The psychology of guilt: the eternal frustration of not conforming to high ideals
How to deal with the annoyance of not being of high quality, not of the highest grade? Where to find the strength, the impulse, the energy to effectively work through the guilt and breathe in, finally, this life, wiping off the wording “not…” from your forehead?
Hugs, all those who, as children, “gave hope,” who disappointed, failed, and failed. Even though they really wanted to. But, for various reasons, it didn’t work out. The psychology of guilt is an issue that has long deprived me of peace.
I feel like a traitor, anger at myself mixed with shame and a feeling of inadequacy, unworthiness. As if I were a defective product in the discount department, covered with the dust of regret in the farthest and darkest corner of the showcase of life, to which no one ever approaches.
How do I fight the annoyance of not being of high quality, not of the highest grade? Where to find the strength, the momentum, the energy to effectively work through the guilt and breathe this life in at last, wiping the phrase “not…” off my forehead.
That’s not how I walk, that’s not how I breathe, that’s not how I live. I am a subhuman in an ocean of superpossibilities, and I hide the look that eloquently narrates the pain I feel under the pressure of wanting to be recognized and the inability to achieve it.
I want to understand why feelings of guilt arise, why I am the one experiencing these emotions, and how to get rid of them, how to make things right.
How to understand feelings of guilt
It’s hard to imagine a person who could benefit from constant feelings of guilt. When the psyche stays in negative, uncomfortable and burdensome states for a long time, psychosomatic symptoms begin to manifest themselves at the physical level. This is a living reflection of the popular belief that “all diseases come from nerves”. Therefore, getting rid of guilt is sometimes vital.
To do this, it is important to understand what is the psychology of guilt, that is, to delve into the depths of the unconscious. It is possible to do this with the help of System-Vector Psychology Yuri Burlan.
It turns out that life without guilt exists, and learning why guilt arises is possible when you discover the concept of the anal vector.
The psychology of guilt: who is susceptible to this feeling
Learning, love and the ability to learn – all of these are innate properties of the owner of the anal vector. For this they are given assiduity, obedience, diligence, neatness. For good progress in learning – an excellent memory. Better than most, to remember large amounts of information.
It is natural that the whole volume of the psyche of a person with anal vector is turned back, into the past. Knowledge, books, history – it’s an aspiration to adopt experience of the previous generations and learn it well, in order to pass it to the next generation.
Potentially the possessors of anal vector are the best teachers, masters of their craft, professionals, because only the one, who has succeeded in learning, can teach. The psyche of such people is somewhat rigid, it takes them a long time to get used to a new thing, to changes, but the information or skill, fixed in memory, remains forever.
Possessors of anal vector are homebodies, something new always causes a strong stress. Therefore, they aspire not to break the habitual boundaries of habitat.
The highest value for people with an anal vector is a family, children, comfort, traditions. These are people striving to repeat the experience of their fathers and grandfathers, to live according to the old ways and customs, in advance elevating them to the value, because this is what is from the past, tested and mastered for centuries, and therefore – good.
What guilt means in psychology
For a person with an anal vector, it is of great importance that everything is equal, in the broadest sense. If he looks for the guilty one, then both of them are to blame. If he chooses a winner, friendship wins. If they gave a gift, now he should make an equal reciprocal gift. So that everything was equal, so as not to offend anyone.
If he did something good, useful, then expects to appreciate, praise, recognize the authority. And there is no need for any rewards, give honor and respect – this, as the system-vector psychology of Yuri Buran shows, is the key to his psyche.
Insultingness, by the way, is also peculiar to the anal vector and appears at the moment when a person feels that he gave more than he got back in return. He perceives this as an injustice, “because it is not equal. This is a very difficult, paralyzing state of mind, and how to overcome it is a separate topic.
But in fact, feelings of resentment and guilt often go hand in hand and have similar causes, just a different focus. So, from the point of view of system-vector psychology, if resentment is when I position myself as a victim of circumstances and unfair treatment by others, then guilt is when I have not given to someone how much I should have, how much was expected of me. Or was wronged at all toward another.
Guilt Without Guilt – The Psychology of Guilt Occurrence
Each person who has an anal vector can trace different stages of guilt formation, and the basis for its emergence is not always, but often, laid in childhood.
