The psychology of the man at 40: we study in detail
What does a man at 37-40 years old lack? Psychology of a man at 40
37-40 years a man is the age when he begins to summarize his life. If at this age a man has his own family, an apartment (house), a car and a job, which brings a good income, then he genuinely considers himself a winner and craves admiration and approval from the woman he chose as his life partner. But it is after 15-20 years of life together that women begin to take all the efforts of her husband for granted and stop admiring his successes. They no longer look at their husbands eyes in love, not catching his every word, and do not try to look in the eyes of her husband’s most beautiful and attractive.
According to statistics, age 37-40 is the age of male heart attacks and suicides. At age 40, many men who have not managed to put their plans into action by this age become disillusioned with life. They start thinking every day about what they have not achieved in life and suffer from low self-esteem. As a consequence, many men at age 40 become depressed, make constant jealous scenes with their wives, cheat or abuse alcohol.
The behavior of a married man aged 37-40 can throw even the calmest woman out of balance. This is a difficult period of life, not only for the man himself, but also for his family members. It is at this age many men begin to repeat: “Why do I put up with it all? Let’s file for divorce”, “You’re a bad mother, spoiled children!”, “You only want my money”, “I earn money, and what have you been doing all day?”, “You let me live in peace!”, “I’m sick of this mess in the house!”, “You can’t even cook!”, etc.
Of course, this is not to say that the husband has fallen out of love with his wife, just that he wants her to admire his successes and inspire him to new feats. He is not thinking of leaving the family, but he misses the new stimulus of life, new sexual sensations and a new emotional discharge. After 15-20 years of married life, love and passion have dulled, transforming into quieter feelings – affection, affectional kinship, habit, friendship, etc.
Of course, the love of the husband for his wife, with whom he has lived together for many years, is no longer the same as it was at the beginning of life together. At that time she was like a mountain stream – passionate, stormy and noisy. But the mountain river also flows into the lake – calm, deep and quiet. Here and the love of a man in 40 years like the lake. If he loves his wife, it is already clear to him that better her and more native in the world no one. If the man has never felt love for his wife, at age 40 he already has no doubts and can no longer play the loving spouse.
With age, men begins to decrease the production of male sex hormones, androgens, including testosterone, which is responsible for sexual activity. Beginning at age 30, production of free testosterone in men decreases annually by 1-2%, so that by the age of 40 years they may lose up to 15% of this hormone. That is why at the age of 37-40 men begin to notice a natural decline in sexual activity.
Not all men realize that erectile dysfunction is age-related. Many think that it is all the fault of his wife, who does not look after herself and no longer meets his needs. Most often this is the behavior of men who have managed to achieve good success in life and become wealthy men. They have great success with women, at age 37-40 divorce their wife and remarry a young girl.
By the age of men 37-40 years old every married woman should be ready. There is a perception that in order to survive this difficult period in family life and to prevent divorce, his wife should start working out hard to get back a beautiful figure, regularly attending beauty salons, to make a face-lift, wear erotic lingerie, etc. Then the husband will not “grumble” all day long and will forever forget about the existence of other women.
In fact, a man aged 37-40 years already soberly looking at life and for him it is not so important, what a woman looks like. He dreams to see next to an understanding, loving, caring and kind companion of life. There are many examples when a man aged 37-40 years old leaves the family for a woman who is not as beautiful and slender as his ex-wife, but wise, calm and does not require much from him …
Unfortunately, many women by 15-20 years of married life are so used to the fact that her husband earns money, and she spends it as she wants, that they forget that he may also get tired of working and want to rest. Hearing from her husband, “Now the kids are grown, let’s each spend their money just for themselves!” an offended wife points to her husband at the door and the family breaks up. To prevent this from happening, every woman should be sensitive to her husband’s needs. Be considerate and appreciate a husband who works hard to provide a decent life for the family. You should not shift all the care to the children, self-care and work. It is very important to be able to understand the behavior of a man 37-40 years old, to understand him and support him.
– We recommend to visit our section with interesting materials on similar subjects “Psychology of relationships
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Midlife crisis: when a man breaks everything. What to do.
The age of onset of crisis ranges from 37 to 42 years – it is one of the most difficult periods in a man’s life. It is also sometimes called the “forty-fatal”. How to survive a midlife crisis with minimal disruption? Tips psychologist – for men and their wives.
If the crisis of thirty years of man mostly hits his revaluation of his social role, the choice of employment, self-determination in life, and thus the personal life suffers much less, but in the forties – it’s a real disaster.
The need for recognition as the head of the family
There are several reasons for this – and they are not comparable to the causes of the identity crisis.
