What does jealousy mean?

The meaning of the word “jealousy” is.

1. An excruciating doubt of one’s fidelity, love, complete devotion, suspicion of attachment, of a greater love for someone else. What makes me think that he 693 loved her, except vague suspicions excited by insane jealousy? Garshin, Nadezhda Nikolayevna. Love is a multi-toned feeling, its joy is poisoned by jealousy, and hatred lurks in jealousy. Fedin, Gorky among us.

2. Jealousy of the success of another, unwillingness to share sth. with sb. It was also necessary to reconcile the mutual jealousy of doctors – each of them was convinced that he alone owns the great merit of healing the patient. M. Gorky, O S. A. Tolstoy. [Schwartz:] Native children are not usually friends with adopted ones; their jealousy is, of course, understandable-they do not want to share what is theirs and theirs alone. Arbuzov, The Lost Son.

3. usually to what. Oral. Zeal, zeal. [Gorodnichy:] O Lord, my God, how could I arrange it so that the superiors would see my zeal and be satisfied? Gogol, The Inspector. Your zeal for service is probably already known to your superiors. Dostoyevsky, Poor People.

Source (print version): Dictionary of the Russian Language: In 4 vols. / RAS, Institute of Linguistic Research; Ed. by A. P. Evgenyeva. – 4th ed. – M.: Russ. yaz; Poligrafresursy, 1999; (electronic version): Fundamental Digital Library.

  • Jealousy is an extremely negative destructive feeling that arises from an imagined lack of attention, love, respect, or sympathy from a highly valued person, while someone else imagines or actually receives it from him or her. A chronic tendency toward jealousy is called jealousy. It is generally considered a negative trait and is even compared to an illness. In the case of non-involvement in the situation of a valued person, jealousy takes place.

Linguists note the idea of jealousy as an ambivalent emotion, the semantic features of which are polar signs of “love” (“care”) – “hate” (“doubt”, “distrust”). Jealousy destroys love.

It is, in most cases, an exclusive claim to “own” another person with whom there is an emotional connection. Jealousy arises when this claim is imagined or actually questioned by that person, causing a strong, sometimes irrational fear of losing it. The feeling that someone else is taking away what we think is our right and privilege – the love of someone important to us – can be barely tolerable and drive us into a state of anger, anger, resentment, and push us into the most irrational and inadequate actions. Jealousy can drive a person to drastic, including violent, actions up to and including suicide or murder.

In a child, jealousy occurs when he feels that his parents pay more attention to his brothers or sisters. At the same time he may sink into infancy, for example, he may have more frequent urination. Jealousy of the parent is common (“Mommy, I don’t want you to have a sibling”), but over time it can transform into patronizing concern for the younger child and acceptance of their own relationship with Mommy. In adults, jealousy can be caused by, for example, talking too warmly to the other person, which can be perceived as a danger to one’s own relationship with him or her. While childhood jealousy tends to disappear when a certain portion of the parents’ attention is received, the jealous partner demands unlimited, exclusive attention.

Jealousy, and, pl. no, g. 1. Passionate distrust, excruciating doubt in one’s fidelity, in love, in total loyalty. The throes of jealousy. Jealousy turns a man into a beast. Dahl. Murder out of jealousy. And here the worries of love, jealousy, constant fear for the little one. Chekhov. He will go crazy with jealousy at first, and then he will grow cold. Goncharov. 2. Fear of another’s success, fear that another will do better, a painful desire to own something undividedly. 3. Zeal, diligence, zeal (book. astute). zeal to get down to business.

Source: “Explanatory Dictionary of the Russian Language” by D. N. Ushakov (1935-1940); (electronic version): Fundamental Digital Library

jealousy

1. excruciating doubt of one’s fidelity, love, devotion; suspicion of infidelity, of attachment, of a greater love for someone else ◆ There was nothing definite, but Stepan Arkadyich was almost never home, money was almost never home either, and suspicions of infidelity tormented Dolly constantly, and she was already driving them away from herself, fearing the experienced suffering of jealousy . Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina, 1878. ◆ This maid of the world, who was harassing me during the day, was my obedient mistress at night, making scenes of jealousy when I missed one night, saying that only in my caresses she understood the happiness of love. K. M. Stanyukovich, The adventures of a well-meaning young man, told by himself, 1879 (cited in NKRYA) ◆ He spoke warmly and extensively about his jealousy, and though inwardly ashamed of exposing his most intimate feelings, so to speak, to “general shame,” but apparently he overcame shame to be truthful. F. M. Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov, 1880.

