Relationships in Psychology
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Psychology of Relationships
Attitude – the subjective side of the reflection of reality, the result of human interaction with the environment. In psychology – in the most general form – the interposition of objects and their properties.
The founder of the psychology of relations in Russia was A.F. Lazursky. According to Lazursky, attitude is a system-forming factor in the structure of personality. Characterizing personality as a complex whole, he divided its manifestations into two kinds – endopsychic and exopsychic. Endopsychic is the totality of all interconnected and interdependent mental elements and functions. It is “the inner mechanism of the human personality” (A.F. Lazursky. Selected Psychological Works – Moscow: Nauka 1997, p. 9). Exopsychology is defined by the relationship of the personality to external objects, to the environment. The concept of environment is taken in its broadest sense. “The eye embraces the whole sphere of things that confront the personality and to which the personality may in one way or another relate” (Ibid., p. 10). These are nature, material things, other people, social groups, science, art, religion, the mental life of the individual himself. Attitudes to different categories of reality differ in the form of relations, the form of achievements, the form of satisfaction by them, the direction (by the sign) (positive – negative). According to Lazursky, two kinds of relations are the foundation of personality: 1) relations between the personality and the environment and 2) relations between its endo- and exopsychic manifestations. These relations pass through different levels of development, and at different levels, their correlations are also different. According to the parameters of these relationships, we distinguish pure and mixed, transitional types of lower, middle, and higher levels. The direction of development is an increase in the importance of exopsychic features. General psychological characteristics are shifting towards socio-psychological characteristics. Setting the task of creating a scientifically based classification of personalities, Lazursky formulated a provision important for social psychology – “the ideal classification should be considered one that in each of its types would provide not only subjective features of a given person, but also his or her world outlook and social physiology, since, certainly, they stand in connection with his or her character; in other words, classification of personalities should be not only psychological, but also psychosocial in a broad sense of the word” (Lazursky, 1997, p. 78).
V. N. Myasishchev made a major contribution to the development of the concept of relational psychology. The starting point for Myasischev’s personality psychology is the characterization of a person’s essence as an ensemble of social relations. Social relations exist in two forms: as objective relations and as subjective relations. The latter he also calls relations of personality, psychological, internal, vital relations. Reflecting objective social relations, these subjective relations “characterize the personality of each person to the greatest extent. It is these internal relations in fact constitute the core of the personality” (Myasischev V. N. Personality and neuroses. – M.: Publishing house of the Leningrad State University 1960, p. 263). Psychological attitudes are a system-forming quality of a personality. When developed, they represent a comprehensive system of individual, selective, conscious connections with various aspects of objective reality. Exploring the relationship, you can understand the cognitive, volitional, emotional processes, temperament, ability and character of the person. Human relations determine the driving forces of personality, which are expressed in the goals and objectives, which it sets itself: “The question arises about the level of tasks and goals for which man lives and struggles – whether he is guided by the social ideal of good and liberation of workers or personal prosperity, or man does not set himself remote tasks and goals, seeking to cope only with his overwhelming daily concerns, or, finally, man is dominated by drives that are also in animals – food, sexual” (Lebedinsky M.S., Myasischev V. N. Introduction to Medical Psychology. – L.: Medicine, 1966, p. 78).
In the system of relations the central place is occupied by relations of the person to society, community, collective, group, to himself or herself. The most important and meaningful relationships are formed in the interpersonal interaction. The nature of the prevailing relations, varying in degree or level of development, is important for understanding the personality. The levels of development of the system of relations are determined by: 1) the level of personality relations: ideological, concrete-personal and vital; 2) the comparative role of social-collectivistic and individual-egoistic tendencies in relations with people; 3) selectively positive or negative character of the attitude to these or those objects in this or that form of activity. On these bases 3 levels in development of system of relations are allocated. Thus, the lower level corresponds to a primitive, vital, situationally caused character of attitudes (drives). The medium level corresponds to the predominance of relations of concrete-personal character of personal sympathy, antipathy, direct utilitarian interest or calculation The higher level corresponds to the predominance of ideological relations – beliefs, consciousness of duty of social-collectivist motives. As the level of relations increases their sociality. The value of its socio-psychological qualities increases in the structure of the personality. V. N. Myasischev proposed an original concept for measuring attitudes. As parameters of this measurement he allocated the degree of stability, the basic character, the derivation of the basic relations, dominance, emotionality, the degree of generalization, integrity, activity level, the level of consciousness. The system of relations is formed as a result of the development, education and self-education of the person. These processes take place in conditions of communication and social practice.
