What to do if the ex wants to go back? Why has she decided so?
I have a 7-year journalistic background. I am well-versed in the media-information stream, including the analysis of foreign sources.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For eight years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.
Everyone has experienced the experience of separation. For some it was easy, some went through a hard breakup. And then, when it would seem that all the wounds are licked and you can get up from his knees, and go back with his head held high, it appears as the snow on his head and hints ambiguously that not mind trying to start over. What to do and how to act if the ex-girlfriend wants to return?
Clear signs that she wants to resume the relationship.
Do not need to talk about the fact that girls are complex contradictory creatures, and sometimes one behavior does not make it clear what they really want. After breaking up a relationship with his ex-girlfriend love disappears, and then suddenly appears and behaves as if nothing happened. What is it? Is it a game, an attempt to get back or does she want to remain friends? Lest you break your head on the concrete of your thoughts, here are the clear signs that tell you that an ex-girlfriend wants to come back:
She is the initiator of communication.
Evaluate soberly without getting your hopes up and sucking what isn’t there from the situation. Calls once every five years with a request to find her forgotten things, or on the contrary, to pick up the left sweater and constant calls and texts “just for fun” are not the same thing. It’s pretty easy to understand if you turn off your emotions.
Strive to be in sight and spend as much time together as possible
If an ex-lover suddenly becomes a lot, there are random meetings and some business that requires the presence of both, this is a clear unambiguous signal that the girl wants to return. Or she has psychological abnormalities and is stalking her victim.
Flirting and unambiguous flirting
Appealing interest won’t be noticed only by a deaf blind man. Flirting at the level of hormones no one has ever confused with anything else. She certainly in his defense can deny everything, it is not as important as the fact.
Explicitly demonstrated or hidden sense of ownership is a hundred percent sign that she cares. Watch out! Some young ladies are very scary in anger, they can tear the opponent’s hair out, and the object of the struggle can get to him. So start a test of feelings, and for one thing, and nerves on the strength, do not.
“Let’s start over.”
– she says. “Come on,” he says cheerfully. The audience stands and applauds, sobbing, wipes away the tears that have accumulated, the actors bow, and the curtain falls. If this were a play, it probably would have been. But relationships, unfortunately, are not a script and it is impossible to prescribe a happy ending in advance. Before plunging into new feelings and in the sweat of your face to reanimate the old relationship, you need to figure out what actually caused the break-up.
She was tired of socks scattered around the house, the bathroom mirror with toothpaste marks on it, the toilet seat not down. He was sick of eating instant soup instead of borscht, because his beloved went to the salon yesterday and got a new manicure. Before that she had had her nails done, and before that she had incomprehensible abstraction with rhinestones, horrible how expensive and fragile.
Dissatisfaction grows, and with it the tension. The slightest push and destructive mechanism triggered, as a consequence of a grand scandal and no less loud separation. All in shock, yesterday’s lovers, including.
Lack of attention
He is always busy: work, friends, the gym. It was different when we were dating. Late night walks, romantic dinners, funny movies on a cozy couch in the evening after a hard day. Eventually it all evaporated, as if it had never happened. Everyone was on their own.
Don’t go this way, don’t look that way. Who would like to live the life of a prisoner, especially since there was no reason to. Pathological jealousy affects equally men and women. For some, it turns into a mania of persecution.
For the most part, because of their vulnerability to violence are mostly women. And if a girl suddenly wants to return after a beating, then she either loves her tormentor very madly or is psychologically ill.
Cheating happens mainly because of lack of attention and lack of sex in the relationship. Statistically, men cheat more often, but women are more attached to their lovers.
A new relationship – a new approach
The reasons for the breakup depend on how the new relationship will work out. Without correcting past mistakes, you can not build a new one. Over time, everything will go back to normal and history will repeat itself. The fact that the girl wants to go back shows that she still has feelings, and that she is ready to change and improve.
