Mistakes in a relationship with a guy – consider in detail

The 9 most common relationship mistakes

Sometimes we provoke the breakup of a relationship we hold dear. What mistakes should we avoid in order to keep love?

Whether we are in a close relationship or not, happiness does not depend on this circumstance entirely. But if we are in a relationship, we definitely feel happier, says Ilona Bonivelle in The Keys to Well-Being.

Relationships that don’t develop quite the way we’d like them to do aren’t very difficult to tweak, especially if the couple hasn’t been together that long. Summarizing their observations, psychologist Paula Pietromonaco and her colleagues at the University of Massachusetts have highlighted the most common mistakes in partner relationships. And before the consequences of our blunders reach devastating proportions, we have a chance to correct them. What mistakes to avoid if we want to save the relationship?

1. Thinking that your partner isn’t going anywhere

As relationships evolve, we increasingly take our partner’s presence in our lives for granted. The signs of attention given to each other in the beginning, surprises and other nice little things gradually disappear.

On the one hand, this suggests that the relationship is becoming more mature. But on the other hand, longing for a beautiful romantic period can overshadow the valuable things that actually hold the union together. At times like these, it’s helpful to fantasize about what our lives would look like under a different scenario. For example, without a partner.

Imagine how you will live if you really split up? What would you do? Will it affect your well-being and your ideas about a happy future?

These fantasies will help save the relationship, sharper sense of the feelings that bind you, and which are likely dulled by the fact that you have long been together: affection, interest in your partner, concern for him and a whole range of your personal feelings! It’s important to listen to them-they can be a true reference point for you.

Often we stop noticing and appreciating our loved ones because we are used to them and think that they won’t go anywhere. But if we (even if unwittingly) broadcast our indifference to his partner, he will sooner or later begin to look for missed care and attention outside of our relationship.

2. Thinking that your partner will leave you.

Being neglectful of your partner is a bad idea, but it’s just as counterproductive for the relationship when the other extreme is when we are too attached to him or her and only think about one thing: Does he or she love us? Does he value our relationship? People who are too dependent on the other person’s attention can scare away those around them with their excessive need for love and affirmation. Once the boundaries of the relationship are delineated and mutual obligations are defined, there is no need to constantly wonder if your partner really cares about you.

Paying attention only to what you don’t like, you run the risk of not noticing anything good in your loved one

And even if the relationship is just developing and it’s too early to talk about commitment, you can determine for yourself how sincere the other person is with you. Whether he is interested in your life, how friendly and attentive he is to your mood, whether he considers your tastes and desires – these and other signs can help dispel anxiety about your partner’s feelings and intentions.

Ignore the boundaries of a couple’s personal space.

Established couples always have their secrets that bring two people together, and it’s important that partners respect this intimate space. By revealing certain details of our private lives to others, we risk hurting our loved one’s feelings and undermining their trust in us.

If you reveal a secret about your partner and the information reaches him (small world!), he may not even know that you were the source of the gossip, but his feelings of hurt and humiliation will not be any less painful. You will begin to empathize with him (especially if your partner is still dear to you) and will suffer from remorse for once being too candid about topics you shouldn’t have touched upon. These feelings can be long and painful, but, alas, do not solve the problem.

4. Complaining about your partner.

Those of us in long-term relationships tend to have a clear idea of what they would like to “tweak” about their partner. This is not surprising since there are no perfect people. The problem arises when we choose to discuss our list of grievances not with our partner, but with someone outside who is willing to sympathize with us. In addition to the fact that this would be a disclosure of personal secrets (see paragraph 3), such a strategy in itself is destructive. After all, the partner may not be aware of the essence of our claims.

So maybe we should start by sharing our ideas with him? By the way, constantly drawing attention to what you do not like, you run the risk of noticing something good in the loved one. Unwanted traits, qualities or habits that you focus on usually don’t go away. So if you’re too focused on what annoys you, then you’ll find in the end only reasons for annoyance.

Typical women’s mistakes in a relationship with a man

Is there a perfect relationship? The kind in which there is no place for quarrels, and there is only boundless love and happiness. I am sure that almost all women dream about it.

Unfortunately, this happens only in fairy tales. In real life, the psychology of the relationship between the sexes is always filled with various turmoil and emotional distress.

Some people need it as much as they need air. But for most couples, all this brings only unnecessary suffering.

Why does this happen? How do you stop making mistakes in your relationships with men?

With some effort, you can learn to avoid most situations that you have probably already had to suffer more than once.

If this problem is relevant to you, read on. I will talk about the basic mistakes that can lead to a wall of misunderstanding between loved ones. For this I will use real life examples told by my students.

A typical mistake women make in their relationships with men

Imagine the situation: a young woman has a baby and is fully engaged in her new role as a mother. She is learning to give all of herself to this tiny miracle, giving him all of her time and attention. And she begins to get annoyed when her husband doesn’t help as much with household chores as she would like.

After all, it’s hard for her. Yes, he has work, things to do, goals to accomplish. But she and the baby, in her opinion, should now become the center of the universe for the man. And it hurts the woman that he can’t be as involved in household chores and household chores. She is entitled to it.

And soon the woman begins to express her grievances to the man. But if he is tired of eating the same soups and borscht, he should understand that she, as a new mother, does not have enough time to cook a variety of dishes.

It turns out that she has her reasons. And her husband – so, only excuses.

And this is just one example of a whole series of the same type of mistakes women make in relationships with men.

Isn’t it true that deep down inside you want to be loved always, no matter what?

