The 9 most common relationship mistakes
Sometimes we provoke the breakup of a relationship we hold dear. What mistakes should we avoid in order to keep love?
Whether we are in a close relationship or not, happiness does not depend on this circumstance entirely. But if we are in a relationship, we definitely feel happier, says Ilona Bonivelle in The Keys to Well-Being.
Relationships that don’t develop quite the way we’d like them to do aren’t very difficult to tweak, especially if the couple hasn’t been together that long. Summarizing their observations, psychologist Paula Pietromonaco and her colleagues at the University of Massachusetts have highlighted the most common mistakes in partner relationships. And before the consequences of our blunders reach devastating proportions, we have a chance to correct them. What mistakes to avoid if we want to save the relationship?
1. Thinking that your partner isn’t going anywhere
As relationships evolve, we increasingly take our partner’s presence in our lives for granted. The signs of attention given to each other in the beginning, surprises and other nice little things gradually disappear.
On the one hand, this suggests that the relationship is becoming more mature. But on the other hand, longing for a beautiful romantic period can overshadow the valuable things that actually hold the union together. At times like these, it’s helpful to fantasize about what our lives would look like under a different scenario. For example, without a partner.
Imagine how you will live if you really split up? What would you do? Will it affect your well-being and your ideas about a happy future?
These fantasies will help save the relationship, sharper sense of the feelings that bind you, and which are likely dulled by the fact that you have long been together: affection, interest in your partner, concern for him and a whole range of your personal feelings! It’s important to listen to them-they can be a true reference point for you.
Often we stop noticing and appreciating our loved ones because we’ve gotten used to them and think they won’t go anywhere. But if we (even if unwittingly) broadcast our indifference to his partner, he will sooner or later begin to look for missed care and attention outside of our relationship.
2. Thinking that your partner will leave you.
Being neglectful of your partner is a bad idea, but it’s just as counterproductive for the relationship when the other extreme is when we are too attached to him or her and only think about one thing: Does he or she love us? Does he value our relationship? People who are too dependent on the other person’s attention can scare away those around them with their excessive need for love and affirmation. Once the boundaries of the relationship are delineated and mutual obligations are defined, there is no need to constantly wonder if your partner really cares about you.
Paying attention only to what you don’t like, you run the risk of not noticing anything good in your loved one
And even if the relationship is just developing and it’s too early to talk about commitment, you can determine for yourself how sincere the other person is with you. Whether he is interested in your life, whether he is friendly and attentive to your mood, whether he considers your tastes and desires – these and other signs will help dispel anxiety about your partner’s feelings and intentions.
Ignore the boundaries of a couple’s personal space.
Established couples always have their secrets that bring two people together, and it’s important that partners respect this intimate space. By revealing certain details of our private lives to others, we risk hurting our loved one’s feelings and undermining their trust in us.
If you reveal a secret about your partner to outsiders and the information reaches him (small world!), he may not even know that you were the source of the gossip, but his feelings of hurt and humiliation will not become any less painful. You will begin to empathize with him (especially if your partner is still dear to you) and will suffer from remorse for once being too candid about topics you shouldn’t have touched upon. These feelings can be long and painful, but, alas, do not solve the problem.
4. Complaining about your partner.
Those of us in long-term relationships tend to have a clear idea of what they would like to “tweak” about their partner. This is not surprising since there are no perfect people. The problem arises when we choose to discuss our list of grievances not with our partner, but with someone outside who is willing to sympathize with us. In addition to the fact that this would be a disclosure of personal secrets (see paragraph 3), such a strategy in itself is destructive. After all, the partner may not be aware of the essence of our claims.
So maybe we should start by sharing our ideas with him? By the way, constantly drawing attention to what you do not like, you run the risk of noticing something good in the loved one. Unwanted traits, qualities or habits that you focus on usually don’t go away. So if you’re too focused on what annoys you, then you will find in the end only occasions for annoyance.
The main mistakes of men in a relationship with women
Good day, dear readers. Today we’re going to talk about what are the mistakes of men in a relationship. You will learn how to behave unacceptably when an affair is just breaking out. You will become aware of a woman’s view of what is going on.
No one is perfect, everyone has their faults. Often we commit actions that we then have to regret. That is why it is so important to know how to behave unacceptably, being near the woman you love. Let’s look at the main mistakes of men.
- Lack of desire to help the girl with her problems. And after all, a man should be strong, to protect and defend his partner from the turmoil of life. If you want to keep the young lady, you should show interest in her difficulties, to care. Do not wait until the girl herself to ask for help. If you see that she has a hard time or there are some problems, it is better to offer your help.
