answer succinctly. Write things that help keep the conversation going, but avoid long texts about feelings, thoughts, and events.
- The past is in the past. Don’t have a showdown about a relationship, don’t ask if she’s seeing someone now, and don’t touch on conflict topics. Talk about what’s relevant and what she’s interested in. Be sincere.
Here are five examples of messages that are good for starting conversations and fit within all the rules you’ve mentioned:
- “Hi. I’m planning to go on vacation to Turkey, I remember that you know some good places there. I would be very grateful if you could give me some advice. How about we meet for coffee for ten minutes?”
- “Hi. I’m redecorating a room and don’t know what to make it look like in the end. Can you help me with some ideas? You were always so good at decorating. We can discuss it over a cup of coffee, it won’t take long.”
- “Hi. Do you remember the name of that restaurant we went to back in October? I want to go there with my girlfriend, but I forgot the name and where it is. You’d be a big help.”
- “Saw the kids at the amusement park the other day and remembered how we roared on the roller coaster. I hope you’re doing well.”
- “Remember when we went out for our first picnic that season? And a butterfly landed on your knee and you got scared. I still laugh about that moment, it’s one of my fondest memories of the past year.”
How to get your girlfriend back if she has someone else
When your ex is no longer single, getting her back can be more difficult.
- If you broke up just recently, chances are she started dating someone else to get over you and immerse herself in a new crush instead of painfully experiencing the breakup.
- If it’s been a few months, however, she may well have come to her senses and consciously entered into another relationship – and then your chances are slim. Better register on the dating site EmilyDates and start a new relationship.
In this situation, the man has two main levers: to be better than your current partner and to be reminded of how good it was together. You will have to work on yourself and get rid of the habits that caused you to break up and that annoyed her. It will not be superfluous to find out what you can be better than her new boyfriend, what he can piss her off, to use it in your favor.
- To start a little distance, appear sporadically in her life without the slightest hint of courting and signs of attention.
- Ask for advice, share the news, take an interest in her life – unobtrusively.
- Don’t bring up past relationships and don’t try to seem like a threat to the current one.
- Then shorten the distance more, become her friend and support, be perfect and don’t pretend to be her lover.
At some point there will be a rift in her relationship and she will tell you about it out of weakness. This is where you get your trump cards: say that you have changed, rethink everything that was between you, appreciate it no matter what and think that she deserves better (try to demonstrate in advance and at this point that the best – it’s you).
Remind her of how good you were together. Show and prove that you have changed and heard her. Chances are she will feel sorry for you and you will be able to win her back.
How to get back the girl you dumped yourself
It’s easier for a girl who dumped you herself to change her mind. If you initiated the breakup, the power over the future of the relationship remains in your hands. The partner is afraid of this – she doesn’t like the fact that she can be controlled, alienated and approached at will. Therefore, she either out of strong feelings herself will seek to return to the relationship, or will resist it as much as possible.
Your strategy – to convince her that you are not such a scoundrel as it seemed. You need to convince the girl that you are safe – and that can be difficult. Even if she wants you back, she will still be scared that you will decide to leave her again.
Approach carefully: find out how she’s feeling, give her time to suffer and sour on you. During this time don’t get in touch, then check on her well-being and show up to apologize as pathetically and pompously as possible. It’s hard for a dumped girl to believe in her worth and your desires – convince her of them. With gestures, help, expensive gifts or promises – whatever she perceives best.
In any case you will always have the opportunity to choose the best dating site and register on it in order to meet the girl you like.
What to write an ex-girlfriend to get her back?
“What to write to an ex-girlfriend to get her back?” – you decided to get your ex-girlfriend back after all and are looking for an answer to this question. Our article is just what you have been looking for. Here we will offer you 7 options at once, how to arouse emotions in a girl and make her think about starting a new relationship with you. “Cultivate emotion in her!” – This is the goal you must concentrate on when you write a message to the lady you love. Why? The fact is that if you are “exes” for each other, it means that you haven’t seen each other for a while. There is distance and time between you, which means that it is quite possible that she has already gradually started to forget both you and the feelings she had for you. If you want to win back the lady of your heart, you have to evoke emotion all over again. Break into her already established measured life, and throw her off balance. Only then will the lady experience a strong attraction to you, as well as a desire to see you again. The stronger the emotions that you evoke, the more chances that the ex herself will want to start your relationship anew.
So, what kind of message can you write?
Before you read on, watch this video:
Your letter (or message) can be positive.