A significant step in the development of relational psychology and its application to the development of socio-psychological problems of personality is the concept of B. F. Lomov. F. Lomov. The main thing in this concept in this connection: 1) characterization of social relations as the general basis of personality properties; 2) analysis of the socio-psychological aspect of personality orientation; 3) a detailed characterization of subjective relations. According to Lomov, to reveal the objective basis of a personality’s mental properties, it is necessary to analyze the “individual-society” relation. In this system, social relations serve as such a basis. The personality as a member of society “is included in a necessary way (whether she is aware of it or not) in the system of social relations. Its motives, aspirations, settings, habits, sympathies and antipathies depend on what its objective attitude to production, exchange and consumption, what civil rights it possesses, how it is included in political and ideological life of society” (Lomov B. F. Methodological and theoretical problems of psychology. – Moscow: Nauka, 1984, p. 300). There are different ways of including specific personalities in different types of social relations. The degree of their implementation in the life of each personality is also different. In the life of a person social relations are manifested in various forms. These are personal and interpersonal relations, mutual influence and mutual actions, assistance and counteraction, actions, participation in social events, professional and non-professional activity, direct and indirect communication, etc., etc. In all these inclusions in social relations the personality acts as a social quality of an individual. Manifestations of this quality are actions, deeds, intellectual, emotional and volitional psychological properties of a person. Characteristics of personality as a social quality of an individual is, in fact, its socio-psychological characteristic. The process of interaction between a person and the system of social relations is carried out in the process of socialization and individualization of a person. Socio-psychological qualities of a personality are especially clearly manifested in its orientation. According to Lomov, orientation acts as a system-forming property of a personality that determines its psychological makeup. The realization of orientation is carried out, first of all, by its motivational sphere. The socio-psychological vector of orientation is determined by the fact that it is associated with a person’s relationships with other people. These relations are reflected in people’s needs, starting with the needs in the material conditions of life, including the needs in activity, cognition, communication, in the way these needs are met. On the basis of the needs-motivational sphere the individual’s life goals, the concept of his or her own future are formed. Of particular importance for the social psychology of personality are Lomov’s ideas about subjective relationships. These attitudes reflect how the individual relates to those or other events and phenomena of the world in which he or she lives. In this case we are talking about value orientations, affections, sympathies, antipathies, interests, etc., all of which express a personality’s subjective position, its partiality, assessment of events and persons involved in them. Lomov considers “subjective attitudes” to be a generic concept in relation to such concepts as “attitude,” “personal meaning,” and “attitudes. In a number of cases, he calls these attitudes subjective-personal attitudes.
The system of these relations constitutes a complex, multilevel, dynamic formation, which can be described as a multidimensional subjective “space,” each dimension of which corresponds to a certain subjective-personal relation (to labor, property, other people, political events, etc.). Subjectivity of relations means their belonging to a social subject. They act as a way of inclusion of personality in objectively developing social relations. Subjective relations are integral properties of a personality, “acting as a kind of “skeleton” of a personality’s subjective world” (Lomov, 1984, p. 331). A personality’s subjective attitudes are formed and manifested, first of all, as attitudes to people. Relations to all other spheres of reality are mediated by them. The field of formation of subjective attitudes is object activity, joint activity and communication. Acting as a form of reflection of people’s interactions and relationships and as a regulator of them, subjective attitudes are an essential characteristic of one’s social psychology.
Psychology of relations between a man and a woman
If a person wants to be loved, to find a faithful life partner, he needs to understand the psychology of relationships. Without this knowledge, it is hard to keep a family and avoid numerous conflicts. A happy life depends on whether a person knows how to build relationships with others.
Why study the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman?