Relationships are, first and foremost, work on both sides. Any work is encouraged: people go to work to get a paycheck and a bonus, in sports everyone strives to reach the top and awards.
So in a relationship once again to emphasize what a beautiful, clever girl and washes dishes without breaking a single cup, a good man who fixed the switch, so what if now the light turns on with only one button. Nothing, but the other half will be very pleased.
Do from time to time, little pleasures, just because her eyes are especially green today, and his hair after sleeping tight. All this is not difficult and does not require a huge expenditure, but it is very effective than a trip to the sea with the screams of what an idiot he is and how hysterical she is.
If with the first two causes, mutual complaints and lack of attention, everything is clear and can be solved by talking, personal self-control, then with jealousy and treason things are more complicated.
Jealous man, signs his own insecurities, and simple conversations and vows of eternal love will not help matters. It is very helpful here will be individual sessions with a psychologist, training personal growth. It is highly recommended to attend a couples yoga class.
Training strengthens the body with the help of ancient practices, destroys negative unproductive attitudes, removes fears and clamps. Reciprocal exercises promote even greater rapprochement and trust between partners. Of course, try not to trust when she is facing her partner’s navel and he is at her heels.
Infidelity is probably the most painful reason for a breakup. Even the most fierce pragmatists, faced with betrayal, lose ground from under their feet. Forgive or not, it is up to each person, advice is irrelevant here. Not everyone can forgive, although at first they agree and make great efforts to forget and not to remind the other half of the offense. Difficult, but it is possible to overcome fear and re-learn how to trust. Help of a psychologist will be indispensable, and it is better to visit him both.
The same eggs: a side view.
It seems like the relationship was supposed to go qualitatively to a higher level, but it’s still there. All the talk and promises were left in the past: the coldness in the relationship, inattention, unjustified jealousy, infidelity. Came back to the old feeling, as if not broken up. There’s nothing you can do, the mission to “return relationship-2” with a crash has failed, leaving you to throw up the white flag and capitulate.
For what, then, did the girl want to return? No one is likely to give an answer to this question, not even the ex herself. Maybe she decided to try again and realized that this was the end after all. Maybe talking and all the countermeasures did not have the desired effect, and the result was not long in coming. Anyway, there was no point in digging around anymore. There is no need to cling to the past and engage in self-injury, the most interesting thing is ahead.
Why there is a desire for an ex-wife to get back into a relationship
Unfortunately, sometimes the marriage exhausts itself so much that people simply are no longer able to live under the same roof, see each other every day and share the same bed. But, as often happens, after the breakup, there is a reassessment of relationships and a desire to return.
As a rule, the pattern of behavior of representatives of the stronger sex is monotonous, so women immediately understand their intentions. But men are confused by the question, if the ex-wife wants to return, how she behaves. So, how to understand the true purpose of the once beloved lady of the heart and how to behave in such a situation – about this further in detail.
Signs that the ex-wife wants to return
Many men are interested in the question of how to understand that the ex-wife wants to return the relationship. There are several signs that the ex-wife wants to reanimate the marriage.
From her comes the initiative to resume communication
Of course, calls once a month on business should not be taken as an attempt to remind yourself. But if meetings become more frequent, and the phone is “bursting” with incoming calls and text messages – this is a clear signal that the wife is trying to resume communication.
Attempts to spend time together
The second sign is that the ex-wife is constantly finding new reasons to meet. Worry if there is an improvement in her behavior – probably she is trying to win her over and show that she is ready to change in order to be together again.
Friendship between us
Friendship between ex-spouses is hardly possible, especially if the cause of divorce was a betrayal.
But, if the woman still insists on maintaining a friendly relationship, it’s good, because such behavior indicates a fear of losing a man.
Something in common
If a woman often recalls the former happy days, hints that she lacks those emotions or makes sexual hints – these are quite strong indicators of the desire to re-solidify the union.
