The psychology of communication with the boss: we study in detail

The relationship with the chief does not add up. How do you build rapport with your boss?

There are several of the most common factors for which the relationship may not work out:

  • Antipathy and misunderstanding are usually mutual things. It is likely that both of you, there are reasons for this. Try to find a motive for the misunderstanding in your own words, actions and/or work;
  • the boss feels insecure for various reasons, for example, he/she has some “friction” with the superior, or due to transfer to a new area of work is temporarily lacking in knowledge;
  • psychological characteristics of character and management style.

Nevertheless, if there is a hidden conflict, it is necessary to properly overcome it.

According to statistics, at least 30% of employees do not have a relationship with their boss. Change the situation by establishing a mutual understanding, using the right tactics of communication and protection

When mutual antipathy is approaching a critical point, the chances to fix the situation tend to zero. Emotions prevail over logic, the spring of actions and counteractions unwinds. In such a situation, it is necessary to “stop” and leave the boss’s sight for a short time. Take a short break and wait for both of you to cool down. Of course, if things are very neglected, it is better to take time off or even a vacation. During the time out, try to understand the intentions and logic of the boss, and analyze all the actions you have taken. When the person calms down, as a rule, comes the decision to settle a disagreement or even a conflict.

Understanding Strategy. Choose a convenient time when the boss will not be very busy, plus in a normal mood and start the conversation. Exclude the tactics of forcing – move in small increments, while carefully watching the reaction of the boss. Concentrating the conversation on the topics that he is in agreement can significantly change the atmosphere. Then gently “open up” one of the points of contention.

Analyze the issues that create displeasure and relate them to disagreements that are based on emotions and annoying stereotypes. After all, very often in misunderstandings we are “fighting ghosts,” that is, we are not fighting reality, but what we think reality represents. Clarifying the positions that lead to misunderstanding can help us see and understand what lies at the heart of the problem. However, if you encounter a confrontation, immediately stop all attempts. In such cases, you can assume: the boss is a person aimed at total domination.

Recommendation. Take all possible precautions. Namely: perform your job duties unmistakably, watch every action and statement.

Tactics. Do not react to psychological pressure and demonstrate correctly that the nature of such interaction with you is not acceptable.

Now consider the second and third reasons why there is a misunderstanding in the relationship with the supervisor, that is, the boss is temporarily and/or permanently uncomfortable in the position or has an authoritarian management style. In cases like this, don’t even begin to analyze why this is happening (not your problem). However, develop a proper strategy for responding to the most common grievances.

5 tricks your boss manipulates you and defense tactics

Relationship with the boss: the duty surprise. You confidently report on the work done, because the figures are good. But the head with a grim look listens to the report, and then begins to scold for the inconsequential nuances, when he should have encouraged. Of course, there is a possibility that these moments for some reason he is particularly concerned. It could also be that he is trying to find an excuse to sabotage a bad mood or validate himself.

Defense Tactics. First, give the boss a chance to talk it out (don’t deny anything). Then change the “focus” of the conversation, turning his attention to achievements. Be sure to note that you did not expect to hear criticism and quietly ask him to point out the miscalculations immediately, because this will allow time to correct the result of the work. And most importantly, thank him in advance for the potential regular and short “planning meetings” for you personally in order to clarify the tasks.

Relations with the boss: draconian requirements. The supervisor has such an authoritarian management style that you can’t even get a word in edgewise. The entire team groans, but carries out all orders. You delicately try to tell the chief about the difficulties of specialists in the team. In response you hear: “You are the only one who is dissatisfied. Of course, he may be fully convinced of this. But it is more likely that the boss is using a common manipulation technique – psychologists call it normative pressure. By saying that “you’re the only one” – the manager is influencing the part of the psyche that doesn’t allow for outsider or complainer status.

Defense tactic: do not engage in an argument (it will be fruitless), but simply say that you would like to talk face to face about aspects that seem problematic to you. After the conversation (this is very important) don’t forget to thank the boss. The last phrase should be as follows: “I understand you may not approve of my disagreement. But I am grateful that you allowed me to express my opinion and clarified the situation.”

