What to do if you have been insulted?

How to respond appropriately to aggression and insults: 3 effective tips psychologist + phrases for all occasions

Good day to all! To my friend once for nothing came across: “What are you looking at? You what, to give you in the face? She, of course, stunned and did not find what to say. Have you ever had a situation where you were insulted? How have you reacted to them, especially if it’s completely accidental and undeserved? The topic of this article is just about that – let’s understand in detail how to react to insults, what to do and respond if it still happened to you.

What is an insult and what types there are

How to determine whether the person insulted me or not? Let’s turn to the dictionary.

Insult is committed by negligence or deliberate humiliation of a person, his feelings, his dignity. It is expressed in an indecent form, depending on the norms and values of society. To insult you can be written (comments in social networks can also go “under this article”), verbal, by any action in front of you or in your absence.

Why is the insult so hurtful? It doesn’t affect what you did, made a mistake, or said, but your personality directly. You are being evaluated negatively in a rather rude way. That is what is considered an insult.

It is understandable that you are hurt by this treatment of yourself. Understandably, you want to reciprocate. But, stop! Is it worth it? Is it really worth it? If the person has “stooped” to quickly, sometimes without knowing you, to evaluate you, should you “stoop” to his level?

Sometimes it can be very painful to hear that. The brain immediately begins in convulsive mode to look for retaliatory words, to make a plan of revenge. But think about why you were so hurt by the words you said. What area of your life is affected, that you reacted in this way? Maybe you were told so in childhood, or is it an area that you have painstakingly and long working on?

So, decide, should you respond with aggression to aggression and insults, or should you ignore it? But if the person needs to make it clear that he is specifically wrong, gently put in the place of the person who insults, it can be done with humor. By the way, a smile and humor are a much better weapon than a retaliatory aggression.

General tips from a psychologist

In any controversial situation, try to understand the person. In the matter of insult this rule also works. Let’s look at psychologist tips on how to react.

Own your emotions.

The main objective of the aggressive man – to hurt you badly. Therefore, the first tip: Do not show that you’re upset, overpower your emotions. Insulting you acquaintances is over, because the goal is not achieved, it’s not interesting to continue.

I suggest that you take the test for emotional intelligence Nicholas Hall. It consists of 30 questions and takes 5 minutes to complete. The results on the second scale, “Managing Your Emotions,” will show your level from 6 to 36.

In order to take full control of your emotions, I suggest you pump your emotional intelligence.

Ignoring Insults

Increase your distance

If you are insulted by someone you don’t know in order to assert yourself in front of others, don’t try to prove your point – it won’t do any good. Increase your distance with this person.

“Put out” with a smile.

If you can’t increase your distance, try to look confident and throw off your opponent with your big smile and the question, “Why are you acting this way?” Smooth out the barbed phrases and smile.

Such a response will earn the respect of those around you, and they will be able to defend you to the offender. Remember, your calmness will protect you. If you “get into the bottle,” you may not calculate your and the “aggressor’s” strengths and capabilities.

How to respond to aggression and insults in specific situations

Respond to insults need to be smart so that the offender no longer wants to insult us. Different situations require specific responses. Depending on where we were offended, we may respond differently. For example, insults from family are more painful than from a stranger. A loved one knows how to hurt us in conflict.

At school.

Learning at school has always been accompanied by name-calling, nicknames, labels, and insults. Especially in adolescence, children become callous to other people’s suffering (under the influence of bad company), vindictive, and susceptible to insults.

It is necessary to respond to insults at school in order not to give a reason to make jokes about themselves in the future. You need to show with your response that you have self-esteem.

For example, you are teased for your protruding ears, called “big ears”. You can paraphrase, “Too bad your ears are so small and you can’t enjoy super hearing,” “How did you manage to keep yours so small?” This is the “return of the phrase” method, where you return the offender’s phrase, concerning himself. You can say it seriously, but you can also say it with irony, sarcasm.

Or to a child at school, classmates say the phrase: “Glasses!” Parry, “Glasses complement my smart face!”, “Envy in silence!”, “Would you like to try on glasses?” After sarcasm with a winning look, it’s best to walk away while your opponent is shocked by the return of the tease. If you chose a serious tone and applied the last phrase, you can philosophize with a confident look.

