The psychology of communication with a girl – we explain in detail

How to communicate with a girl

Some guys can not arrange their personal life properly because of one very important and common problem – they simply do not know how to properly communicate with girls. Of course, this problem is solvable!

The psychology of communication with girls

If a young man hasn’t mastered the art of communication with the opposite sex, it is unlikely that he will have success with girls or that his relationships will last long and happy.

Establishing contact

The first thing to do is to establish a contact with the person you like. If you do everything correctly, then after a few minutes of communication the girl will have the impression that you know each other for a long time and that you can trust.

Girls are usually quite sensitive and emotional, and to capture her attention, it is not enough just to have a conversation with her – it is important to know how to cause emotion. What is the easiest way to do this? Certainly, by means of flirting and compliments. During the flirtation, do not forget to resort to humor, so that communication with you was not stifling, and easy.

Talking to the person who attracted you, let her know that you are really interested in her, and not just as a friend, but as a potential lover. If the sympathy is mutual, the girl will relax and respond to your efforts. The date shouldn’t look like an exchange of information – dilute it with compliments (perhaps with a slight banter), often look her in the eye, smile.

Notice the details.

Many guys make the mistake of trying to tell girls as much about themselves as possible to impress them, while paying little attention to the information they are trying to convey to them. Noting the “leads”, voiced by the interlocutor, a guy can easily build a further conversation with her, asking leading questions on this or that topic.

Also, this method is useful because the girl sees the guy’s interest and understands that he listens to what she tells him. Any member of the fair sex is pleased to know that the young man is interested in her as a person, and his attention to detail will clearly point this out to her. The companion understands that your conversations are not superficial. That said, you don’t need to immediately ask questions as soon as the girl voices a fact – it’s not about that at all. You need to remember what she says and ask some questions later.

Also an equally important skill is to provide the girl with details about yourself and not to keep silent. Start interesting topics that she will be able to elaborate on later. This way she will feel more comfortable, knowing that she can also show herself as an attentive and interested interlocutor.

How to start a conversation with a girl

How to approach a girl you like

Many guys are even more afraid to approach a girl than to start a conversation with her, and that’s why a lot of great introductions haven’t taken place in the world. Put that fear behind you so you don’t miss your chance. Keep it simple and natural. Some girls are wary of dating on the street, not wanting to fall prey to a pickup artist, so the more flamboyant you try to attract her, the more likely she will start to pull away. Try approaching and simply saying, “I’m very afraid you’ll say no, but I still hope you’ll give me your phone number.” The girl may be confused at first, then you sincerely add, “I really like you, let’s try to chat!” If you attracted the girl even a little bit, she will probably give you her phone number. Some girls are embarrassed to dictate their number – in this case, give her your phone and ask her to dial yourself or give her a pen and a diary where she can write her number. Perhaps this method seems too uncomplicated to you and your imagination offers you many other options. One such option is to choose a free dating site. In that case try to do what your intuition tells you to do.

What topic to talk about

The first thing you should do is to find out what the girl’s name is, then pronounce her name more often. Also don’t forget to introduce yourself. The point with pronouncing her name is very important – many girls like it when the young man calls them by their name, it immediately disposes them. Say that you really like the sound of her name. Find out what it means. If the girl doesn’t know the answer, suggest your version, which she will probably be flattered to hear.

Of course, the first conversation should not include some intimate hints and vulgar topics – this can embarrass the interlocutor. Also there’s no need to tell girl about problems with relatives or any other kind of difficulties – your communication should be easy. Of course, if she’s inclined to open up and you like that, you might decide to reciprocate. And yet, do not start such topics first – for many female interlocutors such conversations will seem offensive.

How to Behave to Get Girls Interested

A girl will be interested in a guy who can hold a conversation – this applies to both conversations in person and conversations on the internet. If you feel that you have problems with this, then develop all the skills of a good storyteller by taking an example from a more sociable buddy or by studying online tutorials on this subject. You should have a few fascinating stories to fill in awkward pauses in conversation. Topics can be a wide variety – your first culinary experience, impressions of a trip, and more. If you understand that you have absolutely nothing to say, then you are unlikely to interest the girl – make your life richer and more diverse, and then new stories will not keep you waiting.

It is important not only to be a great storyteller, but also to remember about the other party of the conversation. This means that you should not reduce all your speeches to yourself – do not forget to give the girl relevant and preferably not trite compliments, with interest listen to what she says to you.