Relationship with the supervisor: the blame game. The supervisor made a mistake and is “turning the tables” on you to save his image.

A defense tactic: Take the blow on yourself in front of your colleagues and even in front of your superiors. After all, the situation will worsen, if you try to tell the truth. It is recommended to confirm the problem, using the pronoun “we” (“we have made a mistake”), so it sends a message that you are not the only one who has made a mistake. Solve the problem by describing each action and step that you (no longer “we”) took. Practice protective filing – keep all orders, orders and decrees. In other words, collect “debt obligations”, and when the storm subsides, tactfully hint to the boss that you were glad to help.

Relationship with your boss: the theft of ideas. The new scheme you proposed to optimize a production process was not approved by the manager. Well, he is more aware of the current tasks and goals of the company. However, after a certain time you learn that your boss presented your concept to his superiors as his and it was accepted.

A defense tactic: tell everyone and everywhere what a great boss you have – he supported your proposal. First, your colleagues will know who the know-how belongs to. Secondly, the boss will certainly convey your words, that is, how well you speak of him. Promote yourself – don’t keep quiet about your successes, achievements and results. Look for allies in other departments.

Relationship with the supervisor: a trap. A supervisor presents you with a very difficult task for which you lack either experience, people, technology or time. After analyzing the work front, you turn to him for help, but get a refusal. There are three possible reasons: the boss is really very busy, he believes that you have all the necessary resources to successfully complete the task, plays with your career. Further events can develop according to two scenarios. First, at the last moment the boss decides to solve the problem, demonstrating that no one can replace him. The second – after you fail to cope, a serious reprimand will follow.

Defensive tactics: try to get help from competent colleagues. An extreme step – think about the possibility of transferring to another structural unit. After all, in some cases, the boss is simply impossible to outplay.

Communicating with a “difficult” manager (Methods of Confronting Heads-Samoduros)

In all circumstances, keep a sense of dignity. The serfdom was long ago abolished, and we all work not for the masters, but for ourselves.

The employer is well aware of this. Moreover – any director (unless, of course, he is an autocrat, and not a dinosaur of the team economy) deep in his heart would like to see initiative specialists near him. Managing a modern dynamic company with obedient puppets is simply unrealistic.

Don’t be afraid to object if you have reason to doubt your boss’s decisions. Yes, perhaps his objections will make him angry (power corrupts everyone in one way or another), but then he will cool down and appreciate your candor.

How to communicate with the boss at work?

How to communicate with the boss – this question concerns every subordinate, and any employee should know the basic rules of communication, avoid typical mistakes, so that the conversation with the management was constructive.

Bosses can be different – from quite democratic and adequate to the real autocrats. But they all have one thing in common: they are the leaders, and you – the subordinates, and therefore should be able to find a common language with his boss.

First of all, remember that the head is much more responsible than his team. He has to make decisions, sometimes to act tough, and the problems at his level are often more serious than ours.

Hence the habit of command, authoritative tone, heavy-handed look. So what to do: to tremble and fall to his knees? Not at all.

Before a visit to the office of the bosses need to adjust, because in a stressed state we are not capable of adequate communication. Sit quietly, breathe deeply, remember your strengths, to raise self-esteem. And tune in to the positive. You will broadcast your fear – you will be treated as a victim.

Whatever the reason you are going to talk to your boss, prepare thoroughly – a report, a request, even a “summons to the carpet”: all your words you must control and argue.

Speak confidently, clearly, do not lose the power of speech and do not mutter excuses under your breath – it irritates any manager. Make a plan of the conversation, on any point you should be ready to briefly and clearly explain your position.

How to communicate with the boss constructively – do not start from the doorstep to “load” it with problems. Entering the office, look around for a few seconds, feel the mood of the boss. If he is angry or depressed, your cheerful voice will be inappropriate. Speak calmly, muffled and measured.

If the boss is optimistic and looks cheerful, the dramatic notes in the subordinate’s voice may spoil the upcoming conversation. Learn to be a bit of a psychologist, because communication is an art, and owning it provides many advantages.

