A man after the breakup of a relationship: how does he feel?
After the end of a relationship, women have no problem expressing how they feel. In most cases, they are a naked nerve: crying and getting hysterical, irritated with all the men in the world and moping.
In any way they let other people know that they feel bad, in most cases directly and unconcealedly expressing their emotions.
However, the same cannot be said about men: the psychology of the stronger sex is quite different. At first glance, it seems that the guy is unlikely to hate his former partner after the breakup or even feel any emotions at all. But in fact, this is a deceptive feeling – it’s just that men’s feelings and feelings are mostly bubbling inside, hidden from view.
The Psychology of Men’s Feelings and Experiences
When a relationship ends, regardless of who is leaving whom or what the reasons for the breakup are, both partners suffer .
Hearts are broken because both the woman and the man are disappointed in the final outcome of their relationship, which was a crushing fiasco.
The main difference between men and women is how the pain manifests itself and how the guy deals with it. There is also a difference in the phases of pain, which are different in terms of psychology.
It is this difference that makes women think that men are completely indifferent to the breakup of a relationship. However, this is a misconception: just because pain is experienced differently does not mean that it is worse or less valuable .
Men usually suffer silently, quietly, inwardly. They do not show their emotional state to the world, they try in every way to hide their feelings, even if their heart is broken into a thousand pieces.
Moreover, especially if young people decided to part and leave on their own initiative, the experience of the new life is very sensitive .
First of all, because without the other half there is a fear of becoming lonely and unwanted again: no more delicious dinner after work, a bedtime massage or a morning coffee in bed, let alone the sexual component of life.
Then the experience is quickly replaced by the emotion of realizing that something very valuable and important has been lost.
Feelings and emotions after a divorce
Let’s look at what feelings and emotions a man may experience after the breakup of a relationship with a woman.
Failure to show anguish
The first person to whom a guy will not show weakness and suffering under any circumstances is, of course, his ex-girlfriend.
Men “can’t” and don’t want to show their weakness, especially right after a relationship breakup.
Therefore, they will try in every way to prove that they don’t care about what happened, that they are fine, and life goes on as if nothing happened.
This can be expressed through increased activity in social networks, ostentatious indifference, a desire for new or non-serious one-night stands.
At the same time, men try to open up to their friends. Despite the reluctance to show the range of emotions experienced, they try to transform feelings through the search for new impressions. These include extreme activities (to fight fears), excessive physical activity (to extinguish anger), flirting with unfamiliar girls (to improve self-esteem).
During this period, talking about feelings, pain and disappointment is not typical for guys . They mostly prefer to weather the storm in silence, from hurt to disappointment.
Another of men’s emotional reactions to a breakup is to look for fun, parties, or getting together with friends. Consequently, women may think that a guy is not suffering after a breakup and is fine because he wants to party with his buddies and engage in fun activities, including flirting with strange girls.
However, this is only a temporary way of releasing emotions and forgetting about the breakup that has nothing to do with real desires and needs. It is just a short escape and a temporary attempt to forget about your problems, to disconnect from what is going on.
Focusing on oneself and other circumstances
This is another typical emotion of men after the end of a loving relationship.
Its basic concept is that the guy who breaks up tries his best to avoid contact with what he feels inside, so he shifts his attention “outward.”
The “outside world” refers to all the physical sensations that men experience while being active, such as, for example, playing sports, working hard and overtime, and craving for a change of scene.
Entering a new relationship, boredom
The fourth and final reaction is to enter into new, most often short-term alliances. For the most part, they serve a palliative or pain-relieving function. On the other hand, the frustrated and disappointed in life guy wants to make the most of his return to the “single” image , to awaken his seductive nature, to demonstrate masculine strength and authority.
Going through an early period after a breakup, a man begins to realize that he is still in the past and in fact not yet ready for a new relationship. At this point, feelings change – he begins to miss his former chosen one more.
Angry at the woman
The first phase after a breakup with a woman in a man is shock. He tries in vain to understand what happened and why. At this point, the guy asks himself the following questions: “I can’t believe this is over, is it really?” or “Why did this happen to us?”. Breaking up is a huge stressor, especially when the woman a guy loves doesn’t want anything more to do with him. It can literally cause nausea, loss of appetite, apathy, loss of concentration, etc.
