Surviving a breakup with a married man: sorting it out thoroughly

Let the one who didn’t get you cry: how to painlessly part with a married man you love very much

How to properly end a relationship with a married man?

There are so many single guys, but you chose a married one. It doesn’t matter who initiated it: he took the ring off in time or you ignored the “married” status. Forbidden fruit over time begins to be bitter. Bravely throw away the spoiled fruit from your life. Consider proven ways to intelligently end a relationship with a married man.

Soberly assess the situation

Have you had many “bonuses” from communicating with a married man? Have you had the opportunity to meet his parents? Have you often bragged about your affair to your childhood friends? I don’t think so. Your unenviable position in the love triangle looks like this:

  • You’re starved of communication with your lover,
  • and you’re tired of hiding your affair in plain sight,
  • you find the secondary role humiliating,
  • You often feel like a third wheel at someone else’s feast,
  • you’re not ready to give up the dream of your own family.

Why do you need such a ball of unsolvable problems? Men are not in the habit of getting married. Your liaison may well be just another passing fad. You deserve better than that. It’s time to think about how to break up with a married man sooner, even one you love deeply.

Change Behavior.

The position of a mistress is not one to be envied. It’s not easy to throw a party every day in hopes that a dear guest will stay with you at least until morning. You want to see if he’s ready to be with you not only in joy but also in sorrow, set up an experiment. Stop being all white and fluffy! Let your admirer come down from heaven to earth! Step by step instructions on how to break up with a married man with fireworks:

  1. Tell him about your childhood dreams. Where is the prince you were supposed to be the one for? Complain about your bitter feminine plight until his patience runs out.
  2. Hint at the need to increase his allowance. Explain to him that a legitimate husband would have given you his entire salary. In your situation, however, you are forced to make do with crumbs from the family table.
  3. Ask him about his wife and children. And why should you carefully avoid this taboo subject? You’re not hiding anything from him.
  4. Forget the rules of secrecy. Call and text him as often as you like. Offer to go shopping with him in his car. Why should you settle for the role of concubine, from which he “wants one thing”? Only after breaking up with a married lover, you will understand how a woman feels like a mistress of her own life.
  5. Ask him to remove the clog in the sink. You will see how the spark of desire goes out in his eyes. That’s not why he’s here.
  6. Relax. You meet him every time in full gear? Borscht is cooked and hot bath in time? If we lived together, such a fairy tale would be over in a month. Show him the truth: dress up at home and ask him to cook you something quick. You’re tired and hungry, too. Plus, your head hurts with terrible force. Fighting a chronic migraine is a great way to break up with a married lover.

Say the breakup right to your eyes.

Of course, the easiest way to leave in English is to move to another city and change your phone number. But you and your ex-partner will be left with a sense of understatement. In such cases, the abandoned suitor is sure to make an attempt to return to the relationship in order to intercept the initiative and return to their own scenario of events. But you made a firm decision. How to tactfully and without scandal break relations with a married man? Don’t back down and bravely dot all the i’s and try to soften the blow for both of you if possible:

  1. “Grateful for all the good things we had. But I don’t see the point in continuing a hopeless relationship. Let’s part amicably, without grudges and mutual recriminations.
  2. “Try to understand me. You are married and living in a family. I, too, am entitled to the status of wife and mother. Let me go! It will be better for both of us.”
  3. “It’s time to part. There is too little room in your life for me. Give me a chance to build my happiness the way I want it.”

Blame the breakup on the man

A cruel but logical denouement. You’ll have to pull yourself together, since leaving even a married man is not an easy decision. But you don’t have to pay the bills of your expensive relationship alone. Give him a fair verdict considering all the aggravating circumstances. State the crime:

  1. Fraud. Simple forgetfulness can’t explain not having a ring on your finger on your first date. You knew a stamp in your passport would scare you off, so you hid the truth. That’s intent!
  2. A forgery. An evening bouquet of chrysanthemums is no substitute for waking up in the same bed in the morning. Legitimate wives get much more attention and care for less trouble.
  3. Theft. No one will give you back your wasted time. You could have been happy in a different, healthy relationship. No cheating, no remorse, and no fear of exposure.