How to make a girl talk, if she is silent

If you try with all your might to make a silent person talk in the first minutes of acquaintance, it will only push her away from you. Probably, this girl is shy, and she may need more than one meeting to start opening up to her interlocutor. It’s important to understand this and not to stress about it. If you like the girl, don’t tell her, “You’re always quiet, I don’t know what to talk about with you.” She might shut down even more. Show that you are in any case, pleasant and comfortable in her company, play “peek-a-boo” with her, at first ask questions that do not require a detailed answer, then “building momentum” and touching more extensive topics. The main advice in this situation: only an open and outgoing person can make a silent person talk. If you feel that you can not cope, then leave the effort. If the girl you are interested in, then your efforts will not go in vain – such reticent people are usually confused only in the society of strangers, and with close people are quite interesting and deep interlocutors.

Making a correct dialog with a girl

Two participants take part in building a dialogue, and it is important to remember this. Of course, if a girl is a mute and yet shy to open up, it will be correct, if the conversation mainly will be led by you. But even in this case, at least once in a while you need to ask her questions. If the girl is not shy, do not “pull the blanket over yourself”, trying to impress people you like. Some guys forget themselves and start a continuous dialogue about their person, making the girl bored. Often it happens that the girl, like, and wants to say something about herself, but first of all the guy does not let her insert a word or interrupts her at once, shifting the conversation vector back to himself. It is important to learn how to be an attentive conversationalist, not just a great storyteller.

Difficulties in communication with the girl that you like and how to cope with them.

Of course, it all depends on what kind of difficulties are meant. Let’s consider some of them.

The girl is ignoring. Despite the fact that you often call her, invite her on a date, arrange a surprise, the girl not only does not show any particular interest in communicating with you, but sometimes even ignores you. In this case, it is inappropriate to show even more initiative. Probably, she either does not like you, or she is interested in something else, or she has other kind of problems and it is not up to your advances. In this case, pause for a couple of weeks and try to get in touch again. If she again shows no interest in you, then the pause will have to increase.

The girl agrees to date, but not to be intimate. Try to determine the reasons for this behavior. If your relationship has romance, dating, kissing, but the girl is not ready to make the next step, gently ask her what this is about. You can say bluntly: “I feel very good with you, I like spending time with you, but every day I realize that this is not enough for me, and I wish we were closer. Don’t you want the same?”. Already by her answer you will draw conclusions. It may be that the girl is just bored, and in your society periodically kills cuckoo, or in some way uses you. But this is the worst case scenario. It’s possible that she’s a virgin, she has different ideas about the speed of couples getting closer, something confuses her about your behavior, she’s not sure about the seriousness of your intentions, and the like. A frank conversation will give you more insight into the situation.

The girl shows no initiative. She reacts enthusiastically to dating proposals, always responds to calls and messages, but never makes the first steps herself. Perhaps the girl was brought up with the understanding that a man should always take the initiative, and a woman should take it, and any other model of relationship seems wrong to her. In this situation, ignoring her for a few days can help. If the girl never calls herself, you call and find out why she hasn’t called. She might start making excuses that she was expecting a call from you. Then offer to meet her and “have a serious talk. On the date, explain to the girl that the relationship is built by both people, and if she stays the same without taking the initiative, you’re going to have a tough time.

Clever words for communication that will get girls hooked

If you want to impress the girl, “hurt her soul”, to stick in her memory, it will not hurt you to turn to the works of the classics. Perhaps, from this side, the interlocutor does not expect to recognize you. Take up a few quotes that can be used skillfully in a conversation. Only do not need to quote statuses, which in abundance in various groups in VK – if they caught your eye, then most likely, and the girl has read them. Just search the Internet for “quotes about love,” “quotes about relationships,” “quotes about friendship,” and so on. Think about what you’ll probably be talking to a girl about, and make appropriate billets. In order not to get confused yourself, choose small sayings, but effective ones.

What might it look like? For example: “You know, although Brodsky said that home is a place where you don’t get asked unnecessary questions,” but that’s often not the case with us. This may be said with a smile, followed by some story on the subject. In general, think ahead of time, phrases that you can effectively “shine” with.

