10 ways to get rid of the pain of unrequited love
Love awakens strong emotions. It can bring happiness and it can hurt. After all, love is so powerful that it is beyond our control. We can fall in love with someone we will never be together with. Alas, the heart cannot command.
One study says that unrequited love, by its very nature, is not true love. Striving with all your might to get someone who cannot reciprocate leads to nothing but pain and low self-esteem. So how do you get rid of these consequences?
“It’s not easy to admit first and foremost to yourself that you’ve fallen in love with someone you can’t be with,” author unknown.
1. Don’t try to deny or ignore your pain. Allow yourself to grieve.
Once you finally come to grips with the fact that you will never be together with the person you love, you will feel a great loss. This is normal. Even if you never had a relationship, you may still feel as if you have lost a loved one forever.
Allow yourself to grieve. You’re not just suffering because of the love you couldn’t share with the person. Before, you thought you had a chance at a relationship. You had dreams and hopes. Now you don’t have them. That’s why it’s only natural to feel pain. There is no shame in it or in your feelings.
Don’t deny your pain, even if you sometimes feel pathetic for being a victim of unrequited love.
Chances are you will have to experience the pain of unrequited love more than once. Don’t feel bad about it. In time, your opinion of unrequited love will change for the better, because it can help you learn a lot about yourself. This love can make you a better person in the future who deserves your love and will reciprocate.
2. Take care of your heart.
Are you still walking in a vicious circle and constantly thinking about the person who can’t reciprocate? You can convince yourself that you are perfectly capable of being just a friend. But you should not forget about yourself. Protect your heart from unnecessary suffering. That’s the only way you won’t drive yourself crazy.
You may feel the desire to do anything for this man. It’s all because of your boundless love. Even as a friend, you want to show him how important he is to you. You want to be there for them.
Everything is good in moderation. In your desire to be there all the time, you’ll hurt yourself even more. Do you want to help him organize a birthday party for the girl he’s in love with? You don’t want to do that. Take care of yourself.
Set boundaries in communication and friendship. Don’t strive to always come to his aid. When you need him the most, he absolutely will not be there.
3) Avoid situations that may hurt you.
One way to get rid of the pain of unrequited love is to avoid situations that will make you even more unhappy. Have you been invited to a party, and you know your lover and his new girlfriend are invited? Don’t go there.
Avoid situations where you can meet them together. Why torture and hurt yourself unnecessarily? This is not the last party in your life. When your unrequited love passes and you learn to remain calm in the presence of this person, you will be able to meet them at some events without hurting yourself.
Now you need to protect yourself from such situations and keep your meetings to a minimum. You can try to do the following:
- Stop visiting his social networking page.
- You may not delete him from your friends. Just change his settings so his updates won’t appear in your news feed.
- Don’t ask your mutual friends about him.
- Try to avoid meeting him and his girlfriend. Don’t go where you might meet them together.
The less often you see him, the less you will think about him.
4. Find an activity to help you divert your attention.
The pain of unrequited love can be maddening. Luckily, you can redirect your energy and make the most of it.
Why don’t you find yourself a hobby? Don’t just sit around and wallow in your own grief. Do not waste time dreaming about how great it would be if things were different. Do something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, something that interests you.
Some people start writing. Someone keeps a personal diary, in which he describes his feelings. Some people go into work and have great success in their careers.
5. Accept the fact that you will never be with this person. Don’t chase ghosts.
Sometimes it’s better to leave things as they are. It’s better to be silent about something and not look for all the answers. It’s best to accept the situation for what it is and move on with your life.
Accept the fact that you are a victim of unrequited love is really hard. You’re trying to look for signs that tell you that the person was in love with you, too. What if there just aren’t any? What if there is nothing that says he loves you? When you realize this, it will hurt even more.
Just take it as it comes. In time, everything in life will fall into place.
6. Ask for support from the people closest to you.
It’s important at times like this to have friends around to help you through it.
- A heart to heart conversation with friends will take the weight off your soul. The pain will subside.
- Friends can listen carefully and give some valuable advice. You will be able to better understand your emotions and what caused them.
- By looking at the situation from a friend’s point of view, you can better understand what is going on.
- There are times when you don’t even have to tell them what happened. Having them around can make you feel less alone.
- Your friends won’t let you be sad. They will do anything to cheer you up.
Total isolation from the world and everyone with whom you interact will not get rid of pain. The following advice logically follows from this…
7. Don’t refuse to go on dates.
Dating is the last thing on your mind right now. Still, it’s a great opportunity to pay attention to other young men and stop (for a while) remembering how you were rejected.
You are still suffering. You’re not ready to open your heart to a new person. But it’s not about finding your soul mate at all. A date is an opportunity for you to have a good time in the company of a new person who, who knows, may well stick around in your life.
Why sit at home and be sad when you can have fun and have a good time? Maybe that’s how you’ll meet your true love if you allow yourself to date other people.