Rules of conduct after a relationship breakup

Breakup is not a reason to get discouraged, feel sorry for yourself and give up. Do not put your life on hold. Take the last “goodbye” as a burning ticket to a bright future. Bravely move forward! Here are some psychologist tips on how to break up with a married man:

  1. Get a taste of freedom. Allow yourself things that your chosen one used to disapprove of or that you didn’t have time for. Organize a bachelorette party, watch all the TV shows with your favorite host, spend the weekend with your mom.
  2. Take a break. Surely a colleague from the next department is keeping her admiring eyes on you. Don’t rush into an active search. It’s naive to expect the new Romeo to lick your wounds. You have to stand on your own feet. You’re bound to succeed. But not right away.
  3. Take care of yourself. You are waiting for amazing meetings, beautiful romances. You need to be fully equipped. Treat yourself to a decent makeup kit and a total closet upgrade. Get rid of traces of stress in your body. Yoga classes, adult coloring books, spa treatments, and beadwork will be great for relieving excess stress.
  4. Give up common habits. Are you used to drinking coffee with your ex-boyfriend with cream in the kitchen? Boring! Make yourself a fragrant green tea with ginger. By the way, the balcony is a great place for a tasting.
  5. Don’t live in the past. There’s no point in indulging in memories of how good the two of you were together. What’s important is that you feel good now. Set aside for a time together photos, give your master a pair of forgotten socks, hide in the closet of his gifts. Spend your precious time sparingly – it really is a shame to waste it to tears. Look for people, experiences that will give a feeling of true harmony with yourself and the world around you.

How do you get over a breakup?

The primary task is to realize that breaking up a relationship is not the end of the world. Better now and at your initiative than later and at his whim. Love fever is treatable and is not on the list of deadly diseases. Methods of combating the disease are known:

  1. Intensive occupational therapy. Wipe the dust off your desk and get busy. The annual report won’t print itself. Go to your boss’s office one more time: he will definitely think of something to baffle you with over the weekend. If the career deadlock has already happened, then switch to the chores around the house. Wash the windows and you’ll see how beautiful the world is.
  2. Oblivion. Forget your bad romance like a bad dream. Don’t call or write him. You used to live without him. Let your cell phone screen show a cute monkey instead of a picture of the two of you in Sochi. With your girlish memory of unpleasant memories will soon be gone. According to legend, King Solomon sometimes got discouraged. Antidepressants for the wise ruler was replaced by a simple inscription on his gift ring: “And it will pass.
  3. A visit to a psychologist. If the relationship lasted a long time, you can’t relieve stress with a piece of chocolate and washing windows. Fortunately, your problem is not unique and is successfully addressed by practicing psychologists. Individual course will help you recover from the shock, believe in yourself and regain the joy of life.
  4. A trip to the pet store. The urge to be needed and to take care of someone can seem unbearable at first. Get yourself a pet! He will brighten up the temporary enforced loneliness, will be waiting for you from work and faithfully look into your eyes. You will feel loved again.

Typical mistakes after a breakup

The decision is made. You won: free and ready for a new relationship. It is important not to give up your position and not to make the following mistakes:

  1. Accepting the cummerbund. He will definitely try to get you back. Giving up your favorite toy is unbearably hard for a boy at any age. Especially if the entertainment didn’t come cheap to him. Return and taming of the shrew will be held at the highest level, in the best traditions of the candy-bouquet period: flowers, champagne, gifts. Attempts to bribe you cut off at once. Do not believe sweet promises and do not allow yourself to placate! Remember that the prodigal parrot flew to you to achieve their own goals: to get back into comfort zone, to amuse your self-esteem, to take revenge on the infidel. If your suitor wanted to make you happy, he would have found a way to do it long ago.
  2. Go back on your own. Breaking up a relationship for a woman is always painful. You lose a lot: the admiration of an admirer, moral and material support. For fear of impending loneliness, you may try to get back on track. But “as before” will not be. You have changed: a taste of freedom, you have realized the value of your own self. Your partner looks at you differently too, as a traitor. Drink the bitter pill of separation, comforting yourself that it’s for your own good.
  3. Have goodbye sex sessions. You shouldn’t, even as an exception. Such greetings from the past will prevent you from alienating your partner and moving toward your intended goal. Yes, the attraction to the married lover you left will come back like a boomerang. But that too will pass. On the “emotional swing” from him – to him you will swing until you yourself do not jump off of them. The sooner the better.
  4. Turn yourself in to his wife. If guilt is bothering you, there are other, more humane ways to get rid of it. Don’t add to the poor woman’s suffering with your extravagant appearance. You are not the right person for her to talk to about her family problems. Your remorse will begin to ease as you do good deeds: transfer donations to a charitable foundation, take part in a large-scale volunteer organization action, help an old neighbor with her chores.
  5. Take revenge on an ex-male. Yes, he’s guilty before you. But he’s already been punished. Ruined his own family nest. Lost you. His suffering makes you uncomfortable even now. Hurting him more won’t make you any happier. Take care of your own life! That’s more important.

