Psychology Why People Don’t Say Hello: Explaining the Question
Psychologists note that the number of people who disregard the rules of basic politeness and refuse to say hello in the team, is increasing every day. What can this mean? First, people themselves have become more closed. They do not plan to build long relationships with new acquaintances, even if it’s a question of joining the work team or move to a new apartment. Second, with the development of virtual communication systems, personal contact has become a burden for many. Strangers are treated much the same as casual passersby on the street. It seems senseless to greet every person you meet. It is quite another matter, if acquaintances do not say hello. This may indicate a secret grudge or other motives that people cannot talk about openly.
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Trivial reasons for not saying hello
The reasons people may refuse to say hello are often trivial. But those who are ignored don’t know this, and therefore make false assumptions. Such reasons include:
- Visual defects – a person may simply not be able to see their acquaintance. Many people have vision problems, some wear lenses, some wear glasses, and some hide their problem altogether. Before you accuse a person of being rude, you should make sure they don’t have a visual defect.
- Speech problems – some shy people tend to stutter in a period of excitement. Meeting with unfamiliar or very important person can lead to another attack, wanting to disguise it, a person refuses to say hello.
- Age changes – here we can observe a whole bunch of biological problems: hearing impairment, vision problems and even memory problems. Often it is the elderly who do not say hello to their acquaintances, because they do not always recognize them or do not hear the greeting coming from them.
Why do people not say hello if they know each other well, see each other often and know for sure that there are no health problems that prevent normal communication? The most common cause is an unhealthy ego. A person stoops to rudeness only on the basis that he considers himself superior to others. Psychologists comment ambiguously on the behavior of such persons. As a rule, it is unlikely to solve the problem by means of a friendly conversation. Such behavior indicates serious psychological problems that can only be eliminated by working through personal complexes and internal blocks.
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Question to a psychologist:
Hello! I recently had the following situation: I had a rather ridiculous argument with my friend. The thing is that my friend, with whom I had recently become friends, came to visit me and brought me a newspaper with erotic content. At that time my mother came home from work. She started saying, “Why are you (at me) reading this stuff again? Can’t you read something more intellectual? You’re (said Mom, turning to me) in the philology department!” The friend, thinking that the displeasure with the newspaper my mother expressed, knowing that, this newspaper – friends, offended and left.
Then my mother started talking to me. Saying, “Why doesn’t your friend ever say hello? As long as I do not watch her, she never says hello! Now too – I (I mean, mom) came, and your friend never says hello or goodbye. This also applies to her parents. I” – said my mom – “repeatedly met her father, I said hello to him first, and he said nothing. A woman says hello to him, and he is silent. And the mom also goes to herself, “You don’t know us and we don’t know you!” And, accordingly, a friend, too, even when we are visiting, never the first to say hello, although, in general, usually the younger ones are the first to say hello to the older ones. I, of course, and can be the first to say hello, but I already have an unpleasant residue. About the paper. “It’s just, as my mother used to say,” I don’t like these publications. Everywhere the same thing. one bang-bang-bang (sorry). And then, I’m at home, what, I can’t express my opinion? And I didn’t know that this newspaper wasn’t yours.” But then, my mother did say that she felt guilty and that the problem was more about my friend (and her parents) not saying hello. Of course, the friend was offended and then told me many times that, lo and behold, “You have to read things like that, too. Your mom doesn’t get it.” Or she would start saying, “Oh, I completely forgot that you can’t read such magazines” (although my mom had nothing against regular magazines like “Cosmo”. On the contrary, she said, “At least read this magazine then. Although my mom pointed out that “my girlfriend is not the right age to take offense at me (mom). One day my friend once suggested that on occasion I talk to her mom on any topic, as long as my mom – a woman of strict rules. But the problem is that my mom, in my opinion, is more right – why read erotic magazines on and off occasion? And strange for me is the behavior of my friend’s parents – they really never say hello. Once, when I agreed to come to her friend to visit (she told me that the door would be open), I went in, I was greeted by her father. I said to him, “Hello, where is (friend’s name)? And he walked past me, completely ignoring me. Often also “behaved” and her mother.For example, I said hello to her, and her mother, without saying hello, said: “Make up with her. Otherwise she gets worried”. I am very surprised and alarmed by this. And how best to behave in such conflict situations which have arisen between the mother and her friend? And what can be connected with the fact that people do not say hello?