First, it is the age of taking stock. If a man considers himself successful by the age of forty, that is, his social ambitions are satisfied, he is a winner. And a winner needs an award and a pedestal, and applause, and admiring glances. The man is a hero! His family is in order, everything is in its place. The role of the head of the family he performs, in his opinion, perfectly. He has hobbies, his social circle, the trappings of success. The world just has to admire his achievements. And who inhabits that world? The wife who went with him all the way to his formation, saw and “broken nose” and despair? She has long ceased to praise and admire her husband, and treats his successes as something quite natural. Sometimes she will say: “You’re good! You should have more of this. ” – and continue to talk quietly about family needs. This is not the “brass trumpet”, which the male ego craves, oh, not those!
Maybe the father is admired by his children, who have reached their teens by his fortieth birthday. I can see your smile already, let’s not even discuss it. Everything is clear here.
So who will appreciate the hero’s feat? Who will look at him with eyes full of admiration and delight? You also know this very well! Young women, captivated by the image of the “alpha male”. And it’s not just that the man was tempted to trade in his “old wife of forty years for two young ones of twenty years. And it’s not that he’s spoiled or depraved. He needs success like air! But his wife takes her time with the laurel wreath, or appears at an inopportune time. And there are so many enthusiastic girls around. “If not now, when?” – the man thinks. He can’t get enough of the question, “What am I worth in life?” – and the man is not looking for an answer from colleagues and friends, it’s a phase that has passed. He needs the admiration of women. Now the most important thing for him is the attitude of his powerful personality.
To the hunger of recognition are mixed fears. Forty is not twenty or thirty. The man is past his fifth decade. No one knows how much manhood has left, so where’s the triumph?
But his body tells him that his youth is slipping away like sand slips through his fingers. His lungs, liver, blood vessels, stomach, heart start to ache. Suddenly the man understands that old age is not far off, that all the best is left behind, that soon he will begin to lose strength, that nothing can be turned back, that he gets old.
The first swallows of erectile dysfunction complete the gloomy picture. Dear ladies, don’t try to figure out what this means for a man. Bothering us with cellulite, wrinkles and other mild unpleasantness can’t give a shadow of a clue as to how a man feels! Any change in hormonal levels, anxiety, fear of impotence, decreased potency, erectile dysfunction in mid-life cause men to panic.
Impotence for a man is the end of life, the curtain. Forever.
We once had a philosophical conversation with a middle-aged gentleman. Talking about the meaning of life and death. And he exclaimed: “Death! It’s natural and awaits everyone! But it’s better to die before you realize that you can’t anymore! That’s what’s really scary!” He was sincere.
A man becomes withdrawn, irritated. He looks at himself in the mirror: he seems to be still good, not an old man. But there’s a knock in his head: “You’ll soon be old and feeble. Hurry up, while you still have some powder in your powders.” And he is in a hurry.
Desperately rushes to restore health, sometimes harming himself. This makes him even more frightened. And if you consider that testosterone, the hormone of aggression, is released into the bloodstream in large quantities when stressed, you can easily imagine the environment in the home of an aging man. It doesn’t seem like much to anyone. And the “scapegoat”, as a rule, becomes the wife.
Is it all the wife’s fault?
At forty, all the suffering in men is focused on his potency and intimate achievements. Self-identification suffers, because, as we already know, the phallus for him is a symbol of success and victory, well-being and male power.
He is absolutely convinced that his relationship with his wife is outdated, his feelings have evaporated, only duty remains. A sense of duty is what inspires a man least of all in his forties. A sense of duty can in no way make him happy, rather the opposite. This is why in a crisis a man claims that his wife is tormenting him, she is the one who is preventing him from breathing his chest out and feeling young. The matrimonial bed turns cold. The wife is also “to blame” for this.
The man feels that no one understands him, he is infinitely lonely, everyone wants something from him, but no one needs him. He may become sentimental, shedding tears. The very fact of tears, self-pity and sentimentality become a sign of intolerable unhappiness for a man. “If I have cried, life is terrible indeed.”
The following text can be printed out and pinned with a magnet to the fridge, so you don’t have to bother your spouse with “composing” reasons for dissatisfaction and frustration.
- You have become unsexy and uninteresting. Like a man in a skirt.
- There is nothing to talk to you about, you have no interests except home affairs and your girlfriends.
- You stopped understanding me, I’m all alone in the family.
- You don’t exercise, so you’re bloated and flabby.
- You’re only busy with your career and your rags.
- You treat me with consumerism.
- I need my freedom, and you’re always spying on me.
