Relationships with a younger man

Younger man by 10 years: any chance?

Author: Jeanne Mulishina Practical psychologist and consultant on problematic family relationships, personal dissatisfaction, etc.

What will happen to a couple if the man is younger by 10 years? Prospects for a relationship with an age difference not in favor of the woman. Advantages, pitfalls, examples of unions.

Relationship with a man younger by 10 years is a union that raises doubts in others and even some psychologists. However, such couples today are not uncommon. Someone plunges into all the rage, giving himself to his feelings. But some of the ladies are deterred by arguments about whether or not there is a future in a couple where the man is younger.

Why do women like younger men?

By the way, in recent years, the trend to choose younger men is increasingly strengthening among our contemporaries. Although only recently another model of couples of different ages prevailed: the representatives of the stronger sex preferred to see young girls around, and they did not oppose the older husband.

Psychologists name two main motives that ladies are guided by when they get in touch with young guys:

  1. Realizing the maternal instinct;
  2. Getting a boost of vivacity and fulfillment in life.

Digging deeper, such tendencies are associated with the so-called “anti-aging” campaign. Social and economic factors cannot be discounted. If just a couple of centuries ago a woman had no other way to strengthen herself in life, except to get married, now the ladies can realize themselves in any sphere. Some girls from a young age build a career that any man would envy. They earn no less, or even more. Therefore, and approach to relationships, the purpose of entering into a relationship with the opposite sex has changed.

Often women are in no hurry to start a family, doing work, self-realization. Approaching a certain point, they do not want to see a peer next to them, which at that time can be flabby, with health problems. Instead, they are attracted to young blood: it is a replenishment of vital energy. In addition, involuntarily self-esteem rises: I still wow-how! If there is a handsome man who is 10 years younger, there is a feeling of confidence that the lady is still in her prime, desired and attractive.

Played out and other scenarios. The woman has served in a marriage with a peer or even an older man, she has raised her children with him, she has let them go free. And now, at a mature age, she’s drawn back to young guys with whom she’s simultaneously living her second youth and satisfying her not fully realized maternal instinct.

Reasons in favor of a relationship with a man who is 10 years younger

If we talk about the pluses purely for ladies who choose younger men, they in such relationships are bathed in adoration, positivity, receiving confirmation of their own irresistibility. A young man usually does not envy his career successes, unlike his peers, especially when they do not manage to achieve the same as his chosen one. Since the adult woman is very experienced, broad-minded, her young lover will literally look into her mouth, admire her talents and skills.

Why is a still young husband better than an old one in terms of physiological age? To name another plus for a woman, it is enough to go on a date with a peer at least once. Almost from the first visit you can feel how much peculiar “baggage” has accumulated in him. This past unsuccessful relationship, disappointment in life, skeptical and picky attitude to others. Yes, yes, men in age are peculiar squint, the crease at the mouth, indicating that they are difficult to surprise, to catch.

If they manage to cause emotional fire and sexual attraction, it is often only after a long “dancing with tambourines. But do you need it established woman? Many people prefer the young man who burns in his eyes – of course, because he was able to attract such an interesting, established in the life of an individual! Agree, every lady would like to be under such a look!

What are the benefits guys receive? Let’s frankly say that there are young men who dream about material benefits from a businesswoman who likes younger men. Still, this is more of a prejudice than a truth of life. So-called alphonsees only open the hunt for real rich women. In many couples, the guy is happy that a woman with experience is in front of him, ready to share, to mentor him in life.

Many young men are extremely proud of their beloved, who managed to achieve a lot, they have good taste and education. If a woman is well-rounded, has a variety of hobbies, a man 10 years younger with her will never be bored. He will not be ashamed with such a chosen one in any society. And he himself will grow and develop to match the lady.

