Respect for your wife – conveying the essence

How to make a husband respect his wife and be afraid to lose her: 5 practical tips from psychologists

Respect is a basic need of everyone. And of course, each of us strives to create a relationship in which this need is satisfied. But one of the top requests, especially after the pandemic, which turned to a psychologist was: “How to return respect to the couple?” That’s what we talked to psychologists about.

A woman’s contribution to the loss of her husband’s respect for her

If someone demonstrates a disrespectful attitude to us, namely: rude, trespassing, behaving tactlessly, and maybe even humiliates – it may not be our fault.

Respect is inherent in normal human relationships. If we wonder where it is our fault that a person doesn’t respect us, we need to figure out where the “unhealthy wings” of that logic come from.

Maybe we’re not in a very “healthy” relationship right now. Or did someone once long ago instill in us that we have no value in ourselves? Respect in a relationship (mutual, naturally) should always be there. Period!

“We often understand ‘respect’ as ‘adulation’ or ‘reward,'” comments psychologist Leonid Kulik. – When we encounter any other person we are confronted with the Other. It is with a capital letter, as philosophers and psychologists like to write, emphasizing the absolute difference. Even if it is a very close person, and we have a lot in common, he is bound to have sides, actions, opinions alien to us. Sometimes radically. And in this he/she is the Other. In order to be in a relationship and to endure calmly this difference between us, we need respect for the other.

“How can I respect him/her! Let him/her earn my respect first!” – the message is fundamentally wrong. Respect is not about bowing down or rewarding merit. It’s about the principle of reality. Respect is about reckoning with fact.

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Just as the Other deserves our respect by the fact of its existence, so do we ourselves deserve respect. And if we don’t regularly encounter respect from someone – it seems to deny us the reality of our existence. And if we don’t treat someone with respect, we deny him the reality of his existence.

Of course, there are different situations in long-term relationships. Sometimes we behave terribly, we can say all sorts of things to each other that then become very embarrassing. Then we apologize, talk, make up. This is normal. It is important that we do not make a habit of being rude to each other, do not make this style of communication the main thing. If we don’t communicate with our husband in the style of, “Hey you, loser, come here!” – we have a good chance of succeeding in maintaining a respectful relationship. And once again, we can treat a person differently, we can even go on a spree with them. You can destroy the relationship, but continue to treat each other with respect.

If the reason is the husband

If a man does not respect us and actively demonstrates it – one conversation. If we think that her husband is not worthy of respect – another. Both situations again lead us into some not-so-healthy field in which a family psychologist can help us.

Manifestations of disrespect.

A family quarrel, even the hottest one, is not the same as showing disrespect. It is possible to yell, it is even possible to beat the dishes, but it is not necessary to cross the boundaries of a respectful relationship. You cannot stop seeing and accepting the other person with his or her otherness. But then what can be considered disrespectful and how can it manifest itself?

Attention! The following list should not be a guide to categorical self-diagnosis and a call to immediately break the relationship. This is just a reason to wonder if it’s not time to sort things out in the relationship and talk to each other.

10 possible signs of disrespect in a couple:

  1. Rudeness. Often this is simply a matter of not having a very good upbringing, which doesn’t negate the unpleasant consequences of the situation. If we are regularly being rude, responding in a snide manner, talking in high tones – we should discuss the place of respect in the couple.
  2. Lies. If we are often deceived, even in trifles, it is unlikely a sign of a cool respectful relationship. After such a difficult to rely on the partner, even in cooking soup (suddenly he put there something we do not like?), much less in the complexities of life together.
  3. Failure to keep promises. Also a very hurtful thing, which generates a lot of unpleasant feelings. What to expect next from such a person? What is really his attitude if the promise made to him is a flop.
  4. Trespassing. We all have our usual sense of personal boundaries. If we ask our partner not to call us tomorrow during an important meeting at 11 o’clock, and he calls about the little things – there is a big reason to think. If he reads the correspondence in our phone or takes personal things without asking – too.
  5. Ignoring. The partner does not listen or does not answer questions. There is a feeling that all the words are being wasted.
  6. Too little time together. The partner is constantly busy with “more important things” and does not respond to rare requests for a little more time to communicate.
  7. Neglect of feelings or a deliberate attempt to “hurt feelings. For example, we do not like some memory, and the partner constantly pokes his nose right into the sore spot. Or we say that we are offended by some behavior, and he brushes off and continues to do the same thing.
  8. Disrespectful to our family and friends. If your partner constantly demonstrates his negative feelings about the people important to us, ignores joint leisure time with them and does not want to make contact, maybe he does not treat us with too much respect?
  9. The impossibility of compromise. If you can never agree on anything, find an option that is comfortable for everyone. If the partner is “always right” and insists on his/her own, and all our arguments are rejected as nonsense – bad news.
  10. Depreciation. The partner devalues everything we do. Our work, the dinner we cook, our parenting “exploits,” and our opinion on the new season of our favorite TV show. We don’t seem to be good enough at everything. So maybe he should find someone better?

