How to get your ex back by texting, not by letter!
I’ll tell you how and what to text an ex-girlfriend to get her back, just by texting on the phone. I know, I know … it takes more than just a couple of texts to get her back. But short texting can be a very effective way to restore rapport, regain trust and become attractive in her eyes again, IF done right.
BUT, if you do it wrong, you risk not only being alone, but living without any chance of getting your ex back in the foreseeable future at all. So read this article thoughtfully and study all the additional references so you don’t make the most common mistakes
Many clients ask me:
“maybe I should call or text my ex?”
Personally, I think texting is the safest way to keep in touch with her. After all, it doesn’t require you to have a full-blown conversation with her face-to-face. Not to mention that short texting is a very unobtrusive method of communication. She responds when she wants to, and you also respond when it’s convenient for you. It gives you time to think about how to respond to her. Most of the clients I’ve worked with have been advised to communicate with their exes this way.
But there are cases where it won’t work . For example, if you never corresponded with an ex-girlfriend during your relationship. Agree, it will be very strange if you suddenly start flooding her with messages. So keep that in mind before you use the tricks I’ll talk about.
What not to do
Before we get into the subject, let’s break down what you should NOT do in any way . So you’ll be aware of what’s sure to hurt your already strained relationship with your ex.
Over many years of working in the field of relationship psychology, I have come to the conclusion that most people make the same horrible mistakes in correspondence with their exes. And by doing so, they rob themselves of any chance of getting their old relationship back.
A French proverb says:
“He who has lost his temper has lost everything.”
When you’re trying to recover from a breakup with an ex, emotions can often take over logic. You’re heartbroken, desperate, depressed, and just plain out of it. And most importantly, you’re not thinking logically! There are 3 basic types of messages sent by people who have lost their temper and will regret it later. So it is better to listen carefully to my advice, if you do not want then to feel guilty or approach the problem comprehensively and take my book.
Mistake #1: Hate.
So, the first thing people like to write after a breakup is how much you hate your ex. Yes, you may feel better after you talk it out. But is it really worth it if you lose her forever? Harsh things said to her will reduce any chance you have of getting back together. It’s obvious. Chill out before you pick up the phone. This kind of emotion is completely normal in your situation. Yes, you are angry at her and emotions take over.
But is it wise to act this way if you want to get your relationship back? Think hard, what is your goal right now? Is it to kill her with an angry message? Or to win her back and rekindle old feelings? Think hard.
After all, people are drawn to what makes them happy, and if you’re being all negative, you’re not leaving yourself any chance that she will reach out to you again. So chill out, relax, and leave all the fighting to a better time.
Mistake #2: Spam
The second type of message you shouldn’t write is what I call “spam.” When your emotions take over and your nerves run high, you desperately pick up your phone and start attacking your ex.
The catch is that no one likes spam, and no one likes talking to people who are desperate.
Put yourself in the shoes of someone who gets 20 or 30 messages a day from someone she doesn’t even want to talk to! You may have been in this situation before. Annoying, isn’t it?
One client told me that he sent 67 messages in two days and didn’t get a single response. And quite legitimately, this guy never got his girlfriend back, which was to be expected.
Mistake #3: The Emotional Tornado
The third type of message that is sure to help turn your ex away from you forever are the messages I call “Emotional Tornadoes.” They sound like:
“you broke my heart.”
“I don’t think I could ever love someone again.”
Guys, those kinds of phrases will kill any sympathy in her for you. Yes, you may think these are very frank and sweet texts. But in reality, she’ll start thinking that you’ve made up your mind now to be a loser for life, from whom it’s better to fence yourself off with an insurmountable fence.
And if you send your ex any of the three messages mentioned above, you are what I call a “phone bomber. When you behave this way, you push her away and annoy her, not to mention you might scare her at all and wonder how she ever got involved with such a person in the first place.
