Turning points in relationships: learn together

What are relationship crises before marriage by month and year?

Relationship crises occur not only in marriage, but also in couples who started dating not so long ago.

This is why partners break up, not withstanding the ordeal. Let’s understand in more detail what crises in relationships are, why they arise and when they manifest themselves most often.

When do the first difficulties arise?

The very first crisis in the relationship, when the partners have not yet begun to live together, occurs 3 months after the beginning of meetings. Of course, this is a conditional date, a difficult period may begin earlier or later.

The main thing to understand is that the first difficulties are always associated with the passing of the “bonbon-bouquet period”. It is at this point that both partners or one of them goes through all the stages of falling in love. Euphoria ends, and the other half seems more real, not such an ideal person. The significant other is revealed to have flaws, personality qualities that do not lead to excitement.

It is at this point that lovers have to make a decision: are they satisfied with the person with their views on life, are they ready to go hand in hand further no matter what?

Types by month

The first crises in love occur in the first year of the relationship. They arise for different reasons, so it is worth breaking them down in detail.

3 months.

By about 3 months after the beginning of the relationship in a couple comes the first turning point. The period of falling in love gradually comes to an end, the hormonal background normalizes, the rose-colored glasses fall off. In an ideal, at first glance, second half of the couple begins to notice their shortcomings.

A typical phrase in a conversation with friends or girlfriends during this period is: “He/she has become a completely different person” or “He/she has changed so much lately.”

But there was no dramatic change in personality, just an objective picture that began to become clearer. Everything that was ignored in the first few months now began to attract attention and irritate.

If the infatuation stage is coming to an end, and you feel disappointed in your partner, try to change the focus. Focus not on your expectations, which did not come true, but on the real image of your partner. You may like him better than the invented perfect image.

If you managed to overcome the first crisis, the relationship continues, then by six months you should expect the next difficulties. The crisis in six months is called in psychology a crisis of confrontation. It often coincides in time with the beginning of cohabitation of partners, although this is not necessarily so.

Even this time is also called lapping. After all, everyone already has some life experience, way of life and a set of values. When in these and other matters of life there is disagreement with the partner, he does not meet expectations or imposes his model of behavior, then difficulties begin.

The main causes of confrontation with the other half:

  • housekeeping (domestic issues about cleaning, cooking, storing things, budgeting, etc.)
  • Leisure time activities (hobbies, spending time together, spending time with friends, family);
  • Sexual sphere (the explosion of hormones as in the beginning of the relationship is over, now it is important to consider the sexual preferences and temperament of your chosen one).

If you are going through a 6-7 month crisis right now, learn how to balance your desires with those of your partner.

You should not completely dissolve in your partner (adopt his or her views, adjust to his or her interests, etc.). You have to have 3-5 principles – things that you will not give up under any circumstances. For example, dinner at your parents’ house on Sundays every week, or daily jogging in the morning.

At the same time, do not forget about the partner and consider his feelings and thoughts. Try to ask yourself more often: “And what does my other half feel right now? It is especially important to think about this during conflicts.

What are the types by year?

There are periods in a relationship when difficulties and misunderstandings between partners are especially pronounced and require action from both. Each new difficult period has its own causes and manifestations, which is important to be able to identify.

Despite the fact that the infatuation and euphoria, as in the beginning of the relationship, is already over, passion continues to rage in the couple.

Partners are used to each other, feel safe and more confidently begin to defend their views.

It is at this point that unexpected things may come to light that may even disappoint the other half and rekindle the desire to end the relationship.

Yes, there are no sharp confrontations and conflicts of interest anymore. The stage of lapping is over. But it has been replaced by work on compromises. The more different situations and problems you solve, agree on, the stronger the bond becomes and the rules of your couple are established.

Most couples do not cope with this crisis and decide to break up precisely in the first year.

To successfully survive this period, it is enough from the beginning of the relationship to communicate a lot, share thoughts, discuss controversial points in movies or books. Shared hobbies will also help to switch from negative thoughts to a pleasant time together.

Here is more information on the 1-year relationship crisis.

The next crisis usually occurs after a year and a half of close communication. At this stage, all the shrouds from their eyes finally fall off and everyone in the couple is again confronted with the fact that their other half is not as ideal as imagined before. People realize that their relationship is not perfect and will never be. Mild disappointment and sadness sets in.

When communicating with friends and family, the couple unwittingly begins to compare their relationships with those of others. Of course, not to their own advantage. Thoughts come to mind: “What if it’s still a mistake?”, “Maybe it’s not mine? Maybe I’ll still have the perfect relationship?” The person again has to make a responsible choice between striving for the ideal and reality.

