Being rude at age 5.
Girls, hello. I have a problem. My son is 5 years old, very affectionate, emotional with anxiety (we got it from the psychologist), tears are near, if anything, he understands. This year he went to the kindergarten, not without difficulties, but he adapted, and the problem started: just an unreal stream of “new” words. He says them to me and my husband, and very much on topic, so to speak. My eyes already do not enter the orbits – myself is such, I’ve had enough of you, I’ll kick your ass, I’m fed up with everything, do it immediately, get lost…and much more. There are no such words at home. After each episode we talk, discuss, punish with deprivation of communication, watching our favorite show, reading, walking. Only after we say it he realizes on our faces that he said a bad thing, immediately asks for forgiveness, and immediately cries. But 10 minutes later he cries again. He is unraveling at the “forgive me”. Manipulates tears – should I toughen the punishment? Or mumble slowly but surely – in the head will settle? My husband said if I hear it again, I will smack my lips. I am against it, but at 5 years of age, and at any age I do not want to hear such things. It turns out that the punishment for one episode flows into a punishment for another, he nods: I understand, it’s bad, I promise, love, kisses, and after 5-10 minutes – go and open it yourself, all, I do not want to talk to you!
What do you want? This is a kindergarten. There from the teacher he hears all day long how he is punished with new, unusual words, of which he had never heard. They also promise to kick him in the mouth at home.
My cousin, when he was 5 or 6 years old, started bringing in profanity from the yard from the older kids. My parents, of course, scolded him. And forbidden fruit is sweet. You want to repeat it. So he, when he thought that no one saw him, like one in the room, whispering almost no sound, articulation only, they repeated. He was just so old. It was very funny. Then I outgrew it and realized that I shouldn’t bring that stuff inside.
If anything, it was 30 years ago, in a small provincial town, when such kids quietly walked alone with their elders in the yard.
Repeat every time: “Sorry, I do not understand this kind of speech. Speak politely, please. Thank you, I understand. I really enjoy listening to your beautiful speech.”
Regret: “Hare, as a woman (girl) I don’t like hearing that. Say it politely, please. Thank you. It makes me very happy when you try to choose beautiful language.” Use positive reinforcement.
You don’t need to make a tragedy out of it. You don’t need to punish either. Your overreaction provokes a continuation of the crisis.
My son is 5.6. He has been going to the kindergarten since he was three years old. Also in the last year began to swear and rude. Depending on the situation I pretend that either I don’t understand, or I strictly ask not to speak to me like that (not a tone or word). If I do not understand, I do not respond, I do not talk. I explain that one may not speak this way, and that I will let her tell her friends in the garden (and they will not like it. ). The main thing is clear and strictly
+ 100, no need to punish, in the garden so say the other children, no one punishes them, and at home – at home do not react to bad words, ask to speak politely and gently, the child will gradually understand that it is good that not.
I inform the children that I deeply regret this modern form of their communication, but that I cannot influence the whole world, but I ask them to switch from buddies – to home. And control the forms of treatment. What looks like a “boardroom attitude” at home sounds insulting and inappropriate.
Okay, thanks for the feedback. And in general, of course, the horror of what children say. Yesterday I told my cat: “Hurry up and shit, you beast.” That’s horrible.
The word “beast” is not always used in a swear word. Don’t ascribe to the child the intent to offend the other person. The boy is just emotionally immature and doesn’t quite grasp the subtext. Reduce it to a joke: “My dear, how can you imagine this? (listen to the nonsense he is imagining). Now imagine yourself in this living situation. And how? Is it a comfortable process?”
Watch your conversations, children take everything from you. my cousin’s sister, when she came to visit her grandmother at her remark said “go away from here” all were shocked, it turns out that the second grandmother said so to the animals (whether a pig or a dog do not remember).
