Married fell in love with a married man: sorting out all the nuances

Falling in love with a married man: 10 wise tips from an ex-lover

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You know, in the past, for me, having intercourse with married men was under the strictest prohibition. After all, we’ve been taught since childhood that you can’t touch someone else’s stuff. But unfortunately, life sometimes dictates its own scenarios, and even the most stable rules crumble under the oppression of circumstances.

That’s what happened to me. A heady infatuation, a moment of relaxation, and that was it: the label of mistress came from where you were not expected. How to behave in this situation? Do you hope for a favorable outcome? Today I will reveal some tips learned by trial and error.

His personal life – not your jurisdiction

We girls are very curious and meticulous creatures. And that is why we are not shy to throw over your lover with questions about his wife, children, mother-in-law, grandmother and other family members. We want to know everything – from intimacy to the evening gathering over the TV. Remember, you can’t do that!

First of all, you probably will not hear the truth. You will tell the sob story of a spiteful toad who does not appreciate the perfect man, and eventually still want pity and comfort.

And secondly, there is a risk of hearing unpleasant information that will go through your heart with a sickle and leave wounds that will never heal. Curiosity is not a vice, but in this case you should not show it.

Don’t forget that the wife always comes first.

No matter how wonderful, exciting and loving a girl you are, to a married man the spouse will always come first. Yes, they may have some disagreements in their relationship right now. The intimate life in the family is probably not what it used to be. But they are united by years of family life, during which they have gotten to know each other to the smallest detail.

They are bound together by a shared household, children, friends, and familiar surroundings. Statistically, in most cases, a man is not ready to sacrifice his own comfort for the sake of a fleeting adventure. And, having enjoyed your company, he will gladly return under the wing of his wife.

Do not initiate your lover into your personal life.

“Women talk about love and keep silent about lovers, men – on the contrary: talk about lovers, but keep silent about love.” (Marina Tsvetaeva)

Yes, you sometimes sleep together. But that does not mean at all that you are now his property, and must do only what he desires. You have an open carte blanche to act freely in such a relationship. You have every right to communicate with other men. Give the gentleman to understand that this alliance will last exactly as long as you want it. It is you. Not him.

Show him that he is not the center of your universe.

You are an interesting, attractive woman. You always have something to talk about. And you are always busy doing something. Today – a fitness class, tomorrow – a Spanish course, on Thursday – a theater performance, and on Sunday – a meeting with close friends.

Thanks to a busy schedule your life will not only become active and interesting, but also make a man to think that not such a central player in this field. Let him adjust to the hectic rhythm of your life and find options for dating.

Be wiser.

In the arsenal of a smart girl there are hundreds of ways to lure men. And a truly wise woman checks adventure so that the lover of all 100% will believe that this was his initiative. Do not forget that he is seeking you, and not vice versa.

Albina Dzhanabayeva was in a secret relationship with Valery Miladze for many years. The singer tried in every way to surround the man with affection and care. She watched her appearance, did not forget about sports, regularly and deliciously cooked. She was attentive and sensitive to her beloved. As a result, she became the wife of a famous singer.

Do not be hysterical.

He has enough brainwashing at home too. And you, he comes, because he wants to spend time nice and quiet. Even if there is some good reason to be hysterical, pretend that you did not notice his offense, or consider it a trifle. A constant overdose of negative emotions will lead to an early end to this relationship.

Don’t be an individual psychologist

As tough as boys are, they have emotions too, and they need somewhere to vent them. Not that we really want that, of course. It wasn’t enough to be sad that he was married, to hear how hard and bad it was for him with that very spouse, and how it made him feel.

But his personal dramas are not the reason to traumatize a woman’s psyche. After all, relationships are primarily built on friendship. And one-way friendship is a kind of perversion. A true friend will never hurt your loved one, telling him what he does not like. Do not become a shoulder to cry for men, he still does not appreciate it.

Take care of your appearance.

When people live in a marriage of several years, they gradually relax and stop paying due attention to their appearance. This may have affected his wife, and every day he watches her in shabby clothes, with a bun on her head and grown hair on her legs. This is a chance for you to flip his interest in your direction.

