The eternal problem of fathers and children – what you need to know

Conflict of generations: fathers and children

The conflict of generations, lack of understanding is an eternal problem of fathers and children, which will always be relevant in society.

The conflict of fathers and children arises when parents dictate their opinion in such matters, when it is not necessary at all. For example, forcing them to eat some dishes that the child does not like, imposing a certain style of dress (the child likes sports, and parents make them wear classic), etc. The result in the form of the child’s protest will not be long in coming, only this protest can extend to other, more important aspects of life.

The older the child gets, the more reasons he has to confront his parents, their principles and rules. The problem of the relationship between fathers and children becomes more serious. Interests, hobbies, aptitude for certain subjects at school – all this parents may not understand or approve of. Meanwhile, many people probably remember how they were forced to go to, say, a music school. Few after such “torture” became a great musician. Another common situation – both parents, for example, doctors, and convinced that their child should certainly follow in their footsteps. On the one hand, it makes senseParents can help their child move up the career ladder. But think about how many of these doctors go to work every day (on which, incidentally, depends the life and health of people, hating it? Because maybe they dreamed of becoming builders or doing creative work, but their parents forced them, leaving them no choice, to give up these “stupid things” .

It would seem, the problem of fathers and children suggests the following conclusionWe should listen to the child and let him make his own decisions. Not quite so. The trouble is that the child has much less life experience. He may be unfamiliar with some of life’s concepts, or if he is, then only by hearsay. It is impossible to just give magic advice about how to make conflicts between children and parents stop completely. Nurturing, controlling, explaining and teaching are the direct responsibilities of parents, and children do not always like this. And yet you have to try to build a line of behavior so that the outcome of the interaction was constructive. A child of any age should feel that their parents do care about their opinion. In all the matters that concern the child – his or her studies, hobbies, hobbies and interests – listen to him or her, try to understand. Don’t try to break your child’s personality with your criticismIt doesn’t have to be what you want it to be. It is important to differentiate life situations into those in which your participation should be minimal, and those in which it is impossible to do without your firm word. Foster in your child a sense of responsibility for his or her decisions and actions, So that if anything, he is not to blame all the troubles on youWrong words, wrong advice. Try to be for his child, not only a wise mentor, but a close friend, because a strong family is always built on trust.

For several years, it has become a tradition in our school to hold an annual Olympiad in psychology. Within the framework of such Olympiads, participants (students in grades 8-11) present their research work on any psychological topic that concerns them. Grade 11 student Galina Balynskaya in her research work gives advice to her peers “How to avoid conflicts with parents. This work will be of interest not only to her peers, but also to parents and teachers. Microstudy on psychology by the 11th grade student of MSEI SSH № 8 of the village of Komsomolskiy, Gulkevichi district Balynskaya Galina. Theme“Fathers and children” (child-parent relationships).

Leader .Teacher-psychologist Koval Irina Leonidovna.

Fathers and children … The eternal problem.

What happens over time between parents and children?

Quite often there is a situation where it is a tradition in the family tense relations between children and their parents. A survey, The survey we did at our school with the pupils proved it.There were conflict situations in every family. To the question.“Who never had a conflict with his parents?” – no one answered affirmatively in the questionnaire. Did adults and children grow up and fall out of love with each other?

I tried to figure it out and conduct my own micro-research on the problem of parent-child relationships.

Raising us teenagers is a serious and responsible business. Yes, in today’s rapidly changing world it is becoming more and more difficult. Children think that parental experience is outdated, parents do not understand their children. After all, we, modern children, even speak our own special language and live by our own laws. And although the language changes certain words, the language of communication between parents and their children remains the same – it is the language of emotions. Similarly, the laws underlying the behavior of adolescents and their relationship with their parents remain the same – these are the laws of psychology.

What do we want from our parents when we are 12-16 years old? What is important to us? To this question 65% of the children said they wanted their parents to buy them something. 15% want them to let them go out with friends. A gift or a purchase means attention. And if they pay attention, they love them. Remember when they had “Love is…” chewing gum? ? They had funny pictures on the labels that said.“Love is when he gives you flowers,” Love is when she tucks your scarf on so you don’t catch cold”. To the question.“What do your parents’ actions mean to you that they love you?” the children responded like this :

– They buy things I like (chocolate, ice cream) ;

– they are nice to me, kind;

– take care of me.

Such simple children’s wishes, but not fulfilling them would mean that their parents don’t love them (64% answered this way).

The very idea that we might not be loved by someone close to us is scary. It makes you feel cold and prickly in the chest. It makes you want to run away, to hide…

To the question.“How do you know when someone doesn’t love you?” , the answers were…:

– they don’t understand us;

– don’t think our business is important;

– don’t trust us.

