What to do if the lover became cold?

Lover does not want to communicate: why he disappeared and what to do

If you are together not so long, then, probably, the lover wants to hint that there was a “trial period”, and you have not passed it. If your connection is already quite long and strong, then your lover, like all people, has his own urgent affairs and a variety of duties, which he does not want to postpone, but does not have the right. In addition to the duration of the relationship, the desire to communicate is also affected by sincerity, as well as the frequency of meetings.

Married lover at first a long courtship, and you as a thinking woman, seeing no future in such a relationship, refuse, but he continues to persistently win you. During this period, he is not stingy with promises that he will definitely divorce his wife and marry you. Hoping for his honesty, you want to meet with him and agree to communicate.

Here are three reasons why the lover stops communicating with his girlfriend:

  1. He has already achieved his goal: she has become available. As you know, forbidden fruit is sweet. While a woman refuses, she excites the man, and when he gets everything he wanted, he suddenly becomes bored. It is the process of “hunting” that generates the interest, not the prey itself.
  2. You can date for more than a year, but don’t expect that your lover wants to stay with you. If he during two months of communication does not offer to fasten it with a statement in the registry office, you can conclude that he does not want to and will never do it. Promises and excuses do not make sense to listen. To become a legitimate wife, one must look for an available man, not wait for a married lover to “mature.” Passions usually remain mistresses.
  3. The lover seeks in you only an addition to his wife. He conquers his future favorite to take from her what he lacks in the family. If a woman becomes a mistress, it means that she agrees to this arrangement. She already gives him sex, love, attention, etc. And the man already has a wife, and he has no intention of finding a replacement for her, just as he has no intention of living with his partner.

When the lover doesn’t want to communicate, this indicates that he has had enough of your relationship, he has received everything he hoped to get from you, and therefore sees no point in continuing the relationship and wants to break it off.

Why a man is estranged:

What to do if a lover ignores and disappears

There can be many reasons why a lover does not want to communicate and ignores. You probably didn’t suit him for some reason, or he realized that he loves his wife and doesn’t want problems in his family. If this happened, it is likely that he will leave you and stop communicating to begin with, and then put you “on ignore” forever.

If you are in a relationship with him for a long time, the reasons for the lover’s silence and his disappearance from your sight may be:

    1. Busyness. Remember that you are not a wife, but a mistress, and the fact that the man does not want to report to you is understandable. Everyone has a job, responsibilities, a family, and it takes a lot of time and energy. He may just forget about you in the midst of his daily routine and not find a minute to chat.
    2. Fading Passion. Even the strongest feelings sometimes cool down, no matter how much you initially excite your man. Recently, he was burning with passion, he said he wants you, and now he does not feel any attraction to you. You can conclude that your lover’s feelings have faded by the fact that your meetings become less frequent and shorter from time to time.
    3. Only sex. If your partner only wants sex from you, then at other times, when his “hunger” is satisfied, he may not call, because you have no other points of contact. You have nothing to talk about, you have no common interests. You are different people.
    4. Family problems. In every family such problems appear from time to time, and require immediate solutions. The wife got pregnant, came mother-in-law, visiting nephews, flooded the neighbors from above, or missing his beloved dog … The man has no time to talk to you, while he is busy solving the pressing issues.
    5. Another woman. If once he found you, nothing stops him from finding another mistress one day. Unlike looking for a new wife, finding a new fling is easy enough. There are plenty of beautiful and available women, don’t be fooled into thinking that you are one of a kind. If a man is not a one-woman man by nature, at some point his feelings will cool down and he will want a novelty. Here already in his life there is another, and he may for a time to stop communicating with you or even leave forever. After all, you can always find a younger and prettier.
    1. Parenting. Your lover can be so bred that the first to communicate does not want to out of principle, if you have a quarrel with him. There are some people who don’t figure things out, they just keep quiet. So they are trying to manipulate, so that you feel guilty and the first to start communicating. By keeping silent lover wants to show that by insisting on his position, you will not get anything, but you can easily lose him.
    2. There is no real possibility to communicate, even if he wants to. It also happens, do not discount the fact that the lover simply do not have the physical ability to contact you yet. Force majeure: got into the hospital, all the time controlling family, etc. Although in our time such a reason, we must admit, is quite rare.
    3. Caregiving. “Elementary, Watson.” Unfortunately, your lover is cowardly and simply does not like you, and therefore chose to leave “in English,” without communicating or explaining anything. He doesn’t want to figure things out for a long time, or he is afraid of scandal and tears. Therefore, the man preferred to just quietly disappear from your horizon.
    4. The wife keeps everything under control. Some mistresses really don’t quite understand the seriousness of their lover’s family life. Most women have good intuition, and they sense when their spouse is “going left.” Men, in turn, are not “sheep” either, and when the wife suspects something, he feels it too. All communication stops – calls, correspondence, dates, because the lover temporarily wants to “lie low” or is trying to become a model family man, and probably seriously, which also can not be excluded.

