Pain after breaking up with a girl: we explain all the nuances

How to behave after the break-up with her and what not to do

Relationships are an integral part of human life. There may be different types of relationships: family, friendly, but perhaps the most vivid and emotional type is a love relationship. After all, everyone knows that love is the most beautiful feeling in the world, which can elevate you to the heavens and make you happy, or completely break you and paint your life in gray colors. It depends on your luck. Regardless, no one escapes the beautiful feeling of falling in love.

Breakup is also a common occurrence. But if girls are more aware of all the nuances and features of relationships with men, the guys are not so knowledgeable. And so they often wonder: how to behave with a girl after the breakup? To fully answer this question, you should carefully consider the tips and recommendations of experts in the field of psychology and relationships between a man and a woman.

What should not be done after the breakup

There is a whole list of things that you should not do after breaking up with a girl, so that your breakup went smoothly and quickly recovered emotional and psychological state. So, forbidden actions:

  • Look for a reason to meet, because these meetings will not bring anything good, and will only aggravate the situation and cause a new wave of stress, apathy, etc. So shift the focus of attention from the search for “casual meetings” to your self-development;
  • Do not monitor and browse the girl’s social networks, as this will only increase your craving to write, talk, etc.;
  • you should not pursue, harass your ex, or control her life;
  • You should not take revenge on your ex for breaking her heart if she is the initiator of the breakup;
  • you should not immediately start a new serious relationship, statistics say that more often than not they also end in a breakup. It is best to communicate, go out to spend time together, but do not rush into a relationship amidst emotions and fear of loneliness;
  • Do not withdraw into yourself, go into a “recluse”, your friends and family will quickly bring you to your senses;
  • Do not try to drown out their emotions and feelings of alcohol, it is fraught with addiction.

What to do after a breakup

Breakup is an unpleasant moment, of course, it is easier for some to go through, and for others, on the contrary. It all depends on the character of the person. But, there are tips to help get through this stage of life. Recommendations:

  • Distract yourself, this is the best way to get back to your usual life faster, find a new hobby. Start reading a book or just spend time with your loved ones;
  • Do sports, physical activity will not only have a positive impact on your physical form, but it will also help to relieve tension and stress. Sports are a great way to discharge emotionally, which also corrects your character, makes you confident, determined and disciplined. And these are the basic qualities for success;
  • Get your lifestyle in order, get to work, set goals and achieve them. If your brain is loaded with work and goals, you won’t have time to suffer;
  • Delete your ex-girlfriend’s number, remove her from your friends on social networks;
  • If possible, a change of scenery is a great and effective option. Maybe you have long wanted to go on a trip or change the city, or maybe even the country of residence is not worth fearing, a new change is good;
  • Register on a dating site and look for profiles of girls over 30. Why over 30 – because at this age most people are not very frivolous and their intentions are very serious.

Take it as a basis that your breakup is your transformation point, passing which will make you a completely different person with a new outlook on life.

Do you need to keep in touch?

Also, many people worry about the question: should you keep in touch with your ex? Psychologists, answering this question, come to the conclusion that, regardless of who initiated the breakup, you or the girl, you should not keep in touch, because if you have clearly decided that you do not see a future together, your connection will only torture and hurt, to whom this breakup is painful. It is best to end communication, this will help to “cool down” to the person faster.

If the separation is hard for you, and you can not let go of the person, then it is worth to ask for professional help from a specialist who will prescribe therapy that will help you survive this stage.

Breakup is always hard and complicated, but you can benefit from every situation, just follow the advice of experts and do not go to extremes.

Popularly explain why the parting with a girl – this is not the end

When you break up with a girl on your own initiative, it is very painful to realize that the relationship, which could have grown into something more, is ruined through your fault. Do you know this situation? Surely you had something similar, because the separation and loss, pain and regret – is an integral part of our lives, and, note, not the worst.

But first things first on the blog . Breaking up with a loved one is always painful and unpleasant. It’s like losing something very important that filled our lives with meaning. Just imagine what would happen to a Christian whose ability to go to church is taken away, or to a cab driver whose only vehicle is taken away? In both cases a person has a strong attachment to certain values and when there is even the slightest threat of losing those values, he begins to suffer.

Does this suggest that attachment is a bad thing? Only in part, because what we bind too tightly to ourselves will later have to be ripped off without anesthesia, literally with “Meat. And what we don’t attach to at all may, in time, lose value altogether. Both are bad, which is why relationships should be comfortable, without fanaticism and deification of each other.

Let’s first look at the issue of separation from different perspectives, because it is a really interesting and little-studied phenomenon in psychology, which each person perceives differently. So, for a better illustration of the essence of the question, let us look at several real-life examples that will demonstrate the subject of the parting with a girl in full. Naturally, the names will be changed to fictitious ones. Let’s go!

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Misha and Christina

The first story is about a kind and amorous boy named Misha.

One day a wonderful girl, Kristina, came into Mikhail’s life. Their relationship was like a fairy tale, and when it came to the wedding, all the relatives rejoiced, Misha was over the moon, and Kristina herself was already believing that fairy tales about princes were not lies.

