The nature of relationships in the family – let’s describe all the nuances

Family relations. Features of family relationships

Building good relationships in the family is not easy and responsible. It is necessary to learn to give love to loved ones, to accept their strengths and weaknesses. Cozy home, understanding relatives make family relationships comfortable. How to avoid conflicts? How to create a warm atmosphere in the family? Spouses, children, and elderly parents work together day in and day out on relationships. Compromises are sometimes the only way out of difficult life situations.

The intricacies of family relationships

A family is a small group of people based on marriage or blood kinship. They are bound together by common life, responsibility, norms of morality.

Family relationships are warm feelings toward parents and other relatives. They share memories and traditions. Relationships are built on support, help in difficult situations. Common holidays, vacations allow the family to meet more often, if parents and children live in different places.

The money issue is a peculiarity of kinship relations. Elderly parents help their adult children and vice versa. The husband becomes the sole breadwinner if the wife takes care of the young child. The subtleties of monetary relations are built on mutual trust, responsibility for one’s family. If one of the relatives is sick or in a difficult life situation, the money issue helps to solve some problems. In this case, only the family can be of great help.

The birth of children is another aspect of kinship. Caring for the little ones, methods of upbringing are passed down from generation to generation. A child’s development, his ability to communicate and contact with other people – all this is laid down in the family. Grandparents take part in bringing up their grandchildren. The emotional nature of relationships in the family manifests itself in the formation of the child’s character. It is important that trusting and warm feelings bind all relatives.

Types of family relationships

Each family, with its principles and views, has its own model of relationships. It is based on upbringing, life experience, professional features. Existing types of family relationships are divided into dictate, cooperation, custody, non-interference.

1. Dictate. The authority of parents suppresses, ignores interests of children. Systematic humiliation by adults of the dignity of younger relatives is noted. Based on their experience, parents forcibly, in a rigid manner dictate their conditions of life, behavior and morals. Any displays of initiative and one’s own opinion are suppressed at root. Often the emotional abuse of children turns into physical abuse.
2. Cooperation . A family rallied by common interests and mutual help. Joint decisions are made in various situations. The causes of arisen conflicts and ways out of them are discussed. Parents and children are capable of overcoming their own selfishness for the sake of common goals. The ability to compromise and to overcome individualism are the foundations of family relations in this model.
3. Custody . Excessive parental care makes the children in such a family infantile, indifferent. The adults, investing material and moral values in their offspring, shield them from everyday problems. Children, growing up, do not know how to build relationships with peers, colleagues. Can not act independently, without the consent, encouragement, help of parents.
4. Non-interference . Independent from each other coexistence of adults and children. The policy of non-interference in all spheres of life. Usually the psychology of family relations in this model is passive indifference to the thoughts, actions, aspirations of their children. This occurs from the inability and unwillingness of adults to become wise parents.

The Young Family

The emergence of a new family is the beginning of a long journey for the husband and wife. Building a relationship with new parents is only possible with mutual respect and patience. You need to understand that the parents of the spouse is also a family. With their values, traditions, memories. It is necessary to be very tactful to join a new family, trying to avoid resentment, conflict situations. Try to avoid abusive language, the memory of which can last for years.

Build a family relationship is convenient when the husband and wife live separately from their parents. Then all the responsibility for a comfortable life rests only on them. Spouses learn to adjust to each other. They seek compromises, learn habits, make peace, make mistakes. Together they create their own model of a family where they and their future children will be comfortable.

When young spouses start a life together separately from their parents, they adopt new roles – husband and wife – more quickly. They are not dominated by older relatives with their marriage models. Parents have their own life experiences, past mistakes and conflict situations. It is necessary to let the young family find their own solutions to certain problems.

New relatives

Most conflict situations arise if the young family begins to coexist with the parents. In this case, the peculiarities of family relations are to create harmonious ties with the new parents. This is not an easy test, which teaches tolerance for other people’s views and relationships. Sometimes parents, supporting their child, do not seek to protect the newly acquired relative or relative.

How to avoid conflict in this situation?

