Men’s responsibilities and women’s responsibilities
So much controversy both before and now is caused by such a simple question as men’s and women’s responsibilities. The reasons for these disputes are different, ranging from elementary laziness, to the fact that we should supposedly do as it should be done, and so on.
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Different responsibilities and different family models.
Male responsibilities and female responsibilities are something that is very often programmed by parents as early as childhood, i.e., girls are taught to cook, play with dolls in daughter-motherhood and practice their female responsibilities. Boys, on the other hand, are taught to fight, are given to active sports, focus on various engineering professions, in general, everything that is designed to ensure a good salary, position and to support the family in the future.
If we consider the patriarchal model of the family, the responsibilities are divided as follows: the woman, as the keeper of the home, stays at home, cooks, keeps order and takes care of the children. This is 70 percent of the work, because if you translate this into money, a nanny is quite expensive, just like a cook and a cleaner. True, this is not usually considered by men.
Modernity has very much changed the concept of what includes men’s duties and women’s duties. Now, if a man is brought up right, and right means independent of patterns and stereotypes. That is, if a man has no silly complexes, then in case his wife also works as well as he does, it is not difficult for him to help her, and to divide the chores, because they both work.
He’s not the only one who needs rest after work. Besides, a grown man should be well aware of how much routine kills a relationship, even a strong one initially. If a woman is absorbed in everyday life, not only does she have no time for herself, but she also has no time for her husband. This can make the family fall apart, and the man is one of the main reasons why marriages fall apart. If a man is decent, loves his wife and appreciates the family, he will never say that she supposedly has to do everything around the house and he only has to go to work and then just lie in front of the TV or sit in front of the computer.
A man very often doesn’t realize how much is dumped on his wife when she does the housework alone, and he doesn’t realize how much she does; he thinks a woman’s duties are just cooking and watching the kids (which, by the way, is a lot), when in fact she does an unreal number of things that he doesn’t even know about.
And if she were to stop doing that, he would get bogged down in garbage and dirt if he can’t do anything himself or is unaccustomed to doing chores. Of course, there’s more to a woman’s duties than just that, but it’s also about committing your man to them, because he may just be genuinely unaware that his wife needs help.
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Men’s responsibilities and women’s responsibilities in the family can be very different, and people may think they can’t do otherwise. But this is only from ignorance and ignorance, that is, not understanding how important it is to consider modern realities, and not to be guided by past centuries when there were simply no other options.
Why are marriages breaking up these days? More often than not, if you ask women about this, they say that their female responsibilities became too unbearable. The man, despite all this, stopped appreciating them and there was less and less tenderness, respect and help, and as a result the family fell apart.
Usually relationships fall apart most often when children appear. That is, before they come there is a certain division of responsibilities, and most often both work, but if someone works alone, only he develops in the profession, and the second person is a passive observer, then over time there is a complete trash.
It consists in the fact that very quickly there is a separation, because of this inequality there are misunderstandings, conflicts, and separation in the sense that a man or a woman is looking for another person with whom it will be more interesting. This is how cheating and divorce happen.
A man usually does not change his life with children, he works as he used to, does what he used to do, rests, and so on. He takes care of the children for a few hours on weekends.
More often than not, the man’s responsibility for the children is that the man comes home from work, rubs the children’s heads, and sits down at the computer while they run around.
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The modern world and innovations concerning the family.
Nowadays, when times are not what they used to be, and a woman can build a house, raise children by herself, and work in the sweat of her brow to provide for the family, it is more and more often the case that the woman is the main breadwinner and the man is the family man.
Here one may ask a logical question about how to separate women’s responsibilities from men’s responsibilities.
Now that a woman works and earns more than her man, he unwittingly has to learn what he did not expect to do before, namely cooking (by the way, men are some of the best cooks and pastry chefs in the world), but he also has to learn to run a household and take care of children. And oddly enough, men do it well.
Some psychologists point out the types of duties that supposedly can perform only men, but in fact it is a very controversial issue. These are duties such as making repairs in the apartment, moving furniture and all that requires physical strength.
But the fact is that now men do not consider it their duty to develop their bodies, and increasingly assume that they are beautiful as it is, being in fact a walking sour cream. Therefore, a woman today is usually able to perform all of these duties on her own, and does not particularly need a man. The only thing that science has not yet figured out is how to reproduce their children without the involvement of a man.
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Why it is important to divide responsibilities 50-50.
In defense of the division of responsibilities it is worth saying that if we take two examples of the division of male and female responsibilities, then we can conclude that when everything is hanging on one person, a scandal, or even a breakup is inevitable.
- Husband and wife both work, they come home, and the wife habitually goes to the kitchen, makes dinner, after which she loads a load of laundry into the washing machine, irons what has already dried the day before yesterday, washes something, wipes something somewhere, while the husband at this time sits down at the computer and starts playing his favorite computer game according to the standard scenario.