The marriage fell apart after six months. It turned out that stunned by the happiness that has fallen on their heads in the face of Kristina Misha’s parents, and Misha himself did not notice that Kristina absolutely does not know how to cook, and has no plans to learn. Cleaning and washing dishes was the job of the maids, and supplying “Her Majesty” with expensive gifts was a direct duty of her husband. Misha did not earn millions, and when Christina asked directly where the fairy palace with the servants and the carriage with white horses was, the answer was a trip to the registry office.

Now ask yourself, would it have hurt Misha if he had broken up with Kristina before the wedding? He probably would have regretted that decision, but today, after the divorce, he lives with a beautiful woman who cooks and cleans, and finds a common language with her parents, and listens to her husband and wants children, and in general they will be fine, because the first experience taught Misha a lot. The separation in this case is a lesson, not a loss.

Styopa and Tanya

The second story is about another amorous, but more reasonable boy Stupa, who happened to meet Tanya on his way in life.

It was a wonderful relationship, because for a long time Styopa looked at different girls and chose the one that promised to be a good wife.

Stepan grew up in a large family, where family values were in the first place. Naturally, he wanted to create the same strong union, where he would be the head of the family, and his wife – his faithful companion, friend, and assistant in all matters.

However, Tanya wanted to be the head of the company, and for that she had to study a lot, work, and have children somewhere after forty. Over the years, they became very close and loved each other, but today Stjepa lives with a completely different woman, who, as he assumed, became the main companion and light in his life’s journey.

Was Stepan suffering when he made the decision to break up with Tanya? Depression lasted a year, it was the most difficult decision of his life. Was it worth it? Of course, because today the happy family makes very big plans for the future, where there will be everything ahead – the business, and a big house, and many children, and most importantly, everything in its place. Here parting is the right choice.

Oleg and Ksyusha.

The last story will also touch on the theme of discord.

Oleg met Ksyusha at an early age. You could say that they spent their entire conscious life together. Both he and she wanted a family and children, a big house and their own business, so as not to depend on anyone.

When they were young, they looked at their future as a kind and beautiful fairy tale. In the many years they spent together, the topic of separation couldn’t even glimpse it near them. But growing up made a difference. Ksyusha dreamed of living in a big city, while Oleg, on the contrary, was delirious about creating a farm somewhere in the countryside.

Their desires were so great that living together was out of the question. Today, both Ksyusha and Oleg are happy and even family friends. She is in Moscow and he is on the outskirts of a provincial town. They were able to make all their dreams come true, but before that each of them experienced the pain of parting.

The phenomenon of separation

So is a breakup the end, or the beginning of something new? It is more like a beginning, because almost always a first bad experience creates a strong union between a guy and a girl that can withstand fate even decades later.

Think back to life examples of high school love. This is the very first experience, after which lovers are supposed to build their own futures.

By transferring the love crippled by the mistakes of youth into family life, many couples turn their future into Groundhog Day, when the same mistakes become a stumbling block before starting any business. If breaking up is painful, it is more often than not impossible to live through such a nightmare. But let’s not forget about the exceptions, because there are beautiful couples who live together for a lifetime from the school bench to their old age.

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How to learn how to break up with a girl correctly.

So, if this is your first experience, you will have to break up with your girlfriend in 95 percent of cases. And so that the pain of the breakup was not as sharp, here are a few tips:

  1. Set a clear goal in your life and break it down into several steps. So you’ll see exactly what you’ll need to do in your 20s, what – in 25, and what – in 30, and so on. You’ll also have a clear understanding of whether you can achieve your goals with your partner. If even the first steps will be impossible due to her principles, then you should not be too worried about the separation;
  2. Draw in your subconscious an ideal wife. Transfer her image to your companion, or one who is just about to become her. Of course, it takes time to find your perfect match. That’s the beauty of relationships, where breakups are an effective tool and not at all a mythical end of life. Who has seen this end? Everyone who has ever broken up doesn’t even remember it today;
  3. Set your own rules for life. Never break them yourself and don’t let anyone else break them. So if your new girlfriend doesn’t like something, she won’t stay long. The one who finds protection and peace of mind in your society, for her your rules will be a guarantee of safety, not a prison bond, will be ready to make your future marriage happy.

As the experienced car mechanics say, it is easier to buy a new car than to fix the old one. Don’t be afraid of change, they are always only for the better in a relationship if you approach this very matter wisely.

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Recently experienced a difficult breakup? Remember a few rules – by no means try to glue the relationship back together. It’s like with a broken vase – it will always be broken, no matter how skillful a craftsman put all the pieces together into one whole.

Don’t blame yourself and don’t try to shift the blame onto her. Your relationship has been a wonderful experience for both of you. You’ve just had a unique chance to have a new relationship, building on what you’ve learned before. Why ruin everything and end up back at square one? Resentment always erases the accumulated potential in the relationship. The best option is to stay friends after the breakup. This way it will be easier to create a strong relationship in the future.

And lastly, for the future – if you are the initiator of the breakup, try to make it as beautiful as possible. First, each of you will get a powerful charge of energy, secondly, most likely no one will be offended, and thirdly, to survive the parting will be much easier.

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