2. jealousy of another’s success, unwillingness to share anything with anyone ◆ It would still be good if rivalry, jealousy, and mutualism were at work in them, what the French call jalousie de metier [professional jealousy]. P.A. Vyazemsky, The Old Notebook, 1830-1870.

3. zeal, zeal ◆ Oh, we were all then seething with zeal to do good, to serve civil aims, the highest idea; we denounced ranks, our birthright, the village, and even the pawnshop, at least some of us… F. M. Dostoevsky, “Teenager,” 1875 ◆ He was a thorough and pious man, with a great zeal for the true, old faith. P. I. Melnikov-Pechersky, “On the Mountains,” 1875-1881 (quoted from NKRJV) ◆ With great zeal, Arina Petrovna began interrupted household chores… M. E. Saltykov-Shchedrin, “Messrs. Golovlevs,” 1875-1880

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Jealousy – what is it, examples of manifestations, causes, types

There is probably no person who has never encountered jealousy. It can take many forms, but the strongest and most dangerous is usually jealousy in a love relationship. Jealous people often do not even think about how dangerous this feeling is and how it threatens the relationship. Today we will talk about what jealousy is, how and why it arises, what forms it can take, how dangerous it is and how to get rid of it.

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is a strong unpleasant feeling that arises in interpersonal relationships due to the fear of losing love, respect or affection of an important person. It is a complex and contradictory feeling associated with a possessive attitude and an unwillingness to share the attention of an important person with someone else. As a rule, jealousy arises when the level of trust in him or her decreases and doubts about his or her fidelity arise.

In psychology, there is a different definition for each of the participants in a relationship in which jealousy is present:

  • The subject of jealousy is the person experiencing jealousy;
  • the subject of jealousy is the one whose attention is afraid of losing the subject;
  • The object of jealousy is the person to whom one is jealous;

Obviously, the subject and object of jealousy are always unambiguously defined, but are not necessarily in a relationship. The object of jealousy can be a specific individual as well as an unknown or imaginary potential rival.

Jealousy can arise in a wide variety of relationships. Most people, when they hear the word, first think of jealousy in romantic and love relationships. But it is also possible to be jealous of a friend who suddenly began to spend a lot of time with someone else. Children often feel jealous when they feel that their parents pay more attention to another child. This feeling may even be experienced by an employee who feels that the boss suddenly began to give more interesting projects to his colleague.

Jealousy is also called envy of someone else’s success, despite the fact that the nature of this feeling is somewhat different, since it is not directed at another person. In addition, the word “jealousy” may have been used previously as a synonym for the words “zeal” and “zeal,” but nowadays this meaning is considered obsolete.

Two factors must be present for jealousy to arise:

  • A need for some form of attention (love, friendship, respect, approval, etc.) from an important person.
  • Lack (or sharp decrease) of trust in this person.

Psychologists say that people with low self-esteem are more prone to jealousy, but this is not the decisive factor. Usually as a trigger are some actions on the part of a loved one that make him or her question loyalty (even if the relationship did not initially involve any loyalty).

As an example, let us consider how and why jealousy arises in a love relationship. Of course, there may be different understandings of what love is, but in any case it implies a desire to be with a person and to share mutual feelings with him or her. If, however, there is a fear that the loved one may tie his or her future to someone else, this becomes a ground for jealousy. Usually such fears arise if the loved one begins to behave coldly, hides something, or even flirts with potential rivals or rival women.

Examples of manifestations

Jealousy can manifest itself in many ways. And the more irrational the feeling, the more inadequate the manifestations can be. Most often, jealous people exhibit such behavioral traits as:

  • Regularly checking their partner’s personal belongings, messages and calls on their phone;
  • The desire to constantly monitor the partner’s whereabouts;
  • Excessive suspicion in case a partner does not answer a call or a message on a social network for a long time;
  • Negative reactions to any communication of the “mate” with members of the opposite sex;
  • sarcastic and derogatory comments about potential rivals;
  • Demanding a demonstration of love and fidelity;
  • the use of blackmail and other manipulations to keep a partner.