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Psychopaths often have a promiscuous sex life
Psychopaths also have no attachment to their gender, so it does not matter what gender a partner is, nor does it matter how many partners there are at the same time, nor how often they change. Psychopaths can enjoy the feeling of power, which is why their publications may popularize types of intercourse based on humiliation, aggression, violence or inflicting pain (fetishism, sadism, masochism and other contents of the sexual perversions and deviations section). The description of deviations is presented under the guise of “enlightenment. But in reality the aim of such propaganda is to form pathological conditioned reflexes in the sexual sphere in unsuspecting young boys and girls. In the future this will lead to difficulties with a normal (without deviations and perversions) harmonious sexual life in a couple. Many will need the qualified help of a sexologist or psychiatrist-sexopathologist. Of course it is possible to remove pathological conditioned reflexes in the sexual sphere, but it takes time, effort and money. The fact is that consultations with such specialists are very expensive, and the course of treatment is usually long.
If your colleagues do not like you, some of them will not hesitate to say so openly. Others will diplomatically and professionally hide their feelings.
Lynn Taylor, national workplace expert and author of “How to Tame the Office Tyrant, Handle the Infantile Boss and Succeed at Work,” says:
“Many people hide their contemptuous attitudes in order to avoid scandal and preserve their careers, yet they continue to discreetly ruin the lives of those they hate. Nevertheless, there are a number of signs by which you can tell that someone is not acting in your best interest.”
If you notice them early enough, you can correct the situation before it goes too far.
“Of course, it’s impossible to please everyone,” Taylor says.
Still, you should listen to your coworkers’ needs, treat them friendly, keep a positive attitude, communicate openly and trust them no matter what.
“Such people have rosier career prospects,” Taylor says. – “In addition, strong and healthy working relationships allow you to perform your duties more effectively and achieve your goals.”
Michael Kerr, world-renowned motivational speaker and author of “The Benefits of Humor,” agrees with Taylor.
“When coworkers like you, things get easier,” he says. – “You know they’re willing to have your back if you need it, do you a favor, help in a difficult situation or arrange to work together, even if you toil in different departments.”
According to Kerr, a good attitude from others builds self-confidence, increases productivity, provokes creative ideas and allows you to succeed in whatever you do.
Below we list a few non-obvious signs by which you can tell if colleagues secretly hate you. Remember that no one can read minds, and therefore is not immune to mistakes. Do not make hasty conclusions! You may simply misinterpret their body language or tone.
If your colleagues are acting badly only in relation to you, it is likely that they really do not like you.
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4. they don’t smile if you’re around
Everyone has bad days and mood swings, but if colleagues are deliberately hiding a smile in your presence, something is definitely going wrong.
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21. They don’t trust you
“If coworkers are asking you too many unnecessary questions or giving you the minimum information you’re supposed to know, they may be trying to destroy your career,” Taylor says.
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Why don’t people say hello and what to do about it?
The reasons why people may refuse to say hello are often trivial. But those who are ignored don’t know this, and therefore make false assumptions.
Such reasons include:
Visual defects – a person may simply not be able to see their acquaintance. Many people have vision problems, some wear lenses, some wear glasses, and some hide their problem altogether. Before you accuse a person of being rude, you should make sure they don’t have a visual defect.
Speech problems – some shy people tend to stutter in a period of excitement. Meeting with unfamiliar or very important person can lead to another attack, wanting to disguise it, a person refuses to say hello.
Age changes – here we can observe a whole bunch of biological problems: hearing impairment, vision problems and even memory problems. Often it is the elderly who do not say hello to their acquaintances, because they do not always recognize them or do not hear the greeting coming from them.
Why do people not say hello if they know each other well, see each other often and know for sure that there are no health problems that prevent normal communication? The most common cause is an unhealthy ego. A person stoops to rudeness only on the basis that he considers himself superior to others.
Psychologists comment ambiguously on the behavior of such persons. As a rule, it is unlikely to solve the problem by means of a friendly conversation. Such behavior indicates serious psychological problems, which can be eliminated only by working through personal complexes and internal blocks.
Why don’t colleagues say hello?
Difficulties in the work team are not uncommon. The cases when colleagues suddenly stop greeting each other indicate an unhealthy environment. Just so stop communicating with each other is unlikely to dare. There must be a good reason for this, and if the colleagues do not say hello, then it is first necessary to look for the problem in their own behavior.