Remind your manager what question you came to talk about. He already has a lot of problems and worries without you, he can not remember everything, bring him up to date: we have a problem with the supplier of N for so-and-so reasons.

“The boss is always right” – this slogan, of course, is to the liking of many managers. But a skilled and experienced employee should be able to defend his point of view.

However, this is only done face to face, it is unacceptable to point out to the boss of his errors and blunders in the presence of someone from the subordinate, whether he was wrong three times.

Disagree with the instructions of the boss – try to reasonably prove it to the boss. And many are beginning to discuss unfair, in their view, orders behind the back of management, with colleagues who, of course, sympathize. But then somehow your discontent will reach the chief.

The distance between superiors and subordinates must be respected. Even if you have a small team and your boss is your friend, you should not show it. It is better to address him as “you”.

There are, of course, situations where the director is too democratic and prefers a friendly style of communication, but it is still worth remembering who holds what position.

Do not forget to follow the important rule: all the issues on the work, which require a decision with the participation of other managers of the same level as yours, solve only by agreeing with your boss. Otherwise, you will show disrespect to your boss.

Many managers have, in turn, superiors of even higher rank. For their subordinates, you are undoubtedly a threat and an authority. But when communicating with your boss, forget it. Maybe at the same time, better understand their own employees.

Bosses, from whom you want to run away, enough – there are tyrants and manipulators, and even psychopaths. They understand the concept of “staff motivation” as one big stick (the carrot is out of the question).

There are only two ways out of the situation when you are tired of such bosses. If your salary is not worth it to suffer humiliation, to be in a state of perpetual stress and lose self-esteem – look for another job.

And if you are afraid to lose a significant source of income, if there are prospects for career growth, or just to date you can not give up and leave – stay and do it.

The head you can not change – change your attitude to the situation. Try to imagine that everything that is happening is a kind of training for endurance, psychological stability and endurance.

When dealing with an unbalanced boss, do not be rude back – this will only inflame the bully. You can only talk to him more or less constructively when he cools down.

Arguing in general is useless. After the boss slightly “goose”, say that you regret his mistake and fix it. But add – I do not see the need to talk to me in that tone, it prevents me from focusing on my work.

And there’s also good advice – try to stay away from the autocrat in the moment of a surge of supervisory aggression. Unless, of course, you were called to the carpet in the midst of an angry outburst.

Then there are still methods for keeping a balance and suppressing your desire to run something in the yelling type.

Imagine that you are on stage and play the roles: the boss – in the form of a tyrant, and you – an undeserved victim.

Do not take what is happening seriously – you play the scolding scene and the show will go on in a different direction.

You can build a wall between the boss and yourself in your imagination – made of glass, bricks, concrete – anything. But you’re here, and he, strung out, is there. And all his anger crashes against that blank wall.

Another interesting method – imagine the tyrant in the home environment: there he is in an apron and chef’s hat cooking something in the kitchen, or snuggled in a chair in his pajamas. Is it possible to be offended by this?

You can in his imagination go even further – too mean and hated boss sit in mind. potty and let him swear at you from there. Such a picture only evokes laughter. And you are not at all offended by his angry speech.

Unscrupulous bosses are not only in the workplace. Many firsthand experience of sexual harassment.

Do not provoke the head of his frank appearance, observe the dress code and moderation in makeup.

Read also: My sister has been married to a Jew for five years. She shared three reasons for disagreement in their family (most often arguing about raising a daughter)

Attempts at flirting should be stopped, not silenced, otherwise it’s like you’re encouraging sexual harassment.

How to communicate with the boss – in a businesslike manner, do not accept any gifts, do not answer the phone after work.

Express your dissatisfaction in private, and if the outrage continues, you can attract the attention of colleagues.

Emphasize your stable relationship with your husband or significant other, call him in the presence of the chief.

A conversation in the boss’s office in private is expected – take a tape recorder with you so that you have evidence of his harassment.

Even when the case does not go to court, the evidence against the excessively reckless boss will help him cool his ardor.

There is also an option to seek help from higher management. But you can not tolerate harassment. Stand up for your rights, no matter how difficult it may be.

Work, in addition to the financial income should bring and moral satisfaction.

