Why a man drifts away? 13 main reasons.
He’s invested so much to win you over. But now that you’ve brought him into your world, he’s pulling away. Strange, isn’t it? So, why does a man become distant and lose interest in a woman: 13 main reasons.
When men become distant, they have their reasons.
And one man’s reasons may be different from another, I’ll explain it below.
The reasons why men become distant can be different.
Let’s find out what those reasons are.
What’s in this article:
Is a man becoming distant?
He’s been so distant lately. And he’s not around as much as he used to be. You wonder if he’s getting distant or if there’s something else going on, and you’re just misinterpreting his behavior.
If a man is showing any of the following signs, it’s likely he’s starting to become distant.
- He used to text you during the day, but now he hardly ever contacts you.
- When he contacts you , it is because he wants something from you.
- When you are together, your conversations are superficial-coquettish, but superficial.
- He’s not interested in doing things you like, or he’s bored when he does.
- He’s hot, then he’s cold. One moment he’s in love with you; the next he’s aloof and even rude.
- If you’re sad or not feeling well, he leaves you alone and goes about his business.
- His social media pages don’t indicate that he’s in a serious relationship (or wants one).
If some of these sound familiar to you, it’s time to consider the 13 most likely reasons why a man is starting to drift away from a woman. Write down the ones that seem most likely to you. These notes will come in handy.
The 13 main reasons why men drift away
Why do men pull away? Chances are, you’ll find among these reasons the one that best fits your relationship. And the more you pay attention to what’s going on between you, the sooner you can get to the bottom of the problem the next time you talk to him.
The man is playing with you.
If this is the reason your man is distancing himself from you and losing interest, it’s going to hurt. He’s not interested in a monogamous relationship-at least not with you. He makes you feel like you’re the only one in his life, but if you look closely, you’ll find that he takes the same approach with other women, too.
Meet with him, and he might respond with something like, “Oh, I thought you knew. I like our relationship and I’d like to keep seeing each other…” But compliments aside, you alone aren’t enough for him.
And you know you deserve better.
A man wants an inexpensive relationship.
He likes what you do together, and he might even be okay with dating you exclusively – as long as you’re not demanding too much from him.
Don’t expect this guy to give up his plans to be with you in case you get sick or need his support. The less you count on him, the happier he will be with you.
He may secretly want more out of the relationship. But if you tell him what you want and he doesn’t want it, this man is more likely to lose interest in you.
He doesn’t think you’re worthy of attention.
A man wants a submissive girl, and you’re not
He wants a woman who makes him the center of his universe. He will not tolerate a partner who does not give him everything he wants, or who does not please him in everything.
Tell him “no,” and he will get angry. Speak out against him or disagree with one of his opinions, and he will feel personally attacked and disrespected.
He doesn’t want a girlfriend, he wants a floor mat or a submissive candy bar.
A job or financial situation causes a man stress
He may be stressed about his job, worried about unemployment or that he is not earning enough to support the lifestyle he wants.
Maybe dating or relationships have become so expensive that he has started using credit cards and now his monthly expenses have gone up. But he doesn’t want to tell you about it for fear of humiliating himself in front of you.
It’s hard for people when something restricts at least one of their main sources of freedom: money, health, or work.
A man is looking for a more confident and independent woman
He sees you as someone who needs you too much. If he’s ever called you needy, that could be the reason he’s starting to pull away. As much as your man wants to be needed, he prefers women who are as comfortable in their own company as he is in his.
A man wants an equal partner; he wants you to show both independence and confidence. He wants a woman who loves herself and is strong without him.
If you don’t know your worth and constantly look to him for support and praise, over time he may begin to distance himself from you to protect his energy and restore what he has lost.
A man clings to someone with whom he feels a stronger connection
Your conversations are superficial because neither of you feel comfortable discussing serious topics with each other.
You don’t have much in common (other than material things), and he’d rather spend time with people he feels more connected to. And right now, that’s not you.
Be honest with yourself and determine what you have in common and if your man is the first person you think of when you want to have a heart-to-heart talk.
The man doesn’t know why yet, but he feels the need for some space
He senses that there is something wrong between you, and he doesn’t know what it is. But he needs time to think about where your relationship is going and what he really wants.
Or maybe he thinks he needs to give you time to “cool down” after the conflict between you. He’s hoping that after a calculated absence, you’ll think more about how to make up than about what really happened between you.
Sometimes, however, it’s worth remembering what did happen between you two after all.
A man is looking for a way to say goodbye.
He’s already decided (or half-decided) to end the relationship, but doesn’t know how to do it. So, the man is pulling away a little bit, hoping that it will be easier for him to figure out how to say goodbye.
And it might be – especially if he’s met someone else who’s interested in him. Or he might just get up the courage to tell you that he wants something or someone else.
Either way, it’s worth discussing when he’s ready to talk.
The man hopes you’ll take the hint and break the relationship off (so he doesn’t have to)
In some cases, a guy wants to break up a relationship, but he doesn’t want all the unpleasantness of a breakup. So, the man starts to drift away, acting like a cutting tool, constantly stabbing you, hoping that you understand his hints.
If you end the relationship, he may just calmly accept it (like the tough guy he thinks he is), wish you the best and move on. And, voila, you’ve done all the hard work for him.
All he had to do was be worse than he is. And that’s a lot easier.
A man needs time to comprehend a new challenge.
He’s not used to a complicated relationship, and he needs time to sort out the recent conflict that was between you. He may decide that the relationship isn’t worth the stress, or he may come back to you with a new commitment to overcome any problem between you.
In the meantime, give him time and space to make a decision.
A man doesn’t share your vision of the future.