A message that lets the girl know that you have already forgotten all the hardships and resentments. You don’t want to go back to the past, much less “trash” it without end and are ready to concentrate on the future.
Simply put, you let your beloved know that all the negativity between you is forgotten, you need her, and you are ready to start all over again. Such a message is relevant if you have been able to break up as friends and still have warm feelings for each other.
“Hey baby girl, how are you? It’s been a long time, but I’m still thinking about us … you. Let me put it bluntly: I want to try to start all over again. Let’s forget all the things that didn’t work out and concentrate only on success. I believe in us, and that you and I still have a future. Do you?”
“As time passed, I had days and nights to think and contemplate our relationship. I realized for myself that I still care about you, and I would like to be there for you: helping, supporting, loving you. If you know you feel the same way, if you’re ready to decide with me to take a second step and a second chance, put your fears aside. Let’s give it a try.”
Your letter can be emotional.
What does that mean? It means that in the message you tell her about your emotions and remind her of how she once felt about you. Such a message can be very effective, provided that you firmly know that your girlfriend’s feelings for you have not yet cooled down. Also, in such a message, be sure to remind her of how happy you were together. Every couple has memories. The so-called “moments” that were between a man and a woman and that they lived together. It’s not necessarily about the sexual connection, it can be moments of happiness, moments of mutual support, or even adventures you went through together. Think of the best, happiest moments and remind your girlfriend of them. The human brain is so designed that when she reads your lines, she will relive moments of intimacy with you.
“Remember our first trip out of town? You fell asleep in the car on the way back then, and I was driving and admiring you and the way you slept. In that moment, I knew I always wanted to be with you. And I can say the same thing again even now that we haven’t been together for a long time…I want to be with you. I hope you want that too. Write me back. I’m waiting for it).”
“I’ve always been looking for that woman who would effortlessly read my mind, finish my sentences for me, who would become a part of myself. And that woman I have found, in you. Agree, we have always understood each other with a half-word, and we did not do it on purpose. It just happened.
I love you. I still love and wait for you, even after we broke up. I won’t push, demand or figure things out. Let’s put it all in the past and forget about it. But, if you love me too, call me. That’s all I wanted to tell you.”
“Hi. I want to tell you a very important thing: I realized I’m still thinking about you. I don’t know why I’m writing this now, after a while, but I’m writing to let you know how I feel. You know what they say, better late than never.
Remember, you always asked us to be honest with each other. Remember you said it was very important for you not to lie…so I’m honest. I hope you’ll be as honest with me. After all, we both deserve it.”
Well, the third option: your letter can be principled.
This option is appropriate if the girl you were dating has always depended on you. She was the weak party in your relationship, the kind of child you always took care of. Now, after the breakup, because of her infantile nature, she can’t make decisions about you both. A strict and principled message will spur her on, make her finally make up her mind and decide whether to be with you or not.
“After the breakup, baby, I’ve had time to think. I need to know what you want and what your future goals are. If you firmly know there is no future, then tell me directly. I need an answer here and now, because, as you know, I’m not used to living in the past and I don’t like it when my life is in limbo. If, however, you’re still ready to be with me, let me know. Don’t be afraid. I can give up my principles, too, and try to start over!”
“I’m tired of this constant uncertainty between us. I’m a grown man and I don’t like to be teased with things I can’t get. So, please answer me yes or no. Are you ready to give our relationship another chance, or not?”
Choose the message (in our article) that suits you best, but try not to rewrite it completely. Always add something from yourself. This way, the girl will understand that you have made an effort to write to her about your feelings, which means you care about her.
Now, let’s go over the article again, again, and answer your question, “What to write an ex-girlfriend to get her to come back?” She needs to write a message. Strictly from yourself, so she understands: you tried. You think about her, you compose her line by line, you mentally go back to what was between you.
And, of course, it’s very important to evoke emotion in her, so you try to write:
- Simple, clear, to the point.
- Emotionally. Remind her of the moments you had between you. Make her remember how good it was with you.
- On a positive note, hint to her that you don’t want to figure things out anymore, but are ready to reboot your relationship. You’re all for a “happy ending.”
- As a matter of principle. Make her understand that you can’t be taken for a ride. You’re a man who needs certainty in his life.
I highly recommend studying the book by Sergei Sadkovsky, Oleg Ideal and Alyona Volk – “How to get your ex-girlfriend back”. Search by title and author in search engines. For example Oleg Ideal How to get your ex-girlfriend back or go to their website exback.ru .