Partners are used to each other, their communication and life are settled, occurring in familiar ways. The couple is desperately lacking novelty.

The best way to easily overcome this crisis is to bring something new into the relationship, make surprises, pay more attention to quality time with your companion (making dates, holiday dinners, going on spontaneous trips, getting new experiences, taking time for a hobby together).

Two Years.

By the age of 2 years, the relationship in a couple has become settled, there are some unspoken laws, and all the habits of the other half are already familiar.

Relationships do not require such efforts and attention as at first, so it is time to take care of yourself.

One begins to manage one’s resources – time, energy and attention – competently between relationships and social life. And if there is no balance, problems arise.

Compromises are very necessary right now in order to build comfortable forms of interaction, to learn to distribute forces both on individual and joint interests with the partner.

Read more about this crisis period here.

The crisis of 3 years is often referred to as a crisis of stability. In the third year of a relationship, people in a couple take each other for granted . They have the impression that no one is going anywhere, you can relax and immerse yourself in everyday life or engage in self-development.

3 years is another stage of the relationship, when a large number of couples do not cope with difficulties and break up.

The reasons for a crisis of stability are:

  • many habits unpleasant to the partner appear (the man throws away his socks, the woman stops shaving her legs often, both may not close the door when going to the bathroom);
  • changes in appearance (shabby hair, unkempt home clothes, lack of sexy suits as at the beginning of the relationship, etc.)
  • neglecting important dates (forgetting birthdays, relationship anniversaries, March 8, February 23, etc.)
  • lovers increasingly prefer to spend their leisure time with friends rather than with each other.

This is not to say that love is over. The point is that passion has ended, it has been replaced by an ordinary life. It is she became a priority instead of falling in love.

The best way to overcome the crisis of 3 years: regularly ask yourself the question, “What am I doing to make my relationship better and my partner happy?”

More information at this link.

Routine life has finally taken over both partners. Relationships are already established, so it’s increasingly difficult to give them quality time – there’s just not enough energy left to do it. And why should you, when so much has been done and your partner is completely confident in you?

If more and more often in a couple there are these signs, the crisis of 4 years is in full swing:

  • irritability;
  • lack of desire to share problems and joys with the other half;
  • More and more often there is negativity or indifference to a loved one;
  • there is a growth of resentment;
  • quarrels often arise;
  • free time want to spend separately.

Crises of 3 and 4 years are very similar. Usually there is one of them in the relationship. If the crisis was in 3 years, then in 4 years, it is likely to be absent.

Overcome this difficult period can be the same as other crises. You need to talk more with your partner, talk about your feelings, share your thoughts, do not hide the hard feelings.

It is also important to think about quality leisure time, not just an evening in front of the TV. Let it be not often, but it will definitely have a positive effect.

The crisis of 5 years in a couple’s relationship is a real turning point. It is by this time, both partners must decide: Are both satisfied with the absence of a formal marriage? If a woman or a man is still hoping that the partner will propose to legalize the relationship, and this does not happen, then after 5 years, all the dissatisfaction will provoke a crisis.

If you can not overcome it, it will be the last crisis – the couple breaks up. If you can talk to your partner and solve all the problems, then further crises will occur already on the type of married couples.

Read in our separate article more about the crisis of 5 years.

Why is it important to be able to distinguish crisis periods in a couple?

Crises in a relationship can be very insidious. Both partners can write off arising tension, misunderstandings and conflicts on banal fatigue. That is why it is important to be able to recognize such periods, to be prepared for them.

Inevitably accompany the life of every person. But we need to treat them as an opportunity for growth and development. Overcoming the crisis will help strengthen relationships and help move them to a new, higher quality level.

Conclusion

Crisis is a point of growth. One should not be afraid of it, but learn to work on the relationship. If the work is successful, there will be many more happy years of life together, and each next transition stage will be much easier to survive.

7 stages of development of a relationship between a man and a woman

Professional journalist, author of a poetry collection and several literary publications.

Expert – Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. For eight years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.

When does the analysis of past relationships or nostalgia seizes and wants to remember how it all began. Often one comes to the conclusion that past experiences are similar in some way. All events seem to develop in a circle and always go through the same stages of the relationship. It is a natural process for a healthy relationship to go through all the stages of relationship development to become even stronger.

Why a relationship goes through stages of development

A couple’s harmonious development must go through different stages of relationship building. You can’t be constantly satisfied with candy and bouquets, long walks under the moon, and always a relationship and meeting several times a week. It’s certainly a convenient format, but you can’t build a long and lasting relationship on it.

