Why she does not write and call first, or do not make a big deal out of it.
Banal texts no one reads, it’s a fact. In every article there must be some zest.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For eight years I have been saving “family units” from collapse. I help couples regain love and understanding.
In the relationship of every guy came a moment when he did not understand why his girlfriend does not show initiative in communication. After all, the beautiful sex is more peculiar to the love of chitchat and attention. Naturally, the first thought after the question why she did not write and do not call first, is the impending parting.
After all, despite the outward calm, a certain tension in the relationship still appears. And it does not always mean that feelings have cooled down. But everything can be much simpler, because many girls have a feature not to take the initiative, and wait for attention from the stronger sex.
But guys in fear of separation, may begin to fuss, behave unnaturally and thus provoke a rupture. On how to avoid this and how to behave in a similar situation, below.
Reasons for reluctance to write and call a girl
There are not many reasons why a girl does not write first and does not take the initiative herself. And almost all of them are not very positive.
Gradual ignoring. If a guy begins to notice that the girl begins to write him less and less often, and communication gradually reduced to the standard phrases like “It’s okay” or she did not answer after a few days, then the relationship is really coming to an end.
- She is too busy and the time and energy to correspond and call. If she still responds to messages dryly, then it is worth questioning whether such behavior was caused by her busyness or an elementary unwillingness to communicate. If the latter, then it is worth giving preference to a live communication.
- She, as a typical girl, adheres to the stereotype that she should not write first, call and show any interest, otherwise something irreparable will happen. What exactly she most likely does not know herself, but it will happen for sure.
- Trying to arouse interest in his person and “to pull the blanket over himself. She wants to seem unapproachable, and that the guy indulged all her whims, himself first made the first steps and went to reconciliation.
- In this situation, a man can seem that he initiated the relationship, but in fact it is not. So if a guy always has to be the first to go into contact, otherwise his girlfriend will not write to him and call.
What to do if she does not write or call first?
With most girls does not work an elementary explanation that it’s normal when you show mutual interest in each other. So sometimes it’s worth resorting to a little tactic, which is as follows:
- Identify the reason. First, you should determine the reason why the girl doesn’t call or write. To do this, you can ask her friends, relatives, ask her directly or draw conclusions from personal observations.
- Start fighting for respect and reciprocity in the relationship. This principle is to give attention in portions. For a certain period of time you should give her all your attention, care and love. And at other times to end meetings, since the guy may also have things to do. And then not so actively write to her, and take an interest in her life.
- In this way, the guy will be able to show that the partner is not the most important thing in his life. By competently combining these two states in his relationship, the guy will be able to arouse the right emotions in the girl. She will begin to take an interest in his life, to write, to call, well, or at least torture herself with thoughts about what is with him and who he is with.
- Little by little pushing and pulling your soul mate can build up their independence from the relationship and show their strength. Thus, the girl will begin to appreciate the relationship and fear of losing it.
- Consolidating the results. When the girl will get used to the fact that she is not the center of the universe guy and he may also have his own interests and personal space it will be necessary to start giving her small errands. But they should be ones that will cause affection and make her stop being shy about showing interest first.
- “Please call me tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. I have important things to do, but I’ll need to talk to you about something. And that way I won’t oversleep.”
- “Text me when you get home. I may be busy, but text me anyway. I’ll answer.”
With tricks like this, the girl will break the habit of waiting and doing nothing, and start behaving reciprocally and taking an interest in the guy’s life. However, if you start right away with this, forgetting about the second point, everything can fail safely and end in a scandal.
But still, before you go on the offensive, you should ask the girl personally about the reasons for her behavior and explain how important it is for the couple that the initiative came from two people. Because only then the relationship will be strong and trusting.
The girl does not call – let’s describe in detail.
The girl does not write, does not call first, what to do.
Each guy in a relationship had a moment when his girlfriend stopped writing and calling him first. Although if the guy took the initiative and himself called and wrote, then his girlfriend was very nice, warm and pleasant, but she was not the first to get in touch. And it seems like nothing terrible is happening, but still there is some tension.
