What to do if you’re in love and he’s not?

What to do if he doesn’t love me and I love him?

Article Content ________________________ ; Reinventing your self ; What are the dangers of such a relationship ; Why isn’t he looking in your direction? ; Is it possible to get love back? ; What to do if he doesn’t love me, but I love him.

Our life consists of constantly changing one after another: good – bad – good again. And it is much easier to endure the dark side of life with a person with whom feelings are mutual. But what do we do when we see the dejected face of a girl/woman looking for an answer to the worrying question, “What do I do if he doesn’t love me and I love him?”

Reinventing Your Self _________________________ If you have this question, the first thing to ask is: Why don’t you love Yourself so much? You crave the love of someone who doesn’t care about you. In this case, you’re like a ripper, trying to shake out the reciprocity, which is probably sleeping the sleep of the night. You are trying to change yourself, adjusting your habits, character to what you think he likes. Even if you do get him to like you and look at you through grueling reincarnations and self-destruction, it’s not over yet. “Well, finally!” – you’ll sigh as your object of adoration nestles in. But sooner or later you will get tired of being “not you” and your true nature will show. And lover, accustomed only to receive, will start to dictate only on their own terms. And if you want to show your character, you will hear in response: if you do not like it – go! Because he did not see your character. He is used to seeing a fake that you molded at his will. And a wish that was forced upon him. And as cruel as it sounds, he will be right. You’ve been trying to eat a bun covered with mold from the beginning, on the off chance that you’d get poisoned or not. Or, to put it another way, you played roulette. And who is to blame if the bullet fell out or the mold was so corrosive that it left no chance for survival.

Such non-reciprocities are very dangerous! And first of all, for you.

What are the dangers of such relationships? ________________________________ – You kill the Personality in yourself instead of allowing it to develop; – You receive a serious psychological trauma that does not go away by the first click. And sometimes you need to see a psychologist; – You are stealing your own time, perhaps without noticing a decent man by your side; – You are lowering your self-esteem to a minuscule level.

Why doesn’t he look in your direction? ____________________________________ “Why doesn’t he love me?”

Let’s try to understand the reasons. _____________________________________ 1.Our life is like a mirror. As you appear before it, it reflects back to you. You appeared before the mirror of life not loving yourself, it immediately did not fail to give you the answer in dislike of you by other people. Particularly your lover. 2.Another reason lies in his tastes. Perhaps he likes a completely different type of women: appearance, intelligence, sexuality. You can, of course, try to reshape yourself, but think: is it worth such a sacrifice? If you like French melodrama and science fiction, and he – an action movie with victims and blood, then you will have to maintain a conversation that is not interesting to you and pull the mask satisfied with this conversation. No, of course, you don’t have to have clones of all interests, but for the most part there should still be a similar priority in many things. 3. Perhaps he has another, for whom he is not indifferent. Here again we look at the point above.

Always remember that any man will always find time and opportunity for you if you are really important to him. If there is reciprocity, he will not leave you without his attention and will strive to improve himself. Because he has an interest and a desire. His personal desire. But not imposed by you.

It happens that after living for some time in a marriage, which happened on the principle of “I remade myself for you”, the man loses interest in such a “half-finished product”. He finds in the end what he was waiting for unknowingly. And if you start to manipulate children and lament about how you have lost yourself for his sake, it will eventually result in mutual, but not love, but tragedy. You lost yourself, not at his request, but of your own free will.

Is it possible to return love? ________________________ Можно! BUT! If you were in love from the beginning, but not in attachment and habit. Were yourself and had similar interests. In cases of “forced” marriage (manipulated by pregnancy, poor health and the like), any return of love is out of the question.

You can, of course, and continue to live and tolerate the cold attitude towards you. But over the years it will only get worse. You can change your hair, visit the best stylist and dress in fancy clothes. But the effect will always be temporary and not lasting. And forces, both physical and psychological, will be spent unjustifiably a lot. And in the end, you yourself will want to be with someone with whom there will be similar interests and passions.

What should I do if he doesn’t love me, but I do? ________________________________________________ – Realize he’s not the only man in the world; – Look around you. Maybe there’s someone you weren’t paying attention to while you were clinging to air. After all, if you had similar thoughts, desires, goals, which is important, you would not have this question; – Provide “to the utmost extent possible,” preferably under the shower. Water will calm you down and relieve stress, and your thoughts will come to a saner state. – Go to another city, go to a new cafe, see that life doesn’t end there, it just begins! – Don’t remake yourself! Be yourself; – Don’t hold on to what you need to let go of; – Love yourself! ___________________ P. S. ___________________ Only then will new true love come into your life when you make room for it! Don’t be afraid of change. Change your way of life, your job, your city, your country. But only when you yourself want to and with someone who will be on the same wavelength as you. Mutuality to you!

