Problems in relationships: considering together

The top 12 relationship problems most couples face

Romantic relationships certainly do more good than harm. But you have to understand that all those fairy tales about “happily ever after” and perfect marriages shown in movies are nothing more than a fiction. In the relationship of any couple, even the most suitable for each other, there are quarrels, and that is normal, because nothing is perfect.

According to Rosstat statistics for 2019, the divorce rate relative to registered marriages was 65%. And many of them simply could not solve one of several problems, considering them the point of no return, beyond which the meaning of conflict resolution is already lost.

But what specific problems do couples face? In September 2020, the journal Evolutionary Psychology published a rather large-scale study in which Greek scientists identified 78 problematic relationships based on forty-minute surveys of 123 people over the age of 18. By extending the study to 1,099 participants, they were able to select the 12 most common relationship problems that cause discord. Here are those problems, as well as ways to solve them.

1. Fading enthusiasm.

This, according to the researchers, is one of the biggest problems in relationships. Many couples tire of a long relationship, they just get bored. But why does this happen and why don’t we find relationships boring in the beginning stages?

It’s simple: passion. When passion is bubbling at the beginning of a relationship, people don’t notice their partners’ shortcomings, their inconsistency with expectations. But when the passion and romance fade, there remains the same everyday life.

This problem is especially typical for people who are immersed in a routine. Their life has turned into Groundhog Day, and even the most interesting activity, which is repeated from time to time without variety, can plunge a person into despondency.

What to do in this case? Try to diversify the relationship, constantly trying something new. And it’s not just sex positions or romantic dinners in unusual places, but also joint hobbies that will help you get to know each other better and find common ground.

2. Careerism

Many people in this study said that the longer a partner or spouse was away from home, the more time he or she spent at work, the more strained the relationship became. This was especially true for couples where one partner put his or her career first and was less likely to maintain a romantic relationship.

There are two ways out of this. The first is to work together with your partner, but then this can lead to disagreements of a different nature, especially if one partner is in a subordinate position. The second is to simply talk to your partner and either come to a compromise where he will spend more time with his family or negotiate his transition to another job.

3. Embarrassment and oppression

Many people in relationships put their own interests above those of their partner. In addition, they try to mold their partner into a peculiar ideal, without regard to whether he or she wants it or not. People who feel embarrassed or oppressed by their relationship and are constantly in tension because of justified or unjustified nagging from their other half, withdraw into themselves or become aggressive toward the person from whom the remarks come.

The way out of this is simple: you need to get used to the idea that you are not the main cog in your family, dictating all the rules and regulations. You will not be able to mold your partner’s ideal, as if he was made of plasticine. In addition, do not forget that you are not perfect yourself. Your partner sees that, but he also puts up with it, and that makes him more mature.

4. lack of effort

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating for a week or a few years, you always have to make an effort. And when the enthusiasm runs out, many partners literally give up. This is especially common after marriage, when both partners realize that they have done their ritual dance, and now there is no point in trying to win the person’s attention. And this leads to indifference and the gradual fading of romantic feelings, up to a reversal in the opposite direction, that is, to the emergence of dislike.

To prevent this from happening, you have to keep trying and constantly work on the relationship. Imagine that romantic feelings are something like a fire in which you need to periodically toss some wood so that it does not go out and burn steadily. So both you and your partner should work on the relationship together, taking into account each other’s needs and not neglecting each other in any way.

5. Betrayal

Basically in the study, the subjects named the two most prominent forms of betrayal: marital infidelity and violence. We do not need to explain why this is bad. Let’s just say that in both cases, you just one action completely destroy the trust that was built to you for years, and not just roll back the relationship to the beginning, and create a situation where there is no way back.

There’s only one piece of advice here: don’t do this. If you’re attracted to other people sexually, it’s likely that your enthusiasm has waned or you’re not satisfied with something in bed. In that case, go back to the previous points. As for violence, it is unacceptable in any form.

6. Character problems.

People who consider themselves selfish or not like everyone else find it quite difficult to maintain long-term romantic relationships due to the fact that they knowingly consider the thoughts and desires of their partners to be less important and sometimes ignore them.

According to the results of the study, this point was named as one of the most frequent problems exactly by women. Most likely, this is due to domestic sexism and a certain attitude of many men toward their women.

