What to do when the guy offended: the recommendations of psychologists
Many girls do not know what to do if a guy is offended. Some ladies begin to show character, others panic, and some become gloomy and go into themselves. In order not to spoil relations with your chosen one, you need to react to the manifestation of insult and stop the conflict in time. Advice from psychologists will not be confused in a difficult situation and strengthen your feelings with your loved one.
10 signs that the guy is offended
Offended man does not behave like a girl: he tries not to demonstrate his worries and does not come into contact.
The psychology of guys is such that after a quarrel with your beloved, they are afraid to say too much. Because of this they prefer to stop communicating.
Psychologists have identified 10 signs that accurately tell women that the guy is going through a difficult period for himself:
- When talking, answers briefly and coldly;
- refuses to rest together;
- begins to disappear;
- out of his mouth fly mockery, insults and rude statements;
- refuses to share the news;
- does not devote his beloved to his plans;
- does not respond to SMS and social networking messages;
- does not show tenderness toward the lady: does not kiss, hug, refuses to have sex;
- tends to loneliness most of the time;
- does things out of spite that his partner does not like;
- stops laughing at jokes.
Guys try to fight resentment alone and are ready to return to their beloved when the heartache subsides. But girls don’t need to sit on the sidelines. Women’s initiative can improve the emotional state of a moody young man.
What to do so that he stops being offended
When the beloved man is offended, the girls throw up their hands, because they do not know how to improve the situation. To return mutual understanding, harmony and peace in the relationship, it is necessary to correct the situation. Psychologists advise to start from the reaction of the guy to the offense.
In the case of complete ignoring
Each person reacts differently to stress. Some prefer to resolve the conflict immediately, others – close in themselves.
If a man is offended and ignores the woman he loves, then you should not rush to apologize to him. The guy needs to calm down and make sense of the event that occurred. In order for the anger to subside, you do not need to bother the young man for 2-3 days. After that you should have a frank conversation with the man. To have a calm and fruitful conversation, you should consider these tips:
- You should not write a text message or call the guy at work.
- During the conversation you need to speak calmly, choose your words.
- Think not only about your own worries, but also about the emotional state of your loved one. Don’t be offended by the guy in return and don’t make claims.
- Do not let yourself be ignored. It is worth telling the guy that his silence is unpleasant and painful, this is not the way to deal with dear people.
If the young man after trying to get closer still does not talk, then you need to think about whether it is worth continuing such a relationship.
If you do not respond to messages
Girls quickly get used to pleasant messages from a young man. But during offenses, the flow of regular good morning wishes can stop.
If a guy is offended and doesn’t text or write messages on social networks, you need to make contact according to the following scheme:
- Do not panic. The man may not have seen the message or may not have the money on his phone balance to respond.
- If the delivery report confirms that the letter was read, you should wait patiently for a response. You shouldn’t text more over nothing. Obsessive behavior of the girl will cause the opposite effect. The man will lose the desire to respond.
- There is no need to call the guy to express everything over the phone. Young people do not like to clarify relationships in this format. A woman’s tantrum will aggravate the situation – the guy can block the lady’s contacts. It is better to choose the time and discuss everything frankly at the meeting. Go to the guy should be in a calm frame of mind.
You should analyze your own behavior lately. This will allow you to find out the reason for the offense, and it will also be an excellent reason to think about the future correction of the situation that caused two loving hearts to quarrel.
When there are no obvious reasons
If a girl does not understand what could offend a man, then it is not recommended to engage in self-digging, trying to conduct an analysis of small actions. It is necessary to deal not with the search for the causes of the mood of a sullen loved one, but the goals that he pursues.
Make an offended look, ignore the partner, disrespectful to her guy can in order to break up the relationship. Cowardly men are not ready to take responsibility and initiate the breakup. They are more comfortable positioning themselves as the victim and waiting for the chance to blame the whole woman. The task of the girl – to decide whether to try to establish communication.
If it’s a matter of temperament
In society, there is a stereotype that it is mostly women who suffer from resentment. But psychologists say that men are offended no less than the ladies. The culprit is the melancholic temperament with which the young man is born. Such a man is characterized by the following traits:
- low self-esteem;
- excessive self-criticism;
If the girl will not find a way to counteract the endless resentment of the guy, she will turn into a puppet with a constant sense of guilt, which indulges all the weaknesses of her beloved.
If you were offended by the guy, you should heed the following advice from psychologists:
- At the next insult, take the young man out for a frank conversation. It is important not to allow a man to express his dissatisfaction. It is necessary to work together to analyze the offending lover. The conversation can begin with the words: “It hurts me that you hurt me almost every day. Let’s talk about it.”
- During the conversation, be sure to set boundaries. The girl needs to let the guy know that she is ready to apologize for what she is guilty of. But constantly asking forgiveness for invented transgressions is not allowed. Be sure to tell the man about your tender feelings for him during the conversation. So he will be able to understand that this conversation was started to improve the relationship, and not to impose new rules.
- When the man will come into contact, you should have a calm conversation. In the future, the guy will not be afraid of confidential conversations, and the established trust will quench his resentment.