Visit beauty salons, do not forget about shopping, keep your manicure and pedicure updated. You have to be flawless, that just looking at you at him showed increased salivation.

Infiltrate his surroundings

Men love to gossip with each other about women. And if there is a new specimen in sight, he attracted all the curious eyes. And here it will depend on you to determine what kind of characteristic you will receive after the meeting. Be cheerful, cheerful and sociable. If you can make your lover’s friends like you, they will be additional allies in helping him to come to your side.

Be gentle and passionate at the same time

“The greatest power over a man is the woman who, without giving herself to him, is able to make him believe that he is loved.” (Maria Ebner-Eschenbach)

Most likely, your man lacks emotion at home, and that is why he comes to you. His wife no longer shows the same amount of care and interest, and he really needs to feel needed and wanted. Show him the maximum amount of tenderness, surround him with warmth and care. But at just the right moment suddenly become insatiable tigress who is ready to tear his clothes.

Sort yourself out and answer the main question: do you even need this very married man?

Maybe this struggle for illusory happiness is not worth the energy and emotion? Soberly evaluate all the circumstances, events and actions. Many conclusions can be drawn by being just a detached observer. If the scale tips in the direction of winning the desired heart, be patient and go ahead. After all, after all, we are the creators of our own destiny!

October 22, 2019 was the 4th anniversary of Vera Brezhneva’s family life with her third husband, Konstantin Meladze. Their relationship withstood a ten-year test of strength even before the wedding. The girl waited 10 years to become the legal wife of her beloved! What patience!

About the author

Alina is an author-expert in the field of psychology. Since childhood fond of horoscopes and astrology. Loves reading, good movies and beautiful actors.

You love a married man – what to do in this situation

“A married man does not need a wife, he already has one at home,” said a popular psychologist. You know, here’s a very short article about that – about feelings for a married man. However, it is worth reading further to find out how it is and what the consequences are.

It is unlikely that a happy girl will ask this question, “How do I steal a man out of my family, because I want to create my own with him?” By the time the relationship with a married man passes, let’s say, 365 days, the psyche will be in “frayed” status.

Understanding yourself, this man, and your true needs tends to zero. And… where’s the happiness in that? And often women worry about this very thing – how to get out of the painful triangle “wife – husband – mistress” and stop losing vital energy.

The point of loving a married man

“Mama, I love a married man!” – is only sung playfully in the song. In reality, it’s not such a good game. The main strategy is waiting. The goal: wait for rare encounters. Once a month, once every two weeks, once a week. What needs close these forbidden meetings?

For women – the need for love, protection, care. For the man – in general, too. He wants to feel loved. After all, love and care give him protection, a kind of respite from society. There is something that is impossible in a relationship with his wife. To feel loved. Still strong, still young, still meaningful. It’s impossible to talk about anything.

And then she comes along. Someone with whom it’s possible. Things can even be good in the family. And then most of the man stays with his wife. And only the part that’s looking for closure gets the mistress.

The one with whom there is a perpetual candy and bouquet period and zero dirty socks, seems perfect. And the illusion that “if it weren’t for the wife, small children and other reasons, we would have been together a long time ago” blossoms lushly.

Well, no. There are times, of course, when people have outlived their previous relationship, but more often than not, that’s not the case.

And the mistress-husband relationship is a derivative of the husband-wife relationship. Without that husband-wife relationship, there would be no husband-mistress relationship. A man on the side “gets” what he didn’t get in his family, in his relationship with his spouse. And not surprisingly, when the family union falls apart, the relationship with the mistress, too, sometimes comes to naught.

Relationship with a Married Man

And the scathing expression “The mistress is the crutch of the relationship” quickly brings us back to reality. So, any adultery is a way to communicate something important to your partner. And while it’s impossible to get that message across, there’s a way to keep the relationship alive. In the form of adultery. And the one who loves the married man fulfills her function here.

Why is it “necessary” to fall in love with a married man, since “there are so many single guys”? It’s all logical. A married man has a lot of emotional, relational experience. He knows how to love, care, and support. And very attractive in that, unlike the selfish, cold single man.