Naturally, the first thought in the guy’s head, after such cold behavior of his girlfriend, is the impending parting. This means that the guy starts fussing and running around his girlfriend to prevent her from leaving. And so these actions cause even more problems, which ultimately lead to a breakup. And now we will talk about how this can be avoided.
Why does the girl stop writing, calling?
There are exactly two situations that explain this girl’s behavior, and both of them cannot be called positive for you.
Silence and ignoring. If you see that she begins to write to you more and more rarely, your communication with her turns into boring standard phrases, and sometimes she even ignores you for a week, then I have bad news for you – THIS IS SLIVE.
This is the way girls “politely” send guys they are no longer interested in. And the reason for this is not some mistake or miscalculation, but a banal mismatch of interests, expectations. For example, a girl is looking for a mature guy of 24 years old with a job and a place to live, while you are a romantic 18-year-old student. Does that mean you’re bad? – No, it’s just a mismatch of expectations.
Loss of influence in a relationship. If a girl doesn’t write you or call you first, but responds to your messages cheerfully and positively, it means that she’s pulling the blanket over herself.
In a relationship one person always manages the vagaries, and the other person tolerates it all, makes the first steps (for example, the first to write after an argument), makes concessions and bends over. And this can be seen in absolutely every relationship.
So if you don’t want to write first, but you have to do it because otherwise your girlfriend will be silent – then you are the weak and “sagging” in the relationship.
I want to point out right away that there is nothing wrong with writing and calling first. Both the girl and the guy can do this, this is the norm. But if this state of affairs becomes categorical, when one always writes first and the other is silent until the victorious end, then it’s already a problem.
Who should write first.
We have a custom that the guy writes and calls the girl first. This is a kind of tradition, and everyone understands this. However, this is typical for the dating and seduction period, the first month and a half. After that the relationship should switch to an equal and open communication, where the initiative can be taken both by the guy and the girl. Therefore, some conclusions:
- When you meet a girl, it is normal to be the first to write to her.
- People should take the initiative both ways in a relationship.
- Getting a girl to write first is real.
While you seduce a girl, you should take the initiative and win her attention, because you are a man. But in a relationship the girl herself should hold on to you and remind you that here she is your beloved, she is still yours, she is here.
What to do if the girl has stopped writing and calling
Step – 1. Determining the reason.
First you determine the reason why the girl stopped writing you, we discussed this at the beginning of the article. If the girl leaks, then this article will help you, if it’s a loss of influence, then go to step – 2.
Step -2. Include the principle of fighting for respect.
It consists in the fact that you are flexible use of time with the girl. In some situations you give the girl all the attention, and in other situations you completely shut out the girl and switch to your business. In this way you show the girl that she is not the most important thing in your life.
In the right combination, these actions create an incredible sexual effect and the girl starts to want you, because you play with her like a naughty girl and provoke her to an emotional reaction. She begins to write to you, call you, take an interest in your life.
The right use of this principle is to find the optimal balance specifically for your girl. For example, you push her away from you a little, then you attract her, then you push her away a little more, and then you attract her again.
So you need to gradually build up your own time and independence from the girl (when you’re not texting her and feeling good about yourself). This will show the girl your strength, and she’ll start holding on to you. Already she will start to bend to you.
The mistake most guys make is that they immediately turn on “Macho,” which offends the girl and makes her look stupid. Your task is to make this transition from dependent to independent guy very calmly and slowly, so that the girl does not see your purposeful change.
Step – 3. Consolidation of the result.
When your girlfriend gets used to the fact that you respect your personal time, you need to load her up with tasks and errands that will cause her to become attached to you.
- Masha, call me tomorrow at 6 o’clock. I will go on important business, I will need with you to solve one moment.
- Fine, tomorrow when you get home from school, text me. I can sleep, but write anyway, I’ll answer when I wake up.
And gradually the girl will get used to the fact that she first writes to you, and then you’re with her to sort out some issue. However, if you try to do it this way, bypassing step 2, nothing works.