The ability to build quality relationships is the key to success in most areas of social life. The inner state of any individual depends on communication with others. Whether we realize it or not, but the people we live, work or see around have a strong influence on our life. A person depends on the people around him. From other people he gets what he deserves. To achieve love, respect is possible if you know how to communicate with people, how to react to their actions, how to influence their way of thinking. Without knowledge of psychology to build the right relationship with others will not work.
It is desirable to learn the psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman from psychological books, scientific articles, as well as personal life experiences. No one is immune from mistakes, but you need to be able to take defeats calmly, to draw the right conclusions from them. If you analyze your own actions, you can learn more from them than from all the clever books. You must learn to isolate one, but the most important, problem and pay maximum attention to it. If you “scatter” on the other small matters, then get out of the vicious circle of problems will not succeed.
The meaning of the relationship between a man and a woman is a state of love, harmony, physiological and spiritual satisfaction. If a man wants to be really happy, he must learn to take care of others, to give them the warmth of his soul. Egoists find it difficult to create a strong family based on love and mutual respect. It is true that one should sacrifice oneself only for those who truly deserve it.
It is necessary to remember that not all individuals can be allowed into one’s soul, not all can build a good relationship with all. Close people should be able to take care of each other, to help each other in times of need, and to love despite difficult circumstances. If an individual only takes, but gives nothing in return, perceives kindness as weakness, then any relationship with him or her is doomed to failure. Not every person can appreciate the efforts of others. Not every individual deserves love and care. A harmonious union is possible only between those people who possess the same moral, material, aesthetic and religious values.
Relationships between a man and a woman require concessions. Only in this way can they be preserved for decades to come. A man who stands his ground, not willing to compromise, may lose the one he loves. If a woman wants to build a good relationship with a man, her desire alone is not enough. You need to know the psychology of another individual, his needs, his way of thinking, his desires. As a woman, it is necessary to get into the position of a man and vice versa. People who want to be together must be able to hear, negotiate, cooperate with each other.
5 simple rules of a happy union between a man and a woman
Although the people inhabiting our planet are very different, the relationships between them are built on the basis of the same rules. If you know them and apply them in practice, you can create a strong and happy family. This knowledge is more useful to women who want to keep your favorite man.
- Golden rules of harmonious relationships:
- Support your partner in all his endeavors. Notice even his tiny victories. Never focus on defeats. Believe in the ability of your loved one. Praise him.
- Always ask for help. If a person sees that someone needs him, he feels strong and needed.
- If the fight is inevitable, try not to say too much. In conflict situations you need to behave calmly. You have to learn to see the problem and try to find a way out of it together. and become an interesting person. You will be respected only if you value yourself. Love your relatives and take care of them.
If you want your partner to know how you feel, tell him so. Men can’t read other people’s minds. They don’t tend to fantasize, and they only hear what they are told.
The psychology of a man in a relationship with a woman is not a secret behind seven locks. Different-looking people want the same thing – love, support, respect. Happy relationships do not come out of nowhere, in order for them to be present, they need to be built. You must always remember that a family is a tremendous amount of work. Marriage will never fall apart if the partners are patient, able to forgive the mistakes of their loved ones.
What you can not do in a relationship with a man?
If women want to save the marriage, they not only have to know how to behave properly with their beloved, but also understand what they should not do. There are three gross mistakes you can make that can ruin everything. The psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman is too thin a matter. It is easily torn if people consciously or unconsciously do the wrong things, say the wrong words.
- What not to do in a relationship with a man:
- Tell him he’s a loser. Constantly remind him of his mistakes. Immersing a man in a sense of failure, you can permanently discourage him from winning. This can lead a man to accept that he is a failure, and he will cease to achieve high goals.
- Reject a man’s help and do everything herself. If a woman does not ask her partner to help her, she risks being alone. The man feels that he is not needed and goes to the woman who cannot do without his support.
Taking on the role of the man. In any couple, one man should be strong and the other should be weak. If a woman wants to take a dominant position in the marriage, to earn more money, she becomes like a man. The stronger sex does not like a subordinate position. Men want to see weak women around them who need their care.
A happy family and a strong marriage is the dream of many couples. The psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman is a topic that must be studied in detail in order to create a harmonious union. After all, to have a friendly family, a loving partner, love alone is not enough. It is necessary to know the psychological rules and techniques that will help two loving hearts to make life happy.