Who is the one who loves the married man? It is not uncommon for a young, full of energy girl to be in love. She is a little naive, fuels her energy and believes a lot. And if she sees the married man as a father, she dreams of warmth and tenderness and wants to be around him. She longs to have the married (“daddy”) under her wing. In this case, there is a living out of a childhood traumatic experience. And the man is flattered to take care of his “daughter” and – as if they have found each other.

Or here – next to a married man can be a light copy of his wife, only younger. This is how men flee from old age and the fear of death. So there are different motives on both sides. And the motives are to love the married man, and to fall in love with the married man.


“I love a married man,” are not just words. If already and secret meetings, secret calls and correspondence went, it is also a conscious choice. Especially if the story lasts more than a year.

When you fall in love with a married man, know that the whole gamut of feelings can wait for you and the man and his spouse. There’s resentment, anger, sadness, fear, disgust.

You’re slipping into what’s called a Karpman triangle. Where victim, rescuer, stalker are tightly bound and sometimes swap places. Well, it’s a hell of a thing to live in a triangle. But it’s up to you. Hopes, fantasies, illusions that the beloved will one day leave the family and be with you are companions for the long haul.

“Everyone has pretty pictures from their wedding, and I will too,” you think. As long as the encounters are forbidden, fleeting, and involve risk – you want them. And then even the scheduled risk ceases to cheer you up and threatens to mental irritation.

What’s not enough in such a relationship? Love is enough, but with responsibility – poor. No responsibility – and fight, there is no need to figure out the relationship. You knew what you were getting into from the very beginning. In order for the relationship to get stronger, to establish itself, there must be crises. And crises, in turn, imply a clarification of relations, and this includes fighting. And it turns out that it does not work out well. The relationship is unstable.

What does a married man get out of such a relationship? With a minimum of responsibility, there is practically “sex without boundaries,” which in a family with all its conventions and rules, is sometimes difficult to obtain. Adoration on the part of the partner, especially at first. He is welcome by definition. That he pays attention, comes over, smiles. Even once every two weeks. Always welcome.

And this once again confirms its importance, not bad. In general, all these activities work on the self-esteem of a married man. And this fairy state of confidence, if it is difficult with internal supports and used to look for them outward, drags.

What are the dangers of loving a married man

If you’ve already moved into “mistress” status, it’s not out of the question that you’re with someone who is “both ours and yours.” Easy to cheat – well, his wife, at least, for sure. Manipulates – comes up with “interesting” explanations, and you believe it. Casting the hook more often with new bait – he is excellent at it. You guess his skill, but you practice self-deception.

The constant uncertainty and ambiguity in relationships knocks the ground out from under you. And the underlying awareness that you are destroying the family is not good. And the more sensitive ones are morally ready and quietly awaiting punishment from on high.

Interestingly, over time you yourself become jealous of your married lover’s spouse. Belonging entirely to you is not yet in his natal chart. Oh, and you don’t have much experience with married people yet, you’re suffering.

All of the above are not vitamins for the psyche. The state of uncertainty, and even for several long days, months, years, brings you to a nervous breakdown. And often women who are in such love relationships with married men go to an astrologer, psychologist, psychotherapist, wherever.

They attend different trainings, looking for a way out of a dead end. Demonstrate their confusion, uncertainty and have already regretted a thousand times that they were too carried away by romance. And the legend that love for a married man, like all love, pleases the butterflies in the stomach is already annoying.

What advice could you give to others to warn them against making mistakes? Maybe don’t go deep? Or don’t open that Pandora’s box at all – love a married man. So as not to get lost in the proverbial love triangle like the Bermuda Triangle.

What would help? Oddly enough, a period of singleness in your life. Take time out. Better for a year, a lot? It’s times like this when it’s clear who is who. A lot of things about yourself, you begin to understand the undercurrents of true desires. Another thing is that it’s hard to stand this loneliness. And you want to latch on to someone, to fall in love, to become closer, to immerse yourself. Even a married man. Take your time.

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