Why a man does not want a relationship or bachelor syndrome
Journalist, webwriter, blogger. Telling stories that readers love.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For 8 years I save “family units” from collapse. I help couples regain love and understanding.
Not always the answer to the question of why a man does not want a relationship, is only in his selfishness and consumerist view of the world. Often, many important factors lead to this situation, which women should be aware of before breaking the connection with the man they love.
- 1 The beginnings of a relationship between a man and a woman
- 2 Bachelor syndrome – its manifestations and causes
The genesis of the relationship between a man and a woman.
Often, even when acquainted with a man, women make some mistakes that completely kill the relationship at the beginning.
The main and most common mistake most women make is the instinct of ownership. Yes, men are not the only ones who have this problem. Some ladies immediately after meeting and mutual sympathy try to take the “bull by the horns”. They hang on men’s necks, call and write many times a day and actually demand meetings.
When meeting such a woman, almost all men prefer to hide from her horizon and not even try to get to know her better. It is extremely important for a man to feel and understand that he is the one who chose the woman and achieved it, and not the other way around.
Speaking of relationships, a man also needs time to realize that he himself wants a serious relationship with a particular woman and not with anyone else. If a woman is not sure that they have started a relationship with a man she is interested in, it is better to refrain from intimacy, so as not to regret bitterly later.
The second common mistake in women – too openness. Men, unlike women, may well have sex with a partner for which they do not feel any feelings. At the same time, for many women, physical intimacy is already evidence of a serious relationship. These women immediately open up to a man, telling him about their own feelings and plans for five children and a house by the sea.
In this situation, a man will either continue to sleep with the woman without a full relationship, or leave at the first opportunity. It is extremely important for beautiful women to maintain some mystery around, and not to talk about their feelings until it is clear that it is a relationship, and not about sex with no strings attached.
The demanding nature of the lady is another reason why a man may avoid a serious relationship. When at the beginning of acquaintance a woman begins to present a man with a lot of claims along with demands, justifying that he owes her because he is a man – you can forget about the relationship. First of all, in order to make some personal demands on a man, you need to meet his requirements.
Secondly, even if the relationship has already begun, but has not yet developed any requirements is out of the question. Especially if such a relationship is based only on sex. It is more likely to be called a mutually beneficial cooperation than a partnership.
The pile of problems that single women often dump on a new man they know can scare away anyone. Of course, every divorced or single lady dreams that there will be a man who will immediately rush to help her and solve her problems. But this is a fate of television novels, but not of real life.
In real life, no one wants to take on someone else’s problems right away. Mutual help requires a long time of communication, trust and at least feelings. When a woman right after meeting a man begins to tell about his life’s problems and troubles that need to be solved, you can forget that he wants a relationship with her.
After all, you agree that a woman is unlikely to want to get in touch with a man without a job, money, housing, with a bunch of illnesses and debts. Everyone wants to see a man who is happy and well off next to him.
Bachelor syndrome – its manifestations and causes.
Despite all of the above, there are situations where a woman behaves perfectly, but the man does not want a relationship – why? Psychologists in the field of relationships say that the reason for this may be the “bachelor syndrome”.
For the first time this syndrome was mentioned by scientists from the UK, who conducted a huge amount of research in the field of relationships between men and women, their emergence and development. They tell us that the source of the development of this syndrome is a negative experience with a girl.
Of course, not every experience of unrequited, adolescent love is capable of leading to these consequences. The reason for the bachelor syndrome is a persistent and long experience of a man’s relationship with a woman who ended in failure and heartbreak.
It is this that leads to a subconscious, negative association in some men to the obligations that arise in a serious relationship. Such men cannot do without sex, for the sake of which they may go into a relationship with a woman, but the relationship itself will be superficial and unnecessary.
A man with such a psychological problem, even in a relationship will not tell you absolutely everything about himself, can disappear for a long time and will be extremely impatient to a woman’s tantrums.
Representatives of the strong half of mankind with a similar syndrome perceive a serious relationship as the end of their freedom, fun and high-grade sex. Basically, they associate the relationship with the spouses, who have long been bored with each other and are constantly fighting.
If the reason why a man does not want a relationship is precisely this psychological syndrome, it is unlikely that a woman should waste her time, energy, feelings on him. The reality shows that men suffering from this problem very rarely “heal” and that requires the help of professionals.
Of course, women want to believe that it is her persistence, love and faith will save this man from his deep-seated beliefs and stereotypes. But this is not the case.
If the beginning of the relationship is hampered by a man’s position that he does not need a serious relationship, such a man should be left alone. Until he decides for himself that he wants this kind of relationship it is useless to fight with him and for him.