• Treat the family of a spouse with respect. Participate in common festivities, support (if possible) traditions.
• Tell the truth and not lie. If there are inappropriate questions, tell in general terms, not going into details.
• Avoid jumping to conclusions. In every unpleasant situation, first ask what motivated people to make certain decisions.
• Do not judge new parents, avoid harsh evaluations of their behavior, appearance, profession, and lifestyle.
• Try to be polite, considerate and remember to help each other.

Parents should respect the choice of their child. Try to maintain marital and family relations, not to provoke quarrels between spouses. Wisely and tactfully suggest a way out of conflict situations that are unavoidable in marriage. Refrain from harsh statements and categorical judgments.

A Child’s Arrival

It is very important for a young family to form a comfortable marital-family relationship. It should be comfortable for both spouses. This is a trusting relationship, conflict-free communication, the ability to be understanding and considerate.

The birth of a child is not an easy period in the life of a family. Pregnancy with women’s caprices, irritability, mood swings brings the first dissonance in the usual idyll. Understanding and patience will help the spouses to maintain good family relations.

The appearance of a baby changes the habitual way of life. Night vigils, crying, children’s illness – an occasion to acquire new skills and knowledge. The responsibility dumped on the husband, for material and moral well-being often causes the young spouse’s anger and denial, the desire to start a new, quiet life. Postpartum depression, fear for the health of the baby makes the young wife focus only on the child.

Calm acceptance of the new role (mom and dad) will allow the young parents to come to a consensus. The distribution of responsibilities, composure will help to overcome difficulties, will preserve the family relationship. And children growing up in love and joy become calm, confident adults.

Family traditions

It is important for a family to have common memories, traditions. They promote unity, friendly relationships. These can be picnics where the whole family gathers. Or a joint annual vacation. If parents and their adult children live in different neighborhoods or cities, there is a need for such traditions.

Shared holidays and birthdays take place in high spirits. The whole family gets together, congratulating the anniversaries, decorating the room for the celebration. Gifts are a great excuse to restore the shaken family relationship, to ask for forgiveness or to forgive relatives. All troubles and misunderstandings are forgotten in the merry whirlwind of the holiday.

If parents and adult children live together, having dinner together can become an every night tradition. Unhurried conversations over a cup of tea, discussing plans for the future. In this case, the development of family relationships, common traditions contribute to the creation of friendly ties between parents, children and grandchildren.

Stages of Family Development

Almost all families face difficulties. There comes a certain crisis. Both marriage and family relations change, go to a new level. The main stages of development occur depending on the level of maturity of the spouses.

• The first year of family life. Being able to find compromises, give in to each other. Adjust, find a comfortable form of existence together.
• Birth of a baby. To work out comfortable methods of interaction with each other and the baby. Realization of the parental position.
• Year 3-5 of family life. The child grows up; the woman goes to work. Distribution of duties in the family. New forms of interaction, where two working spouses, and the responsibility and care for the child still remain.
• 8-15 years of family life. Accustomed, familiar way of life brings boredom. Accumulated problems, mutual grudges. Petty nagging and irritation interfere with good relations.
• Twenty years of family life. The risk of adultery. Emergence of a new family and children (usually the husband). A reassessment of values and summing up the first results of life. A desire to change everything, start over.
• Grown children, retirement. No one to take care of, an empty house, loneliness. The search for new interests. Restructuring the relationship with your spouse and adult children.

Overcoming conflict situations

Conflicts in the family are inevitable. They occur on domestic grounds, due to different worldviews, and aversion to any decisions. Conflict can bring a marriage together or destroy it. It is important to maintain the norms of family relations, to build correctly even unpleasant situations. The culture of communication, tact, respect will help to overcome conflict, to understand the causes of his emergence and get out of it, without infringing on anyone’s rights. There are four main ways of resolving disagreements:

1. Smoothing of the conflict – reduction of a disputable situation to nothing. Calmly waiting for the quarrel to end. The ability to forget and forgive unpleasant moments.

