How do you learn to respect yourself?
According to the definition of psychologists, self-respect is the quality by which the common man, having original advantages and disadvantages, managed to stop, figuratively speaking, eating himself ate for failures. He focuses on his present and future achievements, perceiving possible failures as part of life, while continuing to evolve.
What’s it all about?
The notion that everyone should respect themselves is confused by newcomers with selfishness . It is not empty self-praise, nor is it naked, unsupported self-love. We are all material, and self-care, the ability to rejoice in one’s true achievements and in what one has undertaken, acting on the dictates of one’s heart and soul, should indeed be shown to oneself. Self-esteem is a kind of fuse that protects us from voluntary abandonment, without which each of us would not be ourselves, as well as from self-abandonment.
But here lies one important correlation: self-respect and self-esteem are close concepts. In addition to introspection, the opinion of other people about what you do and how you present yourself has no small impact on self-esteem. If you are often told that you are not worthy and your actions are bad, then that person’s self-esteem will be severely damaged.
When a person has been indoctrinated since childhood that he is figuratively a mistake of nature, worthy of nothing and no one, he grows up with a constant sense of self-denial and lack of respect for himself.
The signs of “self-disrespect” are as follows.
The person is afraid to express his opinion, to show his real self.
He is dependent on others’ opinions.
Adjusts to others, afraid not to please someone.
Focuses on his failures.
He finds it difficult to accept a compliment, he considers it flattery.
If something good happened to him, he considers it momentary luck.
He feels guilty about the failures of many.
For those around him, he is stingy with emotion: once shown weakness – and there is a fear of contempt from others.
He can be insulted, morally “put down” – and he will not react, leave the place.
Expecting approval and support, he associates with those who insult and humiliate him.
He is unsure of his actions and positive manifestations, he accumulates negativity.
He apologizes and makes excuses.
At the end of the day, even though this person is figuratively beaten by life, he makes no effort to change it for the better. Mistakes and criticism are a “sore point” for him, and he will do anything to please the rest of us, and not to prove himself.
How to learn?
Despite the fact that men and women have some manifestations of themselves significantly different, and there is no universal advice, there are still general criteria, with the awareness of which you need to start loving yourself “in the original”. There is a popular phrase – “Know your worth.
Don’t let other people’s opinions influence you
It would seem easy to follow this advice. In practice, it is to limit your communication with people who oppress you. For as long as human society has existed, all through history there have been people who raise their sense of importance at the expense of humiliating others, as they think, the weaker ones. To make it clearer, on the Internet (on forums, in chat rooms, in any comments) it is called “trolling”, literally – moral harassment of one person or a group of people, disintegration of a single person (especially when he is quite famous). Usually a negative opinion about a particular person begins with statements like “You can’t do that” and “What do you need it for?” So states the person himself, who is afraid of such changes. Advice: eliminate or reduce communication with such “negativists” to a minimum. The only sensible response from you is to peacefully part ways, wishing such people only good (without too much emotion).
Then go the other way around: find like-minded people who share not just your opinion, but perhaps push you to do what you feel passionate about. Even when you do not go with them in specific cases, they will support you at least morally.
Criticism from others – unnecessary, it will only slow down your further development.
Do not speak ill of yourself.
Poor self-esteem – the consequences of comparing your life with the lives of others. The psychology of this dangerous for you method is such that anyone who has not accepted himself and his character, loses energy, starting to envy the more successful people from his own environment. In the first place in this case should be the lack of desire to envy anyone.
Envy is a companion to comparing oneself to those who have had great financial success. This means that there will be a reason to consider yourself a bad person and a more successful person a good person, but behind all the hurtful words in your address is envy of that same, more successful person.
Don’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to do.
Before you take this advice, remember that you need inexhaustible faith in yourself. You can’t take seven-mile steps toward your dreams – instead, reduce those steps by a factor of tens of thousands. “The road is travelled by the walker” – it is not said in vain. Your dream should be clear. If it is, for example, to visit all the countries of the world, imagine whether it will be a plane trip or a bicycle and boat “round the world”, and what sights, of which you have heard more than once, you will visit in, say, the next 20 years of life.
