Why does the girl does not want to communicate and what to do?
I have over seven years in journalism. Half of them as an editor. My weakness – to conduct mini-surveys on new topics.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For eight years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.
What to do if a girl does not want to communicate with a man? On this question, there is no single answer. After all, situations are different and each needs an individual approach. Even if you think that everything you had a good – it may be for you a big mistake.
Reasons for the termination of communication with the man
Offense. Perhaps you just hurt her something and did not notice it yourself. After all, for a woman everything is important:
- Any carelessly said word;
- Actions that seemed wrong or inconsistent with her first impression of you;
- Inaction in a difficult situation when you need to be decisive;
- Insufficient attention to the girl.
Serious quarrel. When a man switches to personalities in the course of an argument, it does not make him look good at all. Yes, it may be said in a fit of aggression. But the girl does not care, because the words were spoken and you can not shove them back. So you should even emotionally watch your tongue and not say something that could forever destroy your relationship.
Manipulation. In this matter, many women are just pros. They are so skillful at the skill called “ignoring” that you could not even dream. And even experienced males are not always able to unravel the whole genius plan girl.
She may not get enough attention, or she wants to get a certain thing as a gift. It can also be just out of boredom – to diversify your relationship, so to speak. And if everything else in it suits you, which I suggest you just put up with or learn to play her game (which is much more profitable for both of you).
She suspects you of cheating. It happens too – that the girl doesn’t want to look into it, was – wasn’t, she just goes into complete ignorance. Blocked any means of communication with her (phone, social networks, email, friends). The main thing here is to understand what exactly made her think that way and try to fix the situation.
She realized that you’re not her man, she doesn’t want to build a relationship with you, but due to some of her individual psychological traits she can’t (or doesn’t want to) tell you this directly. That’s when she simply cuts off any contact, believing that you will figure it out on your own.
Her attention is attracted to another man. In the first phase of the relationship, when a man is winning a woman he will of course be superior to the one with whom this period is already over. It’s simple, she gets more attention from him (gifts, surprises), but she forgets the main thing. Then everything will be the same as with everyone else.
If the relationship with such a girl is not too far gone, and you don’t consider mere communication with other men as cheating, then you can take a little pause. After a while she will realize that she was wrong and she will resume the communication. Perhaps they will even take it to the next level without your efforts.
How to make contact and resume the relationship
If you want to return the favor of a girl, but do not know what to do, read the following advice
- You need to analyze the situation and understand the main reason for not communicating with you. After all, if it’s a small “screw-up”, everything is fixable, but if it’s a big one (for example, real cheating), then it’s not good.
- Then you should remember how she usually reacts to quarrels or misunderstandings, how pliable she is and how long she remembers the actions in her direction. This is necessary in order to withstand some time and not to bother her with your calls for nothing (because it can only further alienate). All of us after conflict situations need to “cool down”.
If the girl is very hurt and does not want to even look in your direction, you need to win her gradually and without personal involvement. Worth sending her flowers by courier several times a week (if there is no money for courier delivery, you can always ask a friend) or give her tickets to a concert (movies, theater) – let her go with a friend. Do other nice things for her.
Then the positive emotions she is experiencing will be associated with your name and the process of rapprochement will go faster in the future.
If you have sinned very strongly and the girl ignores you for a long time and does not get in touch, then there is only one option – to understand that everything is over and not to terrorize her needlessly, ravaging your and her nervous system.
What a guy has to do if a girl categorically does not want to communicate
Sometimes men do not know what to do if a girl for some reason does not want to communicate. She does not come to the phone, ignores messages in social networks, avoids meetings and does not explain her strange behavior in any way. Guys begin to show reciprocal indifference or try to return the favor of his chosen one by all means. Both methods can cause harm if you do not understand the situation.
Is it worth worrying about it right away?
Psychologists name three options when a girl does not want to communicate anymore. It is necessary to act depending on the specific case:
- Ignoring began immediately after acquaintance. The lady gave her phone number, but does not pick up.