8. Think about “blessings from above.”
Let’s say you did have a relationship with someone who couldn’t reciprocate. That relationship ended. Think of it as a kind of “blessing from above.”
According to psychologists Stephanie Newman and Valerie Golden, forbidden relationships and relationships that are kept secret are always full of passion. However, this does not always end up being a good thing. What if that person isn’t interested in a long-term relationship? On its own it will hurt.
A person who is not ready for a serious relationship is unlikely to introduce you to family and friends. If you can’t talk openly about your relationship, it’s not worth developing and maintaining that communication. In the long run, such a relationship will not make you happy. If you had such a relationship and it ended, that’s a good thing. In the long run, such relationships hurt far more than they hurt because of the breakup.
9. Stop judging yourself.
You may feel ashamed or even guilty about being in love. Stop judging yourself. This is the only way you can heal and get on with your life.
Yes, this life lesson has not been easy for you. Just realize that we all make bad decisions sometimes. Be kinder to yourself. Don’t blame yourself for loving someone.
10. Take care of yourself.
No matter how bad things are right now, you have to make time for yourself. Take care of yourself as much as you need it. Gradually you will gain confidence and begin to feel positive emotions again.
Taking care of yourself is a great way to get rid of the pain you are feeling right now.
A few final thoughts…
Will it all end? Will it be okay? If you are a victim of unrequited love, you have little faith in a bright future right now. But it’s not as bad as you think.
When you let go of the person with whom you will never be together, there will be room in your life for something new. There will be room in your heart for your true soulmate that you have yet to meet.
You will have to wait at least half a year until your feelings settle down and maybe you will wonder what I found in him, you have to transfer your thoughts to something else as soon as you think about your beloved again, but all this is very painful and difficult, trials in this case do not make us stronger, but they are given to us for something, and even unrequited love is better than a void in your soul
I fell in love with a woman at work, unexpectedly, you could say on the same day. I did not expect it. We just talked, laughed, I told her something, I did not think about my feelings at all. One day we quarreled over nothing. And then, after a couple of days, I realized that I could not do without her, I felt bad that she was not there, that she did not fit and did not communicate with me. My heart was pounding when I saw how she was talking to someone else and not to me. I wrote her in VKontakte to say sorry, stop sulking. The next day she came over, we talked and laughed about the quarrel, and everything was fine. But … I suffer, I am jealous, I can not without her, my heart hurts, my soul groans, I always want to see her. The worst thing is that we both are not free, we have families. She says she loves me too, but I understand that we will never be together. I do not know how to stop love, how to make me forget all this, we work together, see her every day, I do not know what to do… I just feel bad without her, bad when she does not write even a couple of hours, and I rejoice like a boy when she comes away with a few words. I don’t know what to do…
I know what you mean, but why does everyone always get jealous?
It’s exactly the same, only she’s gone cold for some reason. What do women think of themselves? They are ready to give up the whole world together with their hearts… as punishment for me… I did not plan it and did not want to, it overflowed, like an ocean wave, it flattened. What kind of force is Love, that I am a grown man, confident and not giving anyone the needle suddenly shredded into atoms … Around me there are always a lot of women in their attention do not need. And then I was trapped, what the… I am the victim of unrequited love! But still, how it hurts!
Thank you. this article is just what i needed at the moment :’)
So painful. It hurts so much!!! It’s impossible to bear. I just want to rip out my chest and pull out my stupid heart, which will not stop.
thank you so much a thousand times you have the most correct article about it….. only I am many years old and there is no time to wait until I forget
Thanks for the good advice! Similar situation, suddenly fell head over heels in love with a girl at work, it’s some kind of horror! There are no words to describe it, guys. In 38 years, this is the first time this has happened to me. I was just talking to her, joking, drinking coffee, and suddenly, with a wild horror, I realized that I could not live without her … I can not drown in her green beautiful eyes, not drown in her voice … Before, I often wanted women physically, first of all, was quite a cynical man. . and suddenly I just fell in love, about intimacy in general I do not think, even from the fact that I see her eyes and a smile directed at me every day, I feel the happiest in the world … But I am married and she is divorced, and several times said that she did not want any more relations. I think that at most I am just pleasant to her in communication, especially after she found out that I have a family, she began to distance herself from me a little…I am hopelessly in love with her up to my neck…If she loved me, I would leave her forever….What a pain to realize that most likely nothing will work…how did I come to such a shame. And I can’t quit, I gave a lot to this job and I am valued and respected there. And it wasn’t the girl’s fault, I fell in love with her, she didn’t molest me. In short, I wouldn’t wish this situation on the enemy, guys. The only thing that saves me is the weekend, when I do not see and do not hear my beloved girl…. my heart calms down…
How do you cope with the heartache of loving a man?
Doctors are already transplanting hearts, but they haven’t invented a pill for disappointment and failed relationships.