You yourself choose how to communicate with the boss – to tolerate humiliation, or to seek different ways out of this situation.

You haven’t had a drink on the brotherhood table yet.

Feeling the intonation of confidence in the voice of the head, do not hurry to portray yourself as a shirt-boy or a crazy woman. There is no need to be the first to call him “you”, to pat his shoulder amicably, to make eyes at him or to tell dirty jokes at a meeting in the office corridor.

Even a very democratic boss would consider such an attitude suspicious familiarity. Maybe one day you will really become friends, but it takes a long time and special circumstances.

Let’s say more: somewhat detached communication is most comfortable for you. This way you won’t look like a sycophant in the eyes of your peers.

At first, always address your boss by his first name and patronymic. If he sets himself a European style of treatment (ie, will call you by your full name, but “you”), you have the right to call him in the same spirit. True, we emphasize that the latter assumption is valid only if there is a slight difference in age.

In any case, knock on the director’s door before you enter.

How to handle in a conflict situation?

The team includes people with different characters and ambitions, so it is natural that conflicts arise between employees. It is important to notice and stop them in time.

Therefore, the question arises, how to behave with subordinates in a conflict situation? There are no universal algorithms. You can only consider options for solving conflicts among subordinates on examples.

There are differences when misunderstandings occur in medium-sized businesses and among “white collar workers”. In the second case, the situation is resolved more easily because it occurs in a huge machine where individual parts of units can be replaced or reinstalled elsewhere. It is more difficult to fix the situation in a small organization, where each employee was selected specifically for his place.

It is necessary to delve into the problem. And do it discreetly. Find out the reason for the conflict and think about what you did if the conflict occurred outside the office.

Try to bring the situation up so that the employees end the conflict on their own. In this case, the dynamic of heat will come full circle and everyone will take their own places.

How to deal with a subordinate who goes against the will of management? To solve the problem, it is worth inviting a psychologist who will establish the positions of each side and find a common solution. In examples with small and medium-sized businesses, arrange meetings on outside territory. This will allow you to vent your emotions without harming your reputation.

The situation is common and arises as a result of advocating for your own resources, authority. This is due to the fact that the heads of logistics departments do not understand the buyers, the head of the sales department does not delve into the capabilities of the logisticians. The problem can be solved at a round table, chaired by the company owner or general director.

Peculiarities of the relationship “chief – subordinate”.

In the old days, few bosses worried about building a favorable relationship with their subordinates. People worked without sleep and rest for mere kopecks (slaves and serfs, and even free), and the attitude of management to them was indifferent, contemptuous and often cruel.

And in our time, unfortunately, there are immoral and dishonest bosses who do not take into account the legitimate rights and interests of workers. These are the cases when “people are not considered as people”.

Unscrupulous employers take advantage of the fact that many people today are willing to work like slaves, “for food” or out of fear that if they are fired from an unloved and intolerable job they will not be able to find any other (often it is not just fear, but the reality of unemployment). This is a relevant and painful topic for many, which requires a separate consideration.

Read also: Return the friend does not want to communicate. How to get a friend back if he does not want to communicate? Methods and psychology. Conspiracy for an old grudge between friends

In the twentieth century, trade unions began to perform a special, “protective” function for workers. They were created to resolve conflict situations in the collective and to protect workers from the arbitrary rule of their superiors.

Today trade unions also function, but life in the XXI century is such that everyone gets used to rely only on themselves and their own strength and does not place much faith in the fact that in the case of trouble with the bosses, the team or trade union will help him.

Labor relations between the employee and the employer in our day are regulated by legal acts, the main of which is the Labor Code. But the law, unfortunately, is not always respected by everyone. For an employee to work diligently and for the boss to treat him respectfully, it is not enough to know the law and remember the duties described in the employment contract and job description.

These days, only a bad boss doesn’t think about establishing a proper, trusting, yet subordinate relationship with the people working under him.

Management today understands that the “first fiddle” in the success and efficiency of the enterprise is the employee’s desire to work, which depends directly on the relationship to the boss and supervisor.

More and more employers stimulate employees not with a “stick” but with a “carrot”.

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