The main reasons for which the relationship between colleagues at work is spoiled include:
Personal animosity – usually it is not a secret. Some people still try to pull themselves together and comply with the formal courtesy, but the relationship from this does not get better.
Arrogance – some individuals consider themselves a priori better than others. It is certainly not worth paying attention to such behavior, nor is it worth trying to teach an ungracious person to be better.
Repressed aggression – it may be a consequence of envy, resentment, anger. The team does not like sycophants, unscrupulous performers, hypocrites, slanderers. Any of these reasons can cause aggression against one of the team members.
Another trouble of teams is gossip. Anticipate their appearance, and even more difficult to defend against them. If the team crawled gossip addressed to one of the participants, it is possible that this unfortunate will soon become an outcast, and he stopped to say hello.
Why do not say hello to the ex?
Regarding men, women have created many theories on the subject of why the stronger sex avoids the usual greetings. If a guy turns away and does not say hello, it may be a sign of hidden sympathy, as well as an unwillingness to communicate. Only a young man in love who is not yet too experienced in relationships can hide his feelings and avoid direct contact. In all other cases, men are quite straightforward, and if they refuse to say hello, it most often indicates that they do not want to communicate.
Usually men avoid contact with women with whom they previously had an affair. Girls are perplexed: why the ex does not say hello? According to the fairer sex, there is nothing to be ashamed of in an innocent greeting. But here much depends on how the couple broke up. If she left by herself, spectacularly parting with her ex, then she hurt the man, and, therefore, his unwillingness to communicate further is reasonable and understandable. If the man himself offered to leave, it shows that he does not intend to continue the relationship, even with his friends. The reluctance to say hello can be explained by a simple lack of interest.
What does it mean if the ex-husband does not say hello? If there are no children left in the marriage and the couple have nothing else to do, then the reluctance of the man to communicate further is quite natural. It is possible that there is another woman in his life, which does not like the communication of the chosen one with his former spouse.
What to do if they do not say hello to you?
It is not always possible to understand why people do not say hello: psychology does not give exact answers to this question, because in each case the reasons will be different. In general, the current generation is less attached to the formal requirements of etiquette, and there is an explanation. In the modern world, full of stress and external problems, people unconsciously seek tranquility, are deeply immersed in their inner world and often do not notice what is happening under their noses.
Every day there are more of these people, so do not worry about the fact that someone suddenly did not say hello. In most cases, the reasons for this behavior is much more trivial and simple than it may seem.
But if the people closest to you refuse to say hello, then there is concern. The refusal to follow basic rules of politeness is a sign of a serious problem in the relationship.
What to do if a person does not say hello, what does it mean and how to correct the situation?
“Debriefing” will have to start with yourself. Perhaps in recent behavior there are unpleasant moments or ugly words, or maybe something else that could have caused a person to hurt. It is not uncommon for seemingly close people to stop saying hello when they are jealous of someone else’s happiness. The successes of others are much more damaging to relationships than sorrows and failures. Human envy knows no boundaries, and whether to try to establish relations with an envious person, everyone decides for himself.
What to do if no one says hello to you, what can you do to win back the favor of a loved one? If the relationship has ceased at the relational level, you will have to spend time figuring out the real reason. If the family has always had a friendly attitude, and the daily greeting was the norm, then the reluctance to say hello indicates a serious offense, which can be very damaging to family relationships.
Psychologists advise not to take the behavior of unfamiliar people who do not want to say hello too close to your heart. In most cases, this indicates basic ignorance or a desire to preserve their boundaries. In both cases, the culprit is the person who does not want to say hello.
You should not judge him or worry about his behavior. A self-confident person will not attach importance to such trifles and make a problem out of nothing.
If the colleagues at work refuse to say hello, then there are several possible ways of developing the situation:
Let the situation go – let things take their course. Spending time on re-educating strangers is not always advisable. If the observance of formalities or their absence does not affect the order and results of the work, it makes no sense to pay attention to the little things.
Teach by example – you can go in spades to the collective and defiantly greet everyone. In some cases this helps, “conscientious” members of the team quickly adopt the habit of greeting. Speak from the heart – if the lack of formality is very uncomfortable, it is acceptable to openly explain to the team the nature of the problem. Depending on the reaction of the employees, you can decide what to do next.