My son is also five years old, he started in the fall in a new kindergarten. He is rude, impudent, rude, sometimes insulting, and swinging. I’m toughest on the swinging, I can punch him in the mouth for a bad word. That’s when you’ve said it a hundred times and you immediately get a tirade in your face. They tell me that it’s just an age thing. Plus my kid has a very complicated character. In general, patience, patience and patience again. When my son went to kindergarten in 2.11, after a couple of months gave out at sea the phrase “ah, you bitch. Oh, how! A little later I learned from the teachers about the boy-hooligan from the group, whose mother unashamedly used different expressions. And the child then dragged to the garden and taught the children. At 3.4 we got to the hospital, and there I found out that the child also knows how to swear. In front of the entire room gave out, I did not understand, thinking that I did not hear, I asked to repeat it. Recently I went to the garden for my son in the middle of the day and found myself dressing the children (5/6-year-olds) for a walk. Children communicate rudely, a fool is still normal, they fight. Individually all children are normal, there are no outright marginalized, there are affectionate children. But here’s a bunch of them become mean, always something to share, argue, scuffle.
ZS: I punish hard for strong deliberate insults and punches. It’s easier for me, I’ve never allowed myself to be hit. And my husband didn’t react, so the problem of swearing is more relevant between my son and my husband. And most importantly, hurtful to the son is not corporal punishment, and punishment such as a long deprivation of cartoons (then you have to remind him why and how long it will last), and sending him to another room generally causes a tantrum. The peak of insults and attacks was about a month and a half ago. The child was just carried away, that’s why all of a sudden. Now it is easier, in the summer there will be no kindergarten, there will be love.
In our kindergarten and the staff sometimes not too shiny. Well the fact that all the “gr “ekayut (we are in Ukraine), and “lie”, it is still nothing. Recently, for example, the teacher said to her daughter, “As you pestered me. Not without reason, of course, but is this expression for communication with the children? Nannies in general give out pearls – where the hell they went shoehorned, I’ll give you on the ass, etc. It is useless to fight with this, I just try to explain everything to my daughter and to inculcate a culture of speech, as far as I can.
How does the 5-year crisis manifest itself in a child and what parents should do in this case
Crisis at age 5 in a child occurs in almost every family. And you should not think of the difficulties as caprice or a manifestation of a bad temper. In fact, behavioral problems at this age indicate a very serious age change.
How the behavior and psychology of a child at age 5 is changing
At the age of five, children undergo intensive physiological and psychological processes. In this connection, the nervous system is under enormous strain. Therefore, this period of maturation is accompanied by frequent stressful experiences, which children can not always cope with. Parents of five-year-olds notice how their child’s behavior changes, and they cannot always find an explanation.
The crisis at age 5 in a child will pass more easily if you follow the advice of psychologists
By the age of 5, the following changes occur in a baby’s life and worldview:
- he is socialized, learning to perceive the relationships between people. Children begin to establish close contacts with their peers. They also pay attention to the nature of connections between people in the adult world and begin to build a rating scale;
- they begin to identify themselves and others in terms of gender;
- moral development is going on intensively. Children learn to understand the categories “good and evil,” “sensitivity and indifference,” “you can’t do that,” and many others;
- Young children learn to reason independently, to form their own opinions. And often at this age, children’s conclusions seem paradoxical to adults;
- Great problems are delivered to parents and the initial fears. Children are often afraid of disappointing their parents and losing their love. Fear of the dark, loneliness, large numbers of people and much more begins.
Five years is a period of intense learning about the laws of the world. But since their experience is not yet accumulated, kids try to carefully imitate their parents or other people authoritative in their eyes, not yet fully understanding the underlying nature of the actions of adults.
At five years of age for the normal development of children is very important to benevolent attitude towards them by adult family members.
Signs of a crisis
All children experience a turning point in the formation of the personality at the age of five. But manifestations of a psychological crisis are very individual. The range of intensity of symptoms of a personality change can be from very bright, unexpected excesses to deviations that are almost imperceptible to the naked eye.
The following signs are most often observed:
- The child has episodes of unreasonable anger, aggression, directed at people close to him or her;
- Children may “withdraw into themselves”, withdraw, and stop making contact;
- Demands begin, accompanied by caprices and even hysterics;
- the need for “me by myself” becomes acute. This concerns not only some small matters connected with self-care, but also more serious ones, for example, there are attempts to insist on walking along the streets by oneself, even if there is heavy traffic or a large number of people there;
- there may be the appearance of buffoonish behavior, clowning. In girls, it is unclear where cheekiness and affectation come from. Sometimes such behavior acquires such grotesque forms that parents literally do not recognize their children.
