Love: 7 rules by which men play
How a woman to interest a man: read your favorite open book
Alice Metelina Psychologist, coach and coach, an expert in the field of relationships.
Not everything is simple in the world of men. They live with us, they love us, but they play by their own rules. And we girls need to know these rules to understand what game to play and how to win. The more competent you express yourself in a relationship with your lover, the more points you earn in the eyes of his chosen one as his girlfriend, wife and mother of future children.
Not one step back, or the first rule.
All men make mistakes, but men never do. Statistics from “School of Hunting” (a sample of five thousand men) cheerfully informs us that the likelihood of a man to admit his mistake tends to zero. This is especially true if a woman is right. Man, of course, can apologize, but with what pleasure he will blame it on circumstances. He will say that he was forced to: “I did not want to, but it happened. The most amazing thing is that he is probably telling the truth, and the most difficult thing is to look at this truth with a man’s eyes. I warn you right away, the culprits in his story will be: colleagues, superiors, the situation, but not himself.
The only intention that he is pursuing at this moment – a desperate desire to remain a good guy for you. After all, it is when a man has not lived up to your expectations that he is most afraid of being the bad guy. He himself knows full well that he is at fault. When a woman is constantly pointing out the man to his faults and bringing up old sins, he sooner or later will start to meet the worst of your expectations.
Once the man was wrong, and you were right, you inevitably face a choice: to be right and defend your point of view or be happy and look at the situation through the eyes of men. And you will choose the second, if you value your relationship. As long as you accept his truth, as long as you look at him with faith and admiration in his eyes – he will strive to match his reflection in the eyes of his beloved woman.
One step forward, two steps back, or Rule Two
A man who is dating is not looking for a serious relationship. A “regular non-serious” relationship is enough for him. Remember how often you hear: “I want to get married!”, but you’re unlikely to hear “I want to get married.
Any attempt to put a young man’s name on the marriage certificate is perceived by him as an aggressive encroachment on his freedom. And a man treats his personal space very jealously. Only after some time, becoming more and more aware of how good he is with this girl, does the man begin to let her into his personal space.
But the “development” of male territory should be as if you were a cat, slowly and carefully moving forward on soft paws. Costs you to show claws or claim that you have a right to his space, the man will immediately take a step back or away, reminding that you are only a guest in his house, even if it is a welcome one.
If you want to marry your chosen one – go for it! Siege, ambush and caution – that’s your trump card on the road to a woman’s happiness. You can not storm that fortress.
Dust in your eyes, or the third rule
All men brag, but each does it in his own way: some with a beautiful wife, some with a new car, and some with the number of books they have read.
When a woman admires a man, he feels special. And at that moment a miracle happens: the average guy suddenly grows wings behind his back. Now he’s superman and ready to kill the bad guy, I mean, to handle any problem.
Therefore, admiration – this is what subconsciously waits and dreams of every representative of the strong half of mankind. The thirst and need for admiration is manifested in the competition with friends, in the desire to pull the dust in the eyes of women. He boasts of himself and subconsciously waiting for approval from others. As in childhood. After all, if he is “wow” what a great – this will certainly notice.
When you hear any revelations from the man, do not stop him, do not try to dispel his illusion of omnipotence. Fantasy, even if it is far from reality, can become reality, if you allow yourself to believe in it.
Brevity is the sister of talent, or the fourth rule.
Communication plays a different role in the lives of men and women. For girls, the process of communication itself is a pleasure. For guys – just a way to get information. And everything they hear is taken as is. Floridly constructed phrases and indirect requests do not resonate in the male soul. The simpler the sentence is constructed, the more likely that you will be correctly understood.
A girl who is in a relationship with a young man, sincerely believes that her lover should read her mind or at least guess her desires. But the more veiled the request, the more hints, the harder it is for a man to guess what he wants. In this misunderstanding is the cause of women’s frustration. And the man has a counter-reaction – irritation. He feels dissatisfied, but can not understand what he is doing wrong and why can not just say what is required of him?