- I’ve worked all my life, now I want to live for myself.
- It’s all problems at home, it’s the way you raised the kids! I’ve been busy working, making money. I don’t know what you’ve been doing.
- You always talk to me with metal in your voice.
- I’m an idiot for putting up with all this! I have one life!
- Don’t ask stupid questions! You wouldn’t know what’s wrong with me anyway.
The thirst for change
The change that a man craves at forty already touches the foundations of his established life. It’s an escape from the prison where the witch rules. And there are so many beautiful and kind fairies around! This is a breakdown of all the usual and established, this thirst for “another life”. Really different!
Middle age is when you can still do all the things you used to do, but you prefer not to.
A man’s crisis in his forties is a ten-point earthquake. A man goes into meltdown. Everything goes haywire, the thirst for freedom is off the charts. There is no work, no usual hobbies. Everything is devalued. Only the last car of the departing train, in which you can jump on the move, is important. And the man jumps!
Yes, it is in his forties a man craves romantic relationships, “high feelings”, sincere acceptance of himself, without any claims and reservations. In this respect he is like a teenager and thinks and feels just as anxiously and vaguely.
At forty, having become more sentimental and vulnerable, a man doesn’t just have affairs to test his sexuality. No! He falls in love! He needs understanding and unconditional acceptance. His soul demands inspiration, as in his youth. And only a woman who is not like his wife can give that.
Here is another interesting point. If a man at forty years, the amount of testosterone begins to decrease, and it makes him more sensitive and sentimental, the woman, on the contrary, becomes more self-confident, more powerful. And a man needs a soul mate, gentle and sensual. It is such a woman becomes sexually attractive to him. And the man begins to feel that he will not come back to the family. Who will voluntarily return to prison!
It is during this period is the peak of divorce. If a man divorced and created a new family – with a good fairy, of course – after a while he will start comparing her with his “old wife,” trying to create a copy of her.
I have come across situations that look more like the theater of the absurd than real life. You can see from them the confusion that goes on in a man’s head.
“We got married in our fifth year of college, both in our early twenties. We grew up professionally together. Then came one by one a daughter and a son. My wife was more concerned with her children than her career. And I worked and worked and worked all my life. We lived together for twenty years. My wife became my mother. We live like close relatives. But we’re still young! No romance, no feelings. Life has become drab. A year ago I met a woman. It’s just like when I was twenty: wings behind my back. In my head I realize that these new feelings will probably end someday, too. But what if they don’t? But I don’t want to leave the family either. You can’t throw twenty years out the window. I’m ashamed in front of my children, they certainly would not understand me. How can I leave them all? So I am torn to pieces. I can’t see my wife! She knows everything. The irritation is enormous. I cannot look my children in the eyes, I am ashamed for the thought of leaving my family. I go into the woods and cry. I tear myself to pieces. Hell of a torment! Crazy love, despair, shame, and the inability to go on living like this. All in one bottle. How can I make it all work out? Maybe it will all just sort itself out?”
And this man sincerely believes that he can somehow fix everything, that everything will fall into place by itself. The wolves will be well fed and the sheep intact. He may even say to his wife, who found out about the mistress: “Well, what are you so worried! I’m not going to marry her! I’m not leaving the family. Give me some freedom!”
And this he says, mistaking his forty for sixteen and his wife for his mother. His wife decides that her husband has either lost his mind and his conscience.
In reality, the husband really needs his wife’s support and help, but does not know how to ask for it, how to explain the terrible things that are happening to him. As the man behaves aggressively and inexplicably, he is judged and repulsed in return. The crisis will end someday, but the suffering man has no idea. His problem is “forever.”