2. Finding a compromise – the ability to find a way out of the situation. To break down the reason for the conflict, to express your point of view. To find comfortable ways to live peacefully, without compromising dignity.

3. Confrontation – each side of the conflict insists on its point of view. Needs, feelings are ignored. Husband and wife become estranged from each other.

4. Change of mind – one of the spouses insists on his point of view, motivated by various arguments.

In any case, the psychology of family relations recommends a peaceful solution to the conflict. It is not worth bringing it to physical violence, aggression.

Mutual understanding in the family

If there is no mutual understanding in the family, the spouses begin to drift away from each other. Inability to express their point of view can turn into incomprehension, resentment, and quarrels. What not to bring the family to the scandal or divorce, should reconsider their habits. This necessarily involves both sides. Spouses must learn to find common ground, so as not to bring the relationship to a critical point. Therefore it is necessary:

• Avoid being categorical.
• Do not take only your own point of view as the right one.
• Not to be indifferent to the hobbies of the other half.
• Exclude suspiciousness.
• Avoid rude, harsh statements.

Divorce

Relationship problems, quarrels with children, fear of responsibility bring disappointment. Quite often, modern family relationships end in divorce. Most men and women prefer to live in a guest marriage and not have children.

There are situations when it is impossible to forgive the other half. Disappointment in a loved one can affect the rest of your life. Infidelity, physical or emotional violence in the family leads to divorce.

The main injured party is the children. They love their parents, sometimes in spite of everything. The feeling of not being needed, the feeling that he was rejected, can haunt a child for quite a long time. You should be very attentive. Patiently explain that adult relationships change, but love for the child remains.

After the divorce, try to maintain a polite relationship. Do not stoop to public insults. If there are children in common, agree on new responsibilities.

Former spouses mistakenly believe that life will change dramatically for the better after divorce. Unfortunately, the reasons that triggered the divorce can also affect later life. You should find out what personal habits or attitudes influenced the termination of the marriage. Try to avoid making similar mistakes in the future.

Secrets of a happy family

Happy family life, relationships are built by both spouses. In the causes of quarrels, conflicts, both husband and wife are guilty. Do not have illusions, idealize marriage. Family is always a problem, crisis moments, grudges. It is necessary to learn to forgive each other, with understanding and patience with habits, beliefs.

A happy family solves problems together, together. Spouses learn to look for compromises. The secret of happiness is not in avoiding conflicts, but in their realization and peaceful solution. Not to hold back grievances, but to talk more and try to understand the other point of view. Fight, quarrel, but always return to peace and harmony in the family.

Only help each other, patience will help to overcome misunderstanding. In a happy family in the first place is care and respect. This daily work for the common good. Warm praise for the spouse, kindness, compassion help people overcome difficult situations.

You should not overprotect your children. They too must learn from their own mistakes. Show initiative and independence. Nevertheless, help and mutual support will guarantee a happy family relationship.

Go out together more often, take a vacation. Go on a nature trip or a picnic. Joint overcoming of difficulties, joint fun and joy will bind the family for years to come.

Features of relations between children and parents in the family.

Of great importance for the educational potential of the family are such components as the educational level of the parents, general culture, pedagogical activity, the ability to establish good relations with all others, the structural type of family, the age of the father and mother.

Three basic styles are distinguished: authoritarian, democratic, and liberal.

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Peculiarities of the relationship of children

and parents in the family.

Of great importance for the educational potential of the family are such components as the educational level of the parents, general culture, pedagogical activity, the ability to establish good relations with all others, the structural type of family, the age of the father and mother.

Three basic styles are distinguished: authoritarian, democratic, and liberal.

The authoritarian style is presented as a rigid declaration of requirements by parents, which cover the whole life of children. The family shows forceful pressure, aggression, diktat, callousness and coldness, unceremonious attentiveness.

Liberalism in the family is characterized by complete indifference of family members to each other, complete connivance. Each family member lives with his or her own affairs, concerns and thoughts.

Democratism is based on mutual interest, support and mutual help. At authoritarian style children’s needs are suppressed and at liberal – ignored, in a democratic family constant unobtrusive control over development of the child is observed.