It so happens that a man – a creature logical and sympathetic, but he is used to speaking briefly and clearly, getting specific answers to their questions, and otherwise simply can not. By explaining your needs as clearly as possible, you make it easier for him and get what you need: a new iPhone, a trip to the movies or an affectionate text for the night.
“Iron Mask,” or Rule Five
In the harsh world of men, it is not customary to show emotion. A real hero is always wearing a mask: no one should see his face. The ability to “keep a mark” and hide their feelings is a distinctive feature of the strongest half of mankind. A man who has trouble at work is the most reserved, silent and sullen creature in the world. All he wants, when he has a difficult period in life, is for the family, together with his beloved woman to leave him alone.
A woman at this point, various bad thoughts creep into her head, and she begins to think about them. After going through the worst versions of the relationship, the girl is offended and goes to herself, and then the young man has one more headache. Or starts to question with a passion her lover about what plunged him into the world’s sorrow. For a man to cope with something-a betrayal, an insult, or a difficult task-a man needs to digest it within himself.
And we need to be patient. After all, after a man has solved his problems in his head, we will get a well-deserved reward: he will return in a wonderful frame of mind and ready to communicate.
Herd Instinct, or the Sixth Rule
The herd instinct is not a relic of the past, it still drives modern representatives of the strongest half of mankind and manifests itself in the male desire to unite in company. There are three signs, according to which men are united into groups.
First – by age. People of the same age have something to remember, because they spent their childhood at one time and the culture of this period will always be close to them.
The second is by interest. The direction of male interests may lie in any area.
Third – the presence of a common enemy. These groups have the highest levels of adrenaline and testosterone and the most intolerant attitude towards life, multiplied most often by a heightened sense of justice.
In every male group, there are topics in which our boys show the most awe-inspiring interest. Sex, sports, and/or politics are what occupy heated male minds when we are not around.
If you’re not comfortable with a young man spending too much time in company, you can either enter his entourage and become part of the group, or accept frequent absences with friends as personal space and go about your business in peace. You can enter your loved one’s immediate environment by adopting the following attitudes:
- One – your man has great company.
- Second – you like the place where they gather.
- Third – talk about wanting to meet and talk to his friends. If you get a refusal, you come back to point three in a couple of days or weeks.
- Fourth – his friends are your friends!
“The Dying Swan, or Rule Seven.
There is no creature more defenseless and thirsty for attention than a man who is sick. After all, even as a conscious infant (age three or more) your boy has been taught that if he is sick, he is the center of the universe. Now there’s a lot of things you don’t have to do, everyone tiptoes around and talks in whispers. And it’s so nice to be cared for, and illness gives you carte blanche.
So at that moment you have the prospect to show your best side. Your own hands make such a useful in his “dying” state chicken broth, feed him from the spoon, adjust the blanket, and put on a DVD of his favorite movies. And if you want to breathe life into his “dying swan” to the maximum, you can do all this in a nurse’s robe from a sex shop.
Men and women have different psychology, and this can cause discord in the relationship. But everything is in your hands: write your own life script, become the director and the protagonist of your own happiness story.
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I read the article – not bad. The girl will go far. She will be happy and she will stealthily “twist the ropes” out of her husband and get what she needs. I read the comments – girls, women, women – are you crazy? If you have to keep your husband in black mittens or he only lies on the couch, then it’s not all men suck, and you have chosen the wrong man. He’s waiting for another woman to make him better and stronger. If you’re so independent and fucked up, live on your own, buy a rubber friend in a sex shop, and don’t #### brains. Because you, the beautiful half, men have to learn to understand, please, etc. And you are like such super that you already know how to do everything? #### such women. The question of today’s world – Men have become obamian, and the female sex is no more, only women are left. Where is the real woman? P.S.: I, as a man, earn enough to live very well, with his hands I can do everything, and what I can not, I can call a master who will do (this is my responsibility), if loved sick / tired – cook, clean (I can cook well), gifts and surprises doing, in bed thinking about the partner, then about themselves. And women went that you can not call a woman – buy me this, buy me that, and so every day, tired all the time, you have to be constantly around, I do not pay enough attention, I can not get up in the morning, I – a owl, to iron, wash myself, I read the new method – now I dispose of your money, You’ll see how effective it will be, I do not need a lot of sex, you’re strange if you need so much, so what if my mother spreads her dirty panties all over our apartment, she does not stay long, rarely comes (once a month).
