What to do if I have a crush on a guy?

How to behave if you’re in love

Contributor(s): Cher Gopman. Cher Gopman is the founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a New York City-based dating coaching company. NYC Wingwoman matches couples, helps them meet, provides one-on-one coaching services, and organizes weekend intensive classes. Cher is a certified personality coach and former psychiatric nurse. Her work has been featured in Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1 and The New York Post.

Number of sources used in this article: 11. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Number of views of this article: 13 537.

Falling in love is both an exciting and frightening feeling. If you have fallen in love, first allow yourself to feel the full extent of the feeling. Then behave as usual in the company of the person, if you don’t want to give yourself away. Otherwise, start flirting and make the first move. It is to be hoped that you, too, are sympathetic to the object of your adoration! If your liking is not mutual, then pull yourself together and remember that there are plenty of other potential partners around.

  • During conversations, you can adopt the tone and pitch of your voice, as well as certain words. For example, you can also respond with sarcasm to sarcasm, or adjust the volume of your voice to your interlocutor.
  • Such actions should be natural and non-obvious. You don’t have to repeat every step. Just adopt the body language in general, otherwise the person will suspect something wrong.

  • There is no need to be rude or hurtful to the person in an attempt to hide your feelings. For example, joking or teasing the person harmlessly is fine, but you don’t need to say, “I think you gained a few pounds over the holidays!” if the person is embarrassed about their weight.
  • If you find it difficult to act normal or you get very anxious in the person’s presence, try to take a few deep breaths and exhales before you start talking. Focus on how the air passes through your nose and into your lungs.

  • If you are in the same class, there is still a way out. For example, sit at another desk or ask a classmate to do lab work with you.
  • Your attempt to distance yourself should not be obvious. For example, if the person is walking towards you, you don’t need to run away. Smile politely and keep walking.

  • This way you’ll not only be able to distract yourself, but you’ll also spend time on self-development!
  • If you keep checking your phone even when you’re out with friends, put it on “Do Not Disturb” mode so you don’t get alerts for social media messages.

  • Only you can see your diary, so don’t withhold anything! Write whatever comes to mind.
  • You can also create a text document on your computer or take notes on your smartphone.
  • Take notes at will or as needed. You can set specific times or write in moments of inspiration. For example, write down your thoughts after random meetings.

  • For example, start a conversation by saying, “I need to tell you something important, but promise not to tell anyone, not even your other friends, okay? It’s very personal.”
  • Choose a private place for the conversation, like your bedroom, so no one can overhear you.
  • Don’t tell your friends about your crush if you don’t trust them or if they can’t keep a secret. Your decision should be a wise and balanced one.
  • If you’re worried about your friends blabbing, it’s better to talk to your parents, sister or brother. They might even help you with practical advice.

  • As strange as it may sound, schedule time to think about the person so that fantasies don’t consume you. For example, set a timer for 20 minutes before you go to bed. After 20 minutes, start thinking about something else.

  • “Flaws” can be any aspect that prevents you from calling the choice perfect, even if it’s just a minor quibble. For example, a guy is the same height as you, but you like taller guys.

Tip: Keep your list in a safe place. The list on paper can be put in a desk drawer or hidden in a diary. On your phone, you can use an app with a password.

  • Better yet, ask, “If you could turn into any animal, which one would you choose?” – Instead of, “Would you like to be a cat?” – and, “What do you think of the home reading book?” – instead of, “Do you like this book?”
  • The questions should be appropriate. If you ask too many, the conversation will feel like an interrogation. Choose questions that are relevant to the topic of the conversation.
  • For example, if the person said they like pizza, you might ask, “What’s your favorite topping?” rather than jumping to a question about a favorite song.

  • Don’t be sad if the hints don’t get the job done. That’s the thing about hints: they’re not always obvious.
  • If the person hints about the possibility of a meeting, take the initiative.

  • If the person is busy that day, suggest another time. It’s also important to understand if he’s hinting to you that he doesn’t want a meeting. For example, if you offer to go bowling on Friday, but the person is busy, ask, “What about next weekend?” If he turns out to be busy again, just say, “Okay, then tell me yourself when you have some free time!”

How to Choose an Activity for a Date

If you both like sports, suggest going for a run after school or attending a handball game.

If you’re worried you won’t have much to talk about, go to a movie. This way you don’t have to look for topics to fill awkward pauses.

If you want to get to know each other, then offer to have dinner or coffee so you have a chance to talk one-on-one.

If you like the competitive spirit, then suggest a game of bowling, paintball or billiards.

What to do if you have fallen in love with a guy: the symptoms of love and expert advice

If you have fallen in love with a guy, then it is important to accept this and calm down, and then think about what to do with your love. Even a non-reciprocal feeling can be beneficial. Love hormones make a person more energetic, courageous and purposeful. People in love have created masterpieces and conquered peaks that seemed impregnable.

