My man doesn’t respect me
Hello, I am 28 years old, I am a housewife. I have been living together with my beloved for 2.5 years. At first, when I was winning him over everything was normal, then when I was his and we started living together, he gradually began to get impudent. More precisely, his self-esteem and ego has grown to extraordinary proportions, despite the previous low wages. He stopped respecting me, constantly picking on everything, he does not want to do anything, constantly offending me morally. I’m the same over the years from the confident independent girl turned into a rag (yes, that’s how I can characterize myself with one word). And I am so hurt by his claims, his reproaches in my direction, that I am constantly crying. And I feel so helpless, unnecessary, as if I have no strength inside. I am very strongly attached to him, and if he leaves, I do not know what will happen to me.I have a very weak psyche, I am very heavy withstand stresses (up to suicide).
How do I fix the situation? How do I get respect for myself and not lose the one I love?
Received 4 tips from psychologists
Hello, Christina! Sometimes it happens that a woman can provoke such an attitude towards herself – with what? – namely by allowing a man to humiliate and insult her – and some people because of this can be said simply “demolish” – from this humiliation of her partner he begins to receive satisfaction and exactly on how much lower you have become – on how much higher he becomes! I.e. at your expense, at your humiliation – he rises, you feel his strength and power – but is it possible to characterize such a man as a strong man – or he really is so defective that he can feel like a real man only by hurting the one who is devoted to him – and is it so? And he hardly thinks of anyone but himself and his needs – he projects all his problems, unrealized desires onto you, gets those qualities that he does not really have – and as a result – think about what kind of relationship you find yourself in? What do these relationships give you – is there a place for love? respect? intimacy? trust? – Is it the relationship you dreamed of – what are you holding on to or your inner fear of? – What are you afraid of being alone? – this state is called dependence – so much suppressing your will and lowering your self-esteem and self-confidence – you thereby attach more to him, thinking that you are not worthy for more and this is what he uses – and your inactivity and all-acceptance! and dependence is in you from him, because you have no connection with yourself – because originally you have YOU! (your inner self) – but you are so far away from him that you cannot understand how you will exist without him with yourself – and so you replace yourself with him – but he is not you! It is important for you to find yourself, to understand yourself, your desires and feelings, emotions and needs – (and you should not blame him alone for this situation – the relationship is a contribution of both! and that means you are doing something for this belittling too – what? that you are letting him belittle you. ) – and if You learn to respect, accept, love Yourself – then You will be able to go through life with wings behind Your back, knowing Your own worth, not allowing anybody to humiliate You – and thus You will be able to get a real chance to arrange Your life the way You want and with whom You want. but to do this You should also do steps, not wait until everything changes around You! Kristina, if you decide to make up your mind – you can contact me, call me – I will be glad to help you!
Umanskaya Anastasia Andreevna
Umanskaya Anastasia Andreevna
Unfortunately, there is not enough information in your letter. How did your relationship develop after the marriage? Does your husband see the problem? What did you discuss, and what did you not?
I also wonder how your husband’s self-esteem and his salary relate to you?
I know for a fact that the relationship is created by both guys. Which means there is a role for you in what’s going on. The question is what it is. If it is important for you to explore this issue, to look for ways to change the situation, I would be happy to help you.
Four hands game: when the husband does not respect and does not appreciate his wife.
How to behave as a wife when her husband does not respect and appreciate her? Tips psychologist will help women understand the causes of disrespect in the family.
The family union of any marriage begins with feelings, called love. However, not all partners remember that a strong foundation of the family home is respect. After all, feelings will change their strength of manifestation, go through global transformations, but respect remains the unshakable basis for the preservation of love.
A frequent complaint of the female half of the audience to their companions is the question of what to do if the husband does not respect and appreciate his wife, how to behave, what advice from a psychologist? Is it fair to assume that for every stated phrase: “he does not respect me”? It’s worth raising the curtain and seeing what the scenery of disrespectful attitudes in the family hides.
Four hands game: when the husband does not respect and does not appreciate his wife.
A man usually loves the women he respects; a woman usually respects only the men she loves. Therefore a man often loves women who are not worth loving, and a woman often respects men who are not worth respecting.
Vasily Osipovich Kluchevsky
A false sense of disrespect
Respect is the acceptance of another person’s personality traits, character traits, values, opinions, and actions as meaningful and important. Only then is it acceptable to claim that the partner appreciates his or her other half.
The origins of women’s disappointment in men are in their own unjustified expectations. Both partners expect specific behavior that will be consonant with their personal ideas about life together.
It is good when these ideas are adequate and do not border on fiction. When expectations are not realistic, the problem is rooted in the exaggerated claims of the girl, rather than in the disrespectful attitude of the “offender.
- Utopian expectations of a fairy tale and a fixation on romance. A man will not carry in his arms, serve breakfast in bed and cover the bed with rose petals. Not all male souls are so sensual, besides the infatuation period passes, and the production of endorphin and oxytocin (“love hormones”) decreases.
- Expecting to spend time together all the time. It is a male’s nature that the spouse is a predator and provider for his family. The resemblance to an obedient pet goes against his natural instincts.
- Expecting eloquent praise and compliments. On the contrary, they are “silent” from the fact that they are guided by the dominant left hemisphere, so they analyze and think more than they speak.