But immediately after that comes denial and anger. Once the initial shock has passed (and it can last up to several days), the guy will begin to be angry about what happened, including the participant in the process, even if the breakup was provoked by himself. Then he may think, “She wanted it to be over between us. I certainly didn’t lose her forever.” At this point, the guy may write to his ex-girlfriend, call to make a complaint or jab at her for her fault.
In such a situation, he may blame the companion for some mistakes that, in his opinion, ruined the chances of a happy relationship.
Is he sorry?
Another version of anger is an attempt to rekindle the partnership, based on sincere regret for the breakup.
The man tries to convince his ex-girlfriend to return to him again and promises her that he will do anything to get another chance.
At this point, the young man sincerely intends to make the woman happy and never let her down again.
However, the woman’s failure to do so may cause the man to become angry. If the woman strongly disagrees with the continuation of the relationship, and the guy feels that there is nothing he can do about it, he may become angry with himself or his partner. In such a situation, regret turns into powerlessness and disappointment, because the representative of the stronger sex realizes that there is no way back, and the relationship is finally over.
Suffers because of the parting with his beloved.
He feels insignificant because he knows that all his attempts to get back to his ex were unsuccessful. Thinking that he is not worthy of the title of a real man, because he has irrevocably lost his love, the guy puts himself in the category of bachelors, doomed to eternal loneliness. He seriously and sincerely regrets because of the breakup.
Heavy on the Soul.
At this stage, the sadness and suffering over the end of the relationship can also be complicated by the fact that the young man has to explain to family and friends that his tandem broke up, he lost his life partner and, consequently, failed as a man. Reprehension of relatives and whispering of acquaintances, who, in the opinion of the man, consider him frivolous because of his inability to start a serious relationship, cause a heavy feeling on the soul.
How to cope: tips from psychologists
First of all, you must have patience and go through all stages of awareness of the parting, as a fait accompli, to finally start living without the other person.
A favorable outcome also depends on the approach and willingness to start a new life, as well as on the individual’s inner strength to stop thinking about the end of a love relationship as the end of the world.
- Stop looking at the past and try to start building reality from scratch, as if you had just come into the world and have not lived yet: rejoice in the nice weather that favors a walk and a sudden work day in the schedule that will allow you to forget about loneliness.
- Get busy. Physical exercise releases endorphins, hormones produced by the brain that make the body feel energized and happy. Mental activity, on the other hand, completely occupies the head. Thus there is an opportunity to reduce pain, accelerate the stage of “wound healing” and clear the mind.
- Don’t blame yourself or your companion for the way things turned out: what happened is what happened. It is not known if there are more or less appropriate ways to end a relationship, and there are definitely no perfect people. Do not judge the person with whom you were in a partnership, and try to assess your reactions from the outside, as if the breakup was not you, but, for example, your good buddy.
- Analyze the nature and motivation of the emotions that continue to bubble up inside you. This can only mean two things: either you still deep down inside want to get back what you lost, or you’re trying to forget about it, but can not. Try to think hard about how you feel-not for the sake of self-injury or masochism, but for the sake of working on your mistakes, which will help you build a happy relationship in the future.
- After your relationship is over, it is better to focus on yourself and think about how you want to build your life. Change your position or job, discover new hobbies and talents, lead an active lifestyle.
- Take your love out on other people. It does not have to be a new relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Pay attention to your parents, siblings, nephews or other relatives. Perhaps they have been in need of your help for a long time, and you just didn’t notice it.
How does a girl understand what an ex-boyfriend is going through?
The main thing to understand: don’t think that a guy doesn’t feel hurt because your relationship is over, even if he proves otherwise with his actions.
Yes, men are different from women, but in general each of us, regardless of gender, expresses our feelings differently.
In favor of men’s suffering after breakups are signs such as removal from friends on social networks, unwillingness to meet, and in a spontaneous meeting the refusal to look in the eyes . Indifference can also be recognized by the opposite reaction – provoking meetings, too frequent messages and calls, imposing his person and discussing with mutual acquaintances the circumstances of the broken union.
To summarize, it should be noted that men are also people who feel and experience emotions. The main thing to remember: no matter how hard it is, this difficult period will eventually pass – and you will be able to focus on other people, forgetting about your ex.
How a man feels after breaking up a relationship with a really close woman (especially if he himself initiates it)
Breaking up a relationship is not easy, even if the partners break up intelligently and for good. At the very least, there are regrets about not being able to keep love. There are also very difficult breakups, when both partners experience it as a great loss. Let’s learn about the man’s emotions during this difficult period for him.
