Why a man does not say that he loves: how to understand his true feelings
Men, often stingy on the expression of feelings and emotions, often upset the ladies: many think that if a partner does not talk about his love, then he, respectively, does not love. Why is this the case? Learn how to understand the true feelings of men.
Unfortunately, not all ladies are lucky on the verbose and eloquent suitors: quite a number of the fair sex fall gloomy reticent, who, it seems, in principle, never tried to express his feelings with words.
But, according to the law of universal meanness, the girlfriends and colleagues – a different story: listening to the happy stories about the beautiful declarations of love, not long and go crazy with black envy. Why is it that men rarely talk about their love, and it may not mean that love in a relationship does not and never was? We tried to figure it all out and came up with some pretty interesting conclusions: find out why men don’t say they love, as well as how to understand his true feelings.
Why many men don’t say “I love you”
Many ladies are very surprised by the fact that a man is often unable to say three simple words. What are the reasons for this strange disease? Here are a few suggestions: often men are silent about their feelings for their partner for these or similar reasons.
Habit . The vast majority of both male and female representatives are people of habit: it so happens that we are extremely reluctant to change our way of life and everything associated with it. The habits that relate to communication are also among the things we try to keep as long as possible as they were originally, and this is the first possible reason for your man’s silence. He may not talk about his love simply because he is so used to it.
Where can this habit come from? As a rule, it comes from the immediate environment: family or other relatives, who had a strong influence on the man in his childhood. If the family is not accepted to hug, to show “calf tenderness” and somehow declare their love for loved ones, it is not surprising that a man carries the same pattern of behavior and in relations with his second half, there’s no – in another way he just can not, had not learned.
Exposure to stereotypes. Another reason why many men are silent as partisans when it comes to expressing their feelings for their partner is exposure to stereotypes about the strong, rough and terse character that a real man should have.
These stereotypes are usually implanted in childhood. “Do not cry, you’re a man!”, “Why are you crying like a girl?” and similar, not particularly pleasant expressions in many men reinforce the idea that it is shameful to express their feelings, and it is not necessary.
Of course, not everyone is subject to stereotypes: there are people who, since childhood, show their character and do what they want, not what is necessary. Unfortunately, there are not many such people: Soviet parents, as it were, were able to convince.
How to find out a man’s true feelings
So, we found out why many men can carefully hide their feelings, almost at gunpoint, refusing to confess their love for his partner. Well, the real guerrillas! But is it really impossible to find out about the true feelings of the stronger sex in this case? Fortunately, a few ways do exist: here they are.
Get into his correspondence. Not the most honest and “right”, but at the same time almost the most accurate way to find out how he really feels – to take control of his correspondence. Well, or at least just look into it. This approach will almost certainly allow you to find out who you are for your man: a lover, another passionate or the love of his life. Only be careful: by engaging in this kind of espionage, it is easy to get caught and lose all confidence finally, provoking a parting of the man.
Wait a little while . Another way to find out what a man really thinks of you – just wait: some things are not told to the first person, and the lady, whose relationship has lasted as long as a month. If you are in no hurry, you should be patient: surely the man will talk himself, once enough time has passed, in his opinion.
As you can see, it is not always the case that a man does not tell you about his love, it means its absence: your partner may well be a man of few words, not making exceptions for relationships as well. And the proof of love, if anything, should clearly be considered not empty words, but deeds, which in contrast to the first means a lot.
However, to find out whether a man loves you or only pretends to love you, you can use another way. Previously, we have discussed how a number of non-obvious signs to understand whether a man really loves you. We hope that our material will be useful to you.
Tell us what you think about it: for what other reasons, in your opinion, men may not tell the lady of his heart about his love? Does this mean there is no love as such, or not? Why not?
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The guy does not talk about love: how to understand his true feelings
Men and women have completely different ideas about love. Representatives of the stronger sex are rational by nature, actions are important to them. Women are emotional individuals, for whom it is important to hear from a partner the words of love. And when she does not get these recognitions in sufficient quantities, her self-esteem falls, the world is falling apart, the mood deteriorates, and the relationship rolls downhill … A woman winds herself up, or there really is no love?
Why a man does not talk about love.
