What to do if the man does not write?

5 simple tips on what to do if a guy does not write first

Professional journalist, author of a poetry collection and several literary publications.

The expert – Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. I have been saving “family units” from disintegration for eight years. I help couples regain love and understanding.

Why did he suddenly stop writing messages? Thought the message wasn’t worthy of a response, or is he avoiding you? Do you need to text him again? Or should you move on? What does it mean when a guy doesn’t respond to you? Surely familiar reflections. After all, you are not the only one asking these questions.

We have learned to understand that men are from Mars, but sometimes they behave as if they were from another universe altogether.

It seems simple: when a guy can’t stop texting you, it’s his pursuit, because he’s a hunter and interested in you. When he stops texting you, it means he’s done with that very pursuit.

What does that mean to a girl? Well, first of all, when a guy stops texting you, it doesn’t always mean that he’s done with you and you won’t hear from him again. But how do you act in such a situation? Here’s what to do when he stops texting you.

Let go of the reins.

Guys can be hot and cold, just as girls can be hot and cold. Disappointment, yes. Here’s what matters: the way you react to his behavior will either push him away or make him cringe. Some will disagree, but not all guys really like being chased. They like to do the chasing themselves. If you chase him by attacking him with the right messages, he’ll probably find it repulsive to the point where he definitely won’t text you again. We all like to feel wanted, but being overly obsessive only discourages.

It’s hard, but if he’s been quiet, it’s best to leave it at that and see what happens next. The waiting game requires patience, but it puts you in a better position than a stream of messages a la “are you okay?” Don’t look at your phone 24/7. If he wants to call you back, he will. Just give him some space and see what happens next. The guy has to figure out on his own that he misses you, or he has to wonder what the hell you’re doing instead. Both will make him come back to you.

Make it look direct.

How long should you wait before texting him? Let’s just say you don’t have to wait forever to contact him. Waiting 3-4 days looks like a decent amount of time before following up with a message if you think you have something to say.

Email him, but make it seem casual. Share a picture or post you like with him. Don’t insinuate that he has disappeared. Don’t send him a monologue explaining how much you missed him and don’t reprimand him for not responding to your messages. Show that you’re not upset, but do care if he’s still around. But be careful. There is a fine line between being direct and making him feel like you are communicating because you have no one else to talk to.

If he doesn’t have the tact to answer you, it’s a good idea to just move on. He’s clearly not worth your energy.

Call him.

It’s worth a try. The reason for his absence may be that he doesn’t understand what’s going on between you two at all, or maybe he somehow got the impression that you’ve lost interest. Calling him is the best way to sort out any problems, doubts or misunderstandings. It’s a great way to get some clarity. If your communication is interesting to him, he’ll call you back if he’s busy. And if he doesn’t answer? Go get some wine (and Bridget Jones’s Diary)!

Why isn’t he answering?

A clue as to why he’s not responding to your messages may be in your recent correspondence. Look at the direction in which they’ve been going. For example, you may not have been paying attention right away, and he may have been pulling away for the past couple of weeks. His responses may have gotten shorter or less amusing, but you were too immersed in him to notice. Maybe you just missed (or chose to ignore) the signs that he’s not ready for a relationship.

Maybe his disappearance is not as sudden and unexpected as you first thought. There may have been a misunderstanding. If you find a problem, you can talk about it to make sure you are both looking in the same direction.

Live your life.

There are a lot of guys who are worth your attention and there are guys who aren’t. Don’t wonder “what if” or what you did wrong, don’t get hung up on what it means when a guy doesn’t respond to you. There are so many more things and people in your life than this young man. Go out with your friends and enjoy life. You have a much better chance of finding someone new this way than speculating about what might have been.

If he is able to disappear like that without warning, he just isn’t worth your thinking about him.

How to behave if a man has stopped writing – tips from a psychologist

What to do if you met a man, you were doing well, you communicated a lot, and then he suddenly stopped writing to you? Does this always mean that he lost interest or you did something “wrong”? Why does the man no longer get in touch and how to respond to this.

What is the reason

There are at least 6 reasons why a man suddenly disappeared from the horizon. And from their understanding will depend on what the chance to continue communicating with him and whether it is necessary to do so.

  • He has other priorities.

A man who lives a busy life, the relationship is not always in first place. He has a job that has problems, he may have started a complicated project, he may have been away on business.

He may have rekindled a relationship with his ex, or he may have just decided he’s not ready to get into a new one right now.

  • He’s slow to approach.

Some people are quicker to open up and connect with people, while others are slower. This depends on what type of attachment they are prone to, how much trust in others, what are their basic attitudes toward the world.

Many are very cautious in entering into relationships, prefer to take their time because they have experienced the trauma of rejection, have negative experiences. Others are open to the world, fall in love quickly, want to spend all their time together.