In order to avoid future offenses, you can ask your partner not to shut himself off, and immediately express his displeasure.
If the man is of Caucasian nationality, for example, the Georgian, he may offend because of his own pride. In this case, you can not belittle your partner, and during the request for forgiveness should become a meek and gentle woman.
When a girl is very guilty
If a girl has hurt a guy badly, the first thing to do is to give him time to calm down. During this period it is better not to annoy the man with calls and messages. Pressure from the lady will only aggravate the situation.
When the young man starts to come into contact, the task of the woman is to surround him with love, care and tenderness. Be sure to apologize for your behavior or hurtful words. If the guy is at a distance, he needs to call and say “I’m sorry” out loud, not in correspondence.
The man may not forgive the first time. You don’t have to put your hands down. Then he needs more time to get his thoughts in order. But if the second time the girl faces rejection, you will have to accept the situation. Apparently, the offense was so strong that after it there is no desire to continue the relationship.
If there is a clear manipulation.
Offence – a great weapon in the arsenal of male manipulator. If the guy is looking for any excuse to accuse the girl of insults or humiliation, then she is in a relationship with an abuser.
You should not indulge the desires of a psychological abuser, otherwise there is a great risk of a guilt complex, insecurity. To resist the manipulator, you need to be critical of his insults. You should always ask yourself the question: “Am I really to blame or does the chosen one have no reason to be offended?”.
You shouldn’t try to fix the abuser – it won’t work. The manipulator takes pleasure in a woman’s suffering. The sooner she breaks up with such a person, the better.
How to get along with a vulnerable partner
Vulnerable man – a difficult man. Not every person can get along with him. But if the love for the guy is stronger than difficulties, then create a strong and happy union on the same territory will help the following proven tips:
- Vulnerable guys like to be pitied. A girl needs to become a “vest” for her husband, in which he can always cry.
- To get along with a resentful man, you need to forget about physical force. No rolling, even in jest, otherwise the vulnerable partner can forever harbor a grudge.
- A calm temper and a balanced voice should be a woman’s best friend. Shouting will not help to create a strong relationship, it will simply destroy all previous efforts.
- In conflict situations, the lady should be unappreciative. Transitions to personalities will aggravate her husband’s resentfulness.
- If a man jokes, a woman should listen carefully and laugh out loud, no matter how “flat” humor appears in the conversation. The guy is trying to be funny, so there is no need to deprive him of the hope of sparkling humor.
- Respect is the key to a long and happy marriage. It is necessary to encourage in the spouse the qualities that caused his marriage proposal to be accepted.
In a relationship with a vulnerable guy, a woman needs to act not only as a wife, but also as a mother, to be willing to forgive any act of her adult child and a goldfish that fulfills wishes.
There is no way to change such a man. If a girl is not ready to be a real locomotive in the family all her life, it is better to choose another man for the relationship.
A few words about mistakes
In relationships with guys, girls often make mistakes that lead to conflicts and resentment. To exclude the emergence of unpleasant situations, you need to carefully examine the main reasons that make men withdraw. Psychologists distinguish 9 triggers:
- If during sex with a partner you did not manage to experience an orgasm, you should not directly declare it to the guy. Young men react painfully to such intimate statements.
- It is believed that courtship is appreciated only by ladies. But this is wrong. If a man does not get proper attention from his beloved, he begins to think about the lack of feelings for himself and get offended.
- Men are offended by unflattering statements of girls to friends and relatives. If you often insult people dear to the guy, then it will lead to conflicts in the relationship.
- Guys are offended by the jealousy of the beloved. Constant complaints and reproaches from the beloved sooner or later will lead to the collapse of the relationship. Men do not like to communicate with a nagging woman.
- The desire of the partner to change the man causes not only feelings of anger, but also resentment. The guy begins to wonder why this woman is with him if she does not like everything.
- Disrespect for the young man’s hobbies leads to misunderstandings in the couple.
- Men are offended by lies on the part of the lover. This behavior of the girl humiliates the guy. Over time, he stops trusting her.
- Communication of the chosen woman with a former man is perceived as a blow below the belt. Even if the guy says that it is nothing, he may keep silent for this reason.
- Infidelity beloved can cause a man a severe emotional wound. After such a deed not everyone is offended. If a woman is not ready to lose her lover, it is better to remain faithful to him.
Although a man is considered a member of the stronger sex, he, like a girl, may be offended. To avoid such situations, it is better to be attentive to a loved one and respect his feelings.
Specialist in personal development and family relationships, practicing psychologist. Work experience of over 15 years.
Romance of the first meetings quickly passes when the couple legitimizes their relationship. After that, many lovers
Offended man: the causes and rules of conduct with him
In relationships, unpleasant situations can arise when one of the couple is offended. Communication during this period is very difficult or stops altogether. Naturally, such a tense atmosphere wants to change as soon as possible and return relations to normal. What to do if the offended guy stopped communicating? How to understand why a man behaves so?
The causes of male offence
It is believed that women are more susceptible to emotions, and therefore, much more often offended. But these feelings are inherent not only in the beautiful half of humanity. Men also can and have the right to express their grievances or to show by their behavior that they did not like something.
