What do women want?
In order to keep the balance and not to deprive us, women, I am writing a response article on the understanding of the opposite sex, this time – for men. Click on the link, if it is interesting to read about what men want.
Yes, women are hard to understand. As Frank Hubbard said, “There are only two ways to understand a woman. But no one knows them.” Although, everything is not so hopeless, if you take into account certain features of female psychology, which are inherent in most women. And then, dear men, do not forget that if your woman does not fit into this “majority”, you can always go to a psychologist for help in understanding.
Inconsistency, mood swings
Women are emotional. Women are more likely to go after their emotions. That’s why even 5 minutes ago she can laugh and be in a great mood, and now look at you with glassy eyes and clearly hint that it would be nice to dissolve or, at worst, already start to fall under the ground, after all. Most likely, this means that some word or deed of yours (or lack of a word or deed…), has led her to sad thoughts. And from the sad thoughts are not far to the question – why do I need him at all? So, not to drive to sin, it’s easiest to ask your favorite straightforwardness – what made her change her mood? And gently obtain an answer. Show sensitivity, tactful insistence, of course, do it without a hit-and-run attitude and claims. You can share your feelings, say how her mood makes you sad, how it hurts to look in her sad (angry, resentful, angry) face. She certainly want to save you from this unbearable sadness, and she will tell you everything. Well, then be prepared to listen to the trouble.
In a relationship should talk?
Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely! First, it’s necessary for you, for men. So as not to get completely confused and somehow understand his chosen one. Secondly, it’s incredibly important for women – that her man understands her, listens to her, talks to her. Any conflicts need to be talked out. Every last drop of negative residue. So that there is nothing unpleasant left somewhere under the carpet.
But there’s a certain difficulty… It’s easy to talk about what you’re unhappy with. Much harder to listen to it from your partner calmly and constructively decide what to do about it. So if you decide to take the path to building a healthy, open, trusting relationship, you will have to prepare yourself mentally for the fact that not everything will be smooth. But this is the only way not to get divorced in a year or live your whole life quietly (or loudly) hating each other.
Confidence in the future
If you want a woman to see you as her life partner – show her that you are a breadwinner, that you can feed her and your children. That you can cope with the role of the father, the head of the family. That you are emotionally stable, capable of taking care of various issues. It’s as simple as that. And complicated at the same time. But it is this point in female psychology is often the reason for not always realized numerous conflicts in relationships. A woman needs confidence and security. Give them to her, and she becomes the sweetest creature in the world.
A woman needs freedom.
Don’t try to lock up your beloved at home. There are plenty of opportunities in our world for women to develop. Too many have become too little in the pants of the model housewife and homemaker, who washes diapers, makes pies and waits for her husband from work with a steaming dinner on the table. The point is that if you try to forbid something against her will, or otherwise show that you don’t like some of her activities, hobbies outside the home (we’re talking about socially acceptable activities…no hardcore), over time her inquisitive and bored mind will have thoughts like “hmm. I could have lived a very different life….wouldn’t I be worth it!”. Better not lead her to sin.
Talk and listen!
Once again, I want to mention this and even put it in a separate paragraph! This is extremely important, our dear men. Ask your woman how her day was, be interested in her thoughts, feelings, listen carefully to her answers and try to engage in a dialogue. Talking for a woman – an indicator of emotional closeness with a man. If you talk – you are fine. If you stop talking – you already have problems.
The fact that the untidy plate from the table, left crumbs, dirty cup by the computer, socks, forgotten under the chair – all this in the mind of a woman is arranged in a certain chain. “I try to clean up, keep our nest cozy and warm, and he comes in and litter! He doesn’t respect or appreciate my efforts, my contribution to taking care of the house and himself!” That’s about it. So if you do not want to create unnecessary reasons for conflicts and clarifications of relations (albeit not momentary…. but believe me, in an adverse case, you will remember it), just make an effort over yourself and stop littering in your own house.
Praise and kiss. Kiss and praise.