How to communicate with a girl so that she fell in love

Show care. Girls often fall in love with guys who care and pay attention to them. Nowadays, girls are increasingly complaining about narcissistic men, so a caring and attentive representative of the male sex will certainly stand out against these “narcissists.” Caring can manifest itself in small things – to throw a jacket on her shoulders in cold weather or offer to warm up in a cozy place (such as an interesting coffee shop or restaurant). If the girl is sick, send her a bouquet of flowers with a note expressing your hope for her speedy recovery.

Traditional courtship. Many men now fundamentally do not want to pay for the girl in cafes and other places, believing that since both participants are interested in the relationship, they should invest equally. By the way, many women have long since come to terms with this trend, and they offer to pay for themselves, so as not to be in a stupid position. And yet it is impossible to call such a relationship right. If a girl manages to meet a man who is familiar with traditional courtship (pay for her at the movies, in a cafe), she is likely to opt for him, sincerely admiring this “chivalrous” behavior. A sensible man wouldn’t think of calling a woman mercenary for this – he himself is humiliated when he can’t pay for his lady’s coffee. Even if your girlfriend, easily and without questions pays for everything on par with you, then be sure that subconsciously this situation is unpleasant to her. In response to the traditional courtship of a man a girl usually gives just as much (and in monetary terms too!) in the form of surprises, gifts, romantic dinners – for a man who is afraid to spend an extra ruble on her, she herself will try with less enthusiasm.

Compliments. Some members of the fair sex periodically complain to their girlfriends about the inattention of the partner – this leads to a cooling of feelings. When the guy is attentive, it works in the opposite direction. If a girl has bought a new dress, she certainly wants to hear that it suits her very well and she looks gorgeous in it. If she has been to the hair salon, tell her that her hair is very soft and shiny. A girl who works out at the gym several hours a week will be happy to hear that she has an amazing figure. Notice any changes in the appearance of the chosen one, and note them. There is an opinion that the more attention we pay to someone, the greater the interest from this person. You can check this in practice!

I can’t talk to girls at all, what to do?

Pickup training. Many people think that these trainings primarily teach you how to “dilute the girl for sex. In fact, this is not paramount. You will not achieve any intimacy if you do not learn how to communicate with the opposite sex. That is why it is more correct to say that in the first place such training teaches the art of communication with the girls. Of course, after the acquired skills you use as you please.

If you have no opportunity to go to such trainings in person, then you may be interested in online courses – you are likely to find them easily on the web, guided by your favorite reviews. You can also read for free some of the recommendations that the pickup gurus share in the various videos.

It is possible that you have a buddy who easily manages to start a conversation with almost any girl and interest her. Watch him from the sidelines, draw conclusions for yourself. If it’s a close friend, then frankly ask him to point out your mistakes and give some recommendations.

The main mistakes in communicating with girls are

1. Excessive flattery

After reading the advice that girls like compliments, you can start “swamping” the girl with admiring speeches, which in the end can only repel her. Compliments should be used in doses, especially if you are not in a close relationship. Otherwise, she will feel insincerity and think that you probably behave in such a way with everybody.

2. Insecurity

It’s been known that girls are more attracted to confident men – very few people like shy or reserved young men. If you have a goal to please a girl, try to find her confidence.

Monotony and lack of initiative.

Your meetings are monotonous, you walk the same routes. If in the usual routine and there are some changes, they are usually initiated by a girl. Many people may gradually get bored with such monotony to the point that she will start to avoid meetings.

4. Memories of former girlfriends

If you occasionally bring up ex-girlfriends in the company of your current or potential girlfriend, without leading questions from the other party, eventually it may push her away. She’ll think you’re just stuck in the past.

5. Bragging .

Some young people like to embellish, and even to invent their achievements, colorfully describing them in front of the interlocutor. Most often it’s immediately obvious to the girl that the guy is either a narcissist or likes to embellish the information about himself – neither the first, nor the second option does not excite girls. Especially unpleasant is when the guy blunders on his own lie or the truth comes out by accident.

6. Insolence and foul words.

Showing off your rudeness or regularly foul language, you probably think that you look cool in the eyes of girls, but the vast majority of them do not like it. Moreover, if a girl knows that you often allow yourself foul language in life, but in front of her, you hold yourself back, then most likely it will be a big plus for you on her part.

In conversations you somehow get that very often you are dissatisfied with someone, you are angry at someone, you see injustice in something. The more negativity that comes from you, the more the girl will want to distance herself from it.