Somehow it is assumed that if your partner really understands you, he will forgive all your imperfections and should focus only on the merits.

Nevertheless, not all women are ready to love their men on the same terms.

The most common mistakes in relationships

It is quite difficult to be objective about yourself. This is the reason why women most often make mistakes in relationships with men .

When your partner does something you don’t like, you blame it on his bad temper instead of trying to figure out the reasons for what was done.

You know that you always act with only good intentions, but somehow you can’t be sure that your man is doing the same.

In other words, if you failed to do something or did it wrong, you forgive yourself, but when it comes to your partner, he probably doesn’t love you anymore for doing that.

Do you recognize that point of view? Haven’t you ever had similar thoughts about your lover?

To eliminate some of the mistakes in relationships with men, you can not fall into the psychological trap of “I am all so wonderful, and he does not appreciate me.

Correct psychology of relationships is based on education in themselves the ability in any situation to assume goodwill on the part of the partner.

Take, for example, Olga and her husband Ivan: in recent years, he increasingly often stay at work for long hours, and when he returned, apologizes for it and begins to say how sorry he is that he had to miss family dinner again and again.

And Olga makes the unforgivable mistake of being in a relationship with a man who is trying to feed his family, and makes the assumption that he loves his job more than he loves her and the children.

It would be much better for her to look at this situation from a slightly different angle: Ivan is torn between the stressful conditions of the job he has to go to in order to provide his family with decent living conditions and his desire to spend more time with his wife and children.

If she would stop blaming him, she could look at the situation through his eyes and understand him. And then they would be able to discuss the problem together and try to find ways to fix it so that they can work on their relationship.

This is the approach that should be based on the psychology of the relationship in a couple that wants to live a long and happy life together.

Anger as another mistake women make in relationships with men

Suppose your boyfriend did something unforgivable-forgetting to wake you up on time, reminding you of your girlfriend’s birthday party, spending the last of the joint stash on himself, or something even more “serious. Anger may be a perfectly natural reaction to this.

But what will you do after you tell him what you think of him? Are you going to walk around sulking at him all day long? If this is your default behavior model, you can add one more item to your list of “Mistakes in Relationships with Men.

A more sensible option would be after you cool down a bit, go back to consider this issue, have a heart-to-heart talk and maybe even apologize for your overreaction. And you’ll be very surprised at how much this misunderstanding will bring you closer together in the end.

Once you stop playing the role of angry and resentful, your feelings will be filled with warmth, understanding and support.

Your lover will be truly grateful for your efforts and will henceforth think twice before repeating the mistake. And you, in turn, next time you won’t even want to be angry in a similar situation.

Consider a few more examples .

  1. Let’s say that one night your partner comes home very late and forgets to take out the trash, which early in the morning will have to pick up the garbage truck.

When the noise of a truck pulling up wakes you up and he says, “I think I forgot to take out the trash last night,” what is the first thought that pops into your head?

  1. And now a situation from real life: Lena calls Alexei and asks him to buy tea in the store, while he is standing at the cash register with a cart full of groceries. Despite some difficulties, he still finds a way to do her errand.

When he arrives home and finds that “the tea is the wrong kind,” she is tempted to say, “Don’t you know I never buy that kind? Don’t you pay any attention at all to what I do?”

And that would be another mistake in a relationship with a man who went home with the confidence that he had complied with all the wishes of his beloved wife.

Instead of that negative reaction, it would be better for her to think about how he went back to the tea department with a whole mountain of purchases and chose the best and most expensive tea for her. The right thing to do would be to thank him for it, even if he didn’t choose what she wanted at all.

  1. And wives also sometimes complain that their husbands are incapable of preparing surprises in the form of unexpected trips to nature or buying theater tickets to her favorite play. And at the same time, they themselves quite rarely do anything of the sort. This kind of relationship psychology is common.

But if you expect your partner to figure out your desires himself, you can wait a very long time and as a result stay with nothing.

Four ways to eliminate mistakes in a relationship with a man

  1. Admit that if you do not know what your partner was thinking at the time of the “very act,” you have no right to judge him. Accustom yourself to evaluate all controversial situations through his eyes. Do not always try to convince him that your point of view is the only correct one in this situation, because your goal is to reach an understanding.
  2. When you’re upset by something your man did, ask yourself if he really did it to hurt you? Or could it have been an accident?
  3. Try to replay the conflict that has arisen. Ask your man to switch roles. Try to take his side and invite him to be “in your shoes. Such experiments can lead to very unexpected results in the form of insight and understanding of his wrongdoing.
  4. Write down all the things that drive you crazy in your man. And then make a list of your annoying habits, putting yourself in his place. Both lists are quite impressive. Aren’t they? So you’re not so perfect compared to him?

And lastly, I will say…

That by learning to be friendly and put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you can eliminate 95% of all conflicts that arise.

When you realize that the one who loves you, does all things guided solely by good intentions, the number of misunderstandings decreases dramatically.

Remember: your man who promised to always love you has bad days. And so do you.

And just because the emphasis in all of the above was on women doesn’t mean that similar mistakes in a relationship can’t be made by a man. Of course he can.

But the psychology of relationships is constructed in such a way that a woman usually first has to set an example. And her lover, if he really has tender feelings for her, will always follow her example.

I trust that you will do well and the topic of relationship mistakes will soon stop bothering you. Thank you for your trust in this issue.

And one more thing – you can change your life and relationships with men in the legendary 30-day Women’s Way course.

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