The beginning of a relationship psychology – let’s study in order

How should develop a healthy and strong relationship between a guy and a girl: psychological stages, common mistakes

The success of the relationship in some way depends on their correct start. Often we make mistakes that we have to regret later, but we only make the first impression once and it is much harder to correct than to immediately start a relationship in the right direction.

Undoubtedly, we always try to show ourselves at our best, so that the partner will be interested in us and pay attention. But sometimes girls try too hard and that disappoints potential partners. After all, we are human and no one is able to keep the highest bar that we have shown to the new person.

Often girls neglect one very important piece of advice, which can be found in any magazine – just be yourself. There is no need to play the part of a very good or femme fatale. This will not help anyway, over time, you are sure to be found out. All people are different and look for the one who will accept you as is.

Psychological stages

The secret of the idealization of first love lies in the fact that it is almost always cut short at the stage of falling in love. This is the period when the partner has no flaws and has not had time for problematic situations that require compromise. But a truly strong union only begins with the candy-bouquet period, must go through many trials in order to grow into true love. Don’t think that all the stages will be listed in time now, and you can just count down when grace arrives. Every couple is a unique unit, so everything is individual, but each of the stages described below occurs in absolutely everyone.

  1. Falling in love.

The moment when two people first meet and the exchange of pheromones between them begins, provoking a surge of hormones. The period of narcotic intoxication from overwhelming feelings. Lovers do not notice the reality, often fantasizing about a cloudless future, drawing pictures with each other’s participation in their heads. The body is dominated by attraction, a strong attraction. This can last from 3 months to several years.

“Pink” period still comes to an end one day, the partners begin to get tired of each other’s society. There is a desire to regain personal space, freedom. This is absolutely logical, correct beginning of the relationship, allowing the couple to become more calm, less emotional. This is a period of the first quarrels, from which you need to learn to find a way out together. It is worth abandoning the needless insults, recriminations, prolonging spats. The first conflicts do not indicate the extinction of feelings, but partners finally begin to fully realize and perceive each other, with all the faults.

The first crisis stage, in which many couples do not stand the test and disintegrate. This is a real test of the partner’s psychological ability to make concessions, to understand, accept the other as an independent, independent person. At this time, you should be wary of accumulating irritation and harboring grudges. It is better to solve problems as they arise and try to discuss in a calm atmosphere. It is not necessary to embellish the shortcomings of each other, it is better to immediately discuss the experiences and try to either honestly accept or jointly correct them.

It is worth clearly realizing that if the partner at this stage categorically refuses to change bad habits (frequent drinking, drugs, laziness), then nothing will change in the future. By dragging intractable problems into the next stages, you will have to fight yourself. It is no longer a question of a happy future. Therefore, if the partner is not ready for a dialogue, it is worth weighing up the need to stay in such an alliance.

  1. Patience.

The time when the partner’s shortcomings no longer cause acute irritation. More often it is possible not to notice small deficiencies, to put up with imperfections without prejudice. This is the period of making wise and weighted decisions. Partners are no longer trying to change something, they are ready to accept that next to them is an individual, a person with his imperfections.

Here it is, the period when the couple reaches mutual understanding, and the partners are ready to support each other in any matter. Many at this time make concessions for the sake of the loved one, sacrificing something. In this case, there is no regret or resentment, on the contrary, there is a desire to give more than to receive.

It’s been enough time to thoroughly study your partner. And if in the beginning of the relationship you had respect for the behavior of your man or woman, now there is an awareness of the collected image, there is respect, above all, as a person. There is a full confidence in the right choice. This stage, is also called engagement, when the couple realizes that they want to live together for life.

And here at last is something that you have been walking towards together for a long time, that you have nurtured and protected. With the advent of true love, when the couple perceives themselves as one, there comes harmony and happiness. Of course, there will still be problems and conflicts, but they will be solved together, with healthy, adult dialogues, without excessive emotionality. Inside such couples remains passion, strong affection, but at the same time they are completely self-sufficient, with their own interests, personal space.

Peculiarities of the psychology of men and women

Men and women are so different by nature that they have to constantly balance between reason, feelings, emotionality, logic, rationality, intuition, etc. It’s an endless cycle of fits and starts, resentments, rejections and acceptances. But there is a plus side here: opposites have the property to complement each other, and this is the whole point of the psychology of relations in a couple.

