Psychology of relationships in the family: explain point by point

33 rules of family happiness

33 Rules of Family Happiness. The family is the most complex of all the projects that exist in a person’s life. Because it ideally exists for a lifetime, which is many decades. Also because spouses have a responsibility to the dearest people in the world – their children and their parents, in front of whom you can not lose face. And most importantly, the family is a project where husband and wife have no bosses, only they and nobody else are responsible for everything that happens in the family. Hence, the level of self-demanding and self-criticism must also be very high. How to live a happy family life? There can be so many recommendations. Now I will give you the rules of family happiness from a family psychologist.

  1. You can never cheat your family members! Believe me: any problems in family life – because of the violation of this principle. Cheating begins when the husband or wife is told that they were delayed because of problems at work, but in fact the first time they personally communicated with someone else and then the process was irreversible. Mistrust grows from hiding excessive dependence on friends or parents, the level of one’s income or expenses. Sexual frustration grows from lying about a headache. And so on. If you want to be happy in your marriage, don’t learn to cheat! Be sincere and honest!
  2. Spouses should not have harmful addictions: drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction. From all of this should be as soon as possible to get rid of. After all, this is the other side of selfishness, and selfishness and family are fundamentally incompatible.
  3. Spouses should respect each other’s opinion, it is important for them to learn how to plan and calmly discuss any topic in their family life, from the purely domestic to the intimate. No discussion – there will be no happiness in the family.
  4. In the family is categorically inadmissible violence and insults. This is a sign of disrespect. It is impossible to live long with someone you don’t respect.
  5. Such forms of pressure on each other as “sexual strikes” (avoidance of intimacy), “silence”, demonstrative leaving after quarrels from home (for example, to your parents), threats of divorce or suicide must be excluded in the family.
  6. Decisions in the family should be made by the couple alone, without the parents or friends imposing their position. It is possible and necessary to consult with the last ones, but only before making the final family decision, and not to change the joint decision on their bidding. After all, this is offensive to the other “half”.
  7. Having created a family, from the first day should live separately from parents. If you don’t have your own place to live – rent, but live independently. Parents may live with their spouses for short periods (if necessary treatment, assistance with a child, on business trips, visiting), but only with the mutual consent of the spouses.
  8. It is important for spouses to consider the purchase of their own home as a matter of principle and priority. This is much more important than the purchase of luxury cars or luxury trips. An exception may be only in a couple where the spouses are developing a family business: there the first years all available money can go to increase turnover.
  9. Spouses should not rush to buy or build their own house, for people under the age of 40, an apartment in the city is a much better option. Since the wife will not have a sense of abandonment with the child when the husband is at work in the city, because the child needs the social infrastructure, for the mother – communication, for the husband – reducing the time to get from work to home.
  10. The purchase of real estate in the family (land, apartments, houses, etc.) should take place with registration only in the name of the husband and wife. Making major purchases in the name of someone else’s relatives is a direct path to resentment and divorce. If the financial level of the spouses before marriage was very different – agree before marriage on the terms of the prenuptial agreement.
  11. Spouses should show marked and equal respect for each other’s parents and close relatives (if they have no vicious addictions and are not aggressive), to communicate with them in a positive way, allow them to communicate with their grandchildren
  12. Friends of the family should remain only those people from the spouses’ past social circle, who are respectful of the choice of family “half” of the man and woman, is not a threat to family well-being. The other friends should be weeded out because, as we know, “the lousy sheep spoils the flock.”
  13. It is right for spouses to pay as much attention to each other as possible: write and call each other during the day, praise each other. To create the technical conditions for this, to make communication interesting and varied, if possible, free time the family should not spend at home, and away – on trips, walks, shopping malls, gyms, visits, etc. Family should not be associated with boredom, and leisure time in a couple should be first and foremost – together.
  14. No matter how meager the family budget, the spouses should find an opportunity for an annual vacation, which should only be joint.
  15. No matter how much the couple does not love their children (child), they should regularly, or at least periodically find opportunities to spend leisure time or even vacation without the children. Because this is a great way to strengthen the relationship between husband and wife, as a man and a woman.
  16. Intimate life in the family first of all should suit the spouse who is more sexually active. The more passive spouse should look up to the more active spouse, not the other way around. Family where one of the spouses avoids family intimacy and from making it a variety – is unpromising and will move toward adultery and divorce.