- The silence came after the first date, which the guy may have thought was successful. Women draw conclusions based on a different grading scale, so opinions about a romantic encounter can differ dramatically.
- The couple had a long relationship, but after a quarrel or a difficult situation, the beloved does not want to talk.
The first two options speak of the girl’s indifference. You can try to fix something, but surely the lady has already made up her mind. Psychologists advise to stop in time and not to pursue her. It is likely that she does not know how to softly and correctly refuse, so she chose silence as the only way to get rid of an unsuitable candidate. When ignoring during a long-term relationship, the guy himself will be able to figure out from what point the communication stopped.
Possible reasons for the woman’s silence
Alien soul is darkness, and the inner world of the beloved in general is difficult to comprehend. If she categorically do not want to talk, just ask about the motives for behavior will not work. Have to analyze their own words and actions over the past few days of communication. Women tend to exaggerate what is happening, letting everything go through the prism of emotions. Sometimes their hopes or dreams do not come true, so they decide to play the silent game. Psychologists have listed the main reasons for ignoring, and guys are left to compare the suggested options with their own situation.
Everyone has moments when a carelessly spoken word can cause a major scandal. Your beloved does not want to communicate with you during this period in order not to quarrel. Mood swings are caused by hormonal fluctuations during the menstrual cycle – on such days a woman can get into her head anything. The difficult period is better to wait it out, so as not to aggravate the situation.
In a trusting relationship, the girl talks about difficulties in her studies or conflicts in the family. She can stop communicating if the chosen one did not show attention to the problem – and now the beloved is busy solving it independently. It is not necessary to make hasty conclusions, because there are troubles that are difficult to voice even to a close person. If, in the woman’s opinion, the man can not help, she will not overload him with unnecessary information.
She is offended.
To begin with, psychologists recommend analyzing your own behavior. It is desirable to remember the specific moment when the silence occurred. The list of reasons for resentment is impressive, but psychologists have highlighted common ones:
- The guy forgot to fulfill a promise or ignored the request of his beloved.
- The favorite pays less attention to the woman.
- The man missed an important date in the relationship.
Girls mistakenly think that guys understand hints, so they expect concrete actions from them. A cavalier could listen all evening to what earrings the lady saw in the store, but never understand that she is dreaming of a jewelry gift.
Not being able to read the veiled information can lead to a woman being offended and not wanting to talk anymore.
The reason for suspicion becomes a slight flirtation of a man or a compliment to another girl. It is useful to remember if there was a similar situation the day before. Women do not necessarily need to receive proof of infidelity – one word or a glance from the chosen one is enough. Sometimes jealousy is exaggerated without any real basis. The guy wonders why she ignores me, if I have done nothing wrong. And the reason lies in an innocuous dialogue with an acquaintance he met in the supermarket.
Communication helps the couple get to know each other better – and at some point, the lady may draw conclusions not in favor of the guy. If a man in the beginning of acquaintance tried on other people’s masks or pretended to be someone else, over time, the true qualities and character are sure to emerge. Women can read information on a non-verbal and emotional level, so they quickly recognize the lie – and put the cheater on the ignore list.
Decided to test
Silence is often used to test a chosen one. A woman pretends she doesn’t want to communicate – and watches the man’s behavior. She watches exactly how the beau will seek her affection and how eager he is to be with her. The tactic speaks of the narcissism and selfishness of the date, because in relation to the guy it is not the best and most delicate behavior. Either the qualities were instilled in the girl in the family – and it is impossible to change them, or one of the girlfriends advised the chosen one to conduct a silent test.
Girls live by hints. Instead of voicing a request, they resort to a lot of tricks. If there was an incomprehensible gentleman, the young lady blows her lips and keeps a vow of silence. To get what he wants, ignoring – the most proven and effective tactic, according to women. A man is willing to go to any lengths to get back in touch with his beloved girl. He will agree to demands, to give in order to his chosen one again to talk to him.
