What to do if a child has temper tantrums at 3 years old?
The child of 3 years has become tantrums. How to curb a tantruming little terrorist?
The crisis of three years old is a phenomenon long known to science. But for young mothers who are facing it for the first time, the sudden transformation of their two-year-old angel into an unbearable three-year-old terrorist, as if he was just looking for a reason to throw another twenty-minute tantrum, is a real shock. And they panic and seek advice on how to end this daily nightmare.
Don’t panic . First, no one can avoid the crisis of three years, and “prematurely” it can not be interrupted. This is a period of maturation, formation and personal development, so that without it there is nothing to do, and all you can do is carefully and competently spend your child through this difficult for him, as for you, a stage so as to hit as few bumps and not to spoil relationships.
Being up to three years a simple puppet in your hands, now the child begins to acquire the first rudiments of independent thinking. This, of course, is a good thing. But the young mind chooses a somewhat sadistic way: it begins to test the limits of the permitted, stretching and loosening them as much as possible, often with considerable damage to himself. The bandit works approximately according to the following scheme: 1. Demanding something. 2. If you get it, you are satisfied for a while, after which you demand something else. 3. If they don’t give it to us, we throw a tantrum. 4. We throw tantrums until they are not given or we run out of strength. 5. 5. If the tantrum still doesn’t work, then it’s a “can’t,” if it does, then it’s a “can.
This is approximately how it all looks. The demand in this case can be any. And it is the absurdity of some requirements and drives unhappy moms themselves to hysterics. That he wants to go to the garden with a pot on his head, then he wants to immediately turn on the washing machine, and it should do it. Or he does not want to bathe with his mother, though he can not explain why. Then passionately wants toys must be scattered all over the room, and then some more of this, and every time you refuse, there is always a tantrum.
The first thing you should learn: trying to talk to a small extortionist in adult language is still useless. You don’t need to prove to him that his demands are unfair, this will not get you anywhere. It is also not necessary to indulge every whim, otherwise you will make him think that he is allowed absolutely everything, and then his crisis of the age of three will never pass – he will forever fix in his worldview that his tantrums give him the right to get everything he wants. You can not also crush the child with bans and punishments, it is also far from the best way to affect his psyche, he may become withdrawn, shy and timid.
But do not be alarmed by the apparent complexity, there is no contradiction in these rules. Don’t argue, don’t condone, and don’t forbid, that’s all you need to do. Instead, let’s look at options for your behavior that will help mitigate each particular tantrum, and in certain cases not even bring it to the point of conflict, nipping the conflict in the bud.
1. divert your attention . This is the most painless way to stop raging passions. Find something to distract the little tantrum, lure him into a game, suggest something interesting, just show him something unusual. The main thing is to divert attention, and how exactly it will be done is not important. You can even dress up a cat in a sombrero. Unfortunately, this way of conflict resolution does not always work.
Look for a compromise. He passionately does not want to go out with shoes on, and wants to strut in the snow barefoot? Try to persuade him to wear boots, but at home on the carpet, he will be allowed to run barefoot! Hooray, the terrorist bargained, got “something”, and now you can safely take him to kindergarten.
3. Motivate the child . Sure, you don’t have to go to bed now, but if you do go to bed, I’ll bake your favorite pancakes with jam in the morning. This, too, sounds like bargaining, but in this case you are offering something very real, something that the child really wants. Much more effective way, but as you know, for every tantrum you can’t get enough muffins.
4. Reward for the ability to make concessions. By praising and all kinds of other encouragements show your child how happy you are when he or she does make concessions, agrees to compromise, or comes to an agreement. Form the right attitude to peaceful conflict resolution. “I didn’t roll around on the floor, I didn’t bang my head against the wall – Mom is smiling, I did good.” Remember that what is obvious to you is still far from obvious to a little, just growing up little man.
5. Communicate with your child about his behavior . When passions have subsided – it’s time to talk to your baby. Do not be afraid to go back to conflict for fear that they will flare up again, if the child has already ranted and rogue – he will not start up the same song again. Talk to him/her calmly, explain in a way that it is wrong to behave in such a way. Analyze the situation in terms that are clear to the child and logical connections. Very well in this respect therapeutic fairy tales work, in which the main characters, telling an interesting story, implicitly teach the reader what is good and what behavior is unacceptable.
6. Don’t give up . The main thing – do not lose patience and do not go back to the “good old methods of education”: to yell back at your child, beat him on the soft spot for his tantrums and put him in the corner. The fruits of such therapy are unsightly, believe me. Do not give up and try, go on, bend your line, and educate your child. Every day, regardless of the ingratitude of the little tyrant.
– We recommend that you visit our section with interesting materials on similar topics “Psychology of relationships
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Advice “How to cope with the moods and temper tantrums of a 3-5 year old child”.
Raising a child is a very difficult process that requires a lot of time, physical and mental effort. Despite all efforts, there are so-called critical periods in the life of every child, which require increased attention from parents. It is during these periods that the first child’s tantrums most often occur.