So that it does not cause problems in the relationship, just remember that your woman is an equal member of the family, exactly the same person as you are, and therefore, in a long-term relationship, seek harmony and soften his contradictory character.

7. Attachment

This is the exact opposite of the previous point. And we are not talking about natural affection, but excessive affection, where people become dependent on their partners and place their needs above their own. This leads to difficulties with maintaining romantic relationships, because a person who is strongly attached can only give and asks for little or nothing in return, which leads to a waning of enthusiasm.

Also, excessive attachment can develop into a desire to constantly control one’s partner, envy of him or her, and excessive expectations. The way out of this is to realize that your desires are just as important as your partner’s desires. As for obsession, you can figuratively try it on yourself and try to imagine your partner acting as you do, and how uncomfortable that would be for you.

8. Bad sex.

Well here it’s simple: bad sex is a bad relationship. And no matter how much you argue that sex isn’t important in a relationship, you’d be wrong. Sex is very important, and when it ceases to satisfy one or both partners, it leads to serious discord.

Like many other problems in a relationship, this one is solved quite simply by variety. Introducing foreplay, toys, role-playing games, thrills in the form of sex in certain places and the like into sexual relationships. And, of course, work on ourselves, because the criteria of sexuality are instilled in us by mass culture literally from birth, and you already subconsciously know what turns you on and what does not.

9. Problems with relatives

Many problems arise because relatives or friends interfere in partners’ relationships, which leads to their deterioration. Do not underestimate this problem, because constant recriminations from the mother-in-law or mother-in-law can drive even the calmest person.

The simplest solution to the problem: The partner whose relatives or friends interfere in the relationship should draw a kind of line for these people, which they have no right to cross. Yes, it may cause discord with these people, but it will save the marriage. Naturally, this should be explained as gently as possible.

10. Children .

Some couples with children say that children take too much of their energy and nerves, and because of that the once harmonious relationship becomes a total chaos. Partners become increasingly frustrated with each other, also because of contradictions related to the approach to parenting. Any attempts at parenting outside the paradigm of one of the partners lead to frustration or aggression, which kills the romantic feelings for each other at the root.

The solution is to discuss the problem of parenting and come to a compromise. What’s important is to stay together at least occasionally and have romantic evenings or trips without children. First, the partners will be able to devote more time to each other, and second, this will make parenting less of a chore, because then the parents will really miss their offspring.

11. Polygamy

Some people are polygamous by nature. They have a hard time maintaining a relationship with one partner, even if they realize that he is the one and that their nature can play a cruel joke on them.

What do you do if you’re polygamous and you’re drawn to try new things? You have to stop thinking that you’re, conventionally speaking, missing your chance, and compare your current relationship with your previous ones or figure out the prospect of the next ones.

If you are in a long-term relationship, you need to let go of your instincts and work on your humanity. If there are already problems in the relationship and your partner knows about your polygamy, but you want to get out of the way, it’s worth seeing a marriage counselor.

12. Addictions

This is probably one of the most common causes of relationship problems. A partner’s addiction to gambling, alcohol, a certain kind of sensation (like dangerous extremes) all bring discord to the relationship.

Alas, there is no simple solution, as people who are addicted to certain activities literally bury themselves and create more and more problems for themselves. If there were a simple solution to this problem, there would not be all these attempts by doctors to treat addictions, clinics and rehabilitation techniques. We can only advise you to recognize the fact that you have a certain addiction and start fighting it. If not for yourself, then for your partner.

How to deal with relationship problems without breaking up

We all know that to create a healthy relationship and true love, it takes a commitment from both partners. And when things don’t work out and there are difficulties with your partner, then you need to understand how to solve problems in a relationship. Love needs to be nurtured and sustained regularly, thereby reawakening it in difficult times. Many people believe in the idea of a soul mate, though. When you find someone with whom your love will be easy and the relationship will be happy and carefree. But, in fact, problems can arise in seemingly perfect relationships. So no matter what stage you’re at, it’s important to understand how to find solutions to these problems without breaking up with the person you love.

How you solve problems in the relationship shapes your love story. When you and your partner face deep conflict, you need to answer a few questions. Are you really trying to fix something? What exactly are you doing to resolve the issues that have arisen? Are your methods working? Perhaps you need to find other ways to solve problems? Let’s look at a few ways you can do this.

Practical tips for dealing with relationship problems

1. talk openly with each other.