Not only men, but also girls avoid relationships. And to solve this problem and to get out of this state, it is necessary to find out the reason. About what will be discussed in the following article.
The guy does not want a relationship, but he likes me: let’s look at the boxes
A guy does not want a relationship, but you really like him – this is a problem familiar to many girls. Situations are different, of course, and you should not plan a wedding and children at the first acquaintance or total lack of sympathy. But sometimes the guy says that he does not want a relationship, while showing clear signs of attention. The case here may lie not in the unwillingness, but in some reason, by removing which you can achieve happiness. What to do in this situation and how to understand his feelings?
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5 signs that he does not like you
Why a man says he does not want a relationship, and what to do about it
Many young women face this situation. First the first meeting, which quickly develops into a promising acquaintance. So good, in fact, that you begin to wonder if there can be something more between you, and when you can expect that something more. You spend a lot of time together, sparks fly between you. Suddenly he says he’s not ready for a relationship. You don’t quite know what to think about all of this. Not ready now or at all? Not ready with you or with any other woman? And when will he be ready? Or maybe he wants to offer you a non-committal relationship? And isn’t he ready because you’re not his woman?
Find out what it means when a man says he doesn’t want a relationship and what you can do about it.
If a man tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, on the one hand, you have a right to feel disappointed. But on the other hand, there is also a reason to be satisfied: you have gained clarity. Our dilemmas and doubts most often have to do with guys sending us conflicting signals. They flirt with us, they’re sensitive and romantic, they clearly show a desire to get to know us better, then suddenly stun us with the admission that they’re not ready for a relationship. Where’s the logic in this?
Remember that for men, every pleasant and even quite intimate acquaintance need not necessarily result in a relationship. A representative of the stronger sex can easily flirt with a woman, not planning to start a deeper relationship. Meanwhile, for a woman, the fact that he shows interest in her, seeking her company, is often the equivalent of interest in a further relationship. In other words, it may be that the man does not really even think about a union, but he does not intend to shun women. And his partner sees this developing acquaintance as the beginning of a solid, stable relationship.
This inconsistency of interpretations often leads to the fact that the partner, seeing too much interest of the woman, at some point tries to back away or mark a clear boundary that he doesn’t want to go beyond. And then he says that he is not ready for a relationship.
The thing is, men are different. Most of them, when they say they’re not ready for a relationship, they just don’t want to be with you. Be careful, because there are all kinds of men: maybe your acquaintance would like to share a bed with you, but he’s not even thinking about a union. Then he will flirt with you, seduce you, flirt with you, but at one point will say he’s not ready for a connection. He said this after you have already been in bed together? Then you already know who you are dealing with.
So it makes sense to talk to your partner – maybe he really has some obstacle in his life right now that really has nothing to do with his feelings for you.
However, if a man insists that he is not ready for a relationship, it is worth believing him, because he is telling the truth.
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Before you start fighting for your happiness, it is important to understand why a guy does not want a serious relationship . In some cases, if you behave correctly, you can become the one and only one, but in others it is better to give up.
- He has not yet made up his mind. This is the most common reason during the first stage of acquaintance. It is possible that the guy feels sympathy for you. But he has other girls that he likes and it is still difficult to make a choice.
Is it worth fighting for his attention in this case? Of course it is! This is just the situation that could end happily. The most important thing – do not make the common mistake and start to behave in an overtly cold and inaccessible way. According to many girls, this will interest the guy. But in fact, since you do not know her well, he is likely to decide that there is no point in pursuing such an uninterested girl. In addition, this will be a blatant manipulation, which obviously will not lead to happiness.
Do not fall into the other extreme and “hang” lover on the neck. The best strategy – behave as naturally as possible. Show that you are interested and hope that your acquaintance can grow into a relationship. Honesty is the best policy, and you definitely won’t go unnoticed.
- He recently went through a painful breakup or divorce. Contrary to stereotypes, the stronger sex experiences no less pain and grief during a separation. If the previous relationship was dysfunctional, and he experienced infidelity, or listened to a lot of recriminations, it is easy to understand why the guy is not in a hurry to dive headlong into a new novel. In this situation, it is worth the most tactful support it, staying close to him. Then after some time, your lover will appreciate the support received and reward you with devotion.
Tip: Relationships that began in this way can not be called simple, but you can get a huge bonus. Listen to a guy talking about his ex-girlfriend or spouse. If his words indicate that she is to blame for everything, then perhaps you do not need an affair with him. After all, it is difficult to trust a man who has spared at least one kind word to someone he once loved.
- He is struggling financially. It can happen that a guy loves, but does not want a relationship, because he realizes that he is not yet able to provide himself and his beloved with a decent standard of living. In fact, this is a good characteristic of your beloved. He is clearly responsible and willing to take care of you. If the reason is this, and you want to be with your boyfriend, it is worth tactfully hinting to him that happiness is not about money. Guaranteed to appreciate the fact that you are willing to love him, not his status, and it will have a beneficial effect on the relationship.