What to do if you’re in love and he’s not?

First, heartily congratulate all the beautiful half of humanity on International Women’s Day. Secondly, today we want to tell you about how to behave if your relationship with your other half caught in a so-called “Passion Trap”.

“The Passion Trap,” or “Catch-22,” is a condition in a couple where one loves and becomes more attached to the other. Psychologist Dean Delis writes about it in his book, The Passion Paradox. How do you know if your relationship was caught in a “Catch-22” and what to do about it? We tell you.

The test “The Passion Trap.

Remember how Pushkin wrote, “The less a woman we love, the easier we like her.” Have you noticed that this is often the case with people: the more one person loves, the colder the other becomes.

Psychologist Dean Delis says that in such a situation, one person in the couple becomes the “lead” or “strong” and the other – the “slave” or “weak.

Do you want to know if this applies to your couple? Then here’s a quiz that will help you determine that. So, your relationship is at a steep learning curve if:

– One partner is constantly waiting for the other to come home from work

– One partner’s life revolves around their other half

– One partner is constantly resentful of the other’s coldness and the other partner is constantly resentful of the former’s intrusiveness

– One partner constantly insists that it is necessary to “build the relationship and develop it.” For example, if the couple is not yet married, he insists on marriage. And if married but no children, they strongly insist on having children.

– One is more jealous than the other

– One partner is more successful than the other

– One is more popular with the opposite sex

– One partner speaks more loving words than the other

– One partner is ashamed to go to parties with the other or to bring friends over

– One partner is less affectionate after intimacy than the other

If you find that your couple has fallen for this Catch-22, you have our sympathy.

Hand-holding is not the best course of action

What should the “weak man” do?

You don’t have to worry, because this kind of “tug” in one’s feelings doesn’t happen by accident. These are signals that the couple is losing harmony (by the way, in most couples it never was). In such situations, both the strong and the weak need to work on themselves in order to preserve the relationship. Otherwise, the couple is likely to fall apart.

There are several strategies for both the “strong” and the “weak” in such situations. So what should the “weak man” do?

Don’t feel sorry for yourself.

In such a situation, the “weak” immediately begin to feel sorry for themselves, to shift all the blame onto the “strong” one, and to cry bitter tears. You can’t do that, because it makes the situation worse. Do not deny your sadness, do not try to escape from it, but just calmly accept it.

Be kinder.

For the weak person, getting into a Catch-22 should show that he doesn’t love himself enough. Of course, in such a situation, the “weak” suffers the “stronger.” He longs for love from the “strong one,” but does not receive it. To begin with, the “weak” needs to learn to be kinder to himself and to love himself. Give yourself a gift: go for a massage, go to the baths, buy yourself a new pair of shoes.

A new source of strength

Stop hanging on to his “strong. He, too, sometimes wants a break and be alone. Find yourself a new source of strength and inspiration. Learn to paint, find a sports hobby, find a new idea that will inspire you and make you get out of bed. Understand that the world does not revolve around your other half. For the rest of the strategies for the “weak one,” read the book “The Passion Paradox.”

What should the “strong man” do?

Have pity on yourself.

If the “weak” should not feel sorry for himself, then the “strong” should, on the contrary, sympathize with himself. “The strong” very often blame themselves for these situations and take responsibility for them. They feel that they are “bad” because the “weaker one” is so attached to them. If you are the “stronger” one, then loosen the strings of control and feel sorry for yourself properly.

A still from the movie “Taming of the Shrew,” – source

Hold back your anger On the one hand, the strong feel guilty. That’s where the anger stems from, because the weak literally hang on to it. The strong need to learn to curb their anger. “The strong ones can turn anger into potential motivation by saying, ‘This situation is making me angry, and I will do everything in my power to fix it.

The strategy of “Trial Intimacy.”

Partners need to agree that they will “try intimacy.” The key word is “try.” This word frees them from any obligations, accusations, and guilt. This strategy will help clarify a lot of things. Here’s how Dean writes about it: “When applying the trial intimacy method, you must set yourself up to put an end to the ambivalence of the situation. Whatever the result (renewed love or an even stronger desire to break up the relationship), you will clarify your situation, gain knowledge about the problem and greater certainty, which is always very important.

For how to apply this strategy, as well as the rest of the tips for the “strong” and “weak” trapped in passion, read “The Passion Paradox”

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