Think back to how you interacted with a man. The markers are that he prefers to take his time:

  • Doesn’t talk much about himself, avoids personal topics;
  • is quite restrained in his emotions;
  • Keeps his distance when communicating, doesn’t get into your personal zone;
  • Tells you that his parents were strict, or that they worked hard;
  • says that he has been independent since he was a child.

Also, pay attention to his worldview. Does he see the world as a dangerous, cold place, or does he see opportunities and perspectives.

  • Different need for communication

People differ in how much they need social interaction. There are loners, closed introverts, who enough at the beginning of the relationship a couple of meetings a week. There are more open-minded people who need to call every day.

If you’re the second type, you probably lack patience. What you take for a “lull” on the part of a man may not be one for him. More communication may just be tiring for him.

Why doesn’t the man write or call?

  • He had a force majeure.

There are situations when a man simply has no strength to communicate. Grandma got sick, the company went bankrupt, the car broke down, and he can not pick you up, but does not consider it possible to send you on public transport, etc.

  • He is afraid to be intrusive.

If he has always taken the initiative and you only responded in return, never calling you first, he may think that you are too bothersome, that you communicate out of politeness.

Some men, out of tact or modesty, are afraid that they are rushing the relationship too much and you might not like it. So they purposely “slow down” communication, not sure if their sympathy is mutual.

  • He manipulates your emotions.

Some people, in order to “put a price on themselves,” begin to arrange for a partner emotional swings. They either devote themselves completely to the person they like, or disappear, become indifferent.

This way they want to make a woman nervous, to suffer, to think about him, to run after him. Then they, as if nothing had happened, come in contact again and are full of romance and feelings again.

  • He doesn’t want to keep communicating.

Usually people who do not know how to put a point, afraid of scandal – do not feel the need to explain their position, they prefer to just disappear, hoping that you will understand everything yourself.

They stop to get in touch, periodically do not answer the phone, not always respond to messages or do it dry, one-syllable.

What to do if a man does not make himself known

Everyone decides for himself whether to continue communicating or not. Forcing someone to do this, artificially create attraction is impossible.

If a man does not call, do not:

  • Overwhelm him with messages and calls;
  • Monitor his activity on social networks;
  • find out through mutual friends what’s going on with him and whether he has a girlfriend;
  • try to “accidentally” meet him.

It’s important to remain confident, to respect yourself and his right to freedom of choice. There are a few things you need to do if a man suddenly stops contacting you.

Don’t engage in self-discovery

There could be a million reasons why he’s not writing you. Most of them have nothing to do with you. You need to stop spinning your meetings in your head and wondering what you did wrong.

Maybe the sympathy does not arise not because you’re not beautiful, interesting or smart enough, you just may not fit the image that “grabs” this particular man. And this is quite normal.

But most likely, the reason is that he has too much work and doesn’t have time or energy, or he’s just in a bad mood and doesn’t want to burden you with his problems.

Remember, if you were in communication with yourself, it means you did everything right. So it makes absolutely no sense to look for mistakes, it’s impossible to pretend to be someone else and there’s no need to adjust to the other person.

Live your life.

Relationships will either work out or they won’t. It’s important not to turn your life into an endless wait for a call. No matter how much you like a man, you’re still an independent, self-sufficient person.

Continue to do their work, socialize with friends and family, read books, do self-development and sports, look for yourself, be creative. Don’t limit yourself or let another person become the meaning of your life.

This will help you to be a resource, to take your mind off obsessive thoughts and doubts.

Write it yourself.

If you like a man and want to continue communicating with him, there’s nothing wrong with going for a rapprochement yourself. You can offer to meet again. Or, if this is difficult for you, just “bring him back” to pleasant memories of your communication.

For example, if on the date he said he was reading a certain book or saw a movie that impressed him, you can write, “Here, I decided to read this book. I think you were…”. Or, “Drove by that cafe and started laughing, remembering how you were…”

By writing first, you:

  • …you’ll remind him of yourself unobtrusively..;
  • show your affection if a man doubts that you like him;
  • Will not regret not to do something;
  • Understand a man’s attitude toward you.

Even if he doesn’t respond, or the answer is polite but emotionally neutral and doesn’t lead to further communication, at least you’ll realize that maybe there’s no point in waiting any longer. You’ll stop tormenting yourself with doubts.

If the relationship didn’t work out – there can be a lot of reasons for that, and it’s not certain that they apply to you.

But it’s important to understand – if a man likes you, if he wants to continue to communicate, he will find ways to do this. Maybe he’s dealing with his own problems, maybe he doesn’t have the resource to communicate. But when he gets over it, he will get closer to you.

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