  17. Spouses should not give reasons to be jealous of their “halves”. Any personal and intimate communication between spouses with persons of the opposite sex must be excluded (including through social networks), as it always creates the conditions for cheating. But the family is also no place and pathological jealousy. Information about premarital intimate relationships should not be used as a reproach to the partner.
  18. Household, domestic, bureaucratic problems of the family should be overcome only together, and each family member should have its own “zone of responsibility” for a particular front of work at home.
  19. It is important for spouses to agree on transparency in their financial lives, so that husband and wife are always aware of each other’s current level of income and expenses.
  20. Spending on the appearance of the spouses, should be roughly comparable with each other. How much you spend a month on your wife, about the same amount you spend on your husband. And vice versa. Otherwise, the “gray neck” will be hurt, and on the flourishing “half” will be too much attention from the outside, which is difficult to resist.
  21. Abortion is ruled out in the family (except for medical reasons or as a result of rape). Children, even unborn ones, must not suffer because of adults who do not know how to protect themselves. In marriage, all children are wanted, even if they are not planned. Enough health to have sex, enough to feed children.
  22. Difficulties with conceiving or carrying a child (miscarriages, frozen pregnancies, the birth of a premature child or a child in need of further medical attention) should not lead to mutual complaints, but only to the spouses becoming united in overcoming problems. All of the available modern medical reproductive technologies should be used for the birth of a child together.
  23. Couple health problems should be treated together, and no one should abandon his or her partner when she has a difficult time. But husbands and wives should also take care of their own health and not cause any problems for themselves or their loved ones through their wrong behavior, diet or lifestyle.
  24. Whenever possible, husband and wife should eat breakfast and dinner together, at the same table, communicating. Eating apart and in front of the television leads to a chill in the couple, because technical conditions for discussing topics meaningful to the couple are lost.
  25. Idleness in the family is unacceptable. The spouse, who has lost his job must make every effort to ensure that as soon as possible to start earning money again, and in a legal way. The second “half” in this actively helps, looking for options.
  26. If the family works and the husband and wife, it is desirable that their work schedules are approximately the same. If they seriously differ, it is important to make efforts to combine them, up to changing jobs.
  27. If one of the spouses has created a successful business, it is desirable that the other “half” find its place in the business. And to the one who was the initiator of the business – be sure to invite “half” to work. Otherwise, the big money will destroy the family. If both spouses have a business, they should have the right to information about each other’s business and to discuss current affairs. Otherwise, parallel business development without common topics will lead to the fact that the family becomes a formality, and this can end in divorce.
  28. It is important for spouses to have a common position on the upbringing of children. In addition, they should warmly accept the children of their “halves” from past marriages or relationships and not interfere with their financial support and communication with them.
  29. Spouses should always sleep together, not apart, except for the first months (a year at most) after the birth of a child. The wife or husband should not sleep together with the child after the age of three, as it destroys the intimate relationship between the spouses. If the child has difficulty falling asleep, it is possible to be with him/her when falling asleep, followed by joining him/her in bed with his/her “half”.
  30. You should put the children to bed an hour or two earlier than the spouses go to bed, because this is the time when the children sleep – the most important time for personal communication and intimacy between the spouses.
  31. It is desirable for spouses to have a plan of perspective family events, goals and objectives for many months and years ahead: where we will go, what we will save for, what we will buy, what we will achieve, etc. It is important to remember that goals bring together, and results separate.
  32. Development is a priority goal for spouses and families. Therefore, it is desirable for spouses to continue their marital education (which has practical benefits), to strive to pursue careers and increase their income. If it is advisable to change locations, regions, or even countries of residence for the development of the family and children, this can and should be done. But the move should either be made simultaneously by both spouses, or they should live apart for a very short time, seeking to reunite the family as soon as possible.
  33. Since there are no sinless people, spouses can and should forgive each other’s mistakes. But only if the one who made the mistake admits it, has the courage to repent, apologizes, quickly corrects it, and commits himself not to do similar things in the future. If all these conditions are met, the one who has forgiven must not reproach, shame or humiliate his partner by reminding him of his mistake in the future. And even less should not respond with one’s own mistake to the mistake of “one’s half.

I assert, as a practitioner of family psychology. Implementation of even these simple recommendations exactly help you find happiness in your family!

If you can not cope with any of the items from the recommendations described, and your couple will be in crisis, I will be happy to give advice from a family psychologist in a personal or online consultation (Skype, Vyber, Watsapu or phone).

Tips psychologist to build family relationships and life in the family.