The main direction in describing the typology of family upbringing is the study of parental attitudes and positions. In a general form it can be formulated as suboptimal and optimal parental attitudes. Opinion, point of view, attitude towards something or other and the corresponding behavior.

The optimal parental position meets the requirements of adequacy, flexibility and predictability. Adequacy of the parental position is represented as parents’ understanding of their child’s individuality, seeing the changes taking place in his or her mental world. Predictability of a parental position consists in the fact that the style of communication should anticipate the emergence of new typical and personal qualities of children. On the basis of the predictive parenting position the optimal distance can be established. Flexibility of the parental position is considered as an ability to change the educational influences on the child in the course of the family conditions.

Some authors who deal with the problem of parenting tried to base their descriptions of the types of parenting on the degree of expression of the parents’ emotional attitude toward their child.

Parenting by the type of love and acceptance . The generalized formula of parenting is expressed by the satisfaction “The child is the center of my interests.” Parents are constantly engaged with the child, treating him tenderly, caring for his life.Other studies have focused on how much freedom the child has in the family, i.e., how parents regulate his behavior. This approach singled out two extreme types – excessive tutelage and excessive demandingness.

Overprotective parenting. The educational formula of parents: “I will do anything for the child. In parents’ behavior, complete connivance in combination with excessive trusteeship is traced.

Education on the type of excessive exactingness. The parents’ educational formula can be expressed by the statement: “I don’t want the child as he is.” Parents constantly criticize the behavior of the child, there is no encouragement and praise.

The third group of scientists, analyzing the types of parenting, came to the conclusion

that a more accurate assessment of parenting is not in one, but in several aspects. On the one hand the emotional aspect of the attitude toward children, on the other hand the reflection of behavior. The combination of these aspects yields four types of parenting:

1) a warm attitude toward the child combined with the presentation of autonomy and initiative to the child;

2) cold permissive upbringing in which there is some coldness to the child, insufficiency of parental feelings are combined with presentation to him/her of freedom,

3) warm restrictive parenting, which is characterized by an emotionally vivid attitude toward the child with excessive control over his or her behavior;

4) cold restrictive parenting, which is accompanied by constant criticism of the child, nagging, and sometimes to the pursuit of independent action.

Recently one more approach based not on the two-numbered, but on the three-numbered model of upbringing has been defined. Three aspects of the relationship that make up the parents’ attitude towards their child have been identified: sympathy – antipathy, respect – disrespect, closeness – remoteness. The combination of these aspects of the relationship allows us to distinguish eight types of parenting.

Effective parenting based on sympathy, respect and closeness. The formula of parental attitude towards children is as follows: “I want my child to be happy, I will help him/her to be happy. There is a warm emotional tone of communication in the family, active education and interests, hobbies, abilities of the child are inherent, their rights are respected, and there is a rainbow of demandingness.

Detached upbringing is based on sympathy, respect, but there is great distance with the child. The formula of family upbringing is, “Look, what a wonderful child I have, it’s a pity I don’t have so much time to communicate with him/her. Parents praise the child, his appearance, his successes, his abilities, but the gentle treatment of the child is accompanied by an inability to help with his problems.

Effective pity , is based on closeness, sympathy, but lacks respect. The parenting formula is: “Though my child is not clever enough and physically developed, still he is my child and I love him. This style of emotional attitude towards the child is characterized by awareness of the real and sometimes imagined deviations in his or her physical and mental development. As a result, parents come to the idea that their child is exceptional. In communication with the child they proceed to the way of granting special privileges, protecting him or her in every way from harmful influences. The interests of parents concentrate on him, they as though do not believe in the capabilities and abilities of the child.

Upbringing by type of indulgent detachment, is based on sympathy, disrespect, greater interpersonal distance. The formula of family upbringing looks like this: “You can’t help but blame my child that he’s not smart and physically developed enough.” The child’s disadvantage is tacitly his right, parents don’t interfere in the child’s affairs, in his contacts with his peers and other people, they are not guided enough in the child’s mental world.