I understand that some of you may be thinking right now:
“Oh shit, I’ve made so many mistakes and now I’ll never get her back. Isn’t there any chance of making things right?”
Simply put, yes, there is a chance. But you have to follow my advice carefully.
What to do if you’ve already made mistakes.
After all, she’s probably mad at you right now and definitely not happy when she sees the message coming from you. The quickest way to set things right is to send a short message with an apology and start acting on the “no-contact period” rule. You got the link to this rule, but I’ll go over it again here.
Cut “off” any communication with your ex-girlfriend for a while. Yes, you’ll probably see some psychology gurus on YouTube disagreeing with this tactic of mine, but my experience over the years shows that this technique is simply necessary for most couples going through a recent breakup. Of course, there are exceptions, but for most people it’s a must.
So, if you’ve been sending any of those desperate messages I described earlier – send a short message with a text like:
“Sorry, I’ve been a little off the last few days. There’s so much else on top of our breakup, and I just exploded emotionally. Good luck.”
You’ll kill two birds with one stone with this message:
- First, you’ll show your ex that you forgive her;
- Second, you’ll make it clear that there were reasons why you acted inappropriately.
Now for the fun part. You have to lose sight of her for at least 30 days. And it doesn’t matter if she answers or not. Whether she asks you how you’re doing or not. I’ll say it again. This is a “no contact” period. So NO messages during that time. Let me explain why this is so important.
She thinks you are stalking her and that it’s all up to her decision. She can have you back whenever she wants. And you need to make those attitudes shift so that she begins to pursue you.
Imagine the situation:
Your ex sends you a text after 15 days of this silence and then gets no response for several days. She will start checking her phone constantly waiting for some kind of response. She will start to worry and wonder why you don’t respond. That is why the “no-contact period” technique works! It reverses you and she will now want to talk to you herself. Of course, this technique is just a small step to getting your relationship back on track.
People often ask me:
how long should this period last?
It really depends:
- How badly your relationship ended?
- How much time has passed since you broke up?
- How often did you communicate after the breakup?
- Did you send those “phone bomber” messages I mentioned earlier?
Ask yourself these questions and please be honest with yourself. If it’s really bad, you’ll probably have to wait more than thirty days. Sometimes I advise my clients not to communicate with their exes for sixty days or more. It all depends on the situation. I can also help you analyze the situation a little bit right now. Take a little quiz that will help you think through a lot of important relationship issues, and give you not just an assessment of the situation, but a little guidance on how to act.
Actions under ideal conditions
Now, let’s pretend that you’ve heeded the previous advice and done everything perfectly. Let’s say you quickly apologized, disappeared for thirty days in a no-contact period, and implemented the rest of the recommendations from my Ex Factor program.
What to do now? How do you get out to have a nice conversation with her? Our goal now is to get out of the no-contact period (how to understand that this period has worked) and get your ex-girlfriend into a positive conversation. We need to restore mutual understanding between you.
So, what kind of messages should you write to her? Out of the twelve types of messages, I will only talk about three of these types of messages. But if that’s not enough for you and you want to learn more, join my Ex-Girlfriend Factor program.
No one likes getting text messages that say, “Hey, how are you?” It is clear that your goal – not just to find out how she’s doing. You just need to cause her positive emotions.
But believe me, a text message like “Hello, how are you?” surely will not cause her interest. And now let’s imagine a message that she will like.
To understand what I mean, let me give you an example. You could send something along the lines of.
“Hi, I heard that there’s a Scorpions concert in July. You really like them, don’t you? I hope you’re doing well.”
And that’s it. Now that’s enough to start the process of rebuilding your relationship. Why am I sure this will work?
- First of all, your message has a purpose. You’re not begging her to come back and talking about how much you hate her, you’re just communicating something that might be of interest to her.
- And secondly, you don’t insist on talking, because the message ended with the phrase “I hope you’re doing well. She can reply if she wants, or she can just ignore it. But the way it usually works is that girls respond to messages.