In addition, you can find a lot of other advantages in the union, where a man is younger than the woman. And both of them can win:

  • Balancing sexual activity . Scientists assure that guys have the peak sex drive at the age of 21 to 25 years. Women, on the other hand, blossom after age 30 and later. Of course, this is an average statistic. But if a couple falls into the sample, just about everyone will be more than happy. Alas, in a union where both are the same age, problems often begin precisely because of different sexual activity: then she does not particularly want, then he does not lust or can no longer.
  • Mutually beneficial partnership . First, a very young man does not build a mature woman, he learns a lot from her, he gains experience. And a smart lady knows how to gently guide, if not “mold” the chosen one to himself. As a result, the relationship resembles a partnership, in contrast to the family where the man wants to lead, and the wife is not happy with it, riots, open conflicts begin. And in the different-age union, everyone gets their own “bonuses” from the partnership. Naturally, provided that both are smart enough, respect each other.
  • Ease and fun . Many women by a mature age get tired of being serious all the time, remembering only responsibilities and duties. From the same peers can not wait for energy, lightness on the rise, a tendency to adventures. The guy is willing to be the initiator of adventures and support the ideas of his chosen one. And initially, everyone in the couple is set up to receive pleasure and enjoyment at this particular time.
  • Genuine sincerity of feelings. Yes, yes, they are typical for unequal couples. For the reasons that the guy is still very young to hide emotions or act out plays, and his beloved at an age no longer wants any games. Both are satisfied and attracted to sincerity.

The pitfalls of a woman’s relationship with a man ten years younger

Is it really worth it to fall in love with a young man to experience a second youth? Why not! Only with the understanding that such relationships have their difficulties. It is better to be aware of them, with a willingness to meet them, than to go through life in “rose-colored glasses” – then the blows of fate to go through twice as hard.

What are the disadvantages of different-age unions:

  • Often the interests and perceptions of life are very different. The guy thinks only about clubs and discos, fun and parties, and the woman is not really interested, sometimes banal lack of energy and time to constantly walk around at night and dance. Then you have to look for a compromise or part, experiencing a storm of emotions just as a short-term flamboyant romance.
  • The hyper-maternal instinct that can ruin everything. Naturally, if a man younger than the woman in the relationship is initially ready for the position of this apprentice or son, he takes leadership “with flying colors”. However, sometimes the fairer sex overreacts. They control every step, not a single act does not pass without comment, admonition. On the one hand, hyperopedic will be a burden. On the other hand, the woman harms the chosen one: he needs a field for development, to learn to take responsibility, to develop.
  • Fear of losing the chosen one, jealousy. What can I say, if you like younger men, you have to realize that potential rivals in the juice, young beauties. It is enough to once let the thought that your loved one may be stolen, suddenly he has already taken a young mistress for a pastime – you can say that this is the end of the all-age union. Gradually, the fear of losing the chosen one becomes an obsession. For the sake of fairness it is worth saying that there are also guys who are jealous. Only then a mature woman should show all her wisdom and strength to defuse the situation.
  • Social stereotypes and the prejudices of family and friends . Of course, the world today is an order of magnitude more tolerant of couples where the husband is younger. Nevertheless, in rare families, the news that a mature woman and a young guy are going to create a marriage is accepted “with joy. To perceive their relationship as something light and fleeting – it’s still okay. If they are ready to get married, they will surely listen to a lot of unpleasant things, and from both sides. Relatives of the young man will convince him that he should not bind his life with the “old woman. They will frighten her with fading, jealousy, and tell her that this union will be a brake on development. Friends and relatives of a mature woman will hint that her young lover is with her only for money. In general, if the man is 10 years younger than the woman, everyone in such a couple will go through “fire, water and brass pipes”. Unless, of course, you are lucky enough to have an understanding and tolerant environment.

Three myths about the relationship with a man younger than 10 years.

A woman forms a certain idyllic picture of a relationship with a man who is younger, especially if you study the benefits of such a union. However, some of the perks are nothing but myths. The lady enters into the union expecting certain “perks” from it. Life shows that her expectations are wrong.