Parents show it through reprimands, scolding, reproaches, punishments.

How important it is for us when people believe and trust us, understand us, consider our opinions. For the sake of this we want to “move mountains. On the contrary, misunderstanding and distrust cause a desire to take revenge, to do something bad. After all, then there is no point in telling the truth. There is no motivation to “strain”. As we say now, aggression or apathy appears.

I read in a psychology book that when our parents make remarks to us, they show that they lack our love, and try to get at least our attention in any way they can. And we respond by being rude, i.e. giving mom or dad attention instead of love, and attention in a negative form. After all, when we are scolded and punished by our parents, no matter how well-intentioned they may be, we, the children, resent them and begin to think that they have fallen out of love with us.

How I wish that everyone would learn to “cope” with feelings of resentment, anger, hatred and revenge. But there are no ready-made recipes. We are all different. We have different characters, temperaments, behavioral habits. But I still suggest you try, and I suggest you start with yourself!

What to do in a situation where mom or dad start to “bring up”? The most important thing in this situation is to remain calm. If you can do it – it’s already a victory! Because in a state of resentment, indignation, anger or apathy, it is impossible to act constructively. To learn to stay calm in such a situation, you need, first of all, to understand that your parents are driven by a positive intention. They want their children to grow up healthy, happy and well-brought up, and they also want to remind you once again to love and respect them as parents. If awareness of their positive intention to calm you down is not enough, then, secondly, you can do the following on their own. But with the condition that your behavior will be honest and sincere and based on the warmth of your soul. It is necessary in advance, before the situation arose, to present the one of your parents, who usually reprimands you, in a very funny way.In some orange pants, in a clown’s cap, with a tomato nose. So you will diminish the importance of the formidable image of his parent. After this, it is necessary to reduce the influence of his voice. To do this, imagine that he speaks in a “cartoon” voice from a Disney cartoon, i.e. a higher voice and faster than usual. Or, on the contrary, imagine that he speaks in the voice of the interpreter of unlicensed foreign films – slow, “in the nose. If this exercise works for you, I suggest that you remember well what your parent looks and sounds like in a funny way, and the moment he or she starts to bring you up, mentally turn down the real sound and imagine a funny picture. In doing so, you can nod significantly“Yes, Mom, of course, Mom!” Then you have to walk up to Mommy from behind, …put both arms around her and say…“I love you so much!” In this way, your mother will be disarmed. If you will behave in such a way every time, your mom will no longer need a paradoxical way to get love from you, she will feel it anyway and will stop telling you off.

Remember! Warm or conversely, cold relations between parents and children as a tradition is passed on from generation to generation.

Therefore, it is very important to unite your family. It is necessary, above all, that all family members are united by common goalsYou can spend weekends together, go to the pool, go to the ice rink, work in the garden, in the yard. Even doing crossword puzzles and playing board games is good for bringing your family together. And as important as the family to share their successes and problems! The more time you spend together as a family for interesting activities, the stronger will be your family, the fuller and richer will be your personal life, the better will be your relationships.

I am grateful to my mother. I will always remember our warm relationship of mutual love, respect, understanding and trust. I know my mom is proud of me!

If in your family communication is accepted as an equal and it is possible to speak openly about your mistakes, then you won’t get into bad company, you won’t start drinking or smoking to get a state of euphoria or to appear “cooler” than you are. than you are. You will accept yourself adequately, and evaluate your actions. Your advice will be listened to by parents, teachers and peers. You won’t have to “earn” love, it belongs to you by right!

I suggest you continue our conversation. After all, the problem of fathers and children is eternal. What do you think?

Presentation “The Great Patriotic War in the memory of generations” “The Great Patriotic War in the memory of generations” Pozharskaya Galina Alexandrovna teacher MBDOU Romodanovsky kindergarten combined.

Fotoreport about the action “Relay Race of patriotism of generations” On May 7, on the eve of the 73rd anniversary of Victory Day, children of the older – preschool group “Neposedy” Municipal preschool “Beryozka” of Maysky.

Consultation “Algorithm. Conflict at School” ALGORITHM OF SOLUTION OF CONFLICT PEDAGOGICAL SITUATION The first stage – “STOP”. In order not to do harm to the child by hasty actions and not to complicate matters.

Fotoreport “Dialogue of Generations” How to tell the kids about the Great Patriotic War? This is a question we often ask ourselves. Familiarizing children with this holiday can not begin.

Fotoreport “The link between the generations will not be broken” A good tradition has developed in the preschool department (building 1648) SBEI School № 1150 behalf of Hero of the Soviet Union Konstantin Rokossovsky – to congratulate the children.