8. Distraction .

Many of her words you do not remember, and in your subsequent conversations this becomes evident. During the conversation you are often distracted by phone calls, texting someone, checking social media. Perhaps in this way you are trying to show her that you are needed. All of the described manipulations clearly indicate to the girl that you are not too interested in communicating with her and that there are other things that seem more important to you at the moment. This will not add you points in her eyes.

The psychology of communication with girls

Most often, problems in relations with the opposite sex are observed in insecure guys. Low self-esteem and a low vocabulary hinder confident conversation. It is important to note that according to studies, the vast majority of women are interested in interlocutors who have charisma and self-confidence, who can not only surprise, but also interest. Based on this, you can ask a legitimate question, how to behave a man who feels a kind of fear in communicating with girls? According to experts, in order to interest a woman, it is not necessary to adhere to various stereotypes. Let’s find out how to learn how to communicate with girls.

How to behave during communication

A topical question on the Internet today – how to communicate with a girl. Many young people who are unsure of themselves often encounter this problem. Despite the fact that the process of dating is only the first step in a relationship, many guys can not get over this peculiar barrier. One of the main rules of dating is easy and relaxed communication. Shyness, embarrassment and pronounced insecurity on the part of a young man is quite a common obstacle that is difficult to overcome.

When inner insecurity is truly an insurmountable barrier, the situation can only be saved with the help of adequate topics of communication. Shy young people with low self-esteem, it is recommended to use during the conversation those topics that can redirect the attention of a woman. The diversion of your image allows you to gradually reveal your personality to the interlocutor, which several times increases your chances of meeting again. But let’s imagine a situation where there are no different events or objects in the meeting place that can become the subject of conversation. In that case, the topic of conversation should be hobbies, musical tastes, favorite works, work moments, or various circumstances related to studies.

It is very important to carefully control the flow of the conversation, so that it does not turn into an interrogation.

Psychologists do not recommend touching on personal topics on the first date. Such topics include relationships with other people, the intricacies and nuances of work, and the daily routine. The above topics and philosophical thoughts are best used only in a situation where a woman offers to touch them. Manners of communication are also important. During a conversation you need to look “alive” and relaxed. Start a dialogue by telling the interlocutor about your views and personal preferences. It is the openness and ease that allows you to arrange the girl to communicate.

Based on all of the above, it can be argued that the presence of self-esteem, charisma and the ability to correctly present yourself allows you to arouse interest in the opposite sex in just a few minutes. Psychologists recommend to disclose personal information “in small doses”. At the first meeting it is very important to demonstrate that you respect the views and hobbies of the interlocutor, by giving her your opinion. The ability to pleasantly surprise and brighten up the pastime will also be appreciated. If you plan to spend all your free time with the girl in the near future, you should think about certain things in advance. Competent and clear planning of the next dates will help strengthen the educated connection. Propose to the girl to visit different events that interest you, at the same time asking about the woman’s preferences.

Do not be afraid to let your own imagination run wild. Ideal topics for conversation may be your own impressions of the various events, fantasies and dreams. These topics of conversation allow you to open up to the interlocutor new facets of his own personality. The girl can also take part in this peculiar game. Talking about personal desires and dreams allows you to find a thin thread that allows you to get closer to your partner. Just think, how often are people interested in the personal desires and dreams of others?

The psychology of communication with girls implies the absence of awkward pauses and silence. Otherwise you risk that your date will cease to be interesting. If there is an awkward silence, and the previous topic is completely exhausted, you should gently redirect the conversation to a new direction. Ability to start a conversation with the opposite sex is a definite plus, but it is important to be able to keep the interest of the interlocutor. Many young men, having mastered the basics of relationships, often encounter various obstacles that arise after the dating itself. According to experts, this problem is particularly relevant, because many men do not know how to create the right impression of themselves.

It is important not only to know how to talk properly, but also to create certain conditions for comfortable communication. An easy, almost friendly approach to communication can reduce the tension of the interlocutor. The mistake of the vast majority of guys is the lack of ability to conduct a competent conversation. The rules of communication with a girl include the correct and competent construction of phrases, confident behavior, positive attitude and the correct use of humor. Humor is a powerful tool that allows you to create an atmosphere of lightness and ease. But using such tools, you should be aware of the boundaries which should not be crossed.