Attachment is formed at the stage of falling in love, hormones are rushing over the edge, it seems as if the world stops without the person you love. Passion gradually fades, wild sex is replaced by conjugal duty, children appear, and everything becomes ordinary and gray. From the outside it may seem that the couple is stuck at one stage of development and nothing happens further. The transformation of the couple’s relationship follows its own script, with its own speed and peculiarities, despite the fact that the stages of development are the same for all.

It is hard to deny that everyone changes with age, demands become greater, claims appear, and at this point you need to grow and develop along with the relationship. If you neglect to work on the union, you can stop at the first stages forever. It makes sense that then a rift will come and the relationship will cease to exist.

Every couple should know about what stages of building a relationship there are, what they are special and how to go through them in order to maintain a harmonious relationship.

Stages of the relationship: features and ways to overcome

Past relationships provide invaluable experience of mistakes and their overcoming. If the relationship has moved into the category of “former”, it means that something has failed to overcome and move on to the next stage. Healthy and promising relationships develop in the same way at 18 and at 50, going through the same stages. And it depends on the right behavior and approach to how long they will last.

The first stage

This is the stage where the relationship begins, and sometimes it also ends. The easiest stage, when lovers see only pluses in each other, the partner seems to be a fairy tale hero, a real prince or princess, who was all the dreams. The heart in the chest beats frantically, the cheeks burn, the eyes sparkle, you want to take each other’s hand and walk for a long time, not parting even for a few minutes. At this time, even a cute little text brings excitement and time slows down when there is not a single message from your beloved on the phone.

Guys act like manly knights and are willing to do anything to win the heart of the lady they love. Girls tend to idealize the image of the beloved. This is quite normal. When you do not know a person, have not seen him in everyday life, in conflict situations, it is easier to come up with an airy image and give him the desired qualities.

Each date is perceived as the most important meeting, for which they are preparing for hours. The state of being in love is inspiring, you want to shout at the whole world about love, write poems, admire the ideal relationship and the wonderful person next to you. Emotional hunger from the lack of communication with a loved one no one can fill. If the relationship is interrupted at this stage, it will forever remain in the memory as the best relationship in which everything was perfect.

The second stage

It is inevitable that the second stage will come with satiety. Communication brings the same pleasure, no longer needing to spend every minute together. In the second stage of the relationship, it is no longer necessary to go everywhere together and it becomes normal to visit friends and events separately. Leisure activities become less romantic, evenings can now be spent together lying on the couch watching your favorite movie or TV series. Passion gradually subsides, and every minute waiting for intimacy is not perceived as a disaster.

Relationships have become more harmonious, calm, everything is stable. Partners are revealed, showing strengths and weaknesses of character. The veil of infatuation gradually recedes, small flaws and character flaws become apparent.

Everyone begins to behave naturally, no longer need to praise your partner for every joke, deed. Communication remains as warm, surprises are exciting and pleasing. Emotions have become more stable, the relationship develops smoothly, and nothing threatens to break. Development at this stage resembles a hungry wayfarer who has had his fill of the first fruits and becomes calm and balanced, satisfied and satisfied.

Third Stage

An important and crisis period that all couples who have been dating for several years, or young spouses, come to. There comes a turning point in the relationship and all the problems become impossible to hide. Every movement, wrong word, inappropriate joke used to be able to please, but now causes an instant explosion of emotions and a stream of reproaches in response. Loved and close person causes negative emotions, he becomes unideal, behaves in a way that previously did not allow. Romance is gone, children may have appeared, and it has become impossible to see the same face in front of you every day.

The length of the period depends on the length of the relationship, the temperament of the partners, their wisdom and their ability to assess everything critically from the outside and understand that this is a normal stage. You don’t need to behave like your partner. Getting angry in response to actions and start screaming for every crumb on the table is not the best option. Most couples break down at this very stage. Thoughts come in that the partner can’t meet all the needs and the choice in their favor was wrong. It all happens because of the lack of nourishing intoxicating emotions that were previously pleasing to the brain.

Giving up the union and ending the relationship is the easiest thing to do. A new partner will please just as much and then it will happen again. If you don’t want to constantly interrupt the relationship and spend your life finding new partners, you need to learn how to pass the third stage and move on to the next stage of development.