Being confident and calm will help you not react to negativity and insults, a skill teenagers especially need.

Negativity from the husband/man

Often women find themselves the object of taunts and insults from a psychopathic husband. Although many of them can “swear off” and forget about the subject, there are those who are forced to endure. Receiving verbal “slaps” from the man you love is very painful. First, after such words, you need to think about whether he is loving? Secondly, you should learn to answer her husband so that this does not happen again.

Drunken insults men are better to nip at the source. There is no need to start demagoguery, and the best option – to go into another room, room, car, street, etc. Any communication with a person in an inadequate state can lead to problems. I repeat, any! Even if you just stare.

What to answer if an ex-husband is abusive and humiliating? He certainly has his reasons – a happy man does not oppress others. So respond to the insult obliquely and on the merits: “You’re a spender, how much money can you throw away?” – “Judging by yourself is a thankless task!”, “Cow, look at yourself!” – “I have to live up to you!”

At work.

We may encounter negativity at work. Mostly it happens because of envy or other vices. If you are constantly being humiliated, you need to respond nicely to the insults. Here are examples:

  • “You’re in trouble from now on, I’m not threatening, I know!”
  • “If you have nothing else to say, you can also show your mind limited by insults!”
  • Situation: a colleague at work constantly emphasizes the flaws in her clothes: “Couldn’t you have worn anything better? Did you buy them at Katherine’s flea market?”, in your phrase emphasize the person’s worries: “I guess you know better where I bought them, you know so well about flea markets!”
  • Any phrases said sarcastically for no particular reason can be affected by the flatness of the relationship: “Wow, I must have hit you hard somewhere, since you decided to hurt me so much!” And you should say this with genuine surprise and a smile, showing that the goal is not reached.

When you’re in the crosshairs of your boss’s humiliation, it’s not pleasant. Dominant people know how to push. In this situation, you can continue to clearly perform their duties and try to go to the level of the soul: ask what exactly causes him such a reaction. Show persistence by continuing to ask about it, not paying attention to his words.

Negativity from the boss at work

On the Internet.

On the World Wide Web, insults are quite common in various chat rooms and forums. This is due to the relative impunity on the Internet. I myself have repeatedly encountered such situations when people do not hesitate to show the limitations of their minds in the comments. Tip: do not stoop to their level, why do you then regret what you have said, written.

Try to appeal to the adequacy of man, I understand it can be difficult, but not impossible. There are generally accepted values, which may still be preserved in this person. For example: “The evil you have shown will come back to you.”

On the Internet, you can use the tactic of returning the insult: “You’re old now!” – “Yeah, let’s communicate like father and daughter. It’s cool for a man to have a big age difference!”

“You’re … (swear word)!” – “But you’re not, are you? Or do you still have doubts?” Foul language doesn’t do any good, it only breeds a new round of aggression, not without reason in Orthodoxy it is considered a curse.

Negative from a girl/woman

Female representatives of the fair sex can easily strike a nerve even the most sedate person. You can “fly” sharp phrases from the mother, with whom you have a bad relationship, the wife of the lover (of course!), girlfriend, etc. Daughters-in-law are often the ones who get “hit” by their mother-in-law. The right response is what will save your reputation and nerves.

You can emphasize the lost relationship: “I wish I had thought better of you!”, “Oh, I didn’t expect such aggression from you, it doesn’t adorn you at all!”, “I hope tomorrow you will regret what you just said,” and others.

For other ideas of responses to insults, see the video.

Phrases for all occasions

Are you being insulted and you don’t know what to answer? Here is a selection of different phrases that will help you get out of the situation:

  1. Barbed phrases in response to insults: “While you were telling me about my virtues, I had time to sleep”, “What a stupid and idiotic phrase, I liked it, I will refer to you”, “Oh, you amazed me, I thought you were a little smarter, and you do not have it at all”.
  2. Funny and sarcastic: “Yes, in this son definitely went to you,” “I’m just embarrassed – in your presence I look too smart and talented,” “Are you an artist or just so you draw?”; sneeze and note with a smile: “Sorry, I am allergic to people like you.”
  3. Philosophical: “I hope you want to look worse than you really are,” “The time will come, you will realize you were wrong.
  4. Decent: “You didn’t get me dirty, you showed your dirt,” “Glad you were able to assert yourself at my expense!”