It is worth noting that jealousy begins to manifest itself clearly only when it becomes pathological in nature. Most people are able to control and restrain rational jealousy.

Causes of jealousy

In most cases, people are jealous without even realizing the real reasons for jealousy. Most often it is caused by such factors as:

  • Low self-esteem. This is one of the most common causes of jealousy. A person is not sure of himself, his abilities and virtues, and therefore has to be constantly afraid that his partner will notice this and prefer someone devoid of such shortcomings.
  • Personality disorders. Anxiety personality disorder is very often the cause. If a person is constantly worried that something will not go according to plan, then among other things he is inclined to worry that his “soulmate” can leave him at any moment.
  • Physical health problems. If a person has real health problems, flaws in appearance or problems with sexual function, it makes him worry that his partner may abandon him.
  • Assault as a defense mechanism. Sometimes demonstrative jealousy can be used to distract a partner from real problems (such as his own infidelity).
  • Age difference. Problematic situations in such relationships often boil down to age, causing people to doubt that they are right for each other and to suspect partners of such doubts.
  • Experienced betrayal. Confronting this reason is usually quite difficult, as it often leaves a mental trauma and completely changes the perception of the relationship. After this, the person begins to provoke old problems into a new relationship, afraid of losing his beloved in the same way and excessively jealous of him at the slightest opportunity.
  • Deficit of love in childhood. If a person has the impression as a child that his parents do not love him, then in adulthood he will worry that he does not deserve love.

Types of jealousy

There is nothing unnatural about jealousy. In all animals in which a female and a male make permanent pairs to take care of their offspring together, there are mechanisms similar to jealousy. Males need it to ensure that they are raising their own cubs, and females need it to avoid the male leaving for another female.

Thus, jealousy is a natural mechanism that arose during evolution and evolved in humans into a very strong feeling to protect an important relationship. And yet, jealousy can manifest itself differently in different people, and it does not always retain a natural character.

Psychologists distinguish 4 types of jealousy:

  • Reactive. This jealousy is sometimes also called “healthy”, because it occurs in the presence of a very specific reason. For example, if your “soulmate” is flirting with one of your friends, you will quite naturally experience reactive jealousy.
  • Retroactive. This is jealousy of the past. It manifests itself in the fact that a person begins to take an unhealthy interest in the past of his partner, asking about the ex, looking for old photos on social networks, and torture themselves with the corresponding thoughts. Typically, retroactive jealousy is associated with insecurity. Therefore, it is possible to get rid of her only one way – to improve their self-esteem.
  • Anxious. It is a distressing worry that your loved one may leave for someone else in the future. Anxious jealousy is usually unfounded and can lead to neurotic disorders over time.
  • Preventive. People prone to preventive jealousy usually exert tyrannical pressure on their partner, suspecting him or her of infidelity because of every slightest excuse. As a rule, this form of jealousy makes a happy relationship impossible.

Psychologists believe that only two types of jealousy can bring a certain benefit to the relationship: reactive and anxiety. The first reminds loving people that they are important to each other, and the second often becomes a reason to work on yourself. Both men and women under the influence of anxious jealousy pay more attention to their behavior and manners, watching the appearance, doing sports and other useful things.

There are other ways to classify. For example, according to the degree of influence on the psyche, all types of jealousy can be divided into two types:

  • Behavioral (or “healthy”). A person maintains adequacy and behaves in a restrained manner, but is jealous when there is a reason.
  • Clinical (pathological). It is the excruciating doubt in fidelity of the partner, often unreasonable, which leads to quarrels and gradually destroys relations.

Sigmund Freud proposed a classification including 3 types:

  • Competing – based on hostile feelings toward a rival.
  • Projected – arising from doubts about their own loyalty.
  • Delusional – based on one’s own interest in a potential rival.

Modern psychology uses another classification of three types:

  • Rational. This form of jealousy occurs when there is good reason.
  • Irrational. This form is based on assumptions and is explained by the presence of complexes and mental traumas (for example, related to deception by another loved one in the past).
  • Delusions of jealousy. Unreasonable jealousy connected with mental disorders and taking the form of mental pathology.