Tantrums in a child refer to a state of extreme nervous excitement, which leads to loss of a child’s self-control. Children’s tantrums most often manifest themselves by crying, screaming loudly, rolling on the floor, and waving their legs and arms. Often, children in a fit bite those around them and themselves, or hit their heads against the wall. Staying in such a state, the child is unable to react adequately to speech addressed to him or her and is unable to perceive the usual methods of communication directed at him or her. During this period, there is no need to prove or explain anything to him, as the baby consciously uses temper tantrums, realizing that they are effective for adults and thus achieve the desired result.
Causes of temper tantrums in children.
Growing up, kids have personal interests, desires, which are often at odds with the desires of adults. If the kid fails to achieve his own, he experiences irritation and anger. So, tantrums occur when the interests of parents and the child clash. There are typical situations, provoking this condition in the family:
– Inability to verbally express personal dissatisfaction;
– The desire to draw attention to oneself;
– desire to achieve something very important and necessary;
– lack of sleep, fatigue, feeling of hunger
– illness or condition after an illness;
– desire to imitate peers or adults;
– overprotection and pathological severity of adults;
– lack of an expressed attitude toward the negative and positive deeds of the child;
– an undeveloped system of punishments and rewards for the child;
– a detachment from an interesting occupation;
– a weak and unbalanced composition of the child’s nervous system.
Faced with this phenomenon, parents often do not know how to behave properly with the baby, and wish only that the hysterical caprices as soon as possible stopped. A lot depends on the behavior of adultsWhether these temper tantrums will last for years, or whether they will stop after a few unsuccessful attempts. In cases where the adults do not react and are calm to temper tantrums, then it is possible to correct this situation quickly enough.
How to deal with a child’s tantrums?
Initially, you must learn to distinguish between such concepts as “caprice” and “tantrum”. The baby purposely resorts to a whim, in order to get the desired and something impossible, as well as forbidden at this time. Caprises, as well as hysterical attacks are accompanied by stomping feet, crying, screaming, throwing things. Often, the baby’s moods are impossible to fulfill. For example, a child requires sweets, which are not in the house or wants to go for a walk outside when it rains heavily.
Hysterics are often involuntary, and their peculiarity is that it is very difficult for a child to cope with their emotions. Hysterical episodes in a child are accompanied by screaming, scratching his face, crying loudly, beating his head against the wall or fists on the floor. It is not uncommon, When there are involuntary seizures.Hysterical bridge” in which the baby bends in an arc.
Adults should remember that a child’s tantrums, being a strong emotional reaction, are reinforced by aggression, irritation and despair. During the attack, the child has little control over his or her motor skills, which is why he or she hits his or her head against the wall or the floor, feeling practically no pain. A peculiarity of seizures is that they appear as a consequence of unpleasant news or resentment, intensifying at the attention of others and quickly ceasing after the interest of the environment disappears.
How to avoid a child having a tantrum? Watching your child, try to understand what condition brings a tantrum closer. This may be a slight whimper, pursed lips, sniffling. At the first signs, try to divert your child’s attention to something interesting.
Offer him a book or another toy, move to another room or show him what is happening outside the window. This method is effective if the tantrum has not yet broken out. If the tantrum has started, this method will not bring the desired results. Using the following simple techniques, you can avoid hysterical attacks :
– Full rest, adherence to routines ;
– Avoid overexertion;
– Respect the child’s leisure time, allow him or her to play and allot enough time for this;
– clarify the child’s feelings, for example, (“You are angry because you didn’t get candy” or “You didn’t get a car. or “You didn’t get a car and you’re offended.”) This will allow the child to learn to talk about his or her own feelings and to try to control them. Allow the child to understand that there are certain limits that must not be violated. For example, “You’re angry, I understand, but you can’t yell on the bus;
– don’t try to do everything for your baby, show him or her that he or she is an adult and can cope with difficulties by himself or herself (go up the slide, go down the stairs;
– the baby should have the right to choose, for example, to wear a yellow or green T-shirt, go to the park or walk in the yard;
– In the absence of a choice, what is communicated is what will happen.: “Let’s go to the store” ;
– If the child began to cry, ask him, for example, to show you something or find a toy.
Often, children’s moods and tantrums are the result of erroneous behavior of adults. Everything is allowed to the baby, everything is allowed, and he does not know about the existence of the word “no”. At 3-5 years old, children are very smart and observant. They understand that if their mom says no, their grandmother may also say no. Determine for your child a list of allowed and prohibited items, and always adhere to this order. Try to adhere to unity in education, if Mom says no, then it should be so, and the other adult should not interfere.
The first tantrums occur after one year and reach the peak of capriciousness, as well as stubbornness at the age of 3. The age of three years old is called in psychology the “three-year crisis. During the crisis period, hysterical attacks may occur on any occasion, up to 10 times a day.
The age of three is marked by the following characteristicsThe child wants to feel independent and mature, often has its own “I want” and tries to defend it to the adults. Ages 3 years old is considered to be the time of discovery and discovery, as well as awareness of personality. This period occurs in different ways in babies, but the main symptoms are extreme stubbornness, willfulness and negativism. Often, parents are taken by surprise by the child’s behavior. Only yesterday everything offered to the child was done with pleasure, and now he’s doing the opposite.Undress when asked to dress warmer; run away when called. It begins to seem that the baby has completely forgotten all the words, except for “don’t want” and “no”.
