Mistakes men and women make in relationships that everyone makes
Professional copywriter with a degree in philology. I have a broad outlook.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.
Not as difficult to find a man who agrees to build a long-term relationship as it is difficult to keep a man and not to make fatal mistakes in relationships that lead to quarrels or breakdowns. In more than half of all couples, men and women don’t know exactly what to expect from their partners, how men and women relate to each other, and what mistakes each of them makes more often than not. About this and ways to avoid mistakes in a couple further in the article.
Why are we so different?
Asking the same question to a man and a woman, you can often hear completely opposite answers. The differences in the answers based on different understanding of the world, its laws and the search for solutions by each. Man is always guided by logic, and women live in a world of emotions and subtle feelings. The reasons for the different perception of the world are formed by nature, so it was in the process of evolution advantageous and correct to preserve the human race.
Differences in the assessment of relationships and a partner for life are taken on the basis of family relationships. It is no secret that parents form the child’s picture of the world and the success of his future relationships, his desire to build them, depends on their behavior. Misperception of the model or getting traumatized has a negative result.
Then the child grows up and instead of trying to build his family he gets a lot of complexes and makes new mistakes in relationships, which prevent him from developing and improving himself. Men are always based on proven solutions, it is hard to adopt a new experience, but women are not subject to logic and act at the dictate of emotions.
The clash of different temperaments and behaviors leads either to constant conflict or to complement each other and harmony. More often the first option. How to build a relationship with a man tell you in our selection link.
What a guy is looking for in girls?
A guy in puberty always works as a scheme, determining whether he is suitable girl for the long term or not. The criteria may vary somewhat depending on the priorities, but the logic of action is generally the same.
- First of all the attention is attracted by the external beauty. If the girl meets all requirements, then the brain automatically gives the command that she passed to the second stage.
- Then comes the acquaintance stage and the first probing of the ground as to her readiness to make contact. If everything goes well, the girl is cheerful, lively, interested in his life, happily talks about himself, then the courtship stage and close communication begins.
- After being satisfied with the emotional component, it is not superfluous to evaluate it in the intimacy. Sexual attraction plays a primary role in evaluating her as a partner for a long-term relationship. Relatively good sex leads to the formation of a stable bond, supplemented by emotion and infatuation. If sex does not satisfy him, then there is no further relationship.
- The next point is realizing how much fun it is to spend time after sex. There is a large amount of free time outside of bed that needs to be spent with the couple. If there is no comfort, coziness and warmth, the girl is constantly on her wavelength, does not hear the requests, demands attention, then despite the excellent intimacy the relationship does not get continued.
- The final chord is the assessment on the willingness to spend the rest of his life with her, to raise children. A man wants to see his partner as a friend, an adviser, a lover, a wife and a mother of common children, not just a beautiful doll who claps her eyes and babbles sweetly about love.
All the most truthful information about girls and relationships is collected in the article at the link.
What does a girl look for in a guy?
Girls do not tend to show wonders of logic and pragmatism, on the contrary, an excessive penchant for logical justification of actions often leads to loneliness. The gradation of relationships depends on the purpose of the guy in her life, but the search for the right partner, who will be around for a long time, require a special approach, led by emotion.
- Reverent attitude towards appearance does not allow girls to pay attention to an untidy, unkempt or bad smelling man.
- The second stage of evaluation is on an emotional level and depends on the intensity of the meeting and its content. Positive emotions, which reinforce the memories, give a powerful impetus to continue. If there was no special emotional connection, then there is no need to wait. Almost all girls divide the guys they met into two categories: “hooked” and “not hooked.
- Next comes the stage of communication and the future of the couple depends on comfort. Understanding, common themes, interests, views on life unite and give the feeling of being the right person. At this time there is also an active comparison with exes and a general assessment at their level. If everything is satisfactory, then it’s time to move on to physical intimacy.
- The evaluation in sex should be as high as possible or not lower than average to compensate for past experiences. When a guy is suitable in terms of communication, but falls a little short in sex, a girl will not break the connection, unlike men. There is no paternity or child clause for the beautiful half of humanity. Intimacy itself implies consent to become the mother of this guy’s child.
The very approach to choosing a partner and implies that things cannot be smooth between men and women. Mistakes in relationships are sometimes made on the basis of different attitudes and different understandings of what can offend.
A man is more offended by actions, a woman responds more subtly to emotionally colored expressions. By the way, it is this aspect is often the reason that partners begin to avoid the relationship after the breakup. To sort out what common mistakes couples make in a relationship is also better from the side of each partner.
The main mistakes in a relationship that he commits
Relationships are built by two people and throwing all the blame on a woman’s inattention, emotionality or hysteria is not worth it. A man does not understand and half of the reasons why the other half to go and resent. The sooner the cause becomes clear, the easier the consequences of the conflict will be.