However, there are two nuances. First, think about whether you can really build a relationship on a tight budget. Rejection of a cafe, nice clothes and everyday pleasures like going to the cinema is good at the beginning of a romantic relationship when feelings are extremely strong. But on a permanent basis it can make a girl unhappy and deprive her of respect for her partner.
Secondly, it is worth distinguishing between real difficulties in material terms and a simple unpreparedness to create a family. The line here is very thin. If a man is saving up for a separate apartment, it is understandable why he does not want a relationship yet. But if he is nine years in a row does not make you a proposal, saving up then on a car, then to increase living space, sluggish romance clearly it is time to put an end.
- He is not ready for monogamy and understands it. Not all men are able to confine themselves to a single woman chosen, some need variety on a permanent basis. In this situation, to warn that he is not ready for a serious relationship is the only decent option.
Is it worth fighting for a relationship with such a man – only you decide. To build them is quite realistic, but you will have to give up jealousy and understand that at any moment the fairy tale can end.
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Psychologist Alina Lelyuk answers the question
“My boyfriend likes me, but he does not want a relationship. How to understand him?” – You can understand in different ways. He may simply not be ready for a serious relationship. Especially if he is shy and takes relationships seriously. We all have different reaction speeds. The fact that you have already realized that you want a relationship with him, he may not yet realize it for himself. And he needs more time to make that serious decision.
He may realize that a long-distance relationship is not for him. And that’s why he doesn’t want to commit to you or to himself. After all, he’s not coming back for another year.
“After that conversation about what he likes me, I realized that I also have feelings for him” – not always, when there is sympathy – and get a good relationship. Often everything at the level of sympathy and remains. Perhaps this is the case with him. The sympathy is there, but no strong feelings.
Very often we are so caught up in their dreams and fantasies that we stop noticing and understanding what is happening in reality. It is the same in relationships. Especially in the initial stage. Maybe you fantasized a little bit yourself. That’s why you were active, to which the guy responded cautiously. But for some reason he never made up his mind about a serious relationship.
“I asked him how he felt about me, he said he would go away and we should stay friends” – the guy was initially clear about everything. You, for your part, did what you thought was right and what you wanted. But it was your choice. The guy didn’t cheat on you. He was honest with you.
“I’ve been crying for three days because I don’t understand him and I won’t see him again.” Stop crying, Catherine. You’re not going to change anything. Pull yourself together and get your life together. Life goes on. Make yourself a good rule – if something does not understand – ask and ask again.
Relationships are also about being able to discuss everything! Do not make something up, and ask clearly and make your thoughts clear. This way there are far fewer misunderstandings, quarrels and arguments. And the relationship is warmer and more trusting. Sincerity and openness bring people closer together.
“If he cares about me, why does he let me go?” – You can call the guy and talk sincerely about everything. So that you have clarity about what is going on and there are no misconceptions. Ask him all the questions that worry you and try to hear his answers correctly. And in addition to hearing – it’s also important to accept these answers and to respect the opinion and decision of your boyfriend.
In any case, no one can force anyone to do what someone else wants. If a guy at this stage of his life is not interested in a relationship with you – you need to clarify for yourself the reasons for this and accept his explanation. Get rid of your fantasies and illusions, and live your life to the fullest.
Evaluate the response of the psychologist:
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The main problem
When considering whether the guy wants a relationship, we can’t forget about another possible option. He really may not be interested in them: between you there is no sparkle. In this situation, the best way out will be to understand this as soon as possible and “let go” of the situation. After all, forcing yourself to love is impossible, you can only survive this unpleasantness and go in search of your true happiness.
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What to do if a man does not want a serious relationship?
Now for me the answer is obvious – say goodbye, turn around and move on. But I have not always loved and respected myself, and I remember very well that about ten years ago this answer would not have been so obvious to me. So if this situation has happened to you now, I will try to show it to you from a slightly different angle, so that you can look at it from the outside.
You let the guy know that you like him, he kind of reciprocates, but then he outright tells you that a serious relationship isn’t for him. That is, in other words, he tells you:
And to put it even more simply, it goes like this without implication:
If you’re in a situation where a man doesn’t want a serious relationship, and you keep hanging out with him, it shows that you have major self-esteem issues. You do not appreciate, do not love, do not respect yourself, and if you do not change your attitude towards yourself, you will not have a harmonious relationship with the opposite sex in the future. All the men you will meet will want one thing from you, they will lie to you, cheat on you, hurt you. They will treat you as you treat yourself: disrespectfully.
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