For example, when a child with an anal vector has a mother who is a possessor of a cutaneous vector. The very speed, accuracy, flexibility, not used to think and wait for a long time. And for a child with anal vector a mother is a holy thing, his whole world. And if mom says something like, “Again, because you’re digging, I’m going to be late for work”? You can say with a guarantee that mom’s manipulation will inevitably instill in the child that he is to blame, and plant a feeling of guilt in his soul.
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan proves that the most destructive consequences of guilt are when it is connected with the values of the anal vector, when the feeling of guilt is associated with a family member, a close relative, those with whom the blood ties are connected.
And if there is a feeling of “I cannot give to the one who gave to me, I cannot equalize, make equal, restore justice,” it causes the strongest discomfort, bringing great suffering. It is an intolerable inner discord. One blames oneself. This distortion must be corrected at all costs.
Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you are guilty.
If you were hit, fight back. If you were offended and the offender doesn’t think to apologize, the only way to level the state is to take revenge. This is how a person with an anal vector feels. And what if he himself is the “offender”? The possessor of an anal vector in this case will eat himself. In every sense of the word.
“I blame myself, putting myself in the position of a guilty person, an offender in relation to someone who is infinitely dear to me. How do you cope and even out this imbalance? Punish the abuser. Often “punish” for a person with an anal vector equals “destroy.
This self-eating and full justification of the merit of this process, having originated inside the psyche and fitting into the picture of the world, over time can be transferred to the body. In this plane we can look for the causes of some autoimmune diseases that have a psychosomatic nature. The cause of severe experiences and psychosomatic consequences is in inadequate realization of properties of our psyche.
To implement means, according to the definition of system-vector psychology, to use for the benefit of other people. Not to look back, living in the past and scrolling through the past hundreds of times in your head, but to use all your potential for the sake of other people, for the good of society. Use your memory for its intended purpose – to learn and learn, not to chew over what you should have done and didn’t do.
How to get rid of guilt
If resentment is completely destructive to the psyche, guilt can also act as a motivator for positive action. Some people manage not just to blame themselves, but to mobilize and transform their feelings and strength to do something for others. In this way, the annoyance of guilt is compensated by the positive emotions of satisfaction at having managed to even out the imbalance, to give back.
From this perspective, guilt can be seen as something positive.
In order to understand how to work with your states, to deeply analyze your personal history, to get to the bottom of it and be able to cast off forever the shackles of guilt and feel the ease of being yourself, there is systems-vector psychology.
Many people, thanks to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, managed to say “stop” manipulating feelings of resentment and guilt, and they openly tell me about it:
“The very first thing that fell from my heart while I was still in training was my resentment toward my mother, which prevented me from fully enjoying every moment of our communication. This was weighing heavily on me, while at the same time causing guilt for not being able to forget the experiences from my childhood. Now there is none of that! There is a pleasant feeling of joy and understanding.”
“Now I can (finally!) stand up for myself in front of my mom, and the guilt about it has started to go away. I’m starting to live my life rather than live out her dreams. Also, I have accepted her for who she is, we have begun to have better communication. I felt her LOVE for me.
Freeing yourself from feelings of guilt is possible
The psychology of guilt is analyzed in detail by system-vector psychology into components in cause-and-effect relationships in an understandable form.
Being aware of the causes of the negative state of the psyche, what prevents one from living, a person transfers this phenomenon from the unconscious to the part of consciousness, which is able to control. Awareness brings to light, as it were, the spots within the black space of our soul.
When you have the whole chain of cause and effect in your awareness, it is reflected in a significant improvement in both mental health and physical health.
If you want to learn more and free yourself from feelings of guilt and resentment, come to the free online training on system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan.
Sense of guilt
Guilt, is a negative state in which an individual feels responsible for problems or troubles, his own, and not infrequently those of others. It is necessary to separate such concepts as “being guilty” (i.e. really committing a transgression) and “experiencing guilt”, because in the first case the oppressive torments of conscience stop after leveling the situation (apologizing, correcting a mistake) – this process has a constructive function, while in the second case the “guilty” deals with a deep, destructive state, which often is not even justified.
Simply put, the person assigns to himself the responsibility that is not directly related to him. Such essentially non-existent guilt cannot be atoned for, and even if the person tries to do something about it, it will not be decisive; the process of self-blame will be cyclical, excruciating, and acute on and off.
