Relationship with a married coworker – consider together

Relationship with a married coworker – consider together

Office romance with a married man – is the game worth the candle?

Russian folk proverb says: “Do not look for a wife in the choir, and look for a garden. The essence of this folk wisdom is that the chance to find a caring and understanding wife is much higher in the workplace than at parties and parties. Many men do just that, having affairs with women with whom they work together.

The advantage of workplace romances is that there is a daily opportunity to see the person you like and for a long time to secretly observe him from the sidelines, and then find ways to attract his attention and interest themselves. At work you can understand how a colleague behaves in a given situation, how he reacts to praise and criticism. Such a “test drive” allows you to make useful conclusions about the character of the person and make the right choice.

Often a modest girl with a friendly nature and nerves of steel is much more attractive to colleagues at work than a sexy and slender beauty, always looking around at the successful men sitting at the next table or boss 10-20 years older than himself. Many married men, tired of the constant clarifications in the family, dreams of a sweet and caring wife and, having met her at work, trying not to miss the chance.

Office romances can be compared to the “holiday of disobedience” for adults. Everyday life seems too monotonous and boring for many men. Legal spouse often ceases to be attractive in an intimate way. In this environment, a colleague at work, who can listen to him and take pity, is perceived as an opportunity to improve personal life. But is it worth having an office romance if the man is married?

To assess the prospects, it is necessary to consider the fact that the life of a married man is something like a complex dinner, which consists of two main dishes – career and family, and dessert, which includes hobbies or sex “on the side”. Men are unlikely to swap everything else for their natural instincts and so if a woman then wants more – a relationship and a family – there can be difficulties.

It’s easy for people of all ages to get involved in a service romance. The older the age of the man compared to the woman, the greater the chance that he will want to leave the family for her. For younger participants in the office romance from love to hate one step, especially if the man does not plan to file for divorce in the near future.

If the husband suddenly fell in love with work and began to carefully look after himself, then the wife should fear for his loyalty, even when he is well into his 40s, and he himself is fat and bald. It is not surprising that a middle-aged man who considered himself unattractive, hearing the first praise in his life, will be quite tame, and the shy working man will melt at the words: “You’re so smart, I’ve never met a man who has such a head!” Even if a man has been an exemplary husband and father, there is no guarantee that he will not want to spend the next evening and the rest of his life with the author of such statements.

As a rule, married men become the object of attention of single women who are still single or have already been divorced. For some reason, guys, the so-called “eternal bachelors” do not arouse interest in handsome and brave colleagues, as they do not know how to talk interestingly, look neglected and unkempt. The married guy is another matter! He is well-groomed, well-groomed and most often successful. And this is in most cases a credit to his wife, whom he shamelessly cheats!

Few love affairs between colleagues end with dignity. The more hopeless the office romance, the more the woman insists on marriage and the more desperate the married man wants to break up with her. But those for whom the office romance is just another entertainment, even after the breakup continue to be friends, call each other and remember the past with a smile.

In general, single women at work, there are a thousand and one ways to lure a married man, but great is the chance to get into a trap, becoming just a means of satisfying sexual pleasures. To avoid mistakes, from the moment of the first kiss, you must be prepared for the fact that the man may lose interest and he will not need you.

The statistics is inexorable: only 5 out of 100 business romance with a married man ends in marriage. And the rest end in tears and the need for women to look for another job. Do not want to arrange such a “lottery” of his life? Then do not rush to go on the emotions! Potential cheaters easily find another opportunity to satisfy their sexual desires.

Guarantee that the office romance will end in marriage is only love and mutual respect. If a real feeling has flared up between you and a man who is already married that is no longer under any control, you shouldn’t avoid her. And why should you! If you are convinced that this man loves you and you can make him really happy, then give in to your feelings and have fun. No one can reproach you for taking what’s wrong. We never know what will happen tomorrow, in a week, in a month…. But if love has come, it doesn’t matter who he is, where he works, or if he’s married? We have to enjoy life here and now!

– We recommend that you visit our section with interesting materials on similar topics “Psychology of Relationships

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“Fell in love with a married coworker, but I don’t want to be a mistress.”

I became friends with a coworker, we communicated very well. I knew he was married and never considered him as a man for a relationship. Every once in a while we would go for a walk after work. On one of our walks, he kissed me, and out of the blue, I reciprocated. I was very happy at that moment. I was afraid that later he would realize what he had done and would be sorry.

The next day at work he behaved aloof and dry, but suggested we go for a walk. During the walk, without saying anything, he started kissing me and hugging me tightly. He went on to say how good he felt with me, that he wanted to be with me. I brought up the fact that it can’t go on like this, he is married and I don’t want to be his mistress. I said that this was our last meeting of this kind, but I could not let go of his embrace.

The meeting ended on a good note, we kissed goodbye and hugged for a long time. He doesn’t work in the office all the time, he is called in periodically on an as-needed basis. Later he called and said he had thought it over and didn’t want anything else, he didn’t need me, he loved his wife. We decided that was the end of it. But it felt like he was just angry at my words.

I realize with my head that this is a good thing and it’s better to end it now, because it will hurt later. He’s going to leave me at one point anyway. I had no feelings for him, but they appeared after our walks, and now I am really waiting for him at work with the hope that we will be together.

Any advice on what to do. Maybe try a relationship with him?

Olga, hello. Thank you for your question, the topic is hot. Pain instead of love comes when our own words to ourselves and others are at variance with deeds and when we do not understand how the world works. Let’s work with that. The most important thing it will take for you to make the right decision is to be honest with yourself.

How have you gone against yourself in this relationship, what is the reason and what to do about it

You write that you never considered him as a man for a relationship, yet you occasionally went out together after work. You told him you didn’t want to be a mistress, but you couldn’t let go of his embrace.

The pattern is the same: “It doesn’t work for me, but I keep doing it, I try to tell the other man that you can’t do that to me, but I end up proving to him by my actions that you can.” This is about unhealthy psychological boundaries, where a woman feels and says one thing, but does something completely different in the hope that her partner will understand that she feels bad, and will save her, will change. But it’s your life and your boundaries! You’re the one who isn’t suited to be third in the relationship, which means your actions are what need to change.

Yes, I understand it hurts. But it’s important to understand why I’m writing this. The man in your story has no need to divorce and no need to end the affair with you either. “Two women need me, and need me,” he thinks.

“A mistress is like going to a restaurant. Exquisite, delicious, but you can’t go every day. And a wife is like eating at home, sometimes boring.” This comparison is not mine, I took it from the stories of men who have both a family and mistresses. In general, think about where your physical and psychological boundaries are and who is really responsible for maintaining them – you or him?

How does the world of men work, why does he behave this way?

There is a sense that you feel as if a real relationship and even love can grow out of this. But this man is set up differently, and he’s clearly showing you that. He says he doesn’t want a divorce, but if you let him just have fun with you, he’s willing. “I want to go out with you sometimes, kiss and cuddle and have fun, but don’t count on more than that.” He wants attention from you, a sense that he matters, and companionship and fun. At the same time, he doesn’t want to give up his home, family, and support. Uncomfortable with his wife – instead of working out, get a mistress. Uncomfortable with his mistress, so we run to his wife. Both are fed up – go on a binge or go fishing. It’s important to understand that this is reality, and to realize: This is the kind of relationship you want or not?

Why do you fall into this trap?

It is important to pay attention to all the mechanisms that draw you into such a relationship: the “crooked” parent scenario, insecurity, fear of being alone, unhealthy boundaries. Then you need to work with a psychologist. Appreciate your life! Then things will get better, and real love will arise in your life.

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