What exactly are the myths on this subject:

  • An alliance with a young guy is an incentive to keep in shape. It seems to be a rational thought. Alas, in practice, things are different. Wishing to be the best in someone’s eyes, a woman is inevitably faced with hints of old age, with reproaches for being overweight and the first wrinkles. Practice shows that really successful marriages are those where the wife is older and the husband is younger, when both appreciate, love and accept each other as they are. Of course, this does not mean that you can neglect yourself, but you should only do yourself out of love for yourself.
  • Her husband is 10 years younger – reason to experience a second youth, starting all kinds of things. Some ladies, acquiring young lovers, fit into the mini and dresses from college days. They are guided by several considerations. Like, the guy chose me, because I’m no worse than his peers, and therefore, should correspond to this. And just to go back to my younger years – who wouldn’t want that?! But that’s the trick: the chosen one sees the woman as she is. And if a man is 10 years younger than the woman, but decided to enter into a relationship with her, he appreciates her maturity, experience. If he wanted a family with a younger woman, he would look for a wife among his peers. Alas, the lady herself can ruin the union if she starts to descend to the level of students, if not schoolgirls.
  • An attractive young man is an ideal future husband, who can be “raised” to suit himself. Even if a man who is psychologically 10 years younger is really more compliant, he often listens to the opinion of his chosen one and adheres to her recommendations on life, this is not a reason to perceive him as a “blank slate” or “obedient clay”. First of all, in such a case, it is impossible to talk about at least respect for the person, let alone love. With such an approach, it is unlikely that anything good will come out of the relationship. Even native children are brought up and “built” for the time being.

The correct strategy in a relationship with a man younger than 10 years.

If a man is younger and a woman is older, the relationship can have any development. Someone creates a family and lives together until the end of days. There are also couples that break up very quickly. So the best thing is to consider the possible pitfalls, while not making big plans for the future.

The healthiest couples are those in which both know how to enjoy the present moment. This is the first rule of strategy. To put it bluntly, it’s best for any union, not just a family where the husband is 10 years younger. By concentrating on “today” and “now,” it is possible to make the chosen one happy, without denying yourself the pleasure as well. The most interesting thing is that it is in this case the strongest unions are formed. And they do not matter either the age or the wrinkles or gray hair.

Even as a part of the correct strategy of psychology it is strongly recommended to close your ears to the advice and comments of any “well-wishers”. If you listen to everyone with his idea of life, family and happiness, then collapse of any relationship, not just marriage, where the husband is younger than his wife of 10 years. Often you have to put very strict limits, especially at first. Then the family and loved ones reconcile, but most importantly, it is possible to preserve personal happiness and love.

The third rule is useful for relationships where the husband is 10 years younger, and just for life. It sounds like this: you should stay true to yourself. Oh, how great is the temptation to get younger, to dive into the interests of his chosen one! Especially if you want to win his heart. However, it is important and necessary to maintain dignity, not rushing into such an extreme, as adoration and idealization of a loved one.

Examples of Relationships with Men 10 Years Younger in Life

You might even find similar unions in your inner circle. But it’s more interesting and fascinating to keep track of couples who are always in the public eye. Of course, these are the star marriages. And, by the way, they are not as few as they may seem.

One of the clearest examples of celebrity couples where the husband is younger than the wife is the relationship between Shakira and Gerard Pique. Colombian singer and Barcelona footballer were born on the same day – February 2, which can already be considered a fateful sign. Only there is still a difference between their birth dates, and it is just 10 years. They met at the shooting of their music video for the song Waka Waka (This Time for Africa), which became the official anthem of the FIFA World Cup 2010. Both of them were in a relationship at the time. But immediately a stormy love affair began, which resulted in the birth of two sons.

And among domestic stars there are many couples where the husband is younger than the wife. For example, Tina Kandelaki and her husband have a difference of 11 years. They are together since 2014, and it is known that the young businessman has long sought the location of the journalist, before she reciprocated his feelings.

Whether there is a chance for a relationship with a man younger than a woman – see the video:

To summarize, let us conclude that for modern psychology man younger than 10 years – is quite a real start for a normal healthy relationship. And even if in society there are still different prejudices in this regard, close friends can be reminded of statistics: equal marriage in 50% of cases collapse literally during the first 2-3 years. So why not take a chance and trust your feelings, trying to create an alliance with a young chosen one?