Messages are reminders of something good.
They help you remember the good things that were between you without creating discomfort. For example:
“Remember when we had dinner at the waterfront restaurant last summer? Can you tell me what it’s called? I want to go there with a friend.”
Believe me, these kinds of messages work wonders.
- First, you’ll remind her of all the good things that happened between you.
- And secondly, you’ll make her jealous (3 ways to make her jealous) and think about what kind of girlfriend will go with you.
Why? Well, you have to be careful here! If you feel that in her eyes you are still an annoying guy, then you have to wait with such messages. Otherwise there will be no response from her. So wait for the right time.
What does a message-smile mean? Here’s an example:
“I came across an old Harry Potter CD and happened to think of you. It made me smile.”
Again. This message doesn’t trigger her to have a serious conversation, there’s no drama in it. You just share the positive emotions that came over you and by doing so you restore rapport, attraction and even put her in a bit of a romantic mood.
If you’ve done everything right, your ex is more likely to respond to the message in some positive way. But when maintaining a conversation with her, there are a few things to keep in mind.
Rules for Correspondence
Rule #1 – Don’t respond instantly to all messages. It’s important to wait a little while and not send messages right away. It’s better if it’s an hour, two, half a day, or even the whole day. Then your ex will be in constant anticipation of a response, and at the same time in her eyes you will no longer be the annoying guy who was constantly bugging her. It’s also important to remember that if you’re just coming out of a “no-contact period,” you can’t send more than 5-7 messages a day. Five to seven messages is the maximum!
Rule #2 – Your responses should be succinct, but there are some basic principles here as well. Messages shouldn’t be too long, or your ex may feel like you really need her. But don’t keep it too short either, or the conversation may break up altogether.
Rule #3 – no showdown, no sadness from the past. You don’t need to talk about the relationship you had between you, ask who she’s dating now, and avoid conflicting topics. Just talk about what’s interesting to her and be honest with her.
Before you go any further, I also recommend making sure you read these 2 articles on the subject of correspondence with exes:
Now that you’ve successfully gone through the first two steps, let’s move on to the fun part.
What to Say to an Ex-Girlfriend – 120 Example Phrases
You need to write in a way that you can’t help but be read. I believe I have the magic of words.
The expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For eight years I have been saving “family units” from collapse. I help couples regain love and understanding.
Communicating with exes – it’s still a fascinating ride. What to say if you want to smooth things over? What to write if you miss her and want to get back together? While you’re gathering your thoughts, read our options – maybe they’ll help you strike up a conversation.
120 Phrases for an Ex-Girlfriend
- We’ve been through a lot, and I don’t think our story is over yet. Let’s give our love another chance. I love you.
- My heart tells me it still can’t stop loving you. What does your heart tell you?
- I agree with all the charges brought against me by the court. But I don’t want bail. Can I count on being imprisoned in your heart?
- Our relationship may have come to an end, but my love for you is still alive. I love you.
- The only thing that keeps me firmly on my feet, the only thing I cling to, the only thing that helps me get through what is happening is my love for you.
- I was sure I could be happy without you. But now I see that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I miss you.
- It turns out that when you’re not in my life, nothing is the same. Who would have thought?
- After all we’ve been through, we can never be complete strangers to each other again. You can always count on me.
- I’d like to stay friends, but I understand if you decide to stop talking to me. You do what’s best for you. And I’ll support you.
- Sometimes love alone isn’t enough-apparently that’s our case. Thank you for everything and good luck.
- I miss you as much as I did on our first dates.
- I would give anything to have you in my arms right now.
- You may be gone from my life, but not from my heart. Not from my thoughts or my dreams.
- Every day life without you becomes more and more empty. I miss you.
- You’ve often said that nothing in the world is impossible. So the rebirth of our relationship is also possible?
- I was warm with you in all kinds of weather.