How to Make the Right Decision

No magazine article or psychologist can make a decision for us. A personal relationship is a private matter between two people. If we see or feel that things are not going smoothly, this is a reason to try to start working together.

You can go to a family psychologist, or you can try to work it out for yourself. After all, the other person may have a completely different picture of what is happening and his “black list” of our failures and gaps.

Don’t look for clues in pop-psychology articles with titles like “7 signs of a perverse narcissist. If we’ve already reached the right emotional conditioning, we’re bound to find these signs even in our own cat.

Have real doubts that our partner is treating us badly? We deal with it in the real world, with real experts. But remember: you still have to think and feel with “your head. Let’s start with a simple answer to the question: are we still more bad or good in this relationship?

How a woman to get back respect for herself

First, let’s understand why that respect can be lost.

“The main thing we are taught is to respect adults – says psychoanalyst Natalia Oblakevich. – Respect means to speak respectfully, to call adults “you”, not to raise your voice, to watch your words and tone … all this is clear and familiar to everyone, and at the same time there is nothing to understand …

Why should the younger ones respect the older ones? Isn’t it the other way around? Why can adults yell, accuse, and sometimes even physically punish … is this respectful? When a child is treated this way, it is as if he or she is making a decision: “When I grow up, I will make myself respectful,” or “When I grow up, I will build a respectful relationship with my partner.”

Unfortunately, more often than not, it does not work out that way. After all, in adulthood a person treats himself or herself and others the way he or she was treated in childhood… The words of significant adults become like an inner voice. A person, growing up, begins, through these internal critics, to disrespect himself, to dislike himself. He can only serve other adults. He continues all his life to earn respect… and love.

If a woman is used to disrespect since childhood, she does not respond to devaluation, boorishness, rudeness. This is how she lets a man know that it is okay to do this to her. Often women call this “women’s wisdom”: just do not notice an unflattering attitude. Or here is more “good” advice: “Be above it!”. This manipulation is occasionally used by those who are used to insulting with impunity.

Basic respect is the value of the person as such. It is the right to Be. I respect you is a kind of “advance”: I see you, recognize you as valuable and equal to myself, even before I’ve even met you.

When it makes sense to fight for a relationship

There can be no single right answer, every case is different. We can only say that it is not worth fighting for a relationship where there is physical and emotional abuse. All other options are the business of the couple. If both partners believe that the relationship should be fought for, you can only wish them the quickest victory and the fewest losses. And most importantly – let this struggle will be for a relationship, but do not turn into a struggle with each other or with yourself! And in order to make it easier to come to victory, you can take note of some useful “fighting techniques”, let’s list the main five.

Five practical tips from psychologists

How to learn to respect the other in a couple? How to keep the warmth and positive background of the relationship?

“As we have already said, respect for the other is based on respect for yourself,” answers Natalia Oblakevich. – It is important to maintain a sense of self-worth: “I respect myself, I treat myself as a value. I understand and accept myself. In this world I have the right to be!”. In relationships, we too often bring up obligations and rights, but rarely celebrate our own worth and the value of our partner as such.”

So where do we begin on this journey toward “admiring” each other’s worth and human beauty?

  1. Noticing the good and important in each other. Recognize that the other is good in himself. Telling him or her that he or she is important and needed in the relationship. Celebrate his successes not only in relation to family, but in other areas as well.
  2. Hold boundaries when necessary. Don’t be afraid to give feedback, defend yourself, say no, don’t let yourself be attacked.
  3. Develop a fulcrum within. Have a clear view of yourself not based on the words of others. “I know what I am. I know I’m a good mom/wife, a good professional. Someone may not agree with me, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking I am.”
  4. Be honest and express yourself freely. But to do it in a respectful manner, not interrupting, not shouting down your partner. To give him the opportunity to express himself, to challenge our point of view.
  5. Stop constantly reminding our partner of his/her failures and missteps. Manipulating feelings of guilt is not the best helper of the relationship. Sometimes you can get a lot done that way, but it’s definitely not about respect and love.