- Scenario number two: A husband and wife, who both work, come home, after which one of them goes to cook or just orders delivery, and then they each tidy up the apartment a little at a time, play with the kids, and talk. After the kids have gone to bed, they will have time, and most likely desire, to continue the evening romantically.
Which scenario is better?
It is probably obvious that the second one, despite the fact that the first scenario is more to the liking of 80% of modern men.
But the fact is that a woman is not a slave, those days are long gone and few people want a man who only goes to work. If a woman doesn’t get help in the household as well, nothing good will come of such a relationship.
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If you don’t want to do anything at all around the house, you think it should all be done by a woman, then here’s a solution: hire a maid. Yes, it pays, but your woman does it all for free. And why is that? Do you think that if she’s your wife, that’s enough to keep a man in your servitude?
The ideal division of duties would be a percentage of 50-50 or at least 60-40, in which 60 would not always be, and would depend on who is less tired on a particular day. It would also be fair to do what each person is good at. Let’s say it doesn’t bother you to change the linens or iron, and your woman is indifferent to doing the dishes.
It is better to live in a way that everyone chooses some number of responsibilities for themselves, so that in the end everything is distributed evenly and everyone is comfortable. If there is nothing that suits both of them, it is necessary to look for a compromise. For example, if both persons hate doing the dishes, then the solution will be to buy a dishwasher. It’s not difficult, it doesn’t cost that much, and after all, you can take out a loan or save up in a couple of months. It will be much better if you get rid of the hated business, rather than each other because you will fight about this hated business.
If you use the principle of dividing duties 50-50, then the male duties and female duties will basically erase, and there will be common duties that will not strain the partners as much, and there will be more time left for communication.
Also, a very good practice that has helped keep many families together is when male and female responsibilities are combined, and people do everything at the same time, helping each other. Some people call it a day of general cleaning, but the essence is the same: it makes each partner much less tired, and also at this time you can talk to each other, and even have a good time.
For example, when you go in the car to get the groceries you’ll be buying for the week, you can discuss your business, plans, and share jokes, funny occasions at work or at home, and so on. When you cook, it is a joint activity that brings people closer together, you will end up spending more time together, and at the same time both will know how to cook, which is an obvious plus.
Not only can you talk while doing the cleaning, but you can also, for example, dance, lie on the bed, and do anything else that will make you feel intimate.
When it is not possible to divide the responsibilities equally, both partners hate to clean, say both want to work, or both do not want to work, (which is strange, because this way there will be nothing to support the family), then you can find a solution and in this case instead of separation hire a housekeeper who will come on some days and clean the apartment while the housemates are resting.
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What a man should take on and what a woman should take on for the relationship to be harmonious.
Many psychologists say that there is no such thing, especially these days, as a woman’s duty or a man’s duty. Duty is what you are willing to take on.
That is, a duty is obedience to the law, but chores and work and providing for the family is not a duty as such. It is simply a person’s decision to take on certain chores. If you want to help your woman, and you do, that’s your decision, and it usually means that you recognize her right to rest, understand that she gets tired just as you do, and so on.
If, on the other hand, you feel that your responsibilities only include work, then there’s no problem, just find a woman who’s comfortable with that. If your relationship isn’t like that, though, and the woman expects you to help her and you don’t want to, give her fair warning about that so she’s under no illusions about marrying you.
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Still, there are some male and female responsibilities that a huge number of people and experts in sociology believe help strengthen relationships and make them more harmonious:
They aim to provide comfort and a positive atmosphere in the family. That is, a woman should understand well the psychology of the man and his needs in general, and try to provide for them, in one way or another. Exactly as far as possible, but guided by this.
A woman should make sure that the house is in order. This does not mean that these tasks should not be handed over or entrusted to the husband. But she must be in control of the end result.
- Don’t pressure her husband and give him time to be alone.
- choose her appearance so that her husband wants his wife and be active in bed
- cook a variety of delicious food, of course, if her husband gives money for food and provides a variety of techniques in the kitchen for the preparation of this very food
- be positive and easy on the rise, to be able to forgive people
- respect your husband and be faithful to him, even admire him sometimes
- be supportive when you need it
- To accept the man for who he is, not to tolerate his alcoholism or drug addiction, but to accept his hobbies, and, for example, the fact that he was in a relationship before and may have children
- wanting to take care of shared babies and keeping in touch with relatives on both sides.
If the man fulfills these responsibilities, the marriage is considered to have a good chance of being strong for the rest of both spouses’ lives.
- Providing for the family financially, including not only the wife and children, but also helping close relatives
- Taking care of all business matters in terms of dealing not only with finances, but also with housing and other household items
- Being able to provide for the money needs of each member of the family
- Taking care of his wife and children and protecting them from attacks by any other people
- Knowledge of women’s psychology and the ability to negotiate with your wife specifically
- Ability to think in a way that is not stereotypical
- The ability and willingness to give gifts, to compliment regularly
- The ability to listen, which is one of the most important qualities for a man who wants to live with his woman for life
- Look after his body and regularly satisfy his wife, if that is what she wants
- Raise his children, not shirk his responsibilities as a father.