Now you know how to end a relationship with a married man correctly and with minimal losses. Of course, each specific situation has its own nuances. But the main thing we have already figured out: you are beautiful and brave. You will succeed!

How to forget a married lover and end the relationship: 5 tricks

Relationships with an unmarried man happen for a variety of reasons: someone consciously chooses a person to partner with, which will have to “share” with another woman, and someone finds himself in them, not knowing about the marital status of the beloved. And in either case, the separation – a difficult step, because feelings are, and the partner, as a rule, all forces dissuade him. In our article, a reader tells about her experience, and a psychologist explains how to forget a married man and survive the pain of the breakup.

“How do you get over a loved one if he is married? I’ve asked myself this question a thousand times.”

Svetlana, 23 years old

A couple of years ago I met a charming guy. I thought at once that it was probably a gift from fate: he came into my life to balance out all the suffering that haunted me. I have to admit that I had no luck with partners. But once I was inspired by the image of his love and open a new relationship, as it turned out that my chosen one is married.

And I found out about this terrible way: his wife called me. One day I got a call from an unknown number. My curiosity got the better of me, I picked up the phone. In the first moment I was surprised I couldn’t say a word: as soon as I got my name the woman started shouting at me, insulting and threatening me. I dropped the call and felt that the world around me collapsed.

I roared like a beluga, my stomach shrunk to the size of a needle’s eye. The only question in my head was, “How could he do this to me?” It wasn’t even that I didn’t know anything, it was that I had been cheated, betrayed, trampled on all this time! I felt like an accomplice to the crime.

I often cried and remembered our first meeting.

We met by chance, it turned out that the guy was five years older than me. Gallant, generous, kind, he was trustworthy. I did not ask unnecessary questions, I was afraid to look stupid. Near him, I was like a princess, always protected, felt like the center of his universe, who could not like it? And then the fateful call sounded.

After a while, objectively assessing the situation, I made an honest choice – I did not want to be one of those who destroy families. And then I decided to have a serious conversation.

We met at our favorite cafe. I told him honestly that I loved him, I loved him very much, but I didn’t want to live like that. He was furious, I had never seen him like that before. I even got scared for myself – I thought he might hit me. And it was because I was “a kid who doesn’t understand anything, who doesn’t appreciate what he’s doing for me. I did not see that coming! How did my Prince Charming turn into a monster?

After this incident, we no longer communicate, and I decided for myself that the relationship with the unattached men I will never be. But there is a problem: I can’t get over him and “let go.” My heart is still torn without him. I don’t know how to get over this pain. How to get over a married man? How do you get over a married man you love – despite his deceit and betrayal?

It’s been two years now. Sometimes in the crowd I can see a guy who looks like my ex, and again experience the whole gamut of former feelings. I want to catch up with him, to call him out…

“We turn the one we love into Prince Charming.”

Kristina Dzasokhova, psychologist

Let’s deal in order. First, we often have feelings not for the man himself, but for the qualities that endowed him. And thus we turn him into a “Prince Charming. The heroine’s boyfriend was always very busy. And she didn’t immediately recognize that he was busy with his family, not his work. But that’s not even the point.

Secondly, unconsciously, but the girl chose an absent, unavailable man. Perhaps in this way, she unconsciously repeated the history of the relationship with her father, or to protect herself from a real, deep affection.

And now to the question of the reader: how to let a married man? I note that this process is often not easy and not quick. Man had time to leave behind a vivid emotional trace, besides at the core of a completed relationship was his idealized image. But to resolve the situation is still possible. And it does not matter who you are: a married woman or a free girl – these recommendations will help you.

1. Immediately cut off communication.

It is not necessary to find out about the relationship and even more so to accuse your former partner. It’s enough to explain your position and say that you do not intend to change it.

2 Find your worth.

Think about what you have value in yourself as a person. You have qualities that you can be really proud of.

3. Analyze how, why and why you are in this situation

This will help minimize the chances of repeating mistakes in the future.

4. Add new hobbies to your life

Direct your energy and time to work, study, travel, hobbies, friends.

5. Give yourself what you have received from your partner.

For example, if your lover has been giving you gifts and protecting you, think about how you can pamper yourself and assert your boundaries. Or, if you’re married, think about what you need to change in your relationship to get that from your spouse.

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