A deep, aching feeling that forces you to trample on one place and does not give you a sense of inner freedom, and often deprives you of sleep, appetite, and a taste for life in general. This is how guilt can be described, and from the description you can hardly call it a positive feeling.
How to cope with feelings of guilt
Self-correct with a pathological feeling of guilt is very difficult, but this feeling of guilt begins to be accompanied by depression and obsessive thoughts, and other diseases may arise. Such a state of guilt already requires not just medication therapy, but a comprehensive rehabilitation treatment. That is why it is so important not to put off the problem for too long, contact a good psychiatrist to diagnose the state of higher nervous activity. How to get rid of feelings of guilt correctly and without damage to the body can only be advised by the result of a full differential diagnosis. In the initial stages of the disorder, correctly constructed psychotherapy is often enough and a good doctor psychotherapist can help get rid of this distorted style of thinking. But in more severe and neglected cases, active neurometabolic therapy will be needed. Without a comprehensive approach to the problem, in these situations, can not do.
Specialists at Transfiguration Clinic have been successfully helping people to get rid of feelings of guilt for over 30 years. We help even in the most difficult situations, when the previous treatment was ineffective or did not help.
Where does guilt come from?
If we talk about the pathological manifestation of guilt, it is naturally associated with a violation of metabolic processes of the brain and requires a biological correction. However, you can not ignore the psychological factors that are of no small importance in the process of activation and support of biological disorders of the brain.
All the skills a person acquires in the course of life originate in childhood, and attitudes related to the feeling of constant guilt are not an exception.
Having committed a transgression, a child may not be fully aware of his/her guilt or wrongdoing because it is told to him/her from outside (“you have upset mommy and must apologize”, “we were late because of you”, etc.).
The child finds himself/herself in a situation where he/she has to make amends which he/she does not feel. But since as the child grows up such episodes are repeated more than once, a reflex feeling of involvement in the problems of relatives is formed, the feeling of own guilt in this, even if it is not so.
At the same time, feelings of guilt can be very insidious and can go so deep that it is difficult to identify them, but in the meantime, as if by chance, they begin to reach into all areas of life. And if you try to find the root of the problems yourself and begin to untangle the tangle of all the situations that could be the cause of this load in the soul – you can confuse yourself even more and go deeper into the problem.
What are the dangers of guilt?
First of all, if you don’t start treating the illness correctly, it will continue to develop. This brings with it the corresponding symptomatology, which significantly reduces the quality of a person’s life. Social activity and performance are lost.
There is a risk of turning into one’s own executioner – blaming oneself without reason, falling into despondency, and eating oneself up with thoughts of how the situation could have been corrected. Such people find it difficult to accept the fact that not everything in the world depends on themselves-not circumstances, not other people’s choices, not the well-being of others-that not all situations can be controlled.
If a person internally resists the guilt that is ingrained in him or her, this leads to bitterness and aggression (“it’s his own fault,” “she provoked it”) – but all this will be nothing more than an attempt to loosen the noose that remains anyway. And even sudden outbursts of emotion will not bring satisfaction, but will only bury you deeper into the abyss of heavy thoughts.
Such people are easy to manipulate in interpersonal and business relations, achieving their goals by dancing around this feeling (“if you leave, you’ll break my heart”, “if you don’t do this, I’ll be unhappy”). However, the surrounding people do not have to make much effort to manipulate, the “guilty” themselves easily generate such reasoning in their head, because on a deep subconscious level they consider themselves not worthy of their personal happiness, they are “guilty” and “should try to fix everything” or “pay for what they have done”.
Is it possible to get rid of feelings of guilt?
Fortunately, such feelings can and should be dealt with. And it is best not to try to do it yourself, so as not to allow even more traumatization. Your doctor can help you find the turning points that led to the guilt in your specific case and help you find a way to get rid of this oppressive state.
By restoring your metabolic processes and getting rid of negative attitudes you will finally be able to feel freedom inside, which promotes the establishment of harmonious connections, building good happy relationships, and a wonderful inner state.
Yes, guilt is destructive, it literally puts fetters on a person. But of any fetters can be removed, maybe it’s time to get rid of and you? Sign up for a consultation at Transfiguration Clinic at +7(495) 135-01-09.
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