“One of the reasons we lose respect is the inability to respect the other person’s territory,” says psychotherapist Elania Ray. We forget that even the near and dear person who is near now was once a stranger and a stranger, we do not perceive him as a separate person with his own shortcomings and virtues. We do not see the advantages and notice the disadvantages.

When two people have just met and fallen in love, it is not difficult to respect each other. Lovers try to become one, getting closer so as to open up to each other as much as possible. And over time, the boundaries between them become blurred. It seems that the other is an extension, and I can treat him as I would treat myself. And this means: controlling the other, demanding something from him. He now owes me something. And when the infatuation passes, the relationship comes to a new level, you begin to see other sides of the beloved. The person suddenly has flaws. Respect leaves the relationship. What you couldn’t even think of at the beginning of a relationship, at the moment of falling in love, turns out to be normal after a while. Two people allow themselves to relax and begin to behave as they want.

Allow your loved one to be different. Allow him to have all his opinions, his things, his money, his personal time, his space in the apartment, his habits. To respect is to respect and appreciate another’s and another’s.”

If a relationship is built on mutual value and mutual respect, neither partner will want to let them go. And then the question of how to make your husband afraid to lose his wife will never arise again. Love and respect each other.

When a woman does not trust her man and does not respect his opinion, it makes him feel unloved

When a man is faced with criticism in response to his ideas, his feelings for his chosen one begin to fade. The same happens when he tries to improve the family’s well-being, to create comfortable conditions, but in response he hears reproaches about his inability, comparisons with other men who earn more, take better care of their wives, etc. At such moments, the man feels unwanted and unappreciated.

Is it possible to make a wife respect her husband?

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Topics: Relationships with the girl, relationship problems, Psychology, Articles

Hi, this is Roman Vinilov.

“My wife doesn’t respect me” is one of the common thoughts that haunt many men. Is it possible to return her respect and how to do it? Respect is one of the main things in a relationship.

How to change attitudes and get back respect

If you’re having these thoughts, it’s no longer a good thing. Chances are, there are several things that need to be fixed at once. And the very first thing to do is to admit the mistakes you are making.

The situation is complicated by the fact that in society and even among professional psychologists wrong attitudes are circulating, and therefore you may hear wrong advice on how to fix the situation. For example: to return the respect of his wife, give her even more care and attention. But in fact it will only make things worse.

Respect cannot be bought. No gifts or showy deeds will not wake him up. Respect the person. And if you don’t feel that about yourself, then there is something wrong with you. Yes, it’s painful to hear. But the first step to solving the problem is accepting it.

  1. Stop seeking her respect. No amount of coaxing is going to help. Accept the situation (outwardly).
  2. Start analyzing your relationship with your wife. What are you doing wrong?
  3. Identify areas that you can change. But remember, only half of it is in your hands.
  4. Divorce is definitely not the solution. At least not until you’ve seriously tried to make a change. Give yourself at least a year to fix the situation.

Being in a very difficult situation is okay. You know where to go. The point you are at now is just the beginning.

A wife’s disrespect for her husband brings a lot of problems. And once you start to change something, it will escalate, and its manifestations – lack of sexual desire, arrogance, insults – will reach a maximum point. You have to endure it all and get over it. Restore respect, you will get yours back. The relationship will be better than it was in the beginning.

In general, trying to get a girl to respect you is a big mistake! Yes, that’s exactly what I said! They are doomed to deafening failure. The thing is, it all comes from within, from yourself. As soon as you really respect yourself, others around you will feel the same way about you.

1. Get in shape. Many people justify the loss of physical shape by their age. And it is not clear how exactly it is connected, because someone looks great and at 50, and someone has a huge belly already at 28. It’s hard to have respect for a man who is fat. Anybody can lose weight and get pumped up.

2. Lose interest in her. Get used to it: a lot of the advice on how to get your wife’s interest back sounds counterintuitive. As long as you’re running after her and doing everything to please her, you don’t look like a man. More like a pet that’s begging for something. Maxim what she’s experiencing is condescension. Have respect for yourself, as I said above. Become self-sufficient. You have your own life, even if you’re married. You can’t buy favor. No means no. Girls go crazy for unapproachable, emotionally stunted men. From now on, you’re not chasing your wife or trying to please her in any way.