- Expecting affection and tenderness to prevail over sexual interest. Male sexuality is more intolerant because of physiology and basic need for sex.
- Expectation of attention to personal family dates, trivia and details. Here it is a matter of peculiarities of the functioning of the higher nervous activity. Guys think concretely, practically, globally. If the birthday of his beloved – it is important in what month, and the number itself will approach.
- Expecting to share child-rearing responsibilities equally. Seemed like a legitimate wish. But the father is focused on the financial and practical side of providing a comfortable home, a decent education, leisure, recreation and other benefits.
Reasons for the true manifestations of the husband’s disrespect for his wife
- Authoritarian behavior.
- Criticism, constant control.
- Non-acceptance of the needs and desires of the wife.
- Lack of interest in the problems and life of the spouse in general.
- Lack of assistance, not accepting the right to rest and free leisure.
- Infringement of material and financial resources.
- Insults, rude communication and the use of psychological, physical or sexual violence.
- Sexual betrayal (adultery).
- Replicating the pattern of behavior from the parental family.
- Imitating the communication style of the family to someone who is an authority figure.
- Childhood psychological trauma.
- Expressed accentuacies of the character (negative personality traits, which are on the edge of the norm and pathology), egocentrism.
- Depreciation and disrespectful attitude of the wife.
The last reason, the most common, we will devote a separate paragraph to.
If the husband does not appreciate his wife: “show attention and respect to him” – psychologists recommend.
The main recommendations of the psychologist on what to do if the husband does not respect his wife may surprise the female audience. For a man to appreciate his wife, it is enough to demonstrate an alternative respectful attitude towards him. In this case, the technique of mirror reflection works: “you shout at me – and I shout, you respect me – I respect you.
How to behave with a husband who does not respect his wife: basic tips
- Accept the authority of the man as the head of the family, his authority and leadership. Both spouses can claim to be leaders. But men’s need to dominate is historically inherent, and if a man wants to be the leader, he will not give in and confront his wife.
- Communicate respectfully without shouting and insults, with a position of equality. Invaluable quality of women – calm and self-control. Not every girl can be proud of her emotional restraint. This trait alone will attract a man’s respect.
- Take his decisions without criticism, do not disparage his intellectual abilities. A man needs approval of his ideas, actions, and endeavors. Systematic counter-criticism labels “husband is stupid, wife is smart”. After all, a woman’s trump card is beauty and a man’s is intelligence.
- Appreciate his courage and sexual potential. It is important to show a woman’s weakness and let a man use his strength. Sex should be an available and natural privilege of family life, not an encouraging carrot.
- Share achievements and victories. A small success, secured by his wife’s approval and praise, will motivate him to a big victory.
- Acceptance of the environment (friends, relatives, colleagues), interests and personal space, leisure time. Spouses do not become one, their personalities do not merge into one. Therefore, these areas should be separated. Both partners have the right to personal leisure and freedom. Showing interest and approval for personal space shows not only respect for the husband, but also trust (this also applies to personal belongings: gadgets, notebooks, social media accounts).
- Highlight and emphasize his virtues. There is no one perfect person in the world. A partner is no exception, but there are some things he does particularly well. The habit of regularly emphasizing such virtues will give a good boost to self-esteem.
An image of a woman that disposes to respect
Everyone will agree that, for example, a hairdresser with ungroomed hair does not inspire professional confidence. So, too, a spouse who claims priority positions on her husband’s life list, must maintain an appropriate image. Let’s talk about this in more detail:
1. image and style.
The inevitable fate of the beautiful half is that a woman should always be beautiful, stylish, neat, regardless of her status as a housewife or businesswoman. The beloved always wants to see a stylish, attractive companion next to him.
2. the model mother and hostess
These archetypal notions have relevance in these days of gender equality. The husband appreciates the keeper of the family home, he is pleased to return after a hard day’s work to a clean house with well-groomed children running around and a hot dinner waiting on the table.
3. a desirable mistress
A woman who fills you with sexual energy, awakens your desire, and creates intrigue is valued, not just a woman who allows you to perform your marital duty in your moments of well-being.
4. Professional fulfillment of a woman
No one, even the most executive, housewife will arouse as much respect as a woman who has a specialty, a position, professional duties. Profession is necessary for her to develop and become a self-sufficient person, and men are attracted to women’s independence.
5. The wife’s desire for self-development
The second half should be interesting to her partner, he should see her obvious strengths, the desire to develop herself and improve. Few people will be interested in a plump housewife, obsessed with sales and promotions in online stores.
Family life is not always smooth beautiful rhythms. You have to play in four hands: if one starts to go astray, the other will go astray, and you will have to start playing the tune all over again. It is important to always start with yourself: to accept your husband as an unchanging life partner, to trust him, to be in equality and show interest, to respect to be respected .
And what of these, dear women, have you done today? Psychologist’s advice alone, what to do if your husband does not respect and appreciate your wife is not enough. Start with personal change.
Updated: December 15, 2020, 21:14 Word count: 1222 Time to read: 6 min. Print Thank you to the authors for this article, which has already been read 534,550 times! Thanks to our readers who have left 127 comments and already rated the article 183 times!