If your child throws tantrums when you are at home, tell him insistently that you will talk to him after he cools down, and you go on about your personal business. It is very important for parents to stay calm and control their emotions. After the baby calms down, tell him that you love him very much, but he will not achieve anything with his moods.
If the tantrum occurred in a public place, if possible deprive the baby of an audience. To do this, move the child to the least crowded place.
The child throws tantrums in kindergarten
At 3-5 years old, a child attending a preschool educational establishment cries and throws tantrums deliberately. Thus he reacts to the attitude of society towards him. Tiny compares himself with his peers, does not want to concede anything to them. Especially in material values. Many children tend to envy each other, wanting the same toy or accessory. Hysterics express a momentary whim of the preschooler.
You can not indulge the whims of a young manipulator. Otherwise, the desire will only increase from time to time. Even if parents have enough money to buy any item that requires the child, fill it every day with gifts is not very wise.
At 3-5 years old, you can and should talk to your child, discuss different circumstances in life, and explain the nature and importance of money. The child needs to understand that his parents did not get anything for free, that the desired toy can be obtained only on a holiday or as a reward for good behavior.
It is also important to teach the baby to communicate in a team, making friends. Existing in another child’s stuff can be asked for a while, or exchange. If the preschooler too shy, with complexes should begin to fight in kindergarten, so that the school shyness and timidity gone. After all, such qualities – not the best companion of young people.
IN A CRISIS PERIOD IS BETTER TO AVOID CRITICAL MOMENTS
For example, if your child throws tantrums in the store, then exclude for this period going to the store with a child. Go to the store without him, buy everything you need for a few days.
IGNORE IT AND LEAVE.
During temper tantrums, no spanking, no smacking, no arguments and entreaties. Tantrums and moods love an “audience” . As soon as there were no “spectators” – the tantrums disappeared.
DURING TANTRUMS SWITCH THE CHILD’S ATTENTION
At the time of the child’s tantrums, you can go to the window and pay attention to, for example, the dog in the yard, or a large car out of the garage. As a rule, curiosity takes over, and the tears dry up.
UNITY OF DEMANDS IN THE FAMILY
Children are very observant and understand very well that for candy to go to grandmother, a “soda” will buy grandfather, mom does not allow to climb high, and dad – on the contrary.
In this complicated world so far for a child it is hard to navigate in the right direction, and the inconsistency of the parents further confuses him.
And the baby equally loves his mom and dad, and grandma and grandpa.
No adult raising a child should not override the prohibitions of another adult.
BE CONSISTENT IN YOUR REQUIREMENTS TO CHILDREN.
Parents are very often inconsistent in their demands of their children. For example, yesterday my mother let her son play with her favorite vase, and the next day – no, because she thought that a child could break it. And the kid doesn’t understand – “why was it okay yesterday and not okay today?”
It’s hard to stay calm when your child has tantrums, but be patient. Negotiate when the child calms down. You can hug him and sympathize“I’m sorry you couldn’t help it”. I know you felt bad”. Teach your child to express his/her discontent in words. AskAsk: “How do you feel?” .
Teach your child to apologize for his actions, and next time it will be easier for him to control himself. After the tantrum, tell him how it upset you that he was raging about nothing. Reassure your child that you love him, so he will not feel guilty.
GET USED TO A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD
At this age, children want to be able to choose. They also want to decide which site to go for a walk, whom to visit. And we, adults, are constantly dictating their terms. If we are friends with the child, partners, then the child is proactive, able to make his or her own decisions. And if we suppress his will, then often these children can not answer any question without looking back at his parents.
Conclusion: The family plays a decisive role in the development of the child , has a decisive influence on the emotional well-being of the child .
Gradually, by the age of five, the moods, the temper tantrums subside by themselves, as the baby becomes capable of expressing his emotions and feelings with words.
If the child’s temper tantrums and moods are constant, it could signal a nervous system disorder.
Contact a child neurologist in the following cases:
– Tantrums become more frequent and aggressive;
– the child loses consciousness and holds his or her breath during a tantrum;
– The child has been having temper tantrums for a long time after the age of 4 years;
– the child injures others and himself/herself during the tantrums;
– hysterical attacks occur at night and are accompanied by fears, nightmares, mood swings;
– hysteria ends with shortness of breath and vomiting, sudden lethargy, and fatigue of the child .
If the baby’s health is fine, the problem lies in family relationships, as well as in the reaction of the immediate environment to the child’s behavior. When fighting a child’s tantrums, you need to be able to keep your composure. This can sometimes be very difficult, especially if the tantrums occur at the most inopportune time. Be patient and try to find compromises. Many tantrums are prevented if you understand their causes.
Thus, parents do not need to be afraid of children’s tantrums . If you show severity and patience, behave correctly, then deal with the caprices of the child can be . If you follow the above recommendations, it will be possible after a while to change the behavior of the preschooler for the better.
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