Rejection is based on antipathy, disrespect, great interpersonal distance. Such attitude of parents to their children is very rare, the formula of the parental position is expressed as follows: “This child causes me unpleasant feelings and unwillingness to deal with him or her. The parent withdraws from the child, does not want to communicate with him or her, does not notice his or her presence. The parent becomes coldly uncooperative at his or her approach.

Contempt. In this type of relationship there is disrespect, small interpersonal distance. This attitude to children corresponds to the parental formula of the following kind: “I am tormented, endlessly suffering from the fact that my child is so undeveloped, obstinate, cowardly, unpleasant to other people. Any achievements of the child the parent does not notice, ignores, does not notice anything positive in the communication. Communication between parents and children is built on the whipping, admonition, demanding. Such parents constantly visit specialists in a desire to “fix”. Parenting is built on the formula: “My child is a scoundrel, and I will prove it to him!” In parenting, there is a strong conviction by parents that their child has turned into a “scoundrel.” Parents try to change the child by excessive severity, rigid control, often taking the initiative to involve the public in upbringing.

Denial is based on antipathy, respect and great interpersonal distance. The child’s upbringing is dominated by detachment from his problems. They, as well as he from afar observe the child, recognizing his strength, the value of some personal qualities. At sharpening of relations such parents willingly resort to the help of the public, aspiring to entrust the child to school.The given types of parenting are sharpened. In the course of upbringing under the influence of circumstances, those or other events, the parents’ attitude towards the child changes. It will be erroneous to assume that one type of upbringing describes the parents’ behavior from the birth of the child until he or she grows up. Practice shows several variants of attitudes in the behavior of parents. The given approach allows us to determine which particular attitude has become leading for parents at the moment.

One of the leading spectra of relations in the family is communication. Researchers V. Zasluzhenyuk and V. Semichenko allocate that communication between parents and children has a number of specific features. They allocate the following positive signs of family communication:

1. family communication is characterized by intimacy, chamberiness, reduction of “trust interval”, distance between the communicating parties;

2. family communication covers all sides of the person, providing his or her out-of-role acceptance and interaction. For example, the child at school fulfills the role of the student, on the street, crossing it – the role of the pedestrian, in the sports club – the role of the athlete. The family accepts it in integration of all its external roles;

3. in family communication it is impossible to single out such aspects as training, education, development. They are inherent in a complex character of influence. By encouraging certain behavior of the child, punishing him or her for violation of certain rules, parents make it clear what system of norms, rules is acceptable. At the same time, simultaneously there is an identification mechanism: the child imitates parents, is guided by them, it can occur both on conscious and unconscious levels;

4. the family has an obligation to regulate the child’s various relations with the outside world. Parents are a “buffer” of sorts, since it is inadmissible to dump difficulties of life on the child’s immature psyche. In the family, the stresses received by the child in other areas of life are removed. Here the family carries out a recreational function;

5. the family provides the maximum duration of ties, which has a great influence on the person for almost his entire life.

However, researchers highlight that communication in the family can be complicated for some objective reasons.

(1) It has been investigated that the range of emotional manifestations in the family can fluctuate, as it includes both relaxation and a decrease in self-control, and an increase in the tendency to nervous discharge. Communication between spouses, children falls in the second half of the day, coming home family members feel an acute need to rest.

Communication in the family can occur against the background of already accumulated overindulgence.

Communication in the family is connected to petty, everyday household chores, which depreciates its substantial side, because it is limited to external effectiveness with internal emptiness of relations. 4.

4. Parents often lack psychological and pedagogical experience. It is acquired in parallel with the development of the child. Therefore, errors are possible because of the lack of psychological and pedagogical experience. Researcher of children’s neuroticism V. Garbuzov allocates several types of incorrect upbringing: hypersocial, anxious-minded and egocentric.