Case from Irina Kovaleva, a practicing practical psychologist:
“Misha and I have been dating for about a year. He is caring, gentle, strong. With him I am like a stone back. We know each other’s parents and our relationship is kind of serious. One thing that bothers me is that my boyfriend doesn’t tell me that he loves me. He doesn’t even show it. All couples in the company hug each other, whisper something in each other’s ear, giggle, and I want to howl like a wolf from spiritual emptiness. How do I know if a guy is serious or just having a nice time with me?
Men’s psyche is structured differently. They are more self-confident, self-sufficient and do not put a double meaning in their actions. Their love is about stability, support, care, financial security of the family, building a solid foundation. The men’s logic is, “I’m with her because I love her. I bring money into the house, help with household chores, share responsibility. What more proof do you need for love?” A very rational thought!
But if, nevertheless, the girl is greatly disturbed by the lack of a declaration of love from the guy, let’s look into why this is the case:
- Inappropriate relationship stage (moment). A man can remain silent about love both in the early stages, and being 20 years married. In the first case, he does not dare to reveal his soul because of doubts, while in the second case he believes that it is too banal, as everything has long been understood without words. Or maybe he is just waiting for the right opportunity: a shooting star from the sky, a beautiful sunset, a romantic dinner.
- By virtue of upbringing/parental example/worldview/principles. “Boys don’t cry, they’re strong, patient, courageous. Why are you kissing like a girl, men are more reserved! Wipe your snot out, get away from your mother’s skirt, get out of the sandpit, play man’s games. Parents think that they harden their child, making him strong in life, but they just make him callous, reserved, unemotional toward the female sex. Or the boy hasn’t heard talk about love in his family since childhood. Or he was brought up on movies and beliefs, where men are taught to prove love through actions, not empty words.
- Because of fears. Guys are fearful people, despite their natural strength. Fears can be a variety: of commitments (what if you’re going to marry him right away), because of the loss of reputation (and if the guys find out), the fear of being rejected, vulnerable, weak. Maybe he does not tell the girl that he loves, because he is afraid of manipulation on her part (“if you really love, do this, do not go there, buy this… Then you do not love me”), not completely confident in the correctness of his choice or because of past bad love experiences (betrayal, betrayal, devaluation by the ex-girlfriend relationship).
- Too shy. There are guys like this who are uptight, insecure, shy. He so wants to declare his love, but does not dare, just a real trouble! If you see that next to you is such a partner, just show initiative and immediately in response hear the cherished words!
- Takes an observant position. This is a case where a guy loves you, but is silent because he doubts you (your feelings). Men are cautious about declaring their love to someone they think there is no reciprocity from. And why he thinks that, you can find out for yourself!
There is, of course, a more banal reason for silence: the guy really does not love the girl. But then the chosen one would have realized it in relation to herself and would not have tormented herself with empty doubts. How exactly would she understand, we will talk about this below.
But there is another category of guys for whom saying “I love you” is as easy as brushing your teeth. And here you have to guess where sincerity: where the words of love poured out at every opportunity, or where you silently look at the burning eyes…
How to understand the true feelings of the guy
And yet, if a man does not confess his love to a woman, how to understand how he really feels? Psychologists say that there is nothing better than observation. Observe, analyze, and draw conclusions.
A loving guy spends as much time together with his beloved as possible. The exception is business employment, but even then a man will always find time to write, call, stop by in the evening for at least half an hour to see his lady of the heart. If they prefer you to friends, to entertainment, to alcohol, they don’t call/text/write/withdraw the phone, it’s out of the question about seriousness and love. It’s the same with being interested in your life. If a man asks you about the past day, knows your taste preferences, the name of your institute, department and major, your favorite movie genre – this is value. Otherwise, it’s an empty pastime.
A guy who is serious always solves the problems of the girl he loves. That’s his meaning, his credo, his sincere desire, that’s what love is all about. Your phone broke, your salary was delayed, you got sick, you sprained your leg, the key got stuck in the lock, you lost your suitcase? A reliable partner will always make sure that you survive it as calmly, quickly and painlessly. Caring in a relationship – one of the brightest forms of manifestation of love. Loving person always listens, find the right words, provide moral, financial, physical support. Everything else – empty promises.