- Girls love to be complimented and admired. A big mistake if you do not say affectionate words to your partner. A woman may get the impression that you are no longer interested in her. It can also affect her self-esteem.
- It is unacceptable to be indecisive when communicating with a girl. You must show your confidence, be responsible, be a support for her.
- It is wrong behavior when a man is completely uninterested in what is happening in the life of the woman he loves. He should show participation to her interests. Otherwise she will feel unwanted, abandoned.
- Lie to a woman – a big mistake. She will easily sense your insincerity. If the lies will be repeated often, the woman will stop trusting you.
- Full control over the life of your beloved – is not allowed. The woman should not be in a “cage”, she must have personal space, an opportunity to visit, to do something. It is unacceptable to control her, to track every step.
- Lack of purpose in life, motivation significantly reduces the image of a man in the eyes of his partner.
- A man’s opinion that he is perfect. The man is sure that the woman should be grateful for the fact that she was blessed with his presence. However, such an arrogant opinion about his person can only alienate the beloved.
- A big mistake when a man tries to remake a girl under his invented image, trying to change her personality. Such an experiment the girl may not be able to withstand and simply leave.
- It is a mistake when a guy uses his partner as a vest, trying to find solace by talking about the problems of his past. You need to understand, if there are any difficulties in life, the best way to cope with them will be a psychologist.
When the romance is just beginning.
Both men and women manage to make blunders at the beginning of a relationship. We are talking about the wrong actions of representatives of the stronger half of mankind.
- Be too intrusive, call your partner, wondering where, how and with whom she spent her time.
- It is unacceptable to try to seduce your partner for intimacy during the first meeting.
- You should not tell the girl about your past victories or failed relationships.
- You should not complain to the young lady about the problems in your life.
- There is no need to stay near the girl in a bad mood, to show your dissatisfaction with everything around.
- You should not behave too insistently or rudely when communicating with a girl.
- There is no need to shower her with expensive gifts. Such an action may cause a girl to pay more attention to your gifts than to you.
- There is no need to ask your partner all sorts of questions, ask inappropriate questions, try to elicit as much information as possible.
- There is no need to lie to your partner, even to make a good impression.
A woman’s point of view
- “A man doesn’t listen to me.” For women it is very important that the partner was a good conversationalist, able to carry on a conversation. In addition, the need for emotional conversations should not be forgotten.
- “He doesn’t want to help me.” A man should not wait for a girl to ask him for help. If he sees that she is having a hard time, he should take the initiative and help. A common situation is when the woman does everything herself, all the housework, copes with household difficulties, and the man just rests and relaxes. Even if the partner does not ask for help, it does not mean that she does not want it. It’s important to ask what contributions you could make to take care of the house.
- “A man doesn’t understand what silent communication is.” And this denotes that the girl is offended about something and doesn’t want to talk. In such a situation, it is important that the man ask what exactly happened, if there is his fault, ask for forgiveness for his action.
- “The man doesn’t want to communicate. A woman is upset by her partner’s taciturnity. It is important for the girl that a man could talk to her, to express his opinion.
- You need to learn how to get out of conflicts normally, try not to allow unnecessary fighting.
- A man must be able to take responsibility, not only for himself but also for his partner.
- Do not rely on what she will give you strength in any endeavors, will allow you to believe in yourself. Everything has to come from within. A man himself must make some effort to be happy.
- No matter how far your relationship, in any case do not stop caring for your partner. Take an interest in her life, patronize, support, when necessary.
- Be a caring and gentle partner. Woman should feel your tenderness on her, to feel loved.
- If your partner has any shortcomings, you should accept them, rather than trying to eradicate them. Remember that no one is perfect, that everyone has some flaws. Concentrate your attention on her strengths, see only the good in the girl.
- Let her live as she sees fit, do not control every step, do not be afraid that she will make mistakes, because we learn from them.
- Be there when the girl is overwhelmed by a wave of emotional turmoil. Support her in this period.
- Do not allow women’s tears. A man should protect the heart of his beloved, you can not upset her, especially over small things.
- Love your partner. Do not even think about finding someone on the side. Protect your feelings, avoid dirt.
- Try to always stay in a good mood, not out of place to show a sense of humor.
- In a relationship it is important to remain honest and not to cheat.
- Always develop and allow your partner to improve herself. It is important to have goals in life that can be achieved.
Now you know what are the mistakes of men at the beginning of the relationship and in its continuation. If a woman you really care about, you have to do everything to save her feelings, which means to behave appropriately, to protect, to take care of, to participate in her life.