Do something you’ve wanted to do for a long time. Some people who have a story to tell, who have an excellent imagination, begin to keep their own diary – and not just write there their experiences, but go further, for example, try to write different stories from life, including invented ones. If they go further, in, say, 10 years’ time, they might publish a novel or a collection of novels or memoirs. It is becoming more and more common to make your first million from this kind of writing. The main thing is not to devalue the work you’ve already done by destroying the result you’ve achieved, but to move on.
All of the great masters started out “on their knees” – and through hard work on themselves, they went far. Unloving work, activity, on the contrary, will never allow you to succeed.
Don’t give up on your moral principles
You can’t be good for everyone. Even if it is, for example, charity, there will always be dubious people who will try to devalue your work with their criticism. Being an indulgent servant is one of the most serious mistakes that inexperienced newcomers make – you can’t please everyone. People who really need help will adjust themselves to your capabilities, at the same time not forgetting to at least thank you: this should be your main moral principle.
Control your emotions
Even when you did something wrong, you can apologize, but without unnecessary excuses. This is fraught with a loss of integrity and respect for the person for whom you did wrong.
Do not look for faults in themselves, standing in front of the mirror. Even when, for example, you’re not happy with their complexion, there is always an opportunity to correct it with sports and workout. Don’t limit yourself to admitting that you should have taken care of yourself a long time ago, but do it: the goal in the near future, set by you, motivates more than comparing yourself with the ideal, in the role of which one of the famous bodybuilders will act. The point of any such achievement is the same: emotions set goals for a person. Therefore they should be such that the desire to improve should not be killed at the very beginning.
If you felt that you went the wrong way and chose the wrong goal, it is better to switch to another type of activity at one appropriate and fateful moment than to hate and despise yourself for having lost too much time, as it seemed to you. Anger and unnecessary grief have no place here, because everyone makes mistakes – at least one or more times.
Everyone can try himself during the working period of his age in a few similar professions, which at least once felt some attraction. It is possible to master knowledge and new skills for free: it requires almost no investment except your own time, because the Internet age has changed literally a lot.
The main rule of thumb is to free your brain from self-destructive and distracting information. Everyone has a hobby, but not everyone and not right away manages to turn it into a source of income. A common example: there is an opinion that you can learn programming only by enrolling in a paid course, but it’s not quite true. You can invest a small amount of money, commensurate with the cost of a movie ticket or a trip to the nearest cafe, in a fresh textbook, which was desperately lacking in order to begin to master this very programming. And then on your side – just discipline and a certain amount of time spent. And, most importantly, start practicing right away: “bare” theory does not stay in your head for long.
Notice the direction in which you are moving, how you are changing, and how far you have come towards your goal. For example, thanks to the same programming you wanted to create “from scratch” your own Internet edition, which would become one of the well-known advertising platforms, and not only as your own media in a narrowly focused subject. Subsequently, it would bring you more than one million dollars in revenue – provided that you do not abandon everything halfway and continue to develop. That is exactly how the famous Internet search engines started their activities. You can achieve a similar result through your continued development in this direction and self-discipline.
Take responsibility for yourself
You are an adult who is responsible for your actions. If you have a problem, you realize very quickly that you may have created it in some way. The message is that it is hardly the fault of those around you that you became immersed in the problem – roughly speaking, it “found” you. And a clear articulation of the problem is halfway solved.
Take care of yourself.
A man expresses himself through his appearance and the order in the house where he lives. Don’t keep a pile of old things in your house that have lost their relevance and meaning today: you will feel better when you get rid of them.
And also you can not be the most fashionable major in your city or neighborhood, but you should look clean and neat. If you are a man, then remember why a woman wears makeup and uses nice-smelling perfume: it creates a good mood for you. So, too, the girl you have planned to meet has a right to you, clean and well-groomed – not unprepared and wrinkled. No matter how clichéd it sounds, perhaps partly because of this in your relationship will settle more quickly love, and you will be grateful to yourself for the right choice.