3. gain confidence in yourself. It’s important for a man to know his worth, both in life and in relationships. This is a fundamental quality that must be maintained. There is nothing more pathetic than a man who doesn’t respect himself. He’s ugly, he’s not attractive, he’s not sexy. The good news is that the situation can be remedied at any age. The main thing is to focus on your strengths and start developing them. And you should start with broadcasting this quality. Self-confidence is acquired through habit.

4. Remember about manners. A real man behaves with dignity. His mannerisms and gestures are beautiful and elegant. Once upon a time gentlemen were in fashion – they are what all girls dream of. Just remember your behavior when you fell in love with her, and compare it with what you do now. You’ve been swallowed up by routine and everyday life. But most girls still manage – with more or less success – to stay attractive and sexy. Somehow guys have a problem with that.

5. Gain mastery of sex. If you know how to bring your girlfriend to orgasm and you do it regularly, she’s unlikely to stop wanting you. Good lovers don’t lose respect because they have at least one good virtue. Learning the wisdom of sex isn’t that hard. And if you haven’t had a partner who could do it, turn to the literature.

As you can see, it takes a lot of work on yourself to get your wife’s respect back. But all of this will help you in the rest of your life as well. So your wife’s attitude is just the first indicator that something is wrong with you. Act now before you fuck up everything you’ve got.

Mockery

It happens that women in public as if by chance begin to tell “funny” stories about their favorite, when they failed in something embarrassing, failed, got into an awkward situation, etc. Thus, the fair sex kind of self-assertion at the expense of the partner, put themselves above. Of course, a man is insulted and humiliated by such behavior. Agree that no one wants to feel like a laughing stock.

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Method 3. Engage in re-education of the spouse

It is generally believed that a man does not need to complain about his wife and his car, they say he chose it. But what to do when the situation gets out of control? That’s right, re-educate.

Have you tied yourself in marriage to an eccentric lady? You will have to sweat a lot. Temperamental persons are difficult to “tame”, they have already developed a certain character and by and large such girls do not want to change anything.

Men who praise his woman, should reconsider their position. Stop indulging her, learn to say “No!” when there is a controversial issue.

Pay attention to what exactly the wife is not happy, then try to calmly convey their own point of view

Your wife complains about your constant absence because of work? Make it clear that making money while at home is difficult enough. If the arguments are unconvincing, suggest that she start working while sitting on the sofa next to you.

Arguing with his wife because, in her opinion, you do not pay enough attention to the child? Make a compromise, show qualities of a caring father. Show that even though you’re tired, you care about the family.

How to teach your wife a lesson.

Over time, a woman begins to probe her man’s boundaries. She begins to get cocky when she feels the weakness of the man, so it is important to defend your boundaries. Psychologists recommend a special tactic, how to teach a wife for disrespectful attitude towards her husband.

First of all, you should always immediately tell your wife about what you did not like in her behavior. It is necessary to calmly explain and argue.

Tip: If your words pass your ears, it is worth to say that this behavior could lead to the end of your relationship.

If in your marriage, things have gone very far, and you are wondering how to put his wife in place for his disgusting attitude, you need to reduce its importance. Women are impudent and behave disgustingly in the case when she realizes that she means a lot to you and you will put up with everything so as not to lose her. You need to start denying her requests, less time to pay her, and focus more on yourself. You can also cause jealousy so that she starts to fear losing you.

If a woman does not respect a man

In the relationship between a woman and a man needs harmony. To come to harmony one must learn to treat each other with respect. Each person is unique and inimitable in this world. Men and women are very different at their core. Men’s perspective on many things is radically different from that of women. They need respect and acknowledgement of their importance-masculinity. Respect is a sincere recognition of the merits, the importance of man as a person, the recognition of rights and the norm of relations in society. As a feeling – mutual and reciprocal, if you do not respect, then you will be treated the same way.

It is necessary to realize the importance and value of every man, regardless of social status, position in society, etc. Respect is instilled in the family, if a woman does not respect her father, she will never respect her husband. Showing respect does not mean completely agreeing with his opinion, belittling oneself, fawning over him.

Respect begins with full acceptance of the man as a person, with all his virtues and flaws, and recognition of his authority, including all his views on life. Remember, all your life a man holds the same views. Respect means to see a real man, not a made-up image, not to fit certain stereotypes.