Also, give flowers for no reason. If you come home from work, say how much you missed, how rushed home to his beloved, the most beautiful and most desirable girl (by the way, women of all ages love when they are called that, this is your little tiphak, men), it will listen to your fascinating story with special attention at dinner about how you brought today clutch coupling, but they were not what you ordered and waited for 2 months. If you see that you blurted out something wrong – kiss. And compliment. And do it sincerely, from the heart! And not to get off. And then your woman will appreciate you very much.
What do women want psychology: laying out the question
In years past, clinical experts who wrote on relationship topics only had the opportunity to observe failed couples, so their ideas of what a happy relationship should be were based on naked fantasy. These experts had no idea exactly how men in truly great marriages behave.
The authors of the novel “Woman. A Guide for Men” conducted an entire scientific study to find out what the secret of harmonious relationships and what the fair sex really wants. We share important tips from the book.
What is the first thing that attracts women? A pumped up abs? A six-figure bank account? Do they want a tall, handsome man on a white horse? No, no and no. The first quality women need is extremely simple: reliability. Yes, yes, reliability.
Women are not looking for a handsome prince, but a man they can trust. Source
Dependability is not just about not gambling, for example, or, in the case of a long-term relationship, never cheating on her.
When it comes to courtship and marriage, the meaning of reliability is that you are exactly who you say you are, and your words match your deeds. This is where things like trust, responsibility and not trying to appear to be someone you’re not.
Remember: a woman asks herself every minute: “Is he reliable? Will he be my support? Can I trust him?”
Dependability is built through an emotional connection. A woman wants a man who will be there for her when she needs him, who is willing to be interested in her and care about her. Women want to be respected, listened to, and connect with.
Give a woman your undivided attention. This means this: if she wants to talk to you, take your eyes off the computer toy, put aside your cell phone and his actions demonstrate how important you are, and she herself, and that she tells you.
Try to feel what your partner feels, whether it makes sense or not. Source
Your job is to understand, and understanding can be achieved by asking questions. If your companion is complaining about her best friend, don’t offer her a ready-made solution, don’t guffaw, and don’t take the problem for granted. Ask questions about how she feels and what it all means to her. You have to be genuinely interested and try to understand why this is so important to her.
Men think that there is no point in discussing negative emotions, because it is much better to find a solution to the problem and forget about it. But for women, emotions are an opportunity to make a close contact. Try to remember this the next time your date wants to share her feelings.
Maybe you can’t fight with nunchakus, shoot a hunting bow, or hack into websites like a badass hacker. But whatever you can do, women will be mesmerized by the skill if you can demonstrate it in something that interests you.
In other words, if you collect stamps, become the most famous and status-conscious collector. If you collect trash, become the most famous, knowledgeable and powerful trash collector. Women are attracted to men who know how to be president and head of… themselves.
Women are attracted to confidence and high status. Become your best “self.” Source
Make no mistake – this is not about aplomb. There is a huge difference between aplomb and self-confidence. Confidence attracts a woman. Aplomb repels. Confidence comes from a firm knowledge of one’s abilities. Aplomb comes from an insecurity about them.
Leigh Ann Renninger, Ph.D., T. Joel Wade and Karl Grammer of the University of Vienna tried to determine which nonverbal cues make it more likely that a woman will choose them.
The men the women paid attention to were of the “spatial maximizers.” They demonstrated their dominance in the social environment by extending their legs, throwing their arm over the back of a chair, or otherwise asserting ownership of the occupied space. In addition, successful men were “significantly better at the art of looking. This means that they looked women in the eyes, often accompanying their glances with smiles.
Remember to look a woman in the eye, smile, stand up straight (straight posture is a sign of confidence) and don’t fidget. Source
Even successful men made fewer “closed-body movements”-imagine wrapping your arms around yourself like a schoolboy being scolded. If you are in a group of people, you will not be perceived as a dominant person. So never stand with your arms around yourself and do not cross your legs at the knees.
Here is a Clark Kent / Superman antithesis to help you out. Clark Kent showed nervousness: stuttering, fidgeting, mumbling, and as a result did not like the girl. But in the hypostasis of Superman, he behaved confidently, took up a lot of space and did not hesitate to fight the bad guys. Women are looking for a Hero, not a Noel without a stick. Take an example from Superman.