God forbid, play by man’s rules! NEVER do that! Otherwise your whole life in such a bent position and stand! And to the question “What do you want – to be right or to be happy?” the answer can only be one “Of course, to be right!” Because it’s impossible to be happy if you’re always wrong (chit. your opinion is mashed up, no credit is given to your developed mental faculties, your insight – all by a very close person! you have to have plinth-level self-esteem to convince yourself that “but I’m happy” in such a humiliated position! ). And do not give men a lot of gingerbread – they are so impudent and strive to get on his neck. Hedgehog gauntlets – our everything! Have you done something wrong? Clench your fist in a thorny gauntlet tighter! Is he behaving himself? Loosen his grip a little. He should feel that the absence of needles digging into him is already an encouragement, only then you can mold something useful and sensible, personally suitable to you. And I’m not theorizing, I’m speaking from the experience of several decades of successful practice in this direction.
It’s fun to read such rules)) Although I was provoked to unsubscribe by a comment in 2013 from “Zhenya Zhenya”… just like ####)) It makes me laugh)))) It feels like 90% of the commenters are bitches who have been hurt a lot by guys in the past and now all guys are assholes. Of course, to understand such logic in our dear “we can do 10 things at once” does not work, but never mind).
But thanks for the article. It is unusual that a girl is trying to figure out the other side of the coin, but it’s nice) I think if a guy can consider such a girl, he will cherish her. Although, who already knows, because in order to deserve the attention of girls in today’s world in most cases you have to be ####, otherwise the guy will be a weak simpleton)))). But that’s it.
The gist of the article: Women, you are nobody and your name is nothing! If you’re right and he’s wrong, shove your opinion deep down and apologize to the man. No matter what he’s up to – admire him! Deal with his constant hanging out with his buddies. Or remember that Vanek/Vitek/Sashok, who gobbles up all the food from your fridge, leaves behind cackles on your toilet, deliberately bezzes while eating and laughing about it like a regimental horse – this is the sweetest and nicest man, just a dushka! And then, maybe your man will have mercy and agree to tolerate you near him.
Alice Metelina, I sympathize with you! It’s how in life to be failed, that the only reason for pride was the presence near a man (at least some)!
It was interesting to read the opinion of a man on the subject. I completely agree with many of your statements. But women are all different too. And not all of us are crazy, not all lazy, mercenary. Many of us also do not get enough attention from men. And you climb the wall from “loneliness alone” . And about the fact that if the husband is stupid lying on the couch, then the woman chose the wrong one, and herself to blame, that’s only partially agree. The only thing we are guilty of is that we feel sorry for our tired husband, and then we put the house, children and him on our shoulders. And forgetting that she herself is also tired, she just got out of work. But he was more tired! It’s okay, I’ll bear it… And so it turns out that an unbeaten man drives an unbeaten man. With good intentions.
That’s right – they’re so silly and so ridiculous men! They’re also terribly weak! Isn’t the inability to admit one’s mistakes a weakness and stupidity? And how beautifully veiled their inability to understand when they are not told everything straight out as it is “he is used to speak briefly and clearly, getting specific answers to their questions, and the other just does not know how.” In fact – he does not know, but we do! And we know how to do ten things at once, make borscht for example, talk to a friend on the phone, and dress the child to school. And they if they talk on the phone are not able to button up for themselves at the same time! Ha-ha-haaa! Having a man in the house is only like a pet!
There’s a true phrase. All people are like 5 fingers different That doesn’t mean that every 5 are the same Any relationship games are rot Any rules and tactics. This is roughly said to get the subject Do you want to live peacefully Be yourself without reinventing the wheel As in this useless article, which is designed to attract visitors to make money and that’s all
Male psychology – tips for women
It seems that people are alike, regardless of the sexes? This is far from it. Male psychology – a separate story! Representatives of the stronger sex often play by their own rules, lead a strategy, sometimes incomprehensible to them. Women should pay attention to understanding guys. The more correct and competent the girl will behave, the more pleasant and harmonious will be the relationship of the future couple.