Unfortunately, a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman is a rarity. Psychologists observe that with each decade it is more and more difficult for couples to achieve the desired balance. This occurs because of the shift in gender roles, when people, in spite of the nature of his psychology, are forced to deal with unusual tasks. But first things first! So what is the difference between the psychology of men and women?

Male psychology in relationships

If you try to abstractly imagine a couple of the brain, the man will be assigned the role of the left hemisphere. This half is responsible for concreteness, rationality, logic, reason, analytics, consistency, detachment, etc. Men are more emotionally stingy, they are focused on the “here and now” situation, more pragmatic, independent.

In the psychology of relations with a woman man can not reach mutual understanding, because they have completely different ways of thinking and perceive the world around them. When the representative of the stronger sex talks about their problems, he is looking for ways to solve them, while women share their troubles just to be listened to, supported, imbued with her worries. So when a man thinks that his girlfriend asks him to find a solution, in response he receives accusations of insensitivity and unemotional. The main feature of guys – to say everything directly, which makes conflicts in the family build up a snowball effect. Men sincerely do not understand why they must guess the reason for a woman’s resentment, and the woman in turn is offended: her beloved has become too cold to her (stopped to appreciate, love, understand). She tries to talk about his feelings, causing her chosen one is irritated, demanding specifics. Sound familiar?

Now let’s look into the depths of male psychology to understand the real point:

  1. It’s hard for a man to talk about his emotional inner state. It’s a centuries-old problem that has its origins in child-parent psychology, where parents teach boys to be strong (be patient), enduring (don’t cry), resilient (it’s not trouble yet), stingy with words (you’re not a girl), etc.
  2. Independence. A man constantly feels that the companion encroaches on his freedom, hence the different perception of reality. That is why guys are afraid of a serious relationship, and even entering into it, continue to fight for the right to personal time (space, funds).
  3. A man is a male a priori, it’s inherent on a genetic level. He always pays attention to other women, whether you like it or not. That’s why it is important for a woman in a relationship to be able to be a mistress, a wife, a hostess, a friend, a mother. If any link falls out of the chain of needs, there is a chance of a third person.
  4. For a man, the key goal is to establish himself as a person, and his self-esteem depends on it. If he and a woman switch roles in the family (it’s not just about making money), then you can get a depressed, apathetic, “dry” partner at the end.
  5. Men are always abstracted from conflicts and relationship issues. Quarrels put them in a stupor, give them a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness. Therefore, anticipating a family scandal, they begin to lie, to leave, to shut down, to get out of it.

But if everything is so easy and understandable, why do not all couples overcome crises in family relationships? Because female psychology is so different that the union of two opposites can sometimes be compared to the confrontation of the natural elements. What is the female psyche?

Women’s psychology in relationships

Women are assigned by nature the role of the right hemisphere, where a whole emotional spectrum is collected: imagination, dreams, intuition, feelings, images, abstraction, unity. Girls in relationships with the opposite sex are destined to be keepers of the home, caring and attentive allies, passionate furies, reasonable interlocutors. And the woman would be happy to give her chosen one, but the clashes and waves of incomprehension shatter all the desires to pieces. Why does this happen?

It is important for a woman to surround her only one with care, attention, affection, warmth, it is natural for them, it is how love is manifested. Men, on the other hand, are stifled by this, they consider it an encroachment on personal space, for which they receive accusations of being selfish. Women, tired of fighting for frank family conversations, desired leisure, endless attention, as a result begin to consider men unable to build strong relationships, callous, insensitive and cowardly. Family psychologists say that most of the problems in the relationship could be avoided if men know how to show their weaknesses, and women, in turn, could be more objective perception of the spouse.

So what is the female psychology in a relationship with a man?