What are the stages of the relationship between a man and a woman?
Representatives of the weaker and the stronger sex think, behave, perceive the world around them differently. Men are more practical, emotionally stable, reserved and independent. Women tend to be weaker than the stronger half of humanity. The fair sex reacts too emotionally to problems, they need to communicate and talk about their feelings.
Stronger relationships in those families in which the husband and wife do their own things. The man – builds his career, the woman – takes care of the comfort of the house and children. If people switch their attention to their partner and start interfering into his affairs without understanding what he is doing, such behavior will inevitably lead to conflicts.
A man needs to be able to live his life. He needs to distance himself from the emotional experiences of women. A loving wife must be able to dissolve in her husband without encroaching on his independence.
- A man and a woman can build a relationship between them:
- Friendly – meet each other, talk to each other;
- friendly – they empathize and support each other in a difficult moment;
Love – between partners they have strong feelings, they want to spend more time with their loved ones; – people live together and jointly deal with the household.
Relationships between a man and a woman begin because of various reasons: because of liking, falling in love, the need for sex. Sometimes people consciously get acquainted with representatives of the opposite sex when they see that their chosen one has qualities they like. Every couple dreams of being happy and moving forward to fulfill their cherished goals. Each partner should invest their strength, knowledge and skills to build a harmonious and lasting union.
Stages in the development of a relationship between a man and a woman:
A guy and a girl get to know each other. Strong feelings flare up between them. Young people are in an elated state, they idealize their chosen ones, trying to fulfill their every whim. Infatuation lasts about 12 months. During this period, the couple has passionate sex. People do not see each other’s shortcomings, they rarely have quarrels, their life together brings them satisfaction and happiness.
After a while, the lovers return to reality. They realize that they too exaggerated the merits of their partners. People still love each other, but they want to devote more time to their favorite business, hobbies, entertainment, work, friends.
At this stage, lovers begin to notice some of the shortcomings of their loved ones. They try to change their partner by pointing out his mistakes. Such behavior leads to quarrels and conflicts. If the couple lacks the wisdom to adapt to the new conditions, the family ceases to exist.
The partner accepts his chosen one as he is. Tolerates all his shortcomings, calmly reacts to difficulties that arise. Getting rid of illusions, people appreciate and respect all the individual qualities in their soulmate. Partners are not looking for new ties, but overcoming family troubles, taking care of their family members.
At this stage the relationship takes on a new meaning – people want to give more without demanding anything in return. Partners share their thoughts and feelings with each other. They strive to help their soulmate in all her endeavors, they work together through sorrows, and they work together toward a common goal.
Partners become truly close people. They think alike, they want the same things. Each person feels like an accomplished individual. He sees in his partner a person close in spirit, who understands all his worries and dreams without words. True love is respect, care, loyalty and mutual understanding. People went through a lot of difficulties, they had to endure a lot, but they realized that the most important thing in their lives is their union.
The secrets of a perfect relationship
If a man and woman share a common goal, they have every chance of creating a strong family. People can improve in one common cause or each in his occupation, but most importantly, do not focus all your attention on the shortcomings of your partner, do not harass him with your reproaches or excessive care.
The psychology of women and men in interpersonal relationships involves the development of personality. People are happy if they are busy doing what they love and can achieve their goals and goals set.
You can not sacrifice the loved one, his dreams for the sake of personal interests. The partner deserves to be respected. He should realize himself as a person and achieve the desired in any sphere of human activity.
A harmonious union cannot be built if old hurts are carried over into a new relationship. Before taking the plunge into the other person’s world, all problems with former lovers must be fully resolved.
If the individual is overcome by negative feelings toward his partner, one must not give in to weaknesses. Emotions must be able to suppress and control. It is best to shift your attention to your work or hobby. Do not be too critical of the shortcomings of your partner. They should learn to take them for granted.
Trust relationships can not be built without sincerity and love. It is impossible to build a strong union on false feelings. Favourite can not be changed by force, he himself must want to change, loving truly.
If your relationship is at a dead end and even after reading all the advice on the Internet you do not know how to go on living, seek help from a psychologist and hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin. An experienced specialist, practicing psychotherapist will be able to solve any problem and find a way out of a difficult situation.