The lack of ability to present oneself correctly and the low vocabulary – imply a “failure” at the earliest stages of the relationship between a man and a woman. A pronounced shyness and incompetence – scare women. Remember that only a competent construction of speech and lively expression of his own emotions can interest the girl. Many men think that their appearance and stylish clothes will help increase the level of interest. However, the lack of communication skills can not overlap a pretty face and trendy closet items. The foundation of the relationship between a woman and a man is built on the ability to articulate his thoughts.

It is communication skills are a kind of pledge of reliability of relationships between people.

Subtleties of the relationship with the opposite sex

There are a number of rules and norms of the model of behavior that are established by society. Clear compliance with these rules allows men to leave women a good opinion about their own person. It is important to mention that violating generally accepted norms may repel the female interlocutor. Learn how to talk to girls by using the following tips:

  1. Learn to see the positive in everything. In today’s world, stressors constantly surround people, causing emotional and physical fatigue. When a girl is in such a state, only a positive attitude of the interlocutor can save the situation. These emotions allow you to feel better and may well be the main reason for continued communication.
  2. It is necessary to learn how to show their masculinity. The image of the “real” man in the view of many women can vary dramatically, but in most cases he is characterized by a common feature – lack of complaints about life. Independent solutions to various difficulties of life elevate the man in the eyes of women, creating an image of “a shoulder” on which you can lean. So in no case should not ask for emotional support from a woman.
  3. Don’t forget your dignity. The use of humor does not mean that you have to put on a clown mask. A woman’s interest can easily be lost if you start to literally pursue the chosen lady. Try to temper your own aspirations and desires in the early stages of dating.
  4. Demonstrate care and attention to your companion. Every woman will appreciate a man’s attention to various small things. It is important not only to be able to conduct a dialogue correctly, but also to notice the various nuances that can be turned into a compliment. Small gifts and souvenirs will not only surprise the woman, but also tell her that you are interested.
  5. Strive for constant self-development. You can interest a girl only if you know how to talk on different topics. In order to learn how to maintain a dialogue and have a conversation, you should pay attention to the comprehensive development of your personality. A broad outlook will allow you to make an impression of an educated person, with whom you can talk about everything in the world.

To get the desired result, you should set clear goals. It is very important in the first phase to define their own desires. Think about what you need from a particular woman – intimacy, friendship, a loving relationship or family? The lack of a clear goal can lead to the fact that at a certain stage of communication your acquaintance will turn into a friendship, which is virtually impossible to change. That’s why it’s very important to set a timely course for development and to act in the chosen direction.

It’s important to learn not only to communicate actively, but also to understand the person you’re talking to. At a certain stage, you will not need to propose topics for communication on your own, as the girl herself will begin to share the events that interest her. At this point you should show interest in her words. Otherwise, there is a high probability that such a conversation will bore both partners. The same recommendations apply to walks and meetings.

Dating on the Internet

The World Wide Web, known as the Internet, has given many young people the opportunity to get acquainted when they are far from each other. Virtual space allows you to avoid the awkwardness caused by low self-esteem and shyness of the interlocutor. It is on the Internet, every man gets an opportunity to discover new facets of his personality and to present himself to a woman in a “shining” image.

There are secrets of communication with girls in virtual space, after studying these secrets, you can increase the chance of a date in the real world. First of all, you should avoid banal phrases that are used every minute. Stickers, emoticons and free gifts can only provoke irritation. The phrase “Hello! How are you?” mixes you up with the gray mass that sends similar messages several times a day. It’s also very important not to put off getting to know each other in the real world. Lingering communication on social networking spaces can lead to the fact that the girl will lose interest in the dating process itself, because she will get the opportunity to learn about your negative qualities in a virtual conversation. In addition, remember that certain traits that are peculiar to human character only appear in the real world.

There is a certain rule of communication in the virtual world. In order to have a chance to date a girl should cause a feeling of interest in the first twenty minutes after dating.

The most common mistakes

There are many mistakes that many guys make when communicating with the opposite sex. The desire to please makes guys flatter themselves by giving false compliments and doing unjustified things out of a desire to please. Fear of spoiling their own image makes men exaggerate their own strengths and brag about their achievements.

Spoiling a good impression can be predictable phrases and talking about life’s problems. Constant distractions such as texting and talking on the phone also reduce the level of women’s interest. Remember that in order to interest a woman, you should not use foul language and foul language in your speech. Beware of talking about your former partners, because they can be very painful for both partners.

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