- To climb up the career ladder in order to raise not only his income, but also his self-esteem
- The willingness and ability to take responsibility in everything that has to do with family safety and complex issues.
To summarize, male responsibilities and female responsibilities have long since fallen into oblivion. Duties can now be shared, they can be substituted, and it all depends on the desire of the spouses to be together. You can quarrel over not washing the dishes if you don’t appreciate the man, but if you really love him, this will not happen.
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It absolutely doesn’t matter what people say and if you’re both comfortable in your family, you both like what you do and you’re happy, then don’t care about anything. There’s a reason they say someone else’s family is dark. And you can be a cool cake maker and your wife can work as a computer programmer and make money for everyone.
But if your vocabulary includes the words “should”, “must”, then it is very likely that the family boat will break on life. Love is about patience, concessions, it’s when you are willing to do anything for her, and she is willing to do it for you. That is the secret of a strong relationship that withstands all tests and successfully survives life’s storms, hurricanes and heat. Loving each other is an art that is cooler than that.
Obligations will not ruin your mood and your relationship if both are focused on the result, and do not forget that the most important thing for which people get together – it’s love.
A guy owes a girl – what should a guy do?
Everything that girls think a guy “owes” – these are the kinds of thoughts girls have in their heads. Maybe that’s why they are so capricious, maybe that’s why – they are so hard to understand, hard to love and very difficult to do without them? You should, you should not – there are unpleasant showdowns, destroying the relationship between young people. Sometimes it comes to a breakdown in the relationship and even a breakup. The guy owes the girl …
But maybe he does not owe his girlfriend anything at all, maybe – it’s a maiden’s whim?
Now we will find out how to get back the girl you love and how to fix it, maybe in fact the guy owes so-and-so.
A guy owes a girl – what should a guy do?
1. A guy shouldn’t look at women as a sex toy.
2. A guy should take an interest in a girl’s intelligence, hobbies, aspirations, and desires.
3. A guy has no right to exalt himself over a girl, that is, to single out the male sex as superior.
4. This means he must know how to cook, clean and do his own laundry.
5. A guy has no right to think he is smarter than a girl.
6. A guy should not have sex with a woman unless he is sure he is serious about her.
7. A guy should apologize to a girl if he has hurt her in any way.
8. A guy should never leave a girl alone on the street at night, he is obligated to bring her home, all the way to the door.
9. A guy is obliged to consult the girl and always tell only the truth.
10. A guy shouldn’t be stereotypical – like all other men… No smoking, foul language, or alcohol.
11. The guy must solve problems that arise, and not just say “solve everything yourself”.
12. A guy should be a real man, not a wimp.
13. A guy has to be able to stand up for himself and stand up for the person he loves.
14. A guy has a duty to be neat, stylish, and pleasant in every way.
15. A guy’s duty is to talk substantively, not to babble incessantly.
16. The man must be interested in his girlfriend at all times, and not take her as an accomplished goal or a book you’ve read backwards and forwards.
17. A guy shouldn’t walk away from a girl if he happens to run out of general topics. You have to find them.
18. A guy has an obligation to worry about contraception.
19. Everything should be done jointly and by mutual desire. If a woman wants to cook something, she will cook it, if she doesn’t want to cook it, she doesn’t cook it, she is not a cook or a slave, everyone has their own life.
20. A guy has an obligation to look after his appearance and figure, not to walk around at 25 with a huge beer belly!
21. A guy has an obligation to shave at least every other day.
22. The guy should tell his girlfriend exactly what he wants from his girlfriend.
23. A guy shouldn’t be a chatterbox.
24. A guy should be considerate and not overly intrusive.
25. The guy must have a good sense of humor.
26. The guy must be smart, but not boring.
27. A guy must be able to hold a conversation.
28. The guy must be a good listener.
29. The boy must take responsibility for the actions he takes and the words he says.
30. The guy has to go through the candy-coated period of the relationship.
31. A guy has no right to be mercenary.
32. The guy has no right to resent a girl if she is more successful in her career.
33. The guy must be actively involved in raising children and helping with household chores, because the girl is not a workhorse!
34. The boyfriend must reckon with the girl’s wishes, and not put his own on a higher rank.
35. The lad must not think that he is the center of the world.
36. A guy should accept a girl for who she really is in life and not try to re-educate her.
37. After an intimate relationship, a guy owes it to his girlfriend to call her and say something nice, even if he doesn’t want the relationship to continue.
38. A guy owes it to a girl to be very honest in a relationship. If he has fallen out of love with her, he needs to tell her everything straight out, not just cut off communication.
39. The guy is obligated to be prepared for a negative reaction to the previous point.
40. A guy has a duty to understand that sometimes girls don’t want to have sex and not force them to do it.
41. A guy has no right to reproach a girl for spending a lot of money on her whims. If you don’t want to spend, then seriously consider the hermit life.
42. A guy should not rebuke a girl when she admits that she no longer loves him and has found another man.