How to find out the reason for the girl’s discontent
The surest way to find out why your chosen one is playing silence is a direct question. If there is no possibility to talk in person or on the phone, you should send a message or an email. There psychologists advise to express their concerns and ask to meet. And what is important is how to do it. Thoughts are set out in the following order:
For example: “After our last meeting, you don’t talk to me, you don’t make contact. Your silence hurts me. Maybe I was wrong about something – tell me where I was wrong. Very worried about you and our relationship, I want to meet in person and talk.
You can talk to her friends or mutual friends – the immediate surroundings are usually aware of what’s going on. If you remember from when it began ignoring, it is not difficult to determine the starting point in the form of a problem. Psychologists advise to analyze the last 2 weeks, as the negativity in the chosen one could be collected – and some event was the last straw.
10 ways to make amends
In some cases, actions speak more eloquently than words. It is necessary not to think, but to act:
- Apologize in person. Sincere remorse helps repair and mend relationships.
- A love note. If it is not possible to meet, and the girl avoids personal contact, you can apologize in writing. The note should be written on beautiful paper and passed on through friends.
- Serenade. This method takes into account the musical talents of the suitor. If the voice and hearing are far from ideal parameters, you should order a song on the air of a radio station. It will be necessary to select the optimal length of time for the chosen one to hear the message.
- A romantic meeting in a cafe. Any guy will find something to say to his young lady, even if she is not in the mood to communicate. It is necessary to prepare a carefully prepared speech – and through friends to invite your girlfriend in a cafe. You can cheat – let her friend invite her to lunch or dinner, and the gentleman goes over to the table already sitting at the table of friends. It is unlikely the girl will want to make a public scene or scandal.
- Apologize on social media. Not every guy will dare to publicly ask for forgiveness on his page, but in this case the chances that his chosen one will learn about it. Even if she does not go to the account of the suitor, her friends will report the news.
- Video. It is not necessary to apologize personally – you can involve other people in the process. If everyone says a few words in defense of the guy, such a video will cause a girl’s emotion.
- Surprise. Chocolate, candy, flowers, soft toys – the gift should be chosen based on personal preferences beloved. You can put a surprise in her purse, under the door or pass it through friends, attaching a note of apology to the present.
- Photo. Arrange a photo shoot, where the pictures depict sad emotions. If there are joint photos, you can make a collage of the happy moments of the relationship.
- Decorations. Diamonds are the best friends of girls, but you should do without flashy accessories. A woman should not feel that they are trying to pay her off if there is a serious problem in the relationship.
- Original ways. Write “sorry” on balloons, and leave it in a place visible to the girl. You have to think about how to win her favor, depending on the degree of guilt.
At the stage of reconciliation you should allow the chosen one to speak out – for sure she accumulated unpleasant emotions. There is no need to turn the conversation into a joke, because inappropriate humor can finally destroy the romantic connection.
Tips from the experts
When the task of finding out about her mood is done, it is important not to complicate the situation. Psychologists recommend adhering to the basic rules:
- When talking, use a guilty and serious tone. There should be no jokes, counterclaims or vulgar hints.
- If the girl does not go to contact, you need to be patient and let her know. A guy who is willing to wait until his beloved calms down gets forgiveness faster.
- It is not desirable to give up immediately. At the first failures it is useful to wait a couple of days – and then try to meet again.
- It is impossible to answer with silence, because the counter ignoring will lead to the final breakup.
Psychologists advise to correct the situation – to fulfill an unfulfilled promise or to show more attention to the chosen one.
With constant ignoring and manipulation, it is worth thinking about continuing a toxic relationship. The girl for whom the romantic connection is an excuse to control the guy will never change. In the future, the man’s life will be seriously complicated by constant nagging, caprices and silence.
Specialist in personal development and family relationships, practicing psychologist. Work experience of over 15 years.