Fourth stage

Overcoming the crisis stage is behind you. Problems become less noticeable, wisdom and understanding that you can come to an agreement with the person you love and find a solution to any problems gradually arrives. Understanding comes to a more mature, adult, morally ready and mature for a relationship. You need to separate and understand that at this stage you don’t have to be patient and think that everything will change, everyone has been patient and I can do it, but wisely resolve conflicts and be able to turn a blind eye to minor irritating factors.

The big problem is looking at the world with negativity and constantly assuring yourself that others are to blame for the problems. It must come to the realization that half the blame for problems and quarrels in a partnership relationship lies with both partners. It used to seem like the relationship was at a standstill, and not a day goes by without quarrels and problems. Now the quarrels have become different, rare, and related more to external irritants. Problems at work, women’s monthly cycle, a sudden car breakdown and other irritants provoke quarrels. It’s more like venting your emotions on your partner to make it easier.

Patience and wisdom are like threads stitching together relationships where they are constantly torn. Just don’t confuse patience with bullying, beatings, and moral abuse in the family and patience with minor flaws. In the first case, you need to call the police, and not hope that your partner will suddenly have an epiphany and realize what he is doing wrong. You have to work on your ego, to be able to reevaluate changes in your partner, his needs and desires. Let there be no more romantic aura, no one meets you at the office door with a bouquet of flowers. Beside there is a reliable partner, who is proven in many situations and wisely resolves minor conflicts without showering him with hundreds of caustic words. At this stage, a person opens up truly, and on how he is perceived and accepted, depends on the success of the transition to the fifth stage.

Fifth stage

Learning to recognize your partner’s uniqueness, your needs, your desires, your debt to them are the first steps to true Love at its highest. Love is already at the threshold, waiting to be let in. There comes a clear awareness of the fact that the spouse is not an ethereal being woven of clouds and tenderness. A living person with problems, concerns, thoughts, claims, and, on the understanding of duty to him or her, depends the success of the relationship in the future.

He’s not perfect, but he loves me, tolerates me, understands me. Acting the same way toward my spouse is a duty and a primary responsibility. I no longer want to yell over little things, there are no scandals over the lack of candles and romance. It becomes clear that in order to receive benefits you need to put your own efforts, and not to rely on your partner and expect from him to act.

At this stage, a duty to the family and children is realized. Maintaining an undying family home, a delicious dinner, the wisdom and understanding of the partner, the joint time, the desire to develop and find answers to all questions – the key to success in the fifth stage. Training, consulting a psychologist, books can help you find answers to all the questions you are worried about. Constantly need to work not only on relationships, but also on personal development. Maintain interest in themselves, to be a harmonious addition to the partner – this is something without which you can not for many decades to maintain relationships.

Stage Six

The penultimate stage of the relationship, in which partners become not just lovers, parents, and real friends. There comes a time when the next unwashed cup no longer causes an explosion of emotion, sex is not as bright, but the emotional closeness covers everything in full. These are two truly close people who have withstood all the hardships and difficulties, found the secrets of understanding, fulfilled their duty to their children, passed all the temptations and stayed together. This is where such a coveted fairy tale comes in, in which “they lived happily ever after” best describes the state of things.

Although a person has known each other for a long time, there are new features and virtues for which one can respect, admire, praise and be proud. Love has not yet reached the stage of supreme significance, but it is already close to it. Two people talk cheerfully and openly, ready to spend time together. Relationships are built on selfless dedication, boundless trust, and defense of common interests.

Seventh stage.

Absolute love. The highest point of the couple’s development to which it is necessary to strive. What they call love in the first stage is not love at all. In the beginning of the relationship is infatuation, passion, a desire to physically possess the person, backed by a cocktail of hormones.

It is impossible to reach the seventh stage immediately after falling in love. It takes years for a beautiful flower to grow from a seed, which will delight you with its beauty and perfection for a long time. The same happens with relationships. Higher love comes through trials, resentments, quarrels and misunderstandings. Don’t be afraid of trials and constantly look back and think that the most beautiful and pure emotions remained in the first stages of the relationship. It is now clear that the most important, the most important, spiritual unification comes as a reward for all the hardships.

It is not hard to meet and fall in love with a beautiful image in which everything is perfect and seems so perfect and perfect. It is harder to try to develop a relationship, to look for the reasons for quarrels and ways to resolve conflicts. All relationships are similar to each other and go through a journey of transformation from falling in love to absolute love. This is the hardest work, which takes a lot of spiritual strength and requires endurance and fortitude. It would be appropriate to compare the development of a relationship to a tree that at first shoots up and only after many decades begins to enjoy a lush crown and beauty, firmly anchored by the roots in the ground and no natural elements can destroy it.

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