Tips from psychologists
To cultivate a confident personality, self-respect should be built on the following recommendations.
Changing yourself so that others will respect you is necessary. But you need to start with the shortcomings with which you are sure to cope . Do not demand too difficult and impossible at once: work in the wrong direction will turn into self-digestion, which quickly turns into a chronic depression.
If, for example, you want to get rid of a bad habit, which is associated with laziness, then answer yourself the question: what will it give you. Will it turn into a really necessary work, which brings you pleasure and true self-satisfaction, or will it turn into hard labor, which is unloving and exhausting you work – the most important question. If a job you don’t like causes a minimum of exertion and mental effort, but brings neither pleasure nor much income, then the question of getting rid of laziness needs to be reformulated. Some psychologists are inclined to argue that laziness sometimes protects a person from work that is futile and sometimes dangerous. The premise of this postulate is to differentiate the priorities of your activities, putting the important things at the forefront and postponing the secondary ones.
The most valuable thing you have is yourself. When you believe this, you will value yourself and protect yourself from activities for which you are not disposed. And when a person switches to something that is interesting to him, he has no time to apologize to everyone for every, as it seems to him, made a wrong step: he will drown in his work and will stop worrying about what, perhaps, he can not change. Inspiration and insight will follow. This is not an invention of enthusiastic idealists, who have too much goodness and light faith in their souls, but one of the characteristics of human life.
You have the right to feel, dream, and take from life what you live for. It doesn’t matter if one person does better, or if another person does worse. Freedom and equality are two concepts that have to do not only with the politics and laws of a particular country, but also with healthy human relationships in general. Don’t compare yourself to others on the worst side. All people are equal on the whole; they differ only in the sequence in which they learn the lessons of life. And everyone has its own sequence: it determines the life and creative path of each individual person.
All these tips on gaining self-respect are not one hundred percent accurate. They are not rules, but only recommendations. Not everyone follows them completely and not always. But you have the opportunity – and the right – to apply them always, so that life is not just easier and more fun, but more interesting and interesting to know the value of yourself and your characteristics.
12 ways to show respect for yourself and teach others to do the same
What does self-respect mean? It’s not selfishness or narcissism at all. It’s a deep sense of self-worth and a feeling of love for yourself, showing that you are worthy of receiving and giving love.
Let’s be clear right away: self-respect does not make you narcissistic or arrogant or self-centered. In fact, it does exactly the opposite. The problem for most of us–including me–is that we go about it the wrong way. We try to feel a sense of self worth by accumulating “likes” on Facebook or by buying a new gadget, when the truth is that external factors will never give us the self-respect that each of us craves.
12 ways to show self-respect
1. Figure out what makes you respect yourself
One of the concepts that makes me respect myself is to keep my word to other people . If I say that I will do something or be somewhere unless some contingency happens, I feel better about myself when I do what I said I would do. I develop self-respect by finishing my work, exercising regularly, starting my day with green herb juice, and getting under the covers at 10pm to get a good night’s sleep and energy for tomorrow!
Be honest about who you are and who you are not.
Once you’ve figured out what makes you feel good (see Step #1), continue to be honest not only with yourself but also with those around you. Being honest not only makes your work less time consuming, but also more satisfying.
If you know your calling is to work outdoors on some farm, you won’t prove yourself if you work 9 to 5 in the office of a local marketing company for the next ten years. You will be disrespectful to your talents and interests, and you will be disrespectful to a company that might hire someone who would actually excel in that position.
I know I treat myself disrespectfully when I do my evening planning with friends three times in a row coming in after work, because I feel exhausted afterwards. I do my best to admit it to myself and be honest with my friends.
3. Respect yourself by acting in an area that inspires you
Yes, acting in the unknown terrifies us. We cannot know for sure that we will succeed, and the fear of failure can make us back away from great success. But the most successful people I know are not afraid to try new things. Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard and made history. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak started making Apple in a garage. Alisha Keyes used her talent and fame to create an entirely new nonprofit organization, Keep A Child Alive. Through clinics, education and medicine, the global pop star is treating and preventing the spread of HIV in Kenya, Rwanda and Uganda.