Negative consequences of jealousy

As noted above, healthy jealousy can do some good, refreshing the relationship, motivating the partners to develop themselves, and reminding them of how important they are to each other. But once jealousy becomes excessive, it can poison even the most sincere and noble of feelings.

Jealousy makes the relationship strained, destroys trust, and causes accumulated irritation. Each of the partners lives in constant tension, waiting for the next scandal, because of which people in love become more and more distant from each other, and their feelings gradually fade, causing more pain.

In addition, jealousy is the cause of frequent quarrels that a child may see. As a child, it is difficult for him to understand their cause, so he may take it personally, thinking that his parents are fighting because they no longer love him. This causes immeasurable damage to the child’s psyche. A child who witnesses such scenes is very likely to grow up to be a jealous person himself, unable to trust even the people he loves.

Do not underestimate also unconscious desire of people “to take revenge for the offense. It is strongest in children who do something “to spite adults” after they have been wrongfully accused of something. Adults have similar urges. And even if the soulmate did not have such thoughts before, after mistaken suspicions of infidelity she may take such a step to spite the jealous.

Thus, jealousy that turns into real suspicions and recriminations is always destructive to the relationship. In most cases it makes both partners unhappy and alienates them from each other. And every scene of jealousy becomes for both a serious test and a blow to the nervous system, provoking the development of psychosomatic diseases and mental disorders.

How to get rid of jealousy?

As in the case of other destructive habits, admitting that there is a problem and it needs to be solved is the first step to success. The fact is that most people don’t tend to think about their own involvement in the development of this feeling, and prefer to blame their partner for everything. But it is important to be able to take responsibility and recognize that we ourselves create our own doubts and experiences, interpreting the behavior of our “soulmate” as it is convenient for us.

If you are experiencing jealousy and want to get rid of it, here are some effective recommendations:

  • Use positive emotions. As soon as painful doubts about your partner creep into your head, remember some pleasant moment that makes you happy, grateful and confident about him.
  • Eliminate actions that don’t strengthen the relationship. Obviously, trying to completely control your partner and limiting his or her communication with all potential rivals is not good for the relationship. Learn to avoid these destructive actions.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others. The main problem with such comparisons is that a person usually emphasizes his shortcomings rather than his advantages. Remember that your “soulmate” has already chosen you, and therefore has accepted your shortcomings.
  • Work on your fears. Fear of being alone is an important cause of jealousy, and getting rid of it, it will be much easier to fight jealousy. So, as strange as this recommendation sounds, you need to prepare for the breakup. You don’t have to break up or strive for it, you just have to be prepared. Work on your self-esteem, make new friends, find a hobby, sign up for a gym or continuing education course. And when your self-confidence increases, you’ll notice that jealousy no longer poisons your soul as much as it used to.
  • Work on improving your relationship. For starters, start by avoiding conflict, because they do not change anything for the better. Pay more attention to your partner’s desires (ask, for example, how he would like to spend the weekend). Make sure that everything is going well in your intimate life.
  • Always be honest. If a person thinks that lying is acceptable, he begins to deceive other people, even in small things, without really thinking about it. In this case, he believes that everyone is doing the same, so he stops trusting even the people closest to him. That is why honesty is so important. Try never to lie to your partner about anything, and the level of trust between you will increase.
  • Learn to forgive. Resentment is one of the most toxic feelings. It can poison thoughts and feelings for many years. It happens that loving people, despite the fact that they are together for many years, can not forgive each other some hurtful situations that occurred in their school years. But jealousy of the past, as we found out above, does not make sense, so you should just forget such situations.

If you are in a situation where you are unreasonably jealous, and at the same time your partner is not trying to do anything about it, keep in mind that jealousy by itself does not go away. Talk to him, show him the above tips, offer to visit a family psychologist. If he flatly refuses, you may need to prepare now that the relationship will destroy itself.

Conclusion .

The most important component of a romantic or any other close relationship is trust. And it is trust that is the best remedy against jealousy. Therefore, in the case of any worries on this subject, it is better to just talk frankly with your partner, telling him what worries him and listening to what worries him. This will allow both to be confident in their relationship, avoiding unnecessary doubts and anxiety. If jealousy is still brewing, you need to get rid of it as soon as possible, because it will definitely not be good for the relationship.

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