Respect manifests itself every minute of communication. A wise woman correctly prioritizes what is important at the moment. Each man is unique and unrepeatable.

Pay attention to how you listen to men, what feelings and emotions you feel when he speaks. Consider the basic steps:

  • Is to be grateful that life has come to you through him;
  • to agree that you won’t have another father;
  • is to see the strengths and not be judged for mistakes;
  • is to see the soul in the man.

Second is to respect yourself :

  • accept yourself;
  • to allow yourself to make mistakes;
  • to see the virtues;
  • stop dwelling on your imperfections.

Thirdly, you have to respect all men. Is it possible to respect your man, if you despise the others? Husband – in the first place a representative of the entire male species, this beginning is inherent in the genetic level.

Practical advice on how to show respect and deference in marriage:

  • Never set any conditions like “what if…” – Show unconditional respect.
  • Periodically voice his virtues and strong qualities to your man.
  • Show gratitude for specific actions and feelings more often.
  • Appreciate your husband’s work, show interest, remember, the man is trying for your sake. Listen carefully when he passionately talks about his work.
  • Create a favorable atmosphere at home for physical and mental recuperation.
  • Trust unconditionally and trust your man’s decisions, treat with respect and without encroaching on personal space.
  • Show humility, men can not change – it is inherent in nature, and we will not argue with her.
  • Respect his physical and masculine strength.
  • Respect his interests, hobbies, hobbies, however contrary to our beliefs.
  • Honor his family and loved ones, respect his friends. Show your man how proud you are of him.

Women, giving men attention, recognition, respect and love can expect a response and show care, protection and respect, which all women need. A woman’s maturity and wisdom lies in her ability to start the movement first. Lovely women, notice your attitude towards men – all of them – adults, children, colleagues, relatives and loved ones, respect, then you will stand up as a woman!

Lack of pride in you 6

This aspect is expressed in different ways. For example, your partner never utters the words “How good you are,” “You are the smartest one,” and so on. Sometimes he or she may deliberately knock your self-esteem down; the worst is when it happens in public. For example, the wife calls her spouse a klutz in public, so that everyone can hear it. Public humiliation is always a sign of disrespect. But lack of praise in general indicates the same thing.

In a healthy relationship, people are proud of each other’s achievements, express admiration for the appearance, intelligence and abilities of their loved one. This applies to any occupation, quality of character, hobby.

“It’s good that the child looks like me.”

Such a phrase is always painfully perceived by many men. Every man wants children to be a copy of him. And by saying such words, a woman is directly pointing out the mediocrity of her man.

A woman can mean that her man:

  • Unreliable.
  • Weak.
  • Worthless.

And since the children look like him, she feels pleasure, because they got the right genes. Women can also scold their children, making an example of their father. An example of this phrase: “You look like your father, you can not live a normal life. A familiar phrase, isn’t it?

How does disrespect for your husband end?

First, when a wife tells bad things about her spouse, she is not just disrespecting him, she is alienating him. That is as if she is building a wall, putting a blockage on the path of the energy that should go from her to her husband to charge him with her boundless support and instill confidence. There is a feeling that there is a complete stranger nearby.

Secondly, this behavior in itself takes a lot of strength and positive energy. And vice versa – women’s participation, belonging, compassion give an incredibly large charge for the grandiose deeds. Therefore, when there is condemnation, there is indifference, which makes you not want to do anything. Simply put, in this way, the wife cuts off her spouse’s wings, which could have lifted her above the rest. And so the alcohol flows, the money is not earned, the thread of mutual understanding is torn. A vicious circle appears, in which the “hated” is powerless to change anything.

Thirdly, there is a psychological breakdown in children, for whom “mom and dad” are an inseparable whole. They see that the mother does not respect the father, and this provokes a lot of complexes and problems. Teenagers are especially vulnerable: they start to do worse in school because of individual internal protest, they become rude, they do the opposite, they get into dangerous habits, etc. In general, they lose the ability and desire to maintain good relationships, following in the footsteps of adults.

“It’s good that I now earn my own money.”

Such a phrase a woman praises herself, and at the same time belittles the man. Such a statement is heard often in relationships and women say it openly. By saying this, a woman is trying to show that she is no longer dependent on a man and can do whatever she wants.

It may seem to men that the woman is just trying to show her merit. In reality, the woman is pointing out that the man gave her too little money or showed control that was unacceptable to her. Now she can do whatever she wants and no one can forbid it.

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