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How to build a relationship with a man who you are younger – says psychologist

In today’s society, in which age discrimination and ageism are still prevalent, it is customary to condemn marriages with a difference in age. And if society looks at couples where the man is older than the woman is quite lenient, then marriages where the woman is older than her chosen one are censured and ridiculed in every possible way. However, this does not mean that such relations are doomed from the very beginning and do not deserve the right to happiness.

What you should pay special attention and what you need to consider in order to build a happy relationship with a man younger than you – we understand with family psychologist Alena Tretyakova.

Photo: Alyona Tretyakova

Give up prejudice

The conventional wisdom is that a man in a relationship should be older. Historically, this was justified by the fact that before marriage (which used to be the only acceptable form of relationship) a man had to learn a trade or start a household. The man was considered the breadwinner in the family, and the older he was, the stronger was the material basis of the family. A woman, on the contrary, had to marry very young so that she would be healthy enough to manage the household and have children, which again ensured family happiness. In the modern world, everything has changed, and there are no longer any justifiable reasons for men to be older. However, laid down by centuries of program still makes itself felt and is expressed in the form of all kinds of prejudice. To build an organic relationship with a man younger than yourself, it is worth immediately abandoning these outdated postulates and accept that the old rules of the game no longer apply.

“Marry before 25, give birth before 30”: ageism and fear of aging – what causes them and how to cope with them

Remember that age is a relative term.

The custom is to calculate a person’s age from their date of birth. However, the number of years lived does not always coincide with the physiological age: someone looks younger, and someone at 35 feels 50. Moreover, the actual age has no effect on a person’s psychological maturity, and this is what the worldview, outlook on life, and most importantly – the approach to relationships is based on. That is why the numbers in the passport will have no influence on how your feelings and communication will develop. Rather, it will depend on how you suit each other’s psychological age.

Abstract away from the opinions of others

Perhaps this is the main cause of discomfort. No one is really worried about the age difference itself – it’s society’s reaction that brings the anxiety. It’s hard to endure the displeasure of parents, the jokes or bewilderment of friends, the silent rebukes and condemnation of colleagues behind your back.

“It does not matter what others say, the main thing is that you are happy” – a hackneyed phrase that does not bring relief.

If you really want to deal with it – call things by their proper names. Yes, you are indeed in a relationship with a man younger than you, and that is your choice and your partner’s choice. Other people may not like him for a variety of reasons: they themselves don’t have the courage for that kind of relationship, they’re jealous, they prefer to limit their world view to certain stereotypes. And that’s their choice, and they’re entitled to it. You can, of course, spend your energy trying to change their minds, to find excuses for your actions. And you can save your energy for other things, changing the circle of contacts for those who live their lives and who do not have time to discuss yours.

Drop the subject right away.

In continuation of the previous point, to avoid embarrassing moments, discuss the matter with each other. Perhaps you decide together not to bring up the subject of age again, or, conversely, you want to be as open about it. Maybe one of you will need support, for example, in communicating with relatives or after an unpleasant conversation with friends. You may never have to deal with situations involving age differences, but it’s important to know that you’re willing to support each other on this issue.

Don’t become a mom.

If you have chosen a man for your relationship, remain a woman for him and do not under any circumstances move into a maternal role. In fact, hyper-paunting, control and total care ruin any relationship, regardless of which partner is older. Take care of your woman, make her happy – the main need of the man. Support him in this quest, give him the opportunity to feel like a hero – and your chosen one will never think about the age difference.

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Don’t get hung up on maintaining your youth

You should spend more time on your appearance to match your young partner – so say the tips on the vast expanses of the network. Trying to follow them, a woman gets into a vicious circle: she begins to worry about her appearance, she devotes a lot of time to it, this causes anxiety and raises her stress level, which, in turn, has a pernicious effect on her appearance, and her anxiety level only increases.

In fact, the man has already made his choice. And if it’s real, it’s definitely not based on looks, but on much more serious things. If it is not, then you should think about whether you are ready to fight against nature for the sake of this relationship. This does not mean that you should forget about self-care. Just taking care of yourself should bring pleasure in the first place, and not become a cause of stress. And the time spent together strengthens the relationship much more than the time spent fighting for artificial youth.

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