  1. A woman needs words. It is regarded as attention, love, encouragement, emotional release. It’s simple: “I love you. I appreciate you. You’re a beautiful, beautiful woman. I admire your charisma. I love your sense of humor. You are a culinary goddess.” If men knew this secret, they would have lived in harmony long ago.
  2. Women tend to idealize the chosen one. This stretches from childhood, when all the girls who have read fairy tales about princes, dreams of eternal romance. Serenades under the balcony you can not sing, but the flowers, care, chivalry zeal to protect, protect, cherish and cherish – necessarily! And when her man shows his feelings differently (smacking goodbye, buying groceries instead of flowers), very quickly comes disappointment. “You don’t love me,” she cries, to which she receives sincere bewilderment.
  3. It’s important for a woman to be weak, that’s their psychology. In a relationship, she should be engaged in the process: raising children, arranging the comfort, cooking, gardening, handicrafts, caring for animals – it is inherent in nature. Even though today everything has transformed and very few people are engaged in handicrafts, but the fact remains: a woman should be the rear, not the head! As soon as the “feminine nature” is infringed, the alliance collapses.
  4. A woman needs to talk openly about her inner state. If she is restricted in this (mocked, devalued, brushed aside, angry, irritated), over time it puts a negative imprint on the relationship in the couple. The companion closes down, clamps down, becomes depressed and melancholic.

So it turns out that even with feelings, radically different views (expectations) of the relationship build an invisible wall between people, which leads to suffering, and then to separation.

Types of relationships

Few people manage to go through all the stages like a textbook. Sometimes it happens that one of the partners has already reached the stage of patience, and the second is stuck in figuring out the relationship. If you do not show a fair amount of self-control, it will not be possible to preserve the alliance. Also, if the guy is afraid to go for more serious steps, the girl will not be able to figure out how to develop the relationship further, again there will be a deadlock. In addition, in today’s society, in addition to the traditional model of building a strong union, there are many other options for relationships. Ideally, when the chosen strategy of behavior suits both, but this does not always happen.

You don’t have to be afraid to let go of the “wrong” person at some point, just for fear of being lonely. Being free, without fear of being abandoned, you can quickly create a new, more harmonious union.

Thus, one of the controversial and uncontrollable types of union, is the amicable relationship. They usually arise when everyone has their own family or couple. The difficulty is that a crush can only develop in one, leading to either suppression of emotions or conflict. It is also not uncommon for today’s young people to practice free relationships. When along with the traditional existence of duties and joint household, there is communication with other members of the opposite sex. Such an alliance can successfully exist for years, but often breaks off when one of the partners, however, finds a permanent companion.

Common Mistakes

Because of the wrong actions in the beginning of communication, there are usually a lot of problems that accumulate over time. Choosing the right strategy, understanding how the relationship with the girl/guy should develop, will allow you to initially build a strong foundation for future happiness. Here are some ingrained gender fears that can and should be fought. Today’s young people can’t draw on the experiences of the older generation because the pattern of social behavior has changed drastically in recent decades, leaving prejudices behind.

The Search for a “Victim “i

On the one hand, it makes sense that everyone, one way or another, is trying to find his or her soul mate. But on the other hand, everyone sometimes does it in a completely different way than you might imagine. Some people get acquainted directly in the street with the first cute guy they meet, others have long correspondence in social networks, and still others just wait “off the coast of weather. What type you were not, but at this stage you just open up to the world, looking into every face to imagine your future.

Girls often in anticipation of a serious romance already imagine themselves as happy brides and wives, but guys do not stand such illusory castles. The problem of this stage is to find the very man with whom you will be comfortable.


According to renowned psychologists, a healthy relationship must necessarily begin with falling in love, gradually experiencing all the subsequent stages, without exaggerating the events. Perfect couples, as from Shakespearean tragedies or lyrical melodramas do not exist, but the union will last if it embraces passion, love, mutual respect and support, as well as unquestioning trust. Relationships between a guy and a girl are complex peripetias of feelings, emotions, misunderstanding, so the word “should” does not apply to them, they develop as the lovers want. But following the rules and algorithms that experts have deduced, understanding the psychological stages, it is much easier to create a strong union.

Do you remember your first love? Do you agree with psychologists about the stages of a relationship, and have you noticed their passage?

Reasons for starting a relationshipi

It happens that between people start a relationship and it is not driven by the desire to receive and give love, but some other factors. These can include:

  • Trying to forget in another person from a past relationship that ended in a painful breakup.
  • Fear of being left alone.
  • Satisfaction of physical desire.
  • Revenge on a former object of admiration.
  • To start a family “before it’s too late.”
  • Escape from under the parental “wing”.

The list is endless, because there are so many such reasons, and there are many more people who are guided by them in creating a union than there are who build a relationship for love.

Never make these mistakes at the beginning of a relationship

Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.