The hypersocial type of incorrect upbringing is more common. They want to have a child not because there is a deep emotional need for it, but because children should be in every family. The family adheres to “strict” rules: recommendations for an “ideal” upbringing are read and punctiliously fulfilled to the point of formality. For example, the baby is not taken in the arms, even if he starts crying. They feed him by the hour, though he doesn’t want to eat at a given time, and cries of hunger at a given time. The child of hypersocial parents is as though programmed, excessively disciplined and overly hypomnite.

When hypersocial parenting temperament is suppressed, resulting in children are hypersocial or anxious, mistrustful character, which leads to neurosis, if they suffer a severe failure or collapse of pretensions.

The anxious-doubtful type is observed in those cases when with the birth of the child there is also an unremitting anxiety for him or her, for his or her health and well-being. This type of upbringing is often observed in a family with an only child, as well as in a family where a child is growing up. The child in this case is not self-sufficient, indecisive, vulnerable, resentful and unsure of themselves. They become very restless because of an anxious perception of reality.

The egocentric type is observed in a family with insufficient responsibility for the future. An idea of oneself as a self-sufficient super-value is imposed on the child. The slightest whims are satisfied immediately, desires are foreseen.

From the above reasons we can say that with potentially high possibilities of family education there are reasons that complicate the process of intrafamily interaction.

As a result of everyday interaction, a general atmosphere of intrafamily relations, characteristic of this or that type of family, is formed. The following types of relationships are encountered.

Cooperation consists in support and relationship. In the family, the basic needs of all family members are met. Everyone, regardless of age, feels their importance and receives help and understanding from everyone in the family.

Parity implies an “allied” relationship that is based on a shared benefit that satisfies all parties in the interaction. The personal importance of each family member is relegated to the background, the search for the rational expediency of any event is more valuable.

Competition – in the family everyone aspires to be the first in everything, to achieve their own goals faster, at any cost.

Confrontation: a desire to dominate others prevails in family relations. Showing their superiority over others.

Antagonism – there are two or three opposing parties in a family relationship who do not agree to compromise. This attitude can occur between parents and children.

Against the background of such types of family relationships as antagonism and competition, symptoms of “hidden orphanhood”, emotional alienation of children from their parents, loss of protective contacts between parents and children, and the consequence of this we see child homelessness, vagrancy, uncontrollability of children’s actions. Under these conditions, the number of childhood neuroses is growing. Untreated neurosis in childhood can distort a person’s fate and affect his entire life.

Problems of family upbringing are multidimensional. Violation of family functions, upbringing: a suboptimal style of communication and interaction leads to constant conflicts, negative trends in the development of children. Spousal relations form a certain position of emotional attitudes toward a son or daughter, a view of his (her) upbringing. The parental position is one of the most important factors influencing the formation of the child’s personality. It reflects the feelings the parents have for each other.

The atmosphere of the family, the whole family way of life influences the child. The experience of communicating in the family is very important. It largely determines the well-being of children’s relationships with the people around them.

Works by modern psychologists, teachers and family upbringing practices (A.Y. Varga, V.K. Kotyrlo, A.S. Spivakovskaya, V.Y. Titarenko and others) testify to the influence of intrafamily relationships on the formation of the child’s social experience.

In the family, children choose different, individual ways of behaving, which are based on a subjective, subconscious evaluation of what is going on around them. Already at the end of the first and at the beginning of the second year of life, the child becomes a real “expert” of his or her parents. In families with serious relationship problems, personal deviations of parents, such forms of children’s behavior and influence on parents are observed which have bad influence on the child’s development and interactions with other children (illness, aggression). Thus, we conclude that the nature of the relationship between children and adults is influenced by the following factors:

– The parents’ position, expressed in their parenting style;

– the age of the children themselves;

– personal qualities of the children;

Quarrels between children and parents have contradictory character by their importance for formation of children’s personality.

On the one hand, they temper the character, act as a subjective experience of children. Quarrels between children in the family can not be avoided. But they can be considered natural and normal, only if they are not based on the motive of betrayal.

Negative relations between children and parents in the absence of the parents’ correct position and positive personal qualities of children themselves can fasten and accompany them throughout their entire life, causing various internal conflicts of personality and influencing their relations with other people.