Class hour “Conflict. Is it necessary?” for students aged 7-12 Objective: to form an idea of the conflict and the types of conflict. To develop communication skills and abilities. Age: 7-12 years old “Conflict.

Leaflet for parents “The path to harmony, or how to resolve conflict” Leaflet for parents. “The Way to Acceptance, or How to Resolve Conflict” Conflict with children in the family is most often provoked by pedagogical.

Pedagogical Conflict. Stages, methods of resolution A conflict is a clash of certain opinions, positions. A distinction is made between constructive and destructive conflicts. Destructive conflict is.

Seminar for preschool teachers “Conflict of “Teacher-Parent”. Causes of Arising and Ways of Solution” I. Introduction. Parenting is an international term that refers to helping parents in their role as educators.

Photo-report “Connection of generations” with the purpose of establishing the continuity of the pedagogical process, as well as fostering patriotic qualities of the younger generation, the pupils of the senior.

How to solve the problems of fathers and children?

At all times children and parents have faced misunderstanding of each other. “Why don’t they understand that I am an adult and have my own point of view?” – the child thinks. It seems to him that parents do not hear him, do not accept his opinion. In turn, children are not always aware of how difficult it was for their mother and father to raise them, to create the conditions for life so that the family had everything they needed and more. Often they did this while forgetting about themselves and their needs.

What difficulties in the relationship between children and parents deserve attention? How do they reach agreement?

Why does the relationship deteriorate?

The problem with children and parents is that each thinks they are right, and it is extremely difficult to understand the other. Understanding this, in fact, is not the truth, but a delusion based on strong feelings, resentments, grievances, lack of love and attention. Sometimes the relationship between family members deteriorates so much that close people lose intimacy with each other forever. The connection between them and can break down at about the time when the child is in his teens. Why exactly at this time? Because this period is a turning point, when children separate from their mother and father, rebel, disobey, resist the rules. Adults get angry, trying to subjugate teens to themselves, but, more often than not, nothing comes of it. If parents and children, at this stage, do not agree peacefully, then communication between them can become strained, and they become estranged from each other.

When the child grows up, he or she tends to leave the family and start living independently or leave the hometown altogether, while the parent makes no attempt to bring the child closer, believing that his or her son or daughter has selfish tendencies, does not love the mother and father, and does not value them.

In fact, both hold a grudge against each other in their hearts. The paradox is that both parents and children resent about the same things: the harsh words spoken in their hearts, the lack of attention and help, the inability to support, indifference, unfair treatment. Achieve reconciliation will help them understand that they feel like strangers, not because one of them is bad, but because of the unexpressed claims and grievances.

They will be able to establish a relationship and become closer if they dare to talk about their feelings – about what their expectations of each other, resentments, worries, thoughts.

What do parents want?

Parents want to raise their children to be decent citizens and just happy people. To this end, they do everything possible to ensure that children grow up healthy and in need of nothing, engaged in their education, training. When raising a child, parents unconsciously rely on their life experience and what they got from their mother and father. They think they are older and smarter than the children, and of course, they are right, but against this background, there are often conflicts between the generations. The older a child is, the more often he has his own desires, is guided by principles that were born within him, and not by what his parents prompted. Adults need to consider children’s individuality, and children need to respect their mother and father with their baggage of knowledge, to treat what their elders offer with reverence.

Parents want their children to be happy and often say the phrase, “I know what’s best for you. For example, adults are sure that their child needs to finish school with a gold medal. He is a capable student, but laziness prevents him from being an excellent student. Parents put more and more pressure on him, and, as a result, the child has an aversion to learning, he completely drops out of lessons and turns from a good student into a laggard. Adults should remember that the older the child, the less they will be able to solve anything for him.

Otherwise, if children are not given the right to speak out, they will become resentful, angry, enter into new conflicts with parents.

The child rebels, subjected to excessive control, and begins to behave in the opposite way. Hence his unwillingness to help around the house, do homework and get good grades.

What does the child dream about?

Many parents, having already retired, often blame their adult children: they do not work or do not want to help, they have no family, they “pull” money from the mother or father. Unfortunately, this is what happens when the bond between a child and an adult, when the former has already grown up, remains very strong and, in content, resembles an addiction. Why don’t children want to separate? Perhaps the mother and father have done and continue to do everything to keep the child with them forever? – Do not give them the opportunity to build a personal life, manipulate helplessness, convinced that without them he is “good for nothing”? Such an attitude will not bring happiness to a child. For all his love for his mother and father, in order to become himself and live a full life, he needs to separate from them geographically and psychologically.

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