At the same time, the child begins to have fears of doing something wrong or not good enough, of losing the love of family members. Manifestations of fear may consist in refusal to go for a walk outside, a desire to hide behind parents when strangers try to talk to the baby.
During a psychological crisis, five-year-old children begin to develop an exuberant imagination. At the same time, they invent all sorts of fairy tales and nonexistent friends. During this period, it is important to understand that the child does not become a cheater, but simply goes through a rather heavy period of growing up for his immature nervous system.
Heightened curiosity at age 5 causes kids to eavesdrop and spy on adults. Frequent mood swings, increased physical and psycho-emotional fatigue are typical signs of the transition period.
Why does behavior change
The crisis at age 5 in a child does not develop on an empty place. Such a surge is promoted by the physiological features of the young body, its nervous system and psyche.
One of the signs of the crisis of five years of age is unexpected cranking, tomfoolery
The child has already grown up, knows how to do a lot on his own and seems old enough. But on the one hand, he or she sees that all of his or her attempts to look “great” are not taken seriously by adults, and on the other, he or she feels that he or she still “falls short” of the desired level.
Other factors also interfere with the internal psychological conflict:
- There comes a period of intensive development of the cerebral cortex, which is responsible for the correctness of thinking processes, communication with the outside world. Children during this period learn to control their behavior and displays of emotion;
- there is a desire to communicate with other children, but very often such contacts bring disappointment, because children, starting to communicate with peers, imagine this process in their own way. Unreasonable expectations often bring disappointment;
- the child often lacks the vocabulary and knowledge of concepts to explain his or her thoughts, experiences, and emotions to his or her parents. As a result, there is some reticence and alienation.
Age 5 is the age when character traits begin to emerge, and parental authority is somewhat diminished. This means that the time of unconditional obedience has passed. Children are already starting to assert their opinions in accessible ways.
How parents should behave
To prevent or smooth the manifestation of psycho-emotional breakdowns, parents need not only to demonstrate understanding of the state of their child, but also to direct his impulsiveness in a peaceful direction.
To do this, the following rules should be followed:
- play with the baby more often: in the daytime it should be moving games;
- arrange walks in the fresh air with the whole family shortly before bedtime;
- Delegate children simple household chores – watering potted plants, help mom in the store with shopping.
It is very important not to forget to thank each time for your help and emphasize how important it is to you.
Always celebrate the successes and talents of your children in any field, encourage his desire to learn new things. And as often as possible remind him that you still love him. Then the crisis at 5 years old in the child will run much more smoothly.
Be sure to explain to children the boundaries of the permitted and tell them why it should be so.
The baby has to know the laws and orders adopted in the family. If he throws a tantrum because something didn’t happen the way he wanted – wait it out. When the child calms down, you need to talk to him, explaining how to behave, why you can’t do what he wants, throw a tantrum.
Advice from a psychologist on what not to do
First of all, you should never scold a child, much less punish him or her for bad behavior. Otherwise it is possible to provoke alienation and isolation, and in the future it will lead to socialization disorders.
Use of physical force is also completely excluded. It is hard enough for children during this period, and raising one’s hand could aggravate the condition and cause a serious psychological trauma.
In the absence of trusting relationships, the child will conclude that no one is interested in his or her problems, he or she is a nuisance to everyone and can refuse open communication with parents.
You should never criticize the behavior or actions of the child in the presence of anyone. All of your comments and complaints should be discussed face to face.
Psychologist’s suggestions include a ban on the demonstration of negative emotions to children. You should not show your sadness, confusion, anger or resentment. An indifferent look from parents in response to a tantrum will discourage the child, and he or she will calm down very quickly. Such behavior will be a prevention of possible manipulation by adults in the future.
It is difficult for parents to remain calm and patient, watching the surge of emotion of an over-excited child. But always remember that the baby to survive the crisis is much harder. At this age, a perception of the world and his place in it. Therefore, parents should have patience and understanding for the vagaries of his five-year-old child.