What should I do if I couldn’t respond to humiliation?

Responding to humiliation is not always appropriate. If you haven’t found something to respond to, maybe it’s for the best. Often a person does not realize why he/she insults, he/she feels bad about it, but he/she does not admit it even to himself/herself. Sometimes silence on humiliation “sounds” louder than a microphone.

If you are still “tempted” to respond, try to do it calmly, without lowering your dignity and moral principles. When confronted with trolling, provocation, the best behavior is to ignore it.

Only I ask you, do not make excuses if you are not guilty. And when you are guilty, you should not make excuses, but apologize. To prove to the other person that he was unfair to you is almost unreal, until he himself realizes it. So do not allow yourself to be humiliated by your own excuses.

And yet, if a conflict with a loved one, you heard an insult to his address in a state of nervous agitation and snapped, do not hurry to burn bridges. Destroy the relationship is much easier than to rebuild them. Try to understand the reason for the conflict situation.

How to learn how to respond to insults and aggression and communicate effectively

Taking trainings helps you learn how to respond to people’s rudeness and not be afraid. It also teaches how to respond to a person’s insult to make them feel ashamed.

  1. Entrepreneurs, executives, top managers.
  2. Those who work with clients, middle managers, freelancers.
  3. Anyone who is in the business of raising children.
  4. Anyone who wants to improve their communication with others.

Course author – Oleg Kalinichev – an expert on nonverbal behavior, emotional intelligence and lie detection. Accredited trainer Paul Ekman International. Managing Director of Paul Ekman International in Russia (PEI Russia).

  1. Communicate with people who are withdrawn.
  2. Dealing with daily problems involving other people.
  3. Influence your environment and much more.

The course lasts for 1 month and contains 33 video lectures, 26 exercises, 6 tests + webinars with experts of emotional intelligence.

The training consists of 4 blocks:

  1. Emotions. Fundamentals.
  2. Emotional stability and emotional flexibility.
  3. Social effectiveness.
  4. Building harmonious relationships.
  1. You have seen video lectures.
  2. Then do independent assignments to reinforce the material.
  3. You participate in webinars and discuss difficult issues.
  4. Pass tests on the material studied.
  5. Finish the intensive and receive a certificate.

The cost of independent passing – 1,040 rubles, with a mentor – 2,370 rubles.

You get your money back if within 7 days you decide the course is not suitable for you.


To build a good relationship, remember:

  1. With any humiliation and resentment, control your emotions, so as not to break down.
  2. Try to answer all attacks in your direction in a positive and calm manner.
  3. Don’t allow yourself to be humiliated wherever you are, so arm yourself with some of the phrases on our list.
  4. At provocation and trolling be wise – ignore, it is useful, including for your health.

An adequate and intelligent person will never use humiliation to tell you their opinion. And why waste your nerves on boorish people? I wish you effective communication with everyone!

Sincerely, Ludmila Redkina

Hi! I am a professional psychologist and in each article I put my soul and a part of my experience. All the advice I have written for this blog will help you to become a little better. I am very happy to share my ideas with you, I believe that together we will change this world for the better! You can read more about me in the section “About the authors”.

How to get rid of resentment and learn to forgive

If you think about how to get rid of resentment, you embark on the path of forgiveness and the inner cleansing of the “hell” of consciousness that you have created for yourself. Further success in cleansing from resentment lies in the ability to overcome the causes that give rise to that bitterness. It is important both to learn how to forgive and to develop the habit of not bringing oneself to the culminating point where feelings and emotions cease to be tamed, thereby poisoning one’s life. Offensiveness is a multifaceted phenomenon, which you need to understand in order to neutralize the beginnings and consequences of such a state of mind.

What is resentment

Offense – a subjective reaction of an individual to what is happening, not a basic feeling, when mixed: anger, mistrust, irritation, pity, anger, condemnation – the whole range of emotions in relation to themselves and the offender.