Humor columnist Dave Barry says the only decent response when a woman asks you, “Does this dress make me look fat?” – is to fall to the floor and fake a heart attack. All men hear similar questions, but you can’t play sick year after year! The real answer to this question-the Hero’s answer-is, “You’re beautiful, and it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing.” That’s the only way. There is no other answer.
A woman’s self-esteem depends very much on whether she approves of her own body. Source
As a man, you might think it’s funny to make jokes about the doughnut she ate or the size of her thighs. Well, nothing is funny. And for every statement that belittles her dignity, you will have to pay hundreds of compliments. Nothing hurts a woman more deeply than criticism about her appearance. Man – Every Woman’s Dream never let that happen.
Studies have shown that a woman’s anger usually stems from one of three main causes: helplessness, injustice, and irresponsibility of others.
When you don’t listen to your woman, she gets angry because she feels helpless. When you don’t treat her as an equal or betray her trust, she feels unfair and gets angry accordingly. When you don’t show up on time (the irresponsibility of others), she gets angry at you.
If conflict has broken out, the woman wants only one thing: to be listened to. Her task is to make her partner understand her better. And how do men react to criticism? They perceive it as a personal attack. Their innate defense system turns on, their heart rate quickens, and they are ready to fight back with the same vigor with which their ancestors attacked a bison or a neighboring tribe.
There is no room for pressure, assault and onslaught when you want to resolve a conflict with the woman of your life. Source
Imagine you’re trying to watch the sports channel at the end of the day, and then the woman declares: “You never listen to me.” If you were a cartoon character, your face would turn red and steam would come out of your eyes.
Heroes in such cases employ three simple strategies that have been scientifically proven to lower your heart rate. First, take a few deep breaths. The second is to count to ten. If you still see that you have not lost the hunt for a verbal attack on your woman, then there is a third strategy: take a time-out. You have to say something like this: “You know what, right now I do not have the strength to listen to you. I’ll be back in half an hour, and we’ll continue.
You can tune in to your partner around the clock, and that’s great for your relationship. But she still needs the company of her friends. Do you want the woman next to you to be as happy, accomplished and satisfied as possible? For that, she needs the social support of other women – from time to time.
If you have entered into a serious relationship with a woman, you know: now you are connected to all of her friends. Source
Len Syme, a psychology doctor at the University of California, Berkeley, and his student Lisa Berkman decided to test what factors generally predict longevity. The world was astonished by the results of their study, which involved about nine thousand people. It turned out that it wasn’t cholesterol, exercise or diet that influenced early death or longevity, but the quality of close relationships.
Interestingly, for men, life or death depended on whether they were married, while for women it depended on friendships with other women.
So if you want to live longer, stay with your partner and try to make the relationship happy. If you want her to live a long life, support her desire to socialize with her friends.
Every time your woman picks up, cradles, cradles, cradles, looks into her eyes, gently touches and even inhales the scent of a baby – your baby! – The level of oxytocin in her body rises. A special thread stretches between a woman and her baby – it is with her help that the survival of the species and the well-being of the offspring are ensured
If your feelings are hurt because your woman suddenly stops lying on the bed with you in her arms, tenderly touching you, or, as an obsessive woman, inhaling the scent of your hair, it’s all understandable and in fact it can’t be otherwise. And the only solution is to stretch your own thread between you and the baby.
The main thing a woman needs is true camaraderie in raising children. Source
If you fail to recognize this side of her identity and her love, a huge area of her heart will remain hidden to you. One of the main ways to show love to your woman is to support her in her role as a mother by loving her and protecting her children.
Women too often sacrifice their dreams in the name of family and relationships or simply because our society does not give a woman’s dreams the importance they deserve, especially if they are not related to the career of a wife or mother. But everyone’s dreams are important. Your dreams are important. And so are hers.
If a woman has a partner who knows and respects her life aspirations, she feels understood, given credit and deeply loved. Source
Research shows that the length and success of a relationship depends on how much each knows how to respect the other’s goals. If you don’t respect her dreams and aren’t willing to do everything in your power to help make them come true, you will suddenly find yourself next to a defeated, downhearted, depression-stricken woman.
Any man wants to be close to the one that is happy and full of love for life. If you don’t know what she’s dreaming about, ask her. And then move mountains if you have to, but help her realize her aspirations.