He doesn’t want what you want. If you ask him, “Where and how do you see us in a year?” he won’t know what to answer (unless he knows how to lie and wants to confuse you).
He just “sees the relationship developing” between you – because it’s easier than admitting that the relationship is going nowhere.
Next time you get the chance, ask him about his vision of the future and whether he sees you in it. The sooner you know the truth about it, the better for both of you.
A man is worried about something.
And he’s not comfortable discussing it with you (yet). Maybe he’s worried about family drama, or maybe he’s rethinking his career choice.
Whatever it is, he’s been through something stressful and doesn’t want to talk about it.
As much as you want to be his closest confidant, your relationship hasn’t yet reached that level of depth. And if you’ve been dating for a while, it’s going to hurt.
He may or may not let you in at some point. Ask yourself how long you’re willing to wait.
The man is insecure and trying to avoid an unpleasant rejection
Now a man is distancing himself to protect himself from possible rejection.
It’s not enough for him to hear from you that you will never say no to him. He pulls away to create some kind of emotional distance, hoping that the inevitable breakup won’t hurt him as much.
He sees your relationship through the filter of his past and his low self-esteem. It’s not really about you, but it definitely affects you.
And it’s worth talking to him about it at the right time.
What do you do when a man pulls away?
If you ask, “When he’s distant, do I need to do the same?” the answer is Yes. The alternatives are either advancing or pursuing him, and neither of them will do you any good. When you are alienated, too, you can focus your energy on developing self-love.
A few ways to do this:
- Take a step back – if you can, maintain the friendship.
- Give him space. Don’t stalk him or corner him with questions.
- Focus on building self-confidence. It’s not up to him.
- Reflect on what you’ve learned from your relationship with him.
- Focus on your personal goals and go for them.
- Take time to improve your health and well-being.
In short, focus on loving yourself, not on whether he loves you. If he gets close again, you can talk about what you both want and what to do next.
Now that you know why the man is pulling away, what will you do?
You know the signs you should look for when men pull away. And we’ve looked at the top 13 reasons why they do it.
Now you may be wondering how you can protect yourself from repeating the same situation with another man.
You already know what to do: focus on loving yourself and achieving your own goals.
When you’re confident in your own worth and personal strength, you’re less likely to waste time on a man who isn’t ready for a real relationship.
Man moves away in a relationship: how to behave correctly so as not to aggravate the situation
Relationships tend to develop not on a growing dynamic, and this is absolutely normal! Passion slowly subsides, where it is replaced by other, no less important feelings and emotions. But they are calmer, more moderate, more mature. This is in the ideal, of course. But sometimes one of the partners begins to wobble, like a ship in a rough sea, now hitting the pier, then sharply sailing away from it. This behavior is inherent in the representatives of the stronger sex, and their chosen ones from this is painful and difficult. How do women behave if a man drifts away? How to interpret his coldness? What kind of mistake is not allowed to avoid separation?
How to properly respond to a woman’s coldness from a man.
All of the women’s stories about men’s desire to distance themselves go something like this
“As soon as I get attached, I start to relax – my beloved grows cold, not as reverent as before, calls less and less often…”
“I notice that my man is becoming different – whether he has cooled down or become confident that I’m not going anywhere…”
“My beloved man has become withdrawn, responds to messages every once in a while, I feel that something is wrong, he is clearly distancing himself from me…”.
Sometimes men drift away suddenly, oddly and unexpectedly, but sometimes it happens slowly and gradually. How do women react if the coldness in the relationship is obvious? Hysteria, panic, clarification of relations! How so? What is going on? What is driving it? Bastard! Coward! Traitor! From this the relationship comes to a standstill – you run into resentment, rudeness, resentment grows with renewed force, and the quarrel takes on a large scale.
Few rational questions come to mind: “What mistake could I have made? How and how to help now a man? What to do to remedy this situation? What to do to prevent this from happening again?”
The first advice from a psychologist, if a man became distant and less and less often responds to calls: Calm down! Next you should definitely understand the reason for his withdrawal, but now the task is different. Breathe out, relax and give a man the opportunity to be alone in his thoughts, problems, worries, feelings. You will put a lot of effort – you’ll push him away! You, as a loved one, of course, want to help him “here and now”, but leave this venture for now.
Second, don’t impose yourself. You don’t know the reason why the man is estranged, do you? And if he lacks freedom? Then your pursuit will finally put a stop to his doubts.
It is especially important to note at what stage of the relationship you are now:
- The initial stage, when positive emotions overwhelm people, where a man and a woman completely dissolve into each other. If your partner is alienating already at the first stage of the relationship – you still have nothing to lose, so don’t even look back.
- At the stage of fitting in, when passion is still raging, but reason is already involved. Here the couple begins to look at each other soberly, assessing the advantages and disadvantages. More often men are alienated, become cold at this stage, when the euphoria flies away and you have to take their mistress with all the realities. We will talk about this in detail later.
- The stage when love acquires a different character and is expressed in care, gratitude, respect. Of course, we are already talking about marriage (long-term relationship). Frank conversation in this case can not be avoided, because if a man before 10 years has been open and cheerful, and now he became distant – the problem is obvious. But everything later! Now rest is necessary, apparently, for both of you.
Women need to learn how to behave intelligently to save the relationship. How? Also to take a pause, to lie low, continuing to live their lives. Yes, it’s not easy, hurtful, painful, but there is no other option – the problem teaches a person wisdom!
Why men drift away
Men’s behavior is full of mysteries. Psychologists answer – from time to time to disappear, to move away for men is quite normal. Even if he is head over heels in love, he needs privacy. Why?
The main reason – finding boundaries. He is looking