  • Borrowing from the word “wilt.” “To be offended” is to wrap negative energies around oneself;
  • “ovida,” where “vida” – a state of separation (hence the word “vid”). The letter O at the beginning of the word is associated with something embracing, closed in on itself. Offense, then, is a state of supreme separation, of cardinal opposition, of negation. The letter B is spelled like the torn letter B: the eight is continuity, and in B this connection is broken 1 ;
  • from Slavic ‘ob-see’, ‘ob’ – ’rounding, passing over’, ‘seeing’ – ‘seeing’, i.e. bypassing attention 2 .

Offense as a sin is referred to in religious movements that link this concept with passions, kleshas, feelings, the clouding of the mind, pride, and selfishness. Psychologists attribute resentment to the infantile childish ego-state.

Reasons for resentment

If you ask the offended person about the reasons, arguments about other people, the state, the nation, God, the universe, yourself are likely to follow. This mirrors the offended person’s understanding. The root is unfulfilled desires, a mismatch between what is expected and what is happening.

If we look for the origins in a detached and objective way, we can see that resentment is a manifestation of avidya – ignorance, an inauthentic understanding of the world and the illusion produced by sensory perception.

The basic idea of resentment is injustice, humiliation, heartlessness, loss, and other negative attitudes. Objectively speaking, these are manifestations of this or that side of human passions. In essence, all phenomena are neutral, everyone gives them a coloring through their own prism of perception. What offends one, the other will not notice, and the third will analyze what happened. There are as many variations as there are people on Earth. No matter how addictive the feeling may be, it is vital to learn both how to forgive people and how to let go of accumulated resentments. Developing the skill of not blowing one’s lips, of eradicating root causes, is like taking an antidote to a darkened mind. The impartial one is rarely offended: he acts out of fairness, while inwardly remaining resistant to fluctuations of the mind.

The most energetic emotion in our world is anger. One of the meanings of the word ‘anger’ translated from Old Slavic is ‘rot’, this meaning was for a reason: anger slowly but surely burns a person from the inside, his loved ones, relatives, sometimes enemies.

What grudges can be

When expectations are not met, there is frustration and resentment. This is because one gives too much importance to the idea that one decides how things should be. The world works differently and shows us what can be different, thereby shattering illusions and allowing us to learn and see things as they are, without expectations.

  1. On ingratitude: I was not thanked for what I had done (most parental resentments against children, resentments between spouses, etc.).
  2. On betrayal: there was an agreement, but one of the parties does things their own way.
  3. On bad luck.
  4. On sudden attack: an attack for no apparent reason, verbal or physical, an insult or attack.
  5. On loneliness: when not called to participate in a project or event.
  6. Resentment of envy: “others have it and I don’t.”
  7. The stupidity of others, their lack of understanding: “I explained to them, but to no avail, they do not understand.
  8. To losses and losses.
  9. To the indifference on the part of other people.
  10. Insult “for the state.
  11. On their own mistakes and incompetence.
  12. On not being able to reach the goal.
  13. On the missed opportunities and time.

Grudges can be from a few minutes to a lifetime. Hidden grudges wait for the right conditions to arise, and then manifest themselves in different ways, up to vindictiveness, and this is a destructive way. It is easier to prevent the appearance of offense, than to eliminate its consequences, which are destructive in the first place for the one who is offended.

It is possible to learn to forgive people, but to forgive offenses against the world, God, the Universe and the Highest Powers is not an easy task.

What offenses are the hardest

Unconscious subconscious resentment creates problems for the offended person and his surroundings. The person is not aware of their condition, does not acknowledge the facts, and does not think about how to get rid of feelings of resentment. Acceptance is the first step to changing the situation and looking at reality and oneself objectively. Acceptance is possible by the grace of accumulated godliness, or it happens through a series of trials.

Remember: It doesn’t matter who treats you or how you are treated, what matters is how you treat others.

Learning to let go and forgive wrongs helps you to be grateful for everything on a daily basis: Birth, opportunity, suffering. It is extremely important to learn to see in it the purpose of the Highest. It helps to understand that everything that is done for the good, for the development of the soul.

When the flow of thoughts overcomes one’s mind, “winding” resentment, the following idea helps: “no one is your friend, no one is your enemy. But everyone is your Teacher” (Socrates).

The extreme unconscious attitude of resentment can manifest itself as an unforgettable offense, which a person remembers constantly, when it becomes the meaning of existence, or manipulation.