    Also, do not forget that your lover’s spouse may have found out about you and forced him to break up with you, even if he does not want to. If his wife is his priority and he is not going to ruin his relationship with her, he will stop communicating with you right away and delete your phone number. If your lover appreciates you, then his silence for now is forced and temporary. Remember that you are not communicating with a free man, but with a married man, and he may at any moment say that he does not want to meet you. Be thankful if he honestly warned you that he wants to end the relationship. You shouldn’t feel too bad about it.

    However, it is possible that the lover just wants to disappear. He is no longer interested in you in any sense. Why would he make any effort to be in touch? You – a bygone stage in his life, just take it for granted, because anyway you can not change the situation. Keep your nerves in order and think about the fact that sooner or later it had to come to a logical conclusion.

    Other reasons why a lover doesn’t want to communicate and ignores:

    How to make your lover want to communicate again

    You should not think that your partner is the epitome of justice and courage, because a real man will never lie to two women. This is humiliating. Let’s face it: he doesn’t want to communicate so he doesn’t have to explain himself and listen to the screaming of an offended lover. He does not need such problems, because it is much easier to leave “in English”. So think about it: why do you need to communicate with him? After all, he’s just a coward. Forget him, you deserve a better man.

    Recommended articles on the subject:

    If you want to revive your connection no matter what, you should not “take the bull by the horns” and come to his office for clarification or openly call him for a conversation. Do not create for him compromising circumstances, because in the end it could hurt not only him but also you. Try to think better than you could hurt your lover, why he does not want to communicate with you.

    Solve the problem by looking at the situation.

    If the problem is your wife.

    She vigilantly checks all the calls and messages in his phone, who writes to him in social networks, monitors all the movements of her husband. In this case, much depends on the degree of trust between you and the patience of the spouse. He will probably want to take the time to tell you quietly that you need to stop communicating to avoid trouble.

    If your husband’s behavior isn’t suspicious, your wife won’t be controlling him forever, after all, she has her own things to do, too. Only at the next meeting will you be able to understand why the lover does not want to communicate. Of course, he can lie, who wants to look in the eyes of a woman henchman. It is more convenient to embellish reality: the children are sick, the service is in a hurry and so on. So your lover takes care of his pinched ego.

    If there is a serious problem.

    Unfortunately, in our lives there are problems of a more serious nature – illness or death of loved ones, dismissal or major problems at work, bankruptcy, fire, flood, the collapse of all life. In this case, not to mistresses.

    It would seem – even recently you spent a beautiful night, and the next morning he rejects your calls and does not respond to messages. You don’t have to be “clingy” and constantly call him. If there was not even a hint of a breakup during your date, therefore, something went wrong here.

    Wait a while. Try to find out about him on the side.

    – Go to his social media pages – does he go there?

    – Ask mutual friends if anything has happened to him.

    – Expect a phone call – he probably just couldn’t make time for it.

    If you find out about any global changes in his life that have “knocked him off his feet,” step aside for now. He does not care about you. In a difficult situation, you with your flickering and increased attention can only make him mad.

    If you have become too dangerous for him.

    Some mistresses do not want to accept their status. Even if she had only a passing relationship with the man in question, she immediately wants to sit on his neck. These women are immediately clinging to the lover, like a leaf and tried to get it into their undivided possession at any cost.

    She then blackmails, then tears and scandals to ask the man to give her his full attention, to communicate with her every minute, to give her all the love. She does not hesitate to tell everyone she knows about the affair so that the lawful wife would soon find out the truth. She calls him at work, then home in the middle of the night, then weeps, then says she wants to commit suicide, acting like a complete psychopath.