- It’s so hard to walk through our places alone. I miss you.
- With you, I felt as if there was nothing in the world I couldn’t do.
- If I could go back in time, I would do anything to make sure you wouldn’t be in so much pain.
- We can’t go back in time, but we still have a present and a future. We can still give “us” a chance.
- When you’re not around, the boundaries of day and night blur and everything merges into one. It feels like my life has paused without you.
- Everything flows and changes, it’s true. It’s just a shame that my feelings for you don’t apply to that rule.
- You were the best thing that ever happened to me. And I really wish you were not only my past, but also my present and future. I miss you and I love you.
- I still dream about you at night. When will I see you in real life?
- You are a beautiful girl and you deserve all the best in this life. I wish you happiness, with or without me.
- You know I always keep my promises. I promised that I wouldn’t stop you from letting go of our relationship again. And I will keep my word. Good luck and happiness to you.
- My hands are dialing your number. I miss you.
- Still, it was worth it. I’m sorry our relationship ended. I’ll remember you with a smile.
- I can’t forget you, I can’t fall out of love, I can’t stop missing you. It turns out I can’t do everything in life.
- We will never be the same again, because we have changed each other’s personalities and lives so much. Thank you for everything.
- Right now the memories of you are hurting me, but in time things will get better. I wish you the best of luck in your new life.
- I miss the times when I could call you my girlfriend.
- Everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Thank you for this wonderful time.
- You were my soul mate. When you left, it was like you took my soul with you.
- The first time I took your hand, I knew immediately that I never wanted to let you go again. I miss you.
- Maybe we’ll enter the same river twice after all.
- You are the only medicine in the world that can heal the pain in my heart.
- I continue to live without you, but can you call that living? I still love you.
- You were always the one I wanted to face my old age with. And I still do.
- You proved to me that love exists. Now I’m ready to prove to you that people change and sometimes relationships should be given a second chance.
- I will do anything to make you the happiest girl in the world. If only you would let me and give me a second chance.
- I wish so much that you were not only in my thoughts, but also in my arms.
- I miss the sound of your voice and the smell of your hair so much.
- Life without you is more like a dull existence and a waste of time.
- You used to make my life both normal and crazy. And now it’s just drab and dull.
- It can’t be a good morning without you in it.
- You’re not my girlfriend anymore. But you’re still the only one I ever really loved.
- You made me feel truly happy. And I will always be grateful to you for that.
- May you do well and be happy. I hope your boyfriend realizes how lucky he is.
- I still hope we will be together. But if you decide to close that door forever, I understand.
- I’m sorry for the stress and pain our relationship has brought you. I hope you’re doing well in the future.
- With you, every day of my life was special. I wish I had started to appreciate it too late.
- I hope your future boyfriend (who I already envy!) turns out to be smarter than me. I’m sorry for everything.
- Words can’t express the bitterness of regret I feel right now. But if you give me another chance, I can prove that I am truly remorseful, by my actions.
- Love goes away, but the memories and experiences will stay with us forever. Hopefully, in time, we will learn to remember each other without pain.
- There have been many good and bad things in our relationship. I hope that in time you will forget the bad and be able to forgive me.
- You are still as beautiful as ever. Just like the day I first saw you and knew I had lost my head.
- In my relationship with you, before I knew it, I was the best version of myself. Thank you for everything between us over the months/years.
- I always loved the sparkle in your shining eyes. I’m sorry that sometimes I made those beautiful eyes fill with tears.
- I broke your heart and you stole mine in return. Well, fair enough.
- I could never find a girl like you. I won’t even try. I still love you and miss you and want to be with you.
- No matter what, I’m sure we were meant to be together. Let’s try to rewrite the ending of our story.
- The sunrises and sunsets stopped being so beautiful when I realized you were no longer sitting next to me and holding my hand. I miss you.
What to text your ex: example of the best text message – Tested on personal experience