- Lack of compliments about your appearance
For beautiful women, appearance is a kind of business card by which they determine status, a card that other people see and evaluate her and her boyfriend. Taking care of her appearance takes up most of her free time. Although men do not see the point in the next jar, bottle, tube of cosmetics or shampoo, a pair of shoes or a dress, for a girl it is a strategic step to conquer the world with her beauty.
In this necessarily invested in the desire to please a man and conquer his one appearance, confirming his excellent taste in choosing women. Not to notice a beautiful hairstyle or stylish image hurts to tears, because behind every detail is the time spent on the choice and long reflections on the topic “whether your partner will like it or not.
- Lack of Purpose and Plans
If she is an active and active person, and she is used to copy down everything in a notebook step by step, then you should not hope to forgive a man for his lack of plans for the future. This is a key question, which must be answered, so as not to lose the image of a reliable and steadfast partner with whom you do not fear to think about tomorrow.
- Unwillingness to take care of your appearance
A point that causes a violent reaction in every girl who has been in a relationship at least once. Men’s hygiene is no more complicated than that of girls, but half of them are not willing to make the minimum effort to maintain a neat appearance.
During the seduction beautiful appearance, grooming for guys is understandable and reasoned, and then comes the moment of relaxation. There appears stubble, a slight lack of freshness, long nails, fragrant gifts in the form of socks and other charms of cohabitation. Taking care of yourself is necessary at any age, and if not accustomed to parents, the girl will actively take up the re-education.
If this is not a role-playing plot that suits both, then do not be seduced, the girl is not waiting to be made a subordinate. A common mistake in relationships that every other person makes. Challenge the right to male supremacy in the family is not worth it, so historically.
But trying to dominate the beloved woman, to break her and subordinate his will – an unforgivable mistake. You can say and do anything you want outside the apartment, but the house is a woman’s territory, and there will be severe punishment for infringement of her authority and the role of the lady of the house.
- Teachings and lectures
Want to triple the scandal in a couple of seconds? Enough to tell a woman a couple of teaching lines that hint that she is a proficient and does not know how to do the basics. An atomic mini-bomb explosion at home is assured. Before giving advice you need to pay attention to the actions and show your own example how to do things. Girls are infuriated by the role of the couch expert, giving out advice about all the things that do not concern him.
A stingy man who spares a little money to maintain the appearance of his beloved, can not earn respect and support. The lack of a basic understanding that spending some amount will have to do with any girl would help solve the issue in the relationship with money.
There are girls who require regular trips to luxury salons, and there are those who can not without a fight to beg even a hundred for a manicure. The reason is stinginess and pathological greed!
Man plays the role of a guide, leading the other half. Lack of minimum understanding of what will happen next, and where the relationship moves, infuriates women more than indifference and greed. Soft-spoken, weak, infantile guys cause a desire to warm, pity and return to their mother, rather than follow them through all the storms and thunderstorms.
A big mistake in all couples is when he begins to distance himself, stops asking for advice, discussing plans, and if he also puts a password on his phone and laptop – there is no avoiding conflict. This is a fertile ground for speculation and untwisting scenes in a woman’s head, and this is the worst thing that can happen. She can come up with a story that she herself will believe, make claims, take offense or even leave.
All the facts will be skillfully adjusted to the situation, and her story will sound so plausible that any writer would envy. Mistrust and insecurity about her partner, a little misunderstanding of the freedom of personal space often leads to serious scandals.
What relationship mistakes she makes
Girls make no less spectacular mistakes from time to time, while delicately avoiding an answer or trying to blame everything on the partner. List of fatal mistakes that lead to a breakdown of a relationship or a serious quarrels should begin with the most difficult in the emotional terms of the error – lack of faith.
First place, the leader among women’s mistakes in relationships that everyone repeats. If the process is still reinforced by sarcasm and constant banter, the blow to the male ego is extremely painful. Here you can add criticism, taunts, reproaches that he will not succeed and should not take on a new case, lest it be business as usual.
- Loss of motivation to seduce
Girls after marriage, after about 5 years, lose motivation to seduce. Who is there to seduce if he is my husband? And then wonder why he left a woman of immense shape for a slim mistress who looks amazing. Men love with their eyes, and if the picture doesn’t turn him on on an animal level, it’s no surprise when a rival comes into the house and claims a partner.
- Loss of interest in the relationship
She hasn’t fallen out of love, no, it’s just that things are so run-of-the-mill that it becomes boring, boring, not festive. And the man goes where the fun is interesting, easy. Man needs a holiday, unexpected surprises, romantic encounters, long talks about personal things, not just about children and plans for the summer.
Worse than jealousy on the part of the man. The desire to control every step leads your partner into a state of panic, and the feeling of losing personal space is oppressive and insulting. He probably won’t say anything about it, but he won’t be able to leave the situation. Two adults a priori can not sit on the couch hand in hand all their lives and grow old together. He must have room for maneuvering, personal freedom.