    Of course, any married man quickly realizes what a mess he is in, and wants to get away from such a “sweetheart”, does everything not to communicate with her: blacklisting her everywhere – in the phone, in social networks and even in his thoughts. Repeatedly offers to break up amicably, and even begins to threaten. If you – this type of mistresses, then all men will run away from you sooner or later. Even bachelors run away from such – no one wants the clingy. When you start to respect yourself, you will find your half faster, and the need to cling to other people’s husbands will disappear.

    Reconsider the way you really feel about yourself and men. When you get married yourself, you’ll understand how unpleasant and hard it is when some bitch tries to break your family comfort with constant harassment, calls and messages.

    He’s trying to re-educate you.

    There is a type of man – he sits down next to you and says that any relationship he has with you is interrupted, guess what our problem is all of a sudden. And then, just like that, he disappears. This kind of clever psychological trick. With such a lover is easier to completely stop communicating than the rest of his life to play riddles.

    Do not lie to yourself.

    Some abandoned women are trying to justify their lovers for their incomprehensible reluctance to communicate, come up with all sorts of excuses, plausible excuses. I pity these poor women, because in this age, to lose someone out of sight is almost unreal.

    Do not deceive yourself: a man really in love, if he wants, he will always get his love even from under the earth, even without any phones and the Internet. Therefore, if there is nothing terrible and hopeless with him, then the silence of the partner is the first call to the impending separation.

    If your lover does not want to communicate, does not write, does not call, ignores all your attempts to see him, then the conclusion is clear: he does not need you. And, most likely, forever. Do not waste your precious time on him, because the youth is not eternal. Look for yourself the other!

    Thank you for reading this article to the end

    Hi, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in relationship psychology, and over the years I have helped more than 10,000 girls to meet decent halves, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding in families that were on the verge of divorce.

    More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of my students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

    My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

    Hi, I am Yaroslav Samoilov, a certified psychologist and an expert in Men and Women relationships since 2014. I teach women to understand male psychology/build harmonious relationships and become happier – for this I founded this blog and educational online courses, which have been taken by more than 50,000+ female participants.

    If you’re interested to know how I became a psychologist – click on the link/read and subscribe to my social networks.

    Why a married lover grew cold and what to do now

    Women really care about attention and love from a man, and when they feel a chill in a relationship, they can’t sit still. What to do if the lover has grown cold and on what signs can you notice it? It all starts with little things, and at this point the situation can still be corrected.

    Signs that the lover has grown cold

    At first, changes in behavior do not catch the eye, they can be explained by the lack of time. But if at this point you show initiative, the fire will return to the relationship.

    The main signs of the onset of “coolness” in the relationship:

    1. Compliments are gone . Previously, the gentleman constantly made compliments, showed signs of attention, and then suddenly stopped. His eyes are no longer burning admiration, at meetings is mundane talk, not noticing changes in appearance. This means that interest is fading, relationships are becoming ordinary, and mistresses are not made for the sake of routine.
    2. Behavior has changed. Gone tenderness and caress, he less often hugs, kisses, touches during meetings. Even the tone of his voice may change, become more cold and businesslike, his warm tones disappear.
    3. There are reproaches and dissatisfactions. At first it may be minor things – the girl spends too long in front of the mirror, she was delayed for 5 minutes, she did not like the fragrance of perfume, etc. Irritation appears because of any trifle, out of which a quarrel arises. Perhaps he himself feels that he is losing interest, and such nagging is trying to find what is broken in the relationship.
    4. Cancellation of meetings. Lovers always find it difficult to find time to date, but experiencing the attraction, the man will go to any tricks to see the beloved. You can postpone things, do the job faster, come up with excuses or excuse yourself to a “friend”. Now the excuses listen to no longer his wife, but his mistress – I have things to do, tired, busy, next week for sure you can.
    5. Less often calls or is silent at all . Usually the lover called, texted, contacted in other ways to keep in touch at a distance. But when feelings fade, he no longer wastes time on meaningless conversations. A call to make a rare appointment is enough. And in some cases, he may even disappear. However, situations are different, so it will be useful to read the article “why a lover does not call and whether to call first”.
    6. Separates rest from love . The man stopped sharing details about his life, work, about the past day. No joint activities, recreation, only short meetings for bedtime pleasures remain.