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Hi there. I’m 40 now. Entered this stage half a year ago. Sharing with you women how it happens for men (me). Why? I do not know, maybe someone will help. It seems to have a house, an apartment, a car, a good wife, two favorite children. A normal job with a good income. We have been living together for 15 years. Rare arguments. A couple of scandals during all these years. No adultery. But the number 40 is really scary. And indeed by itself there are thoughts of what he had achieved, that old age is not far away. And most importantly, how much longer I have left? No, not to live. How many years more I can? How many more years will I be wanted? Today (almost as much as 15 years ago) you can fool, to fall in love with almost any girl. And tomorrow, what? Here comes old age. And how many women have I seen in my life? 10? 15? I guess so. And only a couple of them I’ve ever really satisfied. I mean, to please a woman! That’s the real pleasure in sex! What about the wife? You ask me. I couldn’t with my wife. Couldn’t do it no matter how hard I tried. Well, you try! You say it back. Tired. There was a lot of trying and striving. Especially when I was younger. Log. Bad word. Love and respect my wife. Log. Three to five years after marriage. And no matter how much rubbing, no licking. There is no passion, no emotion, no screaming, moaning, no activity at all! There is a “machine”, a lifeless machine, always available. It’s not interesting. Man wants to achieve, create and conquer the top. At some point I wondered: – but maybe I am the only one who needs this sex? I went to sleep on the first floor. And I’m waiting for her, my favorite, want to love me? I waited half a year, maybe a year. And I didn’t wait. I came in, I “stubbed” in my “machine”. And as always, no passion, nothing, flat. Three to five years sleeping on the first floor. And I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted. I go in when I don’t feel like it. 5-10 minutes and I’m free. Does it make sense to stay longer when no one is waiting for me there? What’s next? And then I remembered the number of the one with whom I was insanely happy, exactly half a year, crazy sex. I took that number and comforted. I was ready to leave the family. To another family, with three kids. Stopped me, my new love, rubbed my eyes, explained. What, I would lose everything I have. My wife does not know. And then what. And then the same mid-life crisis. And the wife (already) do not want. Again look for an opportunity to conquer the “favorite” on the side? I DO NOT KNOW. About my wife I can say: she is gold! in everything. And with children. And around the house. Everywhere.
P.S. Lovely women! Hold your husband’s dick tight. Do not be afraid of the word, in every possible sense. Give yourself 100%! Do not restrain yourself in anything! Throw all unnecessary thoughts out of your head. Be passionate. HATE! Demand more and more every day, three basins a day. Anywhere. Pose. LISTEN TO IT! HELP, participate in the process. (hear me correctly, I’m not demanding perversion). Give a man the opportunity to really satisfy you. Don’t fake it. especially if you haven’t, don’t know how. Lying is unacceptable. Caress. Caress everything. Get happiness, pleasure, satisfaction! Try. Get loose. Have an orgasm with your husband. It’s important for him! If you can get your husband by the balls. Not one husband will ever leave! He won’t have a mid-life crisis. Even if the soup isn’t cooked or the sheets aren’t ironed.
My husband’s crisis started at 43, now he is 44. We started to build our house 4 years ago, my husband moved there, he lives there, builds and works near the house, but in another city from his family (we have been married for 18 years, two children). A young friend (27 years) came along, helps build, is always around. The children and I went only on weekends. My husband became very distant from us, he changed his hair style, he began to dress more young, like this friend, he began to spend time on the phone, he began to take pictures and put photos on Instagram. And this summer in response to my bewilderment he said that he no longer loves me and will never have sex with me. If you want, you can divorce me. The house was built for the family, but who needs it now? I feel that this friend is telling my husband a lot of things and inflaming the situation. I don’t understand what for? My husband has always been independent, and now he’s listening to some snot-nosed kid. Is this a crisis? And he doesn’t understand what he can go through? What am I supposed to do? And how long does this crisis usually last?
My husband left a week ago. When I caught him on a dating site, he started lying and twisting. I caught him completely by accident, I never followed him. I trusted him as myself. We have been through a lot together, but I do not tolerate lies, and I got the truth. He told me that he is not interested in me as a woman, only as a friend. He has been having problems with potency over the last few years. Every day he sits on the Internet every free minute. I put him out of the house and deleted him from all contacts, so I do not call him back, because I realize that he is useless, he is like a zombie.
FORTY IS NOT TWENTY OR THIRTY. (Advice from a psychologist from the book “Che, wrestler? Yes! Handsome”)
At forty all a man’s suffering is focused on his potency and intimate accomplishments.This is the age of summing up. Forty is a real disaster! The hormone of aggression, when stressed, spills out into the bloodstream. A man goes to pieces. Lungs, liver, blood vessels, stomach and heart begin to malfunction… The first signs of erectile dysfunction complete the gloomy picture. It is natural and it awaits everyone! I go to the woods and there I cry.
Serves you right, women! From the first day of life together you look at your husbands like an ATM machine, not giving him shit in return, except monotonous and rare as rain in the desert sex. I am 30, have a son 4 years old, the second do not make, as waiting until the first grows up, to divorce this nun and live the remaining 30-40 years with a beautiful, loving wife, not a tedious, stupid, ugly aunt.
It is desirable not only to admire, but to help and support him. When my husband and I began to have discord in intimacy, I sent him to the doctor, who advised me how to improve my potency. My husband took Effex Tribulus, we went on vacation. We came back rejuvenated newlyweds. Even the kids notice the changes in our relationship.