Male psychology for women: tip one
Life without mistakes is impossible. Representatives of the stronger sex in most cases do not recognize mistakes. A man will apologize if he is wrong in front of the lady, however, will gladly take all the blame for the rest, albeit minor cases. Such is the way that it is not only difficult to tell the truth, but also to admit it. Anyone from neighbors to coworkers or casual acquaintances becomes the culprit.
The main intention is to be a good guy, to meet all expectations, even if he is at fault. You should not point out to a man his faults and shortcomings at such moments, otherwise he will live up to your worst expectations.
The psychology of men is built in such a way that they will not admit that they are wrong. So a woman can insist on his own or assess the situation from his point of view. The second option will allow you to stay happy, accepting the truth of your partner, as a result of which he will strive to realize the expectations placed on him.
The psychology of men in love
Predominantly guys get acquainted with girls not for a serious relationship. At least, they do not prioritize them initially. Men are quite satisfied with regular meetings without obligations. This is further confirmed by the fact that “I want to get married” is heard much more often than “I want to get married”.
Active attempts to put a marriage stamp in the passport are perceived by most members of the stronger sex as an aggression in terms of limiting personal freedom. Individual space for many men is regarded as sacred. Only after some time they understand the depth of feelings, feelings, letting their beloved into their heart and soul.
Specialists advise to master the male territory smoothly, slowly, like a cat on soft paws. Any abrupt statement or active demonstration of rights to the territory act as a stop sign. This applies not only to “casual female acquaintances,” but also to those that the guy is used to. To attract the chosen one, it is necessary to “woo” the chosen object accurately and cautiously. Such a fortress cannot be taken by storm.
Dusting
The psychology of guys in relationships with girls is often conditioned by boasting, but everyone does it in his own way. The subject of pride becomes a beautiful wife, a new car, the number of books read and the like. Lady’s admiration for men becomes a kind of incentive to perform acts. They feel special, and their wings grow behind them. An ordinary guy feels like a superhero, ready to cope with any problem.
Male psychology in relation to admiration from the female sex is based on a subconscious level. That is, any representative of the stronger sex dreams to surprise the girl. The specified need manifests itself in the desire to “let dust” in the eyes, rivalry with colleagues or friends. “Alpha male” likes to boast about achievements, waiting for approval from the representatives of the better half of mankind. In this men are similar to children. Therefore, do not “cut at the root” fantasy and a sense of grandeur. No matter how unattainable it may seem a dream, it can come true if you sincerely believe.
Straightforwardness
Men’s psychology in love and relationships is different from women’s perception. Ladies get satisfaction from the very process of communication. For guys, it is a way to get some kind of information. The man perceives what he hears as it is. Veiled phrases and complex hints are not the best way to reach the heart of the stronger sex. The simpler and more straightforward the phrase, the greater the chance of mutual understanding.
Fiancee expects from her lover that he will guess her desires, almost read his mind. However, the confusing hints and florid phrases only complicate the situation, it is difficult for a man to understand what they really want from him? This misunderstanding is often the cause of women’s frustration. In men’s psychology, the response is manifested as irritation, irascibility. Guys feel dissatisfaction, but do not understand why you can not express your desire directly?
The logical mindset of men is built in such a way as to speak clearly and briefly, and to receive specific answers to questions. Ladies, explaining their own needs as clearly as possible, simplify the task not only of the chosen one, but also of themselves.
Emotional disguise
The psychology of men is built on restraining emotions. In the harsh world, a real hero must be able to “keep a mark”, not splashing out worries on those around him. A guy who has problems at work is an extremely moody and withdrawn creature. All he needs at this point is peace and solitude. Well, he does not want to reveal his soul to the in-laws, including his beloved wife.