- Lack of a comfortable plan.
While he is chasing a salary and welfare for the family, the woman must create comfort for him and the children, plan trips, expenses. Solving key issues on his own without the approval of the head of the family insults him and gives him a feeling of being unnecessary, emphasizing selfish traits. There should always be collegial decisions that will satisfy the two.
- Increased demand for attention
Talking about this will bring tears to even stern men’s eyes. Talk to me, text me, tell me, hug me, pet me, buy me, and other words in the vocabulary of girls and women that, when used daily, will help drive a partner to a quality nervous breakdown. Forcing a man to show feelings everywhere and always, to demand attention and care is as ridiculous as taking a fish out of a fishbowl and saying “come with me.
It’s against her nature! A girl needs to decide who she wants to see: a gentle romantic who will pester her with confessions and spend her life hiding behind her back, or a brutal man who will take her hand and lead her away to a happy place.
Marriage does not always bring a clear concept of the new status, and the girl continues to complain about her husband to her relatives, running to them at the first conflicts. Not understanding that she is now married and her children and husband are a real new family leads not infrequently to conflicts.
Is it possible to build a relationship without mistakes?
On the one hand no, because the moment of fitting in and finding common ground on many things will take most of the time. On the other hand, if time will come to understand that without trust, help, understanding, personal space can not exist two individuals, then success is possible.
Support and the ability to love, to forgive is something that a man and a woman expect, but do not always know how to give back. It is important to learn to accept the other half, to be able to talk and discuss mistakes in the relationship, which is important not to sit and look at each other sideways in silence.
The main rule is to remember that at any age, at any stage of relationship development everyone wants to feel needed and important, to live in comfort and love, to be filled with new strength, and not to get stuck in reproaches and endless recriminations.
And don’t forget that intimate life also requires variety. Do not know how to do it? We recommend trying spolshing, which is sure to be to the liking of both partners!
What are the mistakes in relationships? 30 tips for a happy relationship
Love is a beautiful feeling, except if the relationship doesn’t end as usual with a breakup and a broken heart. What are some common mistakes made by couples in love who don’t have enough relationship experience? Here’s a list of everything you’ll encounter in a real relationship that’s far from real. Tips for a truly happy relationship.
2. Be happy, laugh, goof off, have fun, do silly things and enjoy each other. Bring positivity to your soulmate and be the cause of her joy. The best and most beautiful sound is your soulmate laughing at your jokes.
Charly Pn , Unsplash
7. A relationship is not 50% by 50%. You should not each put 50% of your energy into the relationship, but all 100%. Put in your feelings, love, passion and relationships completely, then they will be happy.
Roman Shilin , Unsplash
8. Lack of talking, about anxiety and discomfort, in a relationship can play a bad joke. Discuss problems that arise at the beginning so that they don’t take root and ruin them.
9. You need to be able to shut up and apologize in time. Arguing and long explanations are useless if the fault is really yours. Just apologize.
10. One of the ridiculous mistakes we make in relationships will be to approach the problem incorrectly. You are not against each other in an argument. You’re a team against the problem itself. You are on the same side that wants to solve the problems and come to a compromise. “We are against the world” is the motto of a happy relationship.
12. Say what your soulmate needs to know to make you happy or better understand. Voice your desires so that they are real. Listen to your soulmate’s desires for the principle of reciprocity.
13. Hug and kiss for no reason. As you walk past your other half, touch, hug, kiss, or just slap your butt. Tactile touch is important for a happy and strong relationship.
14. It’s silly to keep score in a relationship of who did, said, gave, and otherwise proved themselves. This is a loving relationship, not an athletic competition. Both parties are building a happy relationship, but it shouldn’t turn into keeping score.
17. You can’t expect a perfect relationship from non-ideal people. You will quarrel and make up, but the main thing is to stick with each other. You can even lie down quarreling, but try to solve the problem or misunderstanding the next day.
18. In a long-term relationship, you need to make no less effort than in the beginning, and sometimes even more. This is normal if you want to keep the love for a long time.
Fernando Meloni , Unsplash
20. Don’t fight over silly things and little things that aren’t worth it. If things aren’t important, it’s better to save the relationship than to engage in nonsense.
21. Nothing is as unpleasant in a relationship as co-dependency. When one person gets too intrusive in a relationship, it can be devastating. Have your own interests, take up hobbies, spend time apart, socialize with friends. Don’t dissolve into each other, but be complete individuals and personalities.
22. Lying in a relationship can easily ruin what you care about. Avoid lying so that you won’t regret it bitterly in the future. Cheating and jealousy are the most important reasons for breaking up, so avoid it. Decency is the foundation of a happy relationship.
Charly Pn , Unsplash