One of the first tools you can use to avoid a breakup are your words. Open communication is the most useful tool for dealing with relationship problems. You should talk respectfully and frankly with your partner, and listen carefully to his or her point of view. Sincere conversation will show you ways to solve problems. So do not be shy to talk about everything that worries you and what you are dissatisfied with. At the end of the conversation try to find a compromise, and in no case translate your communication into conflict.

Talk better about why you decided to be together. What attracted you to each other at the beginning of the relationship. Think back to the first meetings, and the time when you first met, and how good you were then. Don’t you want to return those warm and happy feelings?

Get rid of the routine in your relationship.

One of the key factors that negatively affects relationships is routine. Men and women stop making an effort to diversify their relationships in any way and don’t bring in new ideas. They live each day as usual and do not change anything in their lives. The man may watch television or sit at the computer every night after work. The wife, on the other hand, can chat on the phone with her girlfriends or go to the gym.

Even if the couple does not realize it, doing these routines will have negative consequences in the long run. They limit their own possibilities and do not contribute to the development of the relationship. Because of this, resentments, quarrels, and conflicts arise. They take each other for granted. So before you yell, “I’m sick of this, I’m leaving you! “. Try making changes in your life, and start doing new things together. Start doing short weekend trips to places you’ve never been before. Visit a cafe or restaurant you haven’t been to before. Take a few ballroom dancing lessons together. In doing so, add some freshness to the relationship. The point is to see your partner in a new light. In this case, you will not think about how to solve problems in the relationship. You will realize that there are many interesting things around you that can diversify your life.

3. Listen to your partner.

You can’t figure out how to solve relationship problems if you don’t listen to your partner. After all, it is actually unpleasant to feel that your partner is not paying attention to you. It shows disrespect and does not give you the opportunity to speak out. So when he says something, show that you are really listening to him, using the technique of active listening. When he has finished speaking, rephrase what he said in your own words. If you don’t agree with something, don’t hide it, and state your opinion. This will help prevent possible misunderstandings and misunderstandings in the future. It will also show your partner that you respect him and that everything he says really matters to you.

4. Do not show contempt for your partner.

Of all the negative things you can do or say during a conflict, the worst can only be contempt. It quite often leads to serious relationship problems. Contemptuous remarks that demean your partner also belong to this. This can include sarcasm, name-calling, or non-verbal behavior. Such as eye rolling or smirking. These behaviors are extremely disrespectful and imply that you are disgusted with your partner.

5. Don’t give in to negativity.

It can be difficult not to react to a person’s bad behavior. But a condescending attitude will only make things worse, and will not help solve problems in the relationship. After all, when couples show negativity toward each other, exchange insults and contemptuous remarks, they only escalate the conflict. You need to be understanding of your partner and try to be more humble in your relationship with him. If you regularly point out his shortcomings, at some point he will not endure and stop relations with you.

6. Take a break from the relationship.

Let’s pretend that you have long-standing difficulties in the relationship. You have tried to do something, talked to each other, tried to find ways to solve problems, but never got results. In this case, you can just take a break from each other. Many couples who have spent conscious time apart claim that this is the healthiest thing they have ever done to save their relationship. Talk to your partner about this if you decide that taking a break would be a good idea, it is important that you talk about certain rules that you will adhere to during this period. They should include:

  • The date the break ends. This is a specific date when the two of you should evaluate the usefulness of a temporary break in the relationship, and decide whether you should stay in the relationship;
  • Will you allow your partner to start a new relationship during this break?
  • What will your communication look like during the break? It may be better to not communicate at all to allow you to miss each other.

Use your time away from each other wisely. Meet with your friends or relatives you haven’t seen in a while. Take up a new sport or find a new hobby. Do something you like and enjoy. Be a little selfish, you need to focus only on yourself and your feelings. This break will allow you to realize your feelings for your partner when he or she won’t be around for a long time.

Make the relationship work

One of the best tips for dealing with relationship problems is to understand that love is not a fairy tale. And if you want to feel happiness and harmony in a relationship, then you have to do something about it. There may be various complications in your life that will negatively affect the relationship. So it is quite normal if minor conflicts arise between you. Only you need to solve them in a friendly atmosphere, without resorting to breaking up. And only when you have used all methods, and they gave no result. Only then you should think about breaking up.

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