At such moments the ladies invent all sorts of bad excuses. Being tuned in to the worst possible scenario, the girls take offense, and withdraw into themselves. As a result, the man has an additional problem. The second version of events is an interrogation with bias. A woman tries to find out by all means what caused her loved one’s sadness and grief.
There is a certain lever in men’s psychology that triggers a reaction to an insult, betrayal or other strong emotion, only after digestion and perception of an unpleasant situation. Ladies in this case have to be patient, and then get a well-deserved reward in the form of a cheerful, ready-to-communicate person.
Herd Instinct
The psychology of guys is formed on the basis of the herd instinct. The desire to unite in company is quite normal. The main signs of the unification of the representatives of the stronger sex in groups:
- Interests by age. People have something to share, given the cultural ties of the same time, including memories from childhood.
- Interests in a particular area (sports, cars, hobbies, fishing, hunting, and the like).
- Coalition against a common enemy. In such groupings, there is a heightened level of adrenaline and testosterone. Here there is an intolerant attitude to life with a heightened sense of justice.
- “Hot Topics.” Guys are especially reverent when discussing sex, politics, and sports.
If a woman is not satisfied with the long absence of her chosen one by her side, you can simply embed yourself in his environment, become part of a collective of interests. An alternative way out – the normal perception of the departure of a loved one, which allows you to quietly do their business. To properly enter the company of a loved one, you should remember some of the attitudes:
- Recognize that your loved one has a great group.
- Love the place where comrades gather.
- Find it in yourself to be able and willing to get to know your loved one’s surroundings.
- Accept the fact that his friends are now yours, too.
Dying Swan Syndrome.
Men’s psychology should sometimes be treated with great trepidation. As life experience shows, there is no more defenseless and demanding creature than a sick representative of the stronger sex. It comes from childhood, when a boy is taught that if he is sick – the planet revolves around him. Everyone takes care of the man, lets him do a lot of things and cuddles with him.
Such moments are suitable for showing off. Cooking chicken broth, tea with jam, or just an affectionate word can breathe maximum life and health into the “dying swan”. And if you season the situation with a spicy outfit or an interesting movie – the payoff will not be long to wait. Male psychology is different from female psychology, but all in the hands of the couple. If you make concessions, understand your partner, happiness will not make you wait long.
How to understand a man?
Guys aim to assert themselves at any cost. The psychological barrier depends on the tasks set and the level of the relationship at the professional level. Problems at work or difficulties in career development often overshadow the clarification of personal or family relationships. A representative of the stronger sex tries by all means to achieve what he wants, and a woman’s correct behavior motivates him more than any other factors. Support of the lady as air, without which you can not breathe and assert yourself in this life.
Tips for girls who want to understand male psychology:
- Stay out of your young man’s business unless he asks for it;
- Do not make harsh statements criticizing his behavior, any support will be evaluated positively, in contrast to the recriminations and “hit-and-runs;
- support the partner in difficult situations;
- never show their superiority to her husband or boyfriend.
Tips from a psychologist in a relationship with a man
Several recommendations give ladies the opportunity to establish relationships with their chosen ones. Observe the following rules:
- Smile more often and listen to the man attentively.
- Laugh at jokes and let your partner talk about himself.
- Share your boyfriend’s interests, don’t be afraid of him, give him gifts.
- Be mysterious, don’t forget to praise your chosen one.
- What do men like in a woman? Psychology shows that unobtrusiveness, control over emotions, gratitude – the main criteria for success.
- Do not impose, be different.
- Do not try your patience waiting, as well as drag your beloved shopping.
- Be positive, in clothes use not only business style.
- Less swearing, work on your makeup, love yourself.
- Take the first step.
- Work on your gait.
- Be helpful and let him return the favor.
- Don’t bring up the past often, don’t focus on the guy’s mistakes.
- Be intellectually involved, don’t put yourself above him.
- Show sincerity combined with some intrigue.
Love or sex?