The psychology of relationships is not easy. Understand, and most importantly, to understand it, not everyone is able to. That is why family psychologists are so relevant these days, as sometimes married couples simply do not understand what to do with their marriage, which is now on the verge of breaking up.

  • 1 Reasons for starting a relationship
  • 2 Common mistakes women make during a relationship
  • 3 Recommendations for starting a relationship the right way

In this article, we will look at how the beginning of a relationship with a guy or a girl, the psychology of which is not clear to everyone. It is because of this that misunderstandings often occur, fatal mistakes are made and many other things that put an end to the relationship that has just begun between a man and a woman.

Reasons for the beginning of the relationship

It happens that between people start a relationship and it is not driven by the desire to receive and give love, but some other factors. These can include:

  • Trying to forget in another person from a past relationship that ended in a painful breakup.
  • Fear of being left alone.
  • Satisfaction of physical desire.
  • Revenge on a former object of admiration.
  • To start a family “before it’s too late.”
  • Escape from under the parental “wing”.

The list can be ad infinitum, since there are many such reasons, and there are many more people who are guided by them when creating a union than there are who build a relationship for love.

Frequent mistakes that women make during a relationship

The beginning of a relationship, the psychology of which is quite difficult to understand, is quite often not set. And it is almost always a woman’s fault. They make mistakes in relationships that literally repel from her person of a potential partner, although they themselves do not realize it. If you find yourself in the following mistakes, which will be listed, then urgently get rid of it.

It would seem that everything is just beginning, you are both happy and enjoying your time with each other, but then one day the man disappears from the horizon and your communication gradually comes to naught. Why does this happen? Most likely, you’re too much pressure on a man.

Many girls just starting to feel that she is interested in the man she likes, become a kind of mommy. They start calling, texting, controlling every move. Simply put, you are intruding into the life of another, trying to control and appropriate him, thinking that he has nowhere to go and that such a hyperopedic attitude from you is pleasant to him. Realize that this is far from true! Let the man do his job. He wants to be in your shoes, he wants to call you, to write to you, to woo and protect you. It shouldn’t be the other way around.

At the beginning of a relationship it definitely shouldn’t be. You have to do everything gradually. Do not abruptly, after the first date, to declare that you’re ready for anything and even if on the edge of the world will go for a guy. This is wrong!

Stay mysterious, open up gradually. Do not give yourself up completely and dissolve into a man. So you can behave when your union is more than six months, as it is then people finally get used to each other and begin to do everything possible to make their soul mate happy.

  • “A man should…”

When you first start dating, there should be no such thing as “a man owes” in your mind. No one owes you anything, just like you owe no one. Of course, it is nice when a man does everything for you and literally from the first day he carries you in his arms and presents you with expensive things, but in this case you need a slightly different type. Over time, your partner himself will understand what he needs to do and everything will be just as you wanted. But understand that you will have to wait, because no one will fulfill your desires and whims at the first call in the first days of the relationship.

There is a type of women who have started a new relationship immediately embarked on something resembling a competition. They try with all their might to prove to their new partner that they are smarter, stronger, faster and generally better than he is. Why? Why are you doing this? If this is the behavior you are trying to convince yourself that the man has chosen a great girl, you are deeply mistaken. This is just more and more you alienate a potential man of your heart, as such a “competitive” relationship no one likes.

Recommendations for the right start a relationship

How to behave correctly at the beginning of a relationship? The following are tips that will help you not to end your relationship, which did not have time to begin.

  1. Everyone should have personal space. Do not demand from the person to reveal all the secrets and the past that he would not want to tell. The time will come, and you will know everything, but not now.
  2. Do not try to spend all the time together. Understand that if this is your man, he won’t go anywhere, just at the moment he may have problems at work and you just can’t spend time with you, and it’s wrong to meet at your expense. Just wait.
  3. Later, when your relationship is gradually moving into a life together, then immediately agree on all the responsibilities and distribute them between each other. This will help to avoid scandals in the future.
  4. Do not wait for anything. Do not wait for gifts, attention and other joys of the relationship. Arrange it yourself, show that you care about the person, and then he will definitely understand that reciprocity is important and worth a pleasant surprise to you.
  1. Do not make any promises. You can not always keep them, and the person will remember you as unreliable for a long time.
  2. The most important thing is to remain yourself.

And here’s how to start a relationship anew in our article further down the link.

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