This behavior can develop into vindictiveness, or a lifelong grudge against everyone and everything. Resentment is not an easy burden, signaling non-acceptance of the Higher, of the laws of karma, which may be intentional or unconscious.

Has it ever happened to you when you go to a doctor, tell him that you have something painful, he appoints a lot of examinations and finds out that there is no disease? You become indignant, change one doctor for the second, the third… You spend a lot of money, but the result is the same: the doctors insist that you are healthy and as if on purpose do not want to treat you.

How Resentment Affects Your Life

The seeds of resentment in the mind first manifest on a subtle level. If the personality does not understand and cope, it is reflected in the gross physical existence: from eating, to withdrawing into illusions through intoxication, to diseases, including fatal ones. In psychosomatics, resentment is the beginning of many diseases: from sagging facial features to cancer. To understand the problem, it is useful to read the literature on illness and psychosomatic origins in order to relate existing ailments to those described.

Against the background of resentment a person is able to lose health, mental stability, friends, destroy family relationships, business connections. Negative behavior attracts adverse events, sometimes carrying destructive power, but in the end helping to reflect after all. In order not to lead to catharsis, it is better to engage in prevention. No one is immune from destructiveness, but everyone has a choice – to make or not to make regular efforts on the way of self-development, to change or not to change behavior patterns, to learn or not to learn to forgive and not to offend, to treat the offended with understanding or in a different way.

Why it’s important to learn to forgive

It is better to forgive not for yourself, but for the well-being of loved ones, others. Fixated on their feelings, the offended often do not understand how others feel and offend them. To avoid poisoning the environment with such energy, one must strive for inner balance: to change oneself without focusing on the seeming negativity of others, to become mature.

“A person becomes mature when he begins to love without demanding love in return.”

“Shiva Purana.”

It is not only love in the conventional sense, but a kindly attitude toward the world, every bit of it, where there is room for joy and compassion. One is able to give to another what one possesses, which is why the offended person spreads resentment. Only by forgiving the past and not demanding, not expecting, not being attached to the current moment can one move forward.

How to learn to forgive

The conscious decision of the individual to eliminate the negative in his consciousness will help to get rid of resentment and prevent it in the future. But how to cope with the subconscious when you understand that it is necessary to forgive, but it does not work.

– Just as a wound leaves a mark on our body, so the subconscious mind always retains memories of attacks. Time, eras, and tricks cannot stop thinking and arguing in the subconscious mind. Even if many years and eras later one finds oneself in the same anxious state, one can recall past incidents. This will have the same effect as before.

– Is there any way to get rid of the memories of the unconscious mind?

– It is possible with yoga classes and effective spiritual practice. But this is totally up to the individual’s consciousness and desires.

– How will a person react to circumstances? He has complete freedom to choose that. What the journey will be is up to the individual to decide. And the decision to free himself from this negativity can only be made by him (Film ॐ नमः शिवाय, 688 Series 4).

The solution to the question “How to get rid of old grudges?” lies in regular practice of self-improvement. Psychological techniques, techniques are only a temporary aid in aggravation, but living without a recurrence of the subject is possible only through consistency in personal practice: yoga, fasting, prayer, mantra, prostrations, or meditation. It is important to make a sincere decision to liberate oneself from the obscurations of consciousness and to make efforts along the way. Without such an intention, the application of forgiveness techniques is ineffective in the long run.

Solving the problem of “how to get rid of a grudge against a man”, it is favorable to dip into works of spiritual, moral content: scriptures, sutras, parables, primary sources of books about karma, laws of the universe. Useful books that give food for thought about the soul, self-knowledge, helping in introspection.

Ways to forgive

Psychological tips on how to learn to forgive and let go:

  • Write a letter to the offender, which then do not send, but burn;
  • describe the situation from beginning to end in all its details, at the end adding conclusions about the benefits for yourself in this situation and how to act next time in a similar situation (the technique of overts, withholds)
  • to practice bows, mentally presenting the image of the offender;
  • to write with the left hand (whether you are left-handed or right-handed): “Name of the offender, forgive me, I forgive you, I thank you” ;
  • keep a diary, where you can also write about what you are grateful for and to whom today;
  • mentally detach myself from what is happening, imagine the situation from the observer’s point of view;
  • to put yourself in the other’s shoes, to try to look at the world through his eyes;
  • if possible, talk quietly, clarify misunderstandings;
  • to answer the question: “What are my character traits, thoughts, habits reflected by the offender, why does it cause such feelings?”.