No pill can help with unhappy love, as a matter of principle. Here you are your own doctor. You don’t know where to start?
Wipe away your tears, pick up the snotty bits and turn off Titanic, too, by the way. Leo didn’t drown in the cold ocean – he finally won an Oscar. Be happy for the guy!
So, are you smiling? I’m glad. Now let’s figure out what kind of pain even a nosepa can’t handle.
Unrequited love, just like a long-distance relationship (I’m talking about texting without actually doing it), cannot be called love a priori.
Love is about reciprocity. Everything else is more like an exacerbated “want” left unsatisfied. A kind of forbidden fruit. Like a new iPhone.
From the outside it seems perfect. And everyone expects its perfect shape and enhanced functionality.
And when it is in your hands – no one will guess whether the fantasy coincides with reality or not. Then you start comparing it with other models, and later you won’t even remember why you wanted it so badly.
So the unrequited love of a woman for a man often ends when both go to get close and are disappointed in the result.
Or it doesn’t come to that at all – but it’s subconscious to feel sorry for yourself. Look more closely at the object of your adoration.
Before you get hurt again, slow down and ask yourself:
- What do you love him for?
- Can he make you happy and provide for you?
If you’ve fallen in love with a married man or a man in a relationship, think about whether he would be so perfect without his woman. Maybe it’s because of her that he’s successful and confident.
Maybe she gives him the energy and inspiration, which is why he is so attracted to others. And think about whether you can give him this state and whether he will be the same with you?
If in doubt, you better back off right away. Otherwise you will become another disappointed lover.
From the breakup.
This is where it’s harder, because you will have to work on real emotional and mental attachment, co-dependency, and also with habit.
It doesn’t matter who broke up with whom or why the circumstances were so. Man and woman in a relationship often write off the inability to find common ground and understand each other to incompatibility in bed, in their views, horoscope.
Life doesn’t end there. I know, corny – but true.
There are 3 things that will help you recover from this unpleasant condition.
1. Focus on the positive.
Look on the bright side of the breakup. You’ve been set free and given one of the most valuable opportunities for yourself – time.
How did you handle your most difficult breakup? Tell me in the comments, I’m very interested.
Did he forbid you to go to bachata and wanted you to fall in love with beer, tanks, and the couch? Or maybe because of his dog allergy you had to decide “it was either a pug or him”?
That’s it! You broke up. You’re your own boss now. Take the pug from your mom, and on the way, sign up for a dance.
After the breakup, you have no reason to hang out with his friends if you couldn’t stand them. That’s a distinct plus.
Perhaps, having given all of yourself to the relationship, you completely forgot about your own development. Now’s your chance to be a better woman – to pump yourself up as a woman and find a decent man.
Instead of cooking borscht and molding dumplings, you can read, learn, do your body and your favorite thing.
By the way, fitness is a must for rehabilitation after a painful and difficult breakup. I recommend it.
2. Don’t idealize it
At some point it will seem to you that his shortcomings were not so catastrophic and you won’t find a better one. Are you sure?
Think back to the moments that strained you in your relationship with him. And decide how to avoid it with your next man. And he definitely will, don’t doubt it.
Does your ex think a woman should work and income should be shared? I don’t see any reason to be sad at all. He’s a typical pauper. You’re very lucky he’s not around.
There are enough normal men in the world. You just need to know how to attract one.
3. Change the scenery.
The best way to unwind after a painful breakup is to go away for a while. No, not run away, just change your surroundings.
If you can afford a vacation in Bali – fine, if only to grandma at the cottage – also work.
The main thing is to keep out of sight of him or his suitcases with things. They, by the way, it is better to just give them to the owner or throw them away.
Take a friend with you. Arrange a mini-tour to the clubs (but without fanaticism), or organize your own personal beauty festival. Feel that life can be beautiful without it.
Flirt with men, go on dates, show initiative, accept compliments. Behave so that no one can pass by without turning around with delight and admiration.
Don’t forget that you are a free, beautiful woman. Do something you’ve never done before because of fear or insecurity.
Afraid of the depths? Scuba dive! Fall into a stupor when you have to perform in public? Take the stage at a karaoke bar and sing your favorite song.
Prove to yourself that you can love and respect yourself, and you no longer have to go through the heartache of breaking up with a guy.
It’s time to change!
How many breakups like this have you had? If you’re stepping on the same rake every time, it’s time to change the vector of thinking. Pay attention to the qualities of those men from whom you have suffered losses.
Chances are they come into your life on the same scenario, just in different faces. The reasons for this you can find yourself, if you dig deep into your head and feelings.
Create new facts in your life that will help you become more confident. Stop living in the past! It’s a thought formula that takes all your energy, for things you can’t get back.
And there is still an opportunity to work on yourself! Become a professional woman, and as it usually happens, your ex will regret that you broke up.