Flirting is the most obvious sign. If an ex-spouse is showing signs of attention, flirting, trying to touch or in other words, behaving differently than she does with other men – this indicates that she is not satisfied with her role as a friend.
If a woman is jealous of her ex-spouse, says mean things about the girls with whom he prefers to spend time, then it makes sense to think about her behavior. In this situation, it is important not to confuse the desire to return with a sense of possessiveness.
If the once beloved lady after the divorce is depressed, it may indicate both that she is not ready to break up the relationship, and that she has made the decision to put a final end.
Peculiarities of ex-wife behavior
If the behavior of an ex-lover contains the above signs, it is not difficult to understand her true intentions. Much worse when the line of behavior puts a deadlock and the actions do not lend themselves to logic.
An ex-spouse may behave strangely:
- Trying to find out through friends if her ex-husband is interested in her, if he is in a relationship.
- When they meet, she does not give away her interest, preferring the line of behavior of a cold and unapproachable lady.
- At the same time, after a while, she sends text messages or pesters her with phone calls.
Such behavior indicates that there is an internal struggle going on in her soul. She is ready to try to restore the relationship, but, at the same time, tormented in doubts. If the ex-spouse, after a divorce, behaves in this way, it is safe to say that her feelings have not cooled down.
If the man himself is interested in preserving the marriage, you should not wait until the ex-wife wants to return, you need to start to act.
How should a man behave in this situation
If the former partner of life by her behavior showed a desire to return, the man has a quite logical question, how to act in this situation? In making a decision, he faces a lot of difficulties and doubts. After all, there is a risk that, after the manifestation of a response, her interest evaporates and she did not want to return.
So, the answer to the question: what to do? First of all, decide on your true desires. It is one thing when a woman wants to return to the marriage, and another to her own preferences.
To determine the fate of such a relationship, it is first of all self to answer a number of questions and based on the emotions they provoke a decision:
- After the breakup, has she had a man?
- What emotions overtake her at the thought that she had a relationship with someone else?
- Was there a lover during the marriage?
- Who was the initiator and what was the reason for the separation?
- Is there any resentment against the ex-wife left?
- Are the feelings for her as strong as before?
When there is a possibility of preserving the union, and the initiative of the spouse did not evaporate, you need to start to act.
If the man is guilty of breaking up the marriage, but his wife forgave him, he will have to go back to winning her favor. Dates, romantic gifts, flowers, candy and compliments, will help to become a happy unit of society again.
If the thought of a reunion is a protest, do not go over your own desires. It is necessary to let the ex-spouse know that the relationship has exhausted itself, and no happy reunion will not have to wait.
Statistics show that 56% of wives who leave their husbands do not think that what they did was wrong.
The other 44% occasionally regret their decision and try to win back their husband’s favor.
Judging by the statistics, men always stand a chance that their wives will come to their senses and try to return their favor.
Noticing the above signs in the behavior of an ex, men just do not know how to behave: to reciprocate or not pay attention to provocations and put a stop to the relationship. Recommendations of psychologists will help to make the right decision.
Psychologists advise to give a second chance to the relationship in the following situations:
- If a child is born in the marriage. In order not to damage the child’s psyche, you can try to reunite with your ex-wife. Such a decision will be correct in the case, if the former feelings are not gone and at the sight of her heart, as before falters.
- The reason for the divorce is immaterial. A striking example can be banal jealousy, but without reason.
At the same time, according to experts, it is not worth returning the relationship if the reasons for the divorce were:
- Her frequent cheating.
- Betrayal not related to the appearance of a rival. We are talking about, a difficult period in life, when instead of support, the woman simply left.
- Incompatibility of characters and views on many things.
A woman who wants to return to a man, is able to demonstrate their own desires by their behavior. But before making a decision, it is worth thinking about yourself, because if the marriage has brought nothing but disappointment, it is not worth trying to glue a broken cup together.