It is important not to confuse and be aware of the fine line between the offense and the need for justice. Forgiving does not mean making excuses for actions. If the opponent deliberately provokes or threatens the safety of the other person, it is better to analyze the situation without emotion, forgive, distance yourself for a while or forever.

The same situation outwardly seems the same. For example, the offender is formally punished or apologized, but the variants of internal experiences of the offended are diverse:

  • negativity in the form of anger, gloating, vindictiveness, and the like;
  • acceptance of one’s wrongdoing;
  • lack of conscious reactions with the expectation that karma will take revenge – this is a trap that does not speak of forgiveness;
  • total forgiveness without regard to the offender’s future fate;
  • compassion for the abuser who has chosen this way of life;

The average person thinks he or she chooses how to react, how to act in this or that situation. In fact, actions are conditioned by samskaras – imprints in the mind, karma, and energy. Without the practice of self-improvement and yoga, people act on autopilot out of habit, not realizing how they act and what results it leads to.

Why do people date, fall in love and suffer from their relationships? Is there relationship karma or is everything in the hands of the individual? Many people on earth dream of building harmonious relationships. Everyone hopes for happiness and prosperity, but why are divorce statistics so high? In the Western world, including Russia, the percentage of divorces is over 80. Why do adequate and educated people fail to get along together?

Steps to let go of resentment and forgive

Remember that you need to work on yourself daily to learn to forgive and get rid of resentment.

It is useful to develop, write a personal plan for the long term.

  • acknowledge that “I am not a saint, not perfect, not all-knowing” ;
  • to analyze and stop immersing myself in information with negative attitudes (songs and movies of offended heroes, etc.)
  • to trace what one does not like about people and analyze the presence of these qualities in oneself;
  • Analyze cause-and-effect relationships. Understand what your thoughts, actions, character traits, habits led to what is happening;
  • To read the literature of spiritual and moral content, to watch appropriate films, listen to lectures;
  • to see in every event as a lesson, in people as Teachers; to treat everything with respect and gratitude;
  • To cultivate sensitivity and caution;
  • to practice yoga regularly;
  • master and practice prostrations;
  • to practice the mantra “AUM” for the benefit of living beings;
  • dedicate the fruits of personal practice to others;
  • to help those for whom support is needed and relevant;
  • to reconsider diet and food preparation and intake;
  • fasting to the best of your ability;
  • other practices that help you become a better person.

The above steps are information for reflection, further exploration and possible inclusion in a personal program of getting rid of negative attitudes of the mind, including resentment against the world, fate, a group of people or a specific person.

What grudges are the hardest to let go of

What you note in others speaks to the qualities of the person looking – it’s a relationship mirror principle. What the offended person reacts to is in him or her, including on a subconscious level. The stronger the karmic connection, the clearer the reflection, so it is more difficult to let go of expectations and attachments to loved ones – parents, relatives, spouses, children.

On the way of solving the question “How to learn to forgive offenses to loved ones?” it is important to recognize that the main teachers are loved ones, you need to thank them sincerely, because they sometimes have to appear not in their best manifestation, so that a person can see in himself the need for change.

When there are expectations from the Higher Forces, bitterness can arise if what is desired does not come. It is important to remember the laws of karma, the seeds of which one sows, and not to become attached to personal spiritual practice, among other things. It is more beneficial to practice without expectation.

Why resentment doesn’t go away

By fixating on how to get rid of resentment easily and quickly, a person may never get over the feeling. The main reasons are:

  • Stagnation of energy on the svadhistana chakra;
  • Irregularity or absence of practices of self-development;
  • Impatience, expectation of a quick result;
  • dishonesty with oneself, and, as a consequence, a wrong understanding of the root causes of resentment.

If the resentment does not go away, it is necessary to continue to make efforts on the path of self-development. This is a long-term project, to solve the problem quickly, in one fell swoop will not work. Only independent constant work on your own will help you. Techniques, techniques, other people – helpers on the way, but the responsibility for liberation from oppressive feelings is in the person himself. It is better to set yourself up for a lifelong regular work without waiting for quick results.

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