    If you notice the symptoms at the initial stage, sometimes the simplest ways can help. If your lover chilled because of the monotony, win him again – change his image, try a nurse costume or repaint your hair. Offer to experiment in bed to remind him what he meets you for.

    Reasons why a man loses interest

    You can resuscitate the relationship only if you find a reason why her lover became cold. From an empty place it could not happen, so something has affected his feelings. We will have to remember and analyze your last meetings and conversations.

    Problems in a relationship

    The most common problems in the relationship of lovers are the following:

    • Frequent quarrels – in an affair on the side a man is looking for ease and joy, so that scandals, clarification of relations, any demands and constant rifts he does not need.
    • Unresolved grudges – if he thinks you are guilty of some wrongdoing, the absence of apologies can hurt his self-esteem.
    • Boredom, routine – in family life a man has enough monotony, predictability and quiet evenings. A mistress should give an explosion of emotions, fuel his self-esteem, arrange a mini-fest in his gray life or an explosion of adrenaline. Depends on how your relationship is developing and what you agreed on. He’s already got a wifey with whom you can spend a quiet evening alone, why else would he need another? Give him the emotions he comes for!
    • Lack of sex – if the mistress often refuses intimacy (tired, no mood, periods, etc.), he can reevaluate the relationship. If the couple was created mainly to solve bed problems, the man may think about finding a more compliant companion.
    • Threat to the family – the cheating husband is very concerned about the safety of his secret. Therefore, at the slightest hint that the mistress plans to repel him, he interrupts all communication. With a competent approach, you will be able to steal your lover from the family, but at the same time he should not find out about your plans. Direct speeches, demands, blackmail, threats to tell your wife everything or “accidentally” forgotten lipstick in the car put your romance at risk.
    • Incompatibility . At the beginning of the affair, few people look at this, and it is not detectable at the stage of flirting. But later it may turn out that the mistress has a heavy character, she is boring, too intrusive or different temperaments in bed.
    • Feelings fade – sometimes there is a spontaneous passion that drives the man crazy. But emotions are a very unpredictable thing, and soon they can just as suddenly fade away. Sometimes they can be awakened by changes in appearance, experiments in bed, sweet speeches and other tricks.

    In this situation, a woman should not blame herself only for what is happening. Think about his words, actions, excuses, and changes in behavior. Perhaps somewhere slipped a hint of what he was no longer happy in the relationship.

    A Short Term Affair

    It’s one thing if feelings began to fade in a long-term relationship, but it’s quite another to have a chill at the beginning of an affair. If a man suddenly went cold after a few meetings, the following is likely the problem:

    1. A quick rapprochement . People feel a lot in common with each other and feelings develop in the background. But the more and more often they communicate, the more differences are discovered. The image of the ideal person originally created is shattered when these traits become apparent, and interest fades. To maintain this relationship, you need to see each other less often to have time to miss each other. And don’t dig into the differences so as not to widen the gap between you.
    2. Easy accessibility . Women may be surprised by this point, because the cheater often starts an affair just for the sake of sex. But men don’t take available ladies seriously, considering them too easy prey. In a long-term relationship should be something more than just a bedtime pleasure. So don’t immediately agree to an offer of intimacy, hook him up with something else to get him attached.

    The problem is not you

    Sometimes a woman can make up a problem where there is no problem. A man’s life is not limited to a relationship, and there can be many situations where he is forced to distance himself from his mistress.

    • Wife interference – when she begins to suspect her husband of cheating, he may remove himself from the mistress until his wife’s vigilance subsides.
    • Children – every child needs the attention of the father. Sometimes he needs it more than usual – he is sick, he has problems at school, he needs to be taken to competitions, etc. Then the priorities change and the man can forget about the mistress for a while.
    • Illness of a loved one – parents, sisters, brothers, relatives or friends. Worries about health, trips to the hospital, helping the family and other worries can completely captivate a man. In grief, he may simply forget about his beloved or simply reduce the number of meetings.
    • Family matters . A very broad topic: from moving to major repairs, which absorbs all the time. A wife’s pregnancy and childbirth can take a lot of time to go to the hospital or babysit an older child. A man may not tell his mistress about such a delicate situation, which is why his disappearance is so frightening.
    • New project or overtime work . A workaholic or the owner of his own firm can go headlong into work matters, forgetting both about the family and the affair on the side.
    • Moving on to your dreams . When there is a good chance to achieve a goal, all your energy and attention is focused on it. You shouldn’t pass up this opportunity, even if it takes up all your free time.