Another clear proof of love: courting, gifts, signs of attention. For this to be rich is not necessary, the main thing is the desire to make your beloved pleasant. This can be an affectionate text message in the morning, tea in bed, a new umbrella, an inscription on the pavement, a massage after work, your favorite candy, planted in your purse, chamomile in a glass, etc.
Respect and acceptance of the environment, maintaining contact with relatives is considered another sign that a guy loves his date. Even if relations with your relatives or close people are strained, a guy will not offend you and talk nasty things about them, be rude to them, avoid meeting with them. No, if you are a big part of his life, he will try to communicate with them, hold back in acute moments, reduce everything to neutrality.
Other than that, how else can you tell if a guy loves his girlfriend or is just having fun with her:
- he is anxious about your pain, tears, fears (indifferent individuals do not show sympathy and interest, the maximum you will get is a dismissive “calm down”);
- Transcends his beliefs, rules, principles for the sake of the object of love (this is normal for loving people, because the deep relationship is built on cooperation);
- Takes you absolute, with all your strengths and weaknesses (only consumers mold an ideal man for themselves);
- Jealous (and it’s not a matter of trust, just men who love, this feeling is heightened);
- can always protect you both morally and physically (love has no cowardice, but a man who lacks warm feelings does not feel the desire to stand up for you, to stand up “mountain”);
- Loving guy is always trying to anticipate your steps in advance: whether you are in danger, whether you will have problems, will you break a hand, jumping with a parachute, will you stay hungry, squandering all the premium shopping, etc.
There are a lot of arguments like that. So if your boyfriend is not talking about love, but shows his warm attitude with all his heart – relax and enjoy the experience. Believe me, you are very lucky.
In fact, it’s simple: a loving man, even if he does not talk about his feelings, treasures his woman, not loving – no. Open your eyes, smash empty illusions.
What should a woman do if she does not hear from a guy the cherished words
Sometimes a girl, eager to hear from a guy the cherished words of love, does a lot of foolish things and makes mistakes. She yells, gets offended, closes up, insults her partner, pressures her feelings of pity (guilt), and gives ultimatums. This all leads to quarrels, misunderstandings, and even a breakup. What to do if you want to hear a confession?
First of all, frankly talk to the guy. Calmly, without reproach, tears and pouting lips. Tell how important these words are to you: “When I hear your warm confessions, I feel so at ease that I am ready to conquer the whole world”, “After your words of love, I feel that between us full confidence”, “When you do not tell me that you love, I experience exhaustion, tension, sadness. If you are shy to be frank, take the initiative first. Periodically say “I love you,” “Appreciate you,” “Thank you.” Give her a hug, a smile, a wink. Don’t wait for a response, say it to convey the importance of the message. You’ll see, the guy will open up faster.
Secondly, reconsider your relationship. Are you really having so much trouble that you’re so fixated on whether or not a guy told you he loved you! Forget about ideals, stop watching melodramas and reading love novels, they are fictional. Take off the rose-colored glasses and find evidence of your partner’s feelings in everyday things. Kissed on the lips in the morning, in the evening, he asked how you feel, blanketed, gave his coat, he called and said to wear a hat, congratulated your mother with the holiday, invited him to the movies, washed the dishes … Write down all the little things in a notebook, they build happiness!
Thirdly, become a real woman. Not a capricious girl, but a real representative of the fair sex! Be gentle, caring, friendly, sweet. Do not beg for love, wrap your beloved affection, warmth, comfort, and then he will want to confess to you in warm feelings. Think about yourself, love yourself, take it easy to what is happening. Enjoy today. Subconsciously you throw off the weight of heavy thoughts, and this is the first step to women’s happiness!
Tip of the psychologist: Every warm word men encourage kiss, smile, hug, tender word in return. So you show that you like the recognition of the guy, and he will do it much more often!
Many women, after living with a man for many years, realize that words sometimes mean nothing. Some guys sing about love from the first date, but their sweet songs are never backed up by action. Real men, on the other hand, tend to express their reverent attitude and love not with words, but with actions. That’s what you should really appreciate! Remember this and do not fill your head with empty doubts. Be happy without words!