Varieties of breakups
There are several varieties of breakups. We are talking about a peaceful breakup, when both partners realize that love has passed and there is no longer any prospect of making things right. In this case, the man will also feel discomfort (as already mentioned, at least regret that a romantic and very good period of his life has passed).
The breakup can be temporary, a so-called time-out. The partners either together make the only right decision for the situation to be apart, or each of them deep down hopes that the breakup will be temporary. A man who still continues to love a woman cannot be calm because the fear of losing her during the separation is very great.
Another variety is tragedy, when one of the partners strongly does not want to break up. If we consider the feelings and emotions of men, we can say with certainty that in any case they will also be uncomfortable (and in the case when the partner does not want to let him go himself and when he does not want to let her go).
Emotions overwhelming men
It is commonly believed that women are more sensitive, so it is harder to go through a relationship breakup. This is partly true because girls are indeed more emotional, but guys sometimes suffer even more. And this is especially true for those members of the stronger sex who love or have loved a woman very much (the one they considered to be the closest and dearest). Then several different emotions are intertwined in their soul, namely: a sense of discomfort, fear, longing and jealousy.
Discomfort will arise because there were already certain common habits and attachments. The image of a loved one will still be present for some time, and everything around will remind you of her. And if the man himself has decided to leave, to get used to the new place, it will also be uncomfortable for him for a while. Fear appears because the man does not yet know how he will live without this woman. Negative emotions have knocked him out, so he does not yet know what to expect from the future, he is somewhat afraid of it.
Longing and anxiety will accompany the young man as he will periodically or constantly try to mentally come to terms with what has happened. Jealousy is inherent in many men, and it is sometimes present even when he himself has initiated the breakup because of a new love. It turns out that a man can be jealous even his ex.
Stages of separation if the initiator was a woman
The first is called denial, as the man of the whole situation does not fit in his head. He does not believe in what is happening, considers it a misunderstanding, can not reconcile, waiting for the return of the woman.
Then comes the anger and rage. The man is so angry that he tries to convince everyone around him and himself that the woman was not the best. He tries to present her in a negative light, belittling her virtues and exaggerating her flaws. The anger can be so strong that it can turn into rage.
The next stage is the beginning of a new life, usually about six months after the breakup. The man realizes that he cannot go on like this. One day he wakes up and feels like a free man who is ready for a new relationship.
Surviving the breakup of a relationship with the girl he loves
The guy will feel very badly, as living together with the girl he loves or meeting constantly will remain in his memory for a long time. Both partners understand that they cannot go on like this (for example, the guy is not ready to formalize the relationship, and the girl demands just that). He was comfortable, he loved this woman, and perhaps he would someday agree to be her legal husband. But today he is not ready for that, so he prefers separation to specifics. The turmoil will be intense, but it will go through the stages described above.
With the mistress.
The guy is aware of the fact that he is a third superfluous person. That is why he is theoretically already prepared for the fact that sooner or later there will be a breakup. The woman decides to stay with her husband or he himself can no longer tolerate the uncertainty, it does not matter. Breakup will happen relatively easily except if the guy was counting on a long-term relationship and the mistress ruined his plans and preferred her husband. In that case, things are likely to happen as described in the stages.
With a wife.
The parting with his wife is colored differently. The brightest periods of his life are associated with this woman, so he will be very upset. In any case (no matter who the initiator is) the experience will be strong and it will take quite a long time to get rid of it. Sense of guilt will definitely be present. If the woman decided to divorce herself, the man will feel guilty because he was not able to provide her with a happy life. If he leaves on his own, he will blame himself for leaving the most beloved person who can be compared to his mother in terms of affection, and followed his desires. Besides, the guilt will be felt because the guy can’t do anything about his feelings and emotions (“I fell in love with someone else and can’t do anything about it”, “I’ve fallen out of love with my wife, and I don’t have the strength to live with her anymore”).
Breakup on the initiative of the man
If between the partners were very close and trusting relationship, it does not matter if the woman was his wife or fiancee. In any case, the man will feel very strong feelings of guilt. Most likely, he will try not to absolve himself of responsibility for his beloved, and will do everything possible to minimize her worries. It also happens that a man is so ashamed of his actions, that he tries not to get in front of his former lover. However, it is safe to say that any man in this situation wants the best for his woman and wants her to be happy.