Symptoms of falling in love in girls

It seems to a girl that she was lucky to meet a prince. But sympathy can be confused with falling in love. A guy is just cute to a girl if:

  1. The beauty, hairstyle and clothing style of the chosen one is most admired.
  2. There are several attractive qualities in him.
  3. The girl tries to be close to the object of adoration, thinks a lot about him, and after a few weeks does not pay attention to the one who drove her crazy. A new handsome man appears, and the girl switches to him.

If the feelings do not go away after months or years, then it is love. Peculiarities of such a state:

  1. The girl wants to approach, but is afraid.
  2. When a guy’s name is called, the person in love smiles, embarrassed. People around her may notice before she does that she is in love.
  3. Unreasonably good mood, wants to help everyone. Irritating things are not noticed.
  4. Jealousy arises as soon as she speaks to her beloved.
  5. All thoughts only about your beloved (they appear even in dreams).
  6. A desire to look better and dress more smartly arises. Images are carefully chosen to be noticed by the lover.
  7. The lover spends a lot of time learning about the interests and character of the chosen one.
  8. The guy seems perfect, even if he does not behave perfectly.

What to do when feelings arise

When strongly in love, you want to see only the chosen one. But not to ruin your fate, you have to be careful.

Universal memo

All lovers will come in handy universal memo. After realizing their feelings, act in stages:

  1. Humble themselves with it, allow themselves to get over it. Attempts to overcome falling in love are rarely successful. It is more effective to “get over it” and move on. The more actively one tries to forget, the more excruciating it is to love. Humility is soothing.
  2. They study love as a scientific phenomenon. A lover’s body produces hormones that create intense experiences. Thanks to phenylethylamine, a person feels emotional satisfaction and becomes more agile. Norepinephrine makes the heart rate and breathing faster, increases perspiration (if a loved one is around). Dopamine is responsible for the obsession with a person, the desire to be with him. This substance affects muscle tone, vascular activity, heart function. Endorphins are the hormones of pleasure from interaction with the guy you love. If your own happiness hormones are hardly released, because a person rarely enjoys life, then falling in love will bring suffering, because the person will be afraid to lose the only source of this substance.
  3. After calming down, one evaluates the situation rationally. Forbid yourself to run after your chosen one, because you can only scare him away. Guys are hunters, who are not interested in a submissive “prey”. Worth flirting, being mysterious and a little unapproachable.
  4. Consider the behavior of the chosen one, trying to understand him. The feeling can be mutual. In this case, the young man will behave awkwardly, act strangely. He will gladly do a favor and make jokes, just to see his beloved laughing.

If it is a classmate

If a teenage girl has fallen in love with a cute boy, you can not take the first tender feelings lightly. Age is not important. Happy is the one who recalls his first love with a quiet joy, warmth. To make your loved one reciprocate, it is worth listening to advice:

  1. He will like the activity, sociability of the girl. It is worth to participate in the life of the school and class, organize holidays and help friends. He will notice the goal-oriented cheerful girl.
  2. You can get close to a classmate, but do not pursue, do not be intrusive. It is better to share his hobbies (attend the same sections). There will be common topics and the opportunity to talk privately.
  3. It is worth to see each other in your free time (virtual meetings, city events).
  4. The lover will like grooming, femininity.
  5. Most boys with smoking and drinking girlfriends only socialize. They meet with feminine and reserved ladies.
  6. You can occasionally take the initiative (invite to go for a walk, write first). It is important not to scare away your beloved.

If he is married

A relationship with a married partner can last for years. The beloved promises to divorce, but is in no hurry to fulfill his promise and stays with two partners. He is satisfied with having a family and another sexy girlfriend. Mistress at this time lives an incomplete life, being in a state of waiting. The man comes when there is time, vacations, holidays, and weekends to spend with his wife and child.

He sees that the mistress is willing to endure, so he does not change anything. This is the psychology of most cheaters.

It is worth thinking about your own desires. It is possible to imagine the lover in detail as a legitimate spouse. It is recommended to fantasize about how he is around on a daily basis. Think about what his household habits are and think about the real character of the potential husband, because with a mistress he becomes gallant, caring and romantic, and with his wife he does not need to pretend.

It is better to determine for yourself how long you can wait for his separation from his wife. You can choose an exact date. The issue should be discussed with your beloved, avoiding quarrels and conversations in high tones. If he does not do anything, then you will have to accept his role or try to forget him. To do this, stop dating, do not engage in correspondence, work, hobbies, appearance. You can plan for the future, imagine yourself married to “your” man, who will not have to share with his family.

If he loves someone else

Thinking about what to do if you are in love, it is worth considering the consequences of interfering in someone else’s relationship. The most likely versions:

  1. The guy will take aggressively attempts to flirt with him. He will not like the cavalier behavior of the acquaintance. This can ruin the friendship with his lover or the guy will not notice the flirting.
  2. He will be able to seduce, but there will be no trust in the new couple, because the chosen one easily abandoned his ex. The thought of someone else’s ruined happiness can haunt you for a long time.