Someone expresses his emotions openly. Some people make scandals or organize a boycott. And someone, on the contrary, withdraws into itself and practically stops communicating with the offender or offendress. In any case, for both partners such situations are very unpleasant, because under attack put relations.
To understand how to return understanding and improve the atmosphere in a couple, consider the most common causes of male offenses.
- Offend the guy may be any rude and insensitive comments from the partner about his intimate life. Most men are very painful and sensitive to harsh criticism on this issue. If this criticism is also biased, the situation may in a short time and come to the breakdown of relations.
- Resentment against women can arise in the case, if the partner does not get enough attention from her. Of course, the flagship courtship is traditionally considered the representatives of the stronger sex. But they also need to receive confirmation of his beloved’s feelings.
- Sometimes girls and women allow themselves to openly criticize and insult their boyfriend’s loved ones or relatives. This is very unpleasant for anyone. If this happens regularly, it can lead not only to resentment, but also to serious conflict. The man will have to defend his relatives and friends from your attacks.
An acute problem for couples is the relationship with their partner’s parents. It is not uncommon that the lover did not please the boyfriend’s mother in some way. Attacks of the girlfriend on the native person will greatly hurt the man.
- Excessive jealousy and distrust of the girl could ruin the relationship as a couple. Fending off unfounded reproaches and accusations is very tiring and humiliating. Constant tension, openly controlling every step has a very negative impact on both partners. And if a girl is too persistent and fanatical about finding deception and lies, she is likely to “find” it, convincing herself of the dishonesty of her chosen one. And baseless accusations can’t help but offend. They hurt the man very badly.
- Excessive possessiveness of the woman in relation to her partner makes him a “prisoner” of the relationship. Attempts to control and manage every step is bound to cause resistance and lead to further misunderstanding.
- Everyone has hobbies, pastimes and simply a preferred pastime. In a couple it is important to respect each other’s interests. If a woman absolutely does not accept the hobbies of his man or even prohibits him to spend his free time at his discretion, then there is nothing surprising that it will cause a backlash.
- There are just very sensitive and fragile natures. Perhaps your boyfriend is just one of these. These people are very easy to hurt, they are mistrustful and long experience failures. Have to deal with such a person is sometimes not easy, you have to weigh up every word and calculate almost every step.
- Exaggerated expectations of the guy to the lover, personal fantasies can sometimes provoke him inexplicable resentment. Men often create in their minds a kind of “image of the princess” and expect the chosen one to match their ideal. When a girl does something “wrong”, the partner, seeing inconsistency with the desired, feels frustration and resentment.
- Infidelity loved one really hurts and brings pain. Here we are talking not just a feeling of resentment, but a serious mental trauma. Many men never forgive the insults associated with betrayal.
- Insincerity beloved woman, a systematic deception leave a very negative impression. Intentional lying humiliates and offends a man, in the end he stops trusting his soulmate.
How does it behave?
Most members of the stronger sex experience resentment somewhat differently than girls. The latter are much more prone to emotional outbursts and demonstration of their claims.
Men, on the other hand, often withdraw into themselves. A guy can suddenly become very dry and brief in his communication. Sometimes a man stops contacting altogether temporarily: he stops calling, writing messages, and making appointments.
Due to the fact that negative emotions are kept to themselves, a man’s offense can last much longer than a woman’s.
Some men are just afraid to burst out and say too much. Therefore they deliberately try to distance themselves from communication and contacts at the time of acute experience, and even after the relationship to clarify as calmly as possible.
Of course, it is impossible to outline a universal model of a man’s behavior in a situation where he has been severely offended. Everything depends on the specific circumstances and characteristics of the character and personality of the man himself.
Men’s offense to women for minor reasons can run, so to speak, “asymptomatically”, that is, without external manifestations. Strong men are able to tame their emotions and forgive your loved one minor blunders, accept its habits and behaviors. But, of course, this does not mean that this should be used and test the patience of the partner on purpose.
What should a girl do?
If you are sure that the man offended you, try to find out the reason. If your partner is not in touch, analyze your relationship over the past few days. Seriously think about what your action or words could hurt him? Sincere apology, confession of wrongdoing and a heart-to-heart talk will certainly fix the situation as a couple.
- If the man is not ready to go into contact and talk, do not insist and do not rush him, give him time to “cool down” and relive their feelings.
- Sometimes a person in a difficult situation for him to be alone for a while. If the offended man asks you to do this, do not resist.
- You can make the first steps with an apology, writing your loved one a note or e-mail. But then be sure to follow a sincere personal conversation.
- If the guy is very hurt and broke off contact with you, you can try to make up through his friends or relatives. Talk to someone he trusts and ask him to convey your apologies.
- Act naturally, don’t try on roles that aren’t appropriate for you right away. This will look like you are faking it or making fun of your partner.
- Apologizing, act calmly. Do not throw back accusations and do not try to hurt the guy in return.
The best remedy for the offense is the mutual respect for each other, sincere feelings and acceptance of the partner. Unpleasant situations and conflicts are better to prevent and minimize the likelihood of their occurrence.
In your couple, try to adhere to the following tips from the psychology of relationships.