    In addition to this in life there may be many different mishaps and situations where there is no time for anything. In such a situation, the first thing to cut off unnecessary matters, which can include an affair on the side.

    How to react to coldness in a relationship

    The first thing to note is how to react NOT: crying at the feet of a man, begging to stay, ripping off his phone, imposing on him, looking for a meeting on the street. This kind of hysterical behavior will only push your lover away from you more.

    After analyzing your last meetings, you can already guess what prompted him to behave this way. Now it remains to find out the details and act according to the situation.

    Talk to the man

    Before this you need to calm down, so as not to say too much in the heart or break down on the pleas.

    Start the conversation, not with the criticism and accusations against the man, and with a calm discussion about the situation. Invite him to share his thoughts and feelings lately, what he is not satisfied in the relationship and what he would like.

    It is important to be patient in the conversation, do not interrupt. If he accuses and criticizes you, do not be offended, and listen – he himself will suggest tactics for the return of passion.

    Change your behavior.

    After talking to your lover or analyzing your relationship, you will find a weak spot in your relationship. Now you can fix it, try to charm him and rekindle the flame of your love.

    If you want to win back your lover, you have to fix the things that do not suit him:

    • Is he offended? Apologize to him and ask for forgiveness. If necessary, explain your point of view, clarify that you did not mean to offend him.
    • Not enough or bored with sex? Introduce variety in bed games, try something new, experiment. Reject only for good reasons – illness or a doctor’s prohibition. If fatigue, periods, lack of desire, you can satisfy a man in another way. He will even be glad of this variety.
    • Tired of quarrels? Be able to stop in time, not to bring a minor disagreement into a scandal. Disagreements happen in any relationship, but if your meetings last only an hour or two, maybe you should go to a meeting? Avoid touchy subjects and actions, so as not to provoke a man again.
    • Lose emotion? Give him the right feelings! Married lover is often looking for on the side of ease, fun, unpredictability, support, admiration, and a little risk. Sometimes it’s a good idea to overplay your hand during dates to satisfy a man. Admire him, praise him for the little things, exuberantly enjoy his arrival – he will have a sense of celebration from your meetings.
    • Afraid of pressure? Leave your attempts to take him away, at least as obvious. A man does not want a mistress, arranging scandals with demands to abandon the family or to provide for her. Only mild hints can incline the cheater to the feats.

    By itself the problem can not be solved, you need specific actions. When there are feelings for the lover, it will be easier to change. If you do not want to change for the sake of this relationship, and your feelings have cooled down, you should think about ending the affair.

    Support him.

    Sometimes it’s not the woman who is the problem. A man may pull away from his mistress if he has serious problems in his life or an opportunity to achieve something. He needs understanding and support at this crucial time in his life.

    It is better to show yourself from the positive side, showing attentiveness, patience and care. The man will appreciate these qualities. The next time such difficulties arise, he will not be alienated from you.

    In such a situation, the woman has little to do. You just have to wait for the end of a difficult period, when everything will be as before. The main thing at this time, do not make any claims, do not call, do not demand special attention. After all, in a critical situation, he can break up the relationship definitively, so you certainly have not distracted him.

    What to do with a lover: advice from a psychologist

    Irina (27 years old): “We have been dating my lover for over a year, we were fine with everything. But lately I noticed that he became cold to me. He meets me less and less often, constantly excuses himself and is aloof when we are together. What can I do to get his interest back? I do not want to lose him.

    Such stories can be found hundreds. Nuances change, but the essence remains – after a long affair mistress feels that she is losing her man.

    Psychologists say that there are a lot of features in the novel between lovers, so that the usual advice to restore the relationship is not suitable. It is necessary to look at the very beginning and push back from the past:

    • how the relationship came about;
    • who initiated it;
    • what it was based on;
    • what the couple has in common;
    • What emotions did the partners receive;
    • how they spent time together.

    Shake that began to fade, and feelings will play with new colors.

    If time to notice that the lover became cold, you can fix the situation in the beginning. Change the behavior, add spice, give him the right emotions. Focus on the needs of your man and what exactly you have in common, then it will be easier to reconnect.

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