It is better to limit contacts with this couple, so all parties will be calmer. But if the forces are not enough, then you can become a friend. The connection should be sincere, unselfish. You should not imagine that gradually the guy will fall in love with his girlfriend and leave the other half. It is better to find real mutual feelings.

If it is a teacher

Often young girls call love an ordinary infatuation. Psychologists believe that this affection occurs when:

  1. The girl’s upbringing was not handled by her father (needs male support).
  2. The girl suffers from teenage complexes (does not believe in her worthiness among her peers, so she is looking for a wiser and more understanding man).
  3. She is driven by the need to assert herself (the attention of an authoritative adult is good for this).

Most often, falling in love with a teacher is due to the fact that the child is deprived of the attention of relatives. The girl should direct her feelings in a positive direction (learn the subject of her favorite teacher, try her best in classes, work additionally). You can explore other areas that the man is interested in (sports, music). Love will become a motivation for self-development. An organized, successful and athletic girl a man will definitely notice.

You can confess your feelings to the teacher, but you need to remember about the criminal responsibility for a relationship with a teenager and the possible dismissal of your beloved, the disapproval of colleagues. It is important to prepare for rejection, to accept this answer calmly and with understanding. It is not worth pursuing the object of sympathy in social networks.

If he is significantly older

There is nothing wrong with such a relationship if both of them agree on it. But when one partner thinks the relationship is forbidden, that’s the first step to ending it. If a man sees his girlfriend as a little girl, then she gives a reason to think so. It is worth working on the manner of speaking, to think about their actions. A mature man wants to be with a mature person (brave, independent, strong).

If a girl has to put on a mask of maturity, then one day the image will be destroyed. It is worth taking into account the partner’s social circle, his lifestyle. A girl can get bored of the measured rhythm and adult company. It is necessary to clarify with your beloved, what kind of connection he expects: a temporary flirtation or a serious relationship. Only by honestly finding this out, you can make a decision.

If the guy is much younger

Sometimes partners understand each other well. But often such couples face problems. To avoid them, a woman should take into account the recommendations:

  1. You should not treat your lover with condescension. This will hurt the guy’s self-esteem.
  2. It is worth wearing outfits that emphasize female attractiveness. The young man will like to realize that his chosen one is not inferior to his peers.
  3. It is better to let the guy dominate.
  4. It is important to focus on the qualities of the loved one. Youth – a temporary condition. His character, mindset and feelings are important.
  5. The age difference becomes a source of complexes and jealousy. It is better to enjoy love, and not to torment yourself with suspicions.

The object of adoration – a celebrity

Romantic feelings for actors and singers are considered a painful fanaticism. But out of this crush can be a rewarding experience. Love motivates girls to change, to develop. A lofty goal to become a “star” in the field they love emerges. Girls study the lifestyle and tastes of the idol, expanding their horizons. There are negative sides: real guys seem boring, cease to attract. It’s hard to be attracted to an ordinary person after stormy feelings for a famous singer.

You can join fan groups and fanclubs of your idol. There will be an opportunity to see him during one of the meetings. In real communication the idol may be a complete stranger.

Mistakes that could ruin everything

A girl in love will have to become more active and decisive, take every chance, but avoid mistakes. You need to keep a balance between initiative and inaccessibility, a perfect image and naturalness.

It is worth first to make friends with the beloved. See each other, communicate, but do not impose or show your feelings. Obvious signs of attention can scare away a guy. The abundance of compliments and gifts from the girl is not to the liking of all men.

You should not play the role of a perfect girl. It is better that the loved one immediately saw different facets of the girlfriend, because during the relationship a sudden change of image can disappoint the guy. It is necessary to look closely at his shortcomings. They are always there, just love prevents them from seeing.

How to act if the feelings are not reciprocal

Unrequited feeling – not a reason to resign and suffer. First we should deal with appearance and health. Tears and self-pity rarely like guys. You need to tell yourself that there is only happiness ahead, to boldly go to a happy future. From this back straighten, the eyes light up, the gait becomes easier. You need to learn to be optimistic, smile and communicate in a friendly way. Guys are attracted to a cheerful disposition, sense of humor and friendliness. It is important to show these traits in the social circle of your chosen one, and to get into it, you can learn about the man’s hobbies.

If he is a sports fan, then it is worth going to his gym. He has a pet – it’s time to get a pet. On occasion, you can talk about the guy’s hobbies, to show awareness in this area. After the first conversation you need to feed your lover’s interest.

Ungroomed and boringly dressed girls become girlfriends, not girlfriends. It is worth watching the neatness of the closet, choose stylish and charming things. The companion does not remain indifferent to external changes. He will see his girlfriend as a girl, not a sexless creature. A slight unapproachability will strengthen his feelings.

In order for love to bring happiness, you must first love yourself. A multifaceted personality with a rich life will be able to create a strong healthy union.

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