4. Stop trying to be “normal”!
The only way to stand out is to be peculiar, real, unusual in your own way. This is easier said than done, but think about this: all those people you would like to look up to have identified what makes them different and turned it into their advantage. Besides, if you are not who you are, you blend in with others and lose your individuality. And what’s so interesting about that?
5. Don’t let other people limit you
Many people have good intentions, but their advice is often clouded by their emotional baggage. So when someone tells you “you’ll never be able to do that” or “you shouldn’t” or “you can’t,” ignore them until you’ve figured out for yourself whether or not that’s true.
6. Learn to say No.
Expressing your disagreement to others doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a strong and respectful person. When you stop saying yes to things you don’t want to do, you will create more time and energy to engage in activities and people that make you happy.
7. Date people who ACTUALLY want to date you.
You know what all of us tend to lose our self-esteem in the first place? Yep, you already guessed it: in dating and dating (I mean between a man and a woman). I’m sure when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, there should be a firm rule: if it’s not a hundred percent yes, then it’s a hundred percent no!
Countless people have so much to offer the right partner, but they are paralyzed waiting for their current partner to talk to them about the critical aspects of their relationship. I understand that it takes some time for a couple to grow and develop a relationship, but I’m talking about people who have moved beyond compromise and are living in a frozen state of self-indulgence.
Have the self-respect to start over! Though scary, starting over is less painful than being with a partner who is unwilling or unable to give you what you need.
8. Allow yourself to stop for the day.
Self-esteem means refusing to engage in excessive self-criticism, self-abuse, or self-limitation. It’s very easy to bind yourself to a to-do list and measure yourself by the items you accomplish. How about a deliberate move toward self-mercifulness? What if, when you finish one task and in considering the next, you say to yourself, “I might do this, or I might not. If I choose to stop now, I’ll let myself be content with what I’ve already done today and not blame myself for it.” How about respecting your ability to work?
9. Know that you are not just your genes
We could spend our whole lives untangling the knots of your past, but at some point, you have to realize that those knots are no longer yours. They belong to our parents and grandparents and their parents. The line of succession is very complex and long, heredity is easily passed down from one generation only. We have a choice and any time we reflect on how our heredity affects us, we can declare, “This is not my story. I am not my lineage.”
10. Apologize with SELF-respect.
Saying “I’m sorry” is rarely pleasant or easy, keep that in mind when you want to apologize! In apologizing, it’s important to learn not to make excuses. (Because that’s just disrespectful to the other person and your integrity.)
So the next time you feel the urge to beg someone’s forgiveness, put your hand over your heart and check with your inner truth. If you feel an apology is definitely needed, apologize once (no excuses).
11 Be willing to accept reality
You have to be willing to see things and people for what they are. It can be painful to admit that there is a problem in us, in our loved ones, or in the situation. But if you don’t deal with the problem with curiosity and courtesy, your situation will get worse, the problem will linger. And that’s not very respectful of your time and energy.
12. compliment your body
Our health, like everything else in our lives, depends on our attitude toward it. The more we pay attention to it, the better our body will feel. Often when we think about taking care of our health, we usually stand in front of the mirror, looking at our body and imagining what we need to “fix in ourselves.”
Instead of making self-judgment your morning ritual, stand in front of the mirror and list three things you love about yourself. Later, write them down, preferably on post-its. Then pick one or two that make you feel the way you want to feel every day and stick these love notes on your bedroom mirror, on your purse, on your TV remote and read them even on days when you feel very different.
Finally, remember to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you . By focusing only on our (self-induced) faults and shortcomings, we give permission for the rest of the world to focus on them as well. published by econet.ru .
Author: Dr. Daniel Dowling, psychologist and life coach
P.S. And remember, just by changing our consciousness – we change the world together! © econet