The psychology of men in a relationship with a girl is determined by the dominance of intimate relationships. Love is also important for guys, but it is not in the first place, especially after a brief acquaintance. Such behavior is conditioned by the fact that instincts take over, polygamy exceeds the most intimate and positive intentions, even of intelligent and modest representatives of the stronger sex. The problem is expressed in the desire for spontaneous sex or female domination. At the same time the spiritual part and the sexual appeal are not always connected into one whole.
Male psychology in love: how to understand it? First, guys in a relationship need the opportunity to take care of his date, and receive a similar response from her. Secondly, men appreciate loyalty, mutual display of affection, physical and moral understanding.
Age crises
A man experiences several age-related stressful situations (crises) during his life. The psychology of guys to such a transformation adapts “downstream”, putting up with what is happening, or begins a new round, developing personal qualities. A lady should understand the changeable nature of men. Life is not a smooth “silky” way, often “gives in the teeth” and the nerves. Nevertheless, all the peak changes in your partner’s behavior are predictable and understandable.
Male psychology for women is not as scary as it seems. The representative of the stronger sex is full of contradictions and complexities. He is tougher and stronger than a girl, but his energy is exhausted faster. Also, guys are more susceptible to illnesses and have a harder time getting over them. All these factors, combined with bad habits and stress, shorten the life. According to statistics, members of the stronger sex live 10-15 years less than women.
Features of the psychology of a man who is in love:
- he will not offend the lady, do something to spite her;
- The partner is looking for only positive aspects in the chosen one, her environment;
- practiced the most frequent communication with his beloved personally or through calls and messages; have not just an instinctive nature, but are imbued with love, respect, understanding;
- the beloved girl is met from work, kissed in the morning, brought coffee in bed, show other signs of attention;
- lovers require increased attention to their own person.
What should women do?
A male psychologist will tell any girl (regardless of her age) that her partner demands appropriate treatment, even if he does not always deserve it. Not all members of the stronger sex are only interested in sex. Many of them are more vulnerable than their halves, reacting painfully to betrayal and deception. However, this is not a reason to humiliate his beloved. Guys want to feel exclusive, becoming an object of adoration or admiration for his girlfriend. Often they do not value the strong qualities of the chosen one, but the manifestation of maternal care and affection.
A woman’s behavior depends largely on the cultural, emotional and physical perception of her lover. Each person requires a personal approach, and a loving young lady can find it easily. Respect, affection, display of feelings, odes and poems – conquer not only women’s hearts, but also the souls of men. It is not necessary to pay attention to socially accepted standards. Sometimes a nice smile, sexy lingerie or shared memories can do the impossible.
How to act?
Not always a male psychologist inspires confidence in the fairer sex. As noted by experts, guys are clearer and more adequately aware of what they want from the relationship with their chosen one. And the ladies are not always define their desires. In this case, they often suspect the partner of intrigue or treason.
To get rid of the intrusive thoughts that prevent harmonious building relationships, we recommend contacting a specialist, such as a psychologist, hypnologist Nikita Baturin Valerievich, who deals with various psychological problems.
An important place in the needs of the man is safety. He worries not so much about himself as his wife, children and loved ones. The implementation of the function of the savior and protector – one of the main in men’s harsh world.
Another piece of advice to the ladies:
- Don’t be too picky and sarcastic;
- Find common ground with your chosen one;
- Make him feel like a hero;
- listen and understand him;
- don’t show your leadership overtly;
- listen to each other.
A significant role in psychology for men is the ability to maintain not only personal self-esteem, but also the respect of others. Only if you lose your favorite job, family or other motivating factor, the strongest “macho” sometimes becomes a lost and weak-willed creature. A blow to the self-esteem or sexual potential is one of the most common reasons that lead men out of their usual “rut” of comfort and success.
What’s the bottom line?
If the ladies tend to love and care for their neighbors, men need to conquer certain horizons, internally without being deprived of freedom. Scandals and quarrels between couples cannot be excluded. The main thing is to understand each other and know how to act in this or that situation. Many psychotherapists have noted that the temperament, the nature of the relationship between a man and a woman depends on upbringing. This is especially true for incomprehensible situations between his mother and son. Most resentments and misunderstandings develop in childhood, as well as during puberty.