By education I am a school psychologist. I have more than 7 years of experience in copywriting. For me copywriting is an art.

Expert – Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.

Any couple sooner or later realizes that in order to build an ideal family, they just do not have enough knowledge. They lack experience in dealing with difficult family situations, they do not know what to do in order to keep their family and strengthen the marriage. To help inexperienced people comes the psychology of family relationships, which opens their eyes to the sometimes obvious solutions to certain problems.

A family is not just a social organization. This union is a complex relationship in which you need to make the right and balanced decisions so that life together will not bring problems, but happiness, prosperity and joy.

The Beginning of a Relationship

Most often there are two versions of the beginning of a relationship – prolonged and impetuous. Each of them has certain characteristics and lays different foundations for future relationships. In this case, each of these types of initial stages of the relationship has its own difficulties and consequences. And everyone who wants to build a great and strong relationship with their partner needs to know about them.

The first type of relationship start is a protracted one. Many people are familiar with it either from their own experience, or from the experience of someone they know or close to them. This period is characterized by the fact that feelings and attraction to a person take a long time to form. This can happen with people you know as well as strangers. A person in love can take weeks, months, or even years to nurture their love for someone.

And the longer he does it, the more it can affect his life. Often such people can keep their feelings secret for one reason or another. Because of the inability to confess, because of fear of repercussions, or for other reasons, they will be in a constant state of stress and depression. Needless to say, how detrimental to physical and mental health such a prolonged state.

Psychologists unequivocally recommend people who have feelings for another person for a long time to get rid of this burden as soon as possible. It is necessary to admit it to him, get one or the other answer, survive the consequences and move on. Either together as a family or separately, but with a sense of freedom.

It is worth learning to own your feelings and pay attention to the reaction of the object of love. You can usually tell quite easily from it whether he is really interested in a relationship with the person in love with him. This is especially noticeable in the long term.

For example, if a man is courting the girl, gives her gifts, gives her signs of attention, she accepts them, but does not let him come closer for a long time – then she is likely to use the benefits or to stroke her ego.

You need to set the record straight as soon as possible and get certainty about the situation, even if you have to pressure the person. This is better than spending months or years in a state of uncertainty. Such a step can be painful, but it will still be the right decision to improve your life, which will be very important for a confident and valued person.

The second type of beginning of a relationship is impetuous. Love at first sight, strong attraction to a stranger… People are familiar with these phenomena as well. This period can be characterized by a strong love and sexual attraction to the person who feels the same in return.

Often these feelings are the reason for starting a relationship or even starting a family, but they soon pass and people are faced with a choice, if it was only a short but very strong crush. They have to choose whether to live with a person for whom they have no feelings, or to leave them and move on with their lives.

Many relationships that started so quickly also end so quickly. Psychologists usually advise not to rush if a person has strong feelings (almost reaching fanaticism) for his beloved. It is important to wait for this stage and not to do things that people will regret in the future.

And there will be many things to regret – in this state, lovers may abandon their friends and relatives, abandon all their aspirations and goals, or, even more often, spend a lot of money on a wedding that will soon be dissolved.

If after the crush is gone, there are no feelings, then it is better to just break up and admit that it was just a crush. But if the crush leaves behind a real, strong and clearly long-lasting love, then people are certainly very lucky.

But even if they live with that feeling in a relationship for several years, sooner or later someone may come to think that they “haven’t had enough of it yet. No relationship is immune to this, no matter how strong it may seem from the outside.

Family Life

One way or another, people come to the point where they start a family and want to support and develop it. In addition to all the pleasures of living together, spouses face stresses and problems of various kinds: personal, intimate, financial or educational.

And in the ability to solve them together and together lies the secret of family happiness. Many psychologists believe that working through difficulties strengthens the relationship of spouses, and their successes can motivate them to reach new goals.

What are the problems spouses face at all stages of the relationship? First of all it is the distribution of social roles. The psychology of family relationships is the ability to find a compromise and adequately assess the situation.

Many people, especially in Russia, are strictly convinced that the man should be the breadwinner and the woman the hostess. They have lived in families with this arrangement, they have been taught this from childhood and, moreover, they want to do it themselves.

But what if the man has some difficulties with getting a job, but he can cook and clean the house in half an hour and the woman has just got an excellent job and her salary is enough to support the whole family without any extra help?

Does a man really need to give up all his skills and desires and try to find a job to “be a man,” while a woman needs to give up a lucrative job and “cook borscht”? The answer is obvious – everyone should do exactly what he wants, and what will bring the greatest benefit to the whole family.

Next, spouses may encounter problems of mutual understanding. It happens that some of the views of the husband or wife may open only after some time together. This situation can be seen as an example: the woman wants children very much, but is silent about it, and the man on the contrary – does not want children and openly talks about it.

The husband may consider the woman’s silence to be silent agreement with his opinion that they will only be happier without a child. And the woman will accumulate resentment for years, which will lead to unfortunate consequences for the family.

There must be a very high level of trust between the spouses. Any, even the most personal and intimate, problem must be able to discuss with your partner. Discuss and be able to find a compromise that suits both people to some degree. Because of the various little things that could have accumulated over the years, families are destroyed.

And, of course, to prevent this it is better to get acquainted with all the views and opinions of the partner at the stage of acquaintance, which may not coincide with your own. Of course, people and their views change over the years, but it will be a small insurance policy, which you can rely on in the first years of life together.

There is no getting away from problems of an intimate nature. The most common sign that something is wrong in the family is the infidelity of one or both partners. In most cases, both men and women “go out” because they are dissatisfied with something in sex with their spouse.

Maybe there is some fetish or fantasy that they are afraid to admit to each other. After all, condemnation and misunderstanding from the closest person can follow. Or one of the partners over the years of the relationship has simply ceased to consider their spouse sexually attractive.

It is not uncommon for men and women to give up on self-care once they start living together. Men simply begin to live the way they did before in their own home. If they were slovenly from the beginning, they will stay that way. And women who stop taking care of themselves, more often than not, consider their beautiful appearance as a tool that has already fulfilled its role – attracted a spouse.

Because of this husband and wife stop enjoying sex with each other, because they felt attracted only to those versions of their partners who were beautiful and sexy.

In order to avoid cheating, one must first of all respect and appreciate oneself. A worthy partner who loves sex with his spouse and does everything to give pleasure to both, and to leave for a lover or mistress will not be necessary. And someone who respects and appreciates himself will never abandon his appearance, and will always please his life partner with a variety of sex options.

Parenthood

People write dozens of books and articles about parenting. But still most parents continue to rely on their own experience, considering it the only correct one. This can lead to conflicts between spouses, because one of them may have grown up in a family for which the traditions and upbringing of his partner’s family is considered unthinkable.

For example, someone grew up in austerity, but his partner suggests giving the child almost complete freedom and not punishing him for his misdeeds. In such a case, someone will disagree, and this conflict is bound to affect the child.

The most important thing that is important in parenting is the ability to soberly assess the situation. You should not blindly rely on the upbringing that the spouses gave their own parents. Neither should one do the opposite of the way one was raised by one’s parents. In everything it is necessary to find the golden mean, to take certain techniques that will allow raising a decent person.

Also important is the ability not to remain in the past. If soberly and adequately assess the fact that now the reality is significantly different from the one in which parents themselves were children, it will be much easier to raise a child.

A simple example – many parents who grew up without computers and gadgets, consider them an obstacle in the development of the child. They strongly forbid their son or daughter to sit in the phone, or play computer, just because they did not have it in their childhood, and they think they can do without it.

But the reality is that over the years, gadgets and computers will become more and more entrenched in people’s lives. A child will live in this world, and there is no need to prevent him or her from mastering these technologies. Of course, they teach it at school, but it is not always possible to apply this knowledge in practice.

You should not rush into extremes and forbid something uncontrollably or give complete freedom of action. You need to find a happy medium, so that the child could develop in all the directions in which he is interested.

Some parents are quite difficult to establish full contact with the child because they are constantly busy. If the father is a “breadwinner,” he may be away at work from morning till night, and when he returned home, he just collapses from fatigue and dreams only of a pillow.

And the child will see him only this way. How to be in such a situation? Some psychologists say unpleasant truth – you should not have a child, if the provision of such a family will be exhausting and detrimental to the health of the parents.

In any case, it is necessary to find time to pay attention to the child. If the father is too busy at work, he should definitely devote all his time to his children on weekends. If his workload during the day is not so great, it is possible to find time to talk with the child in the evening, read him a book.

The best option would be to become a friend for your son or daughter, and technology will allow parents and children to communicate even at a distance. It will be really unusual and interesting for the child to communicate with his father or mother through social networks or messengers almost as equals. It’s very bonding for the family when you can’t spend much time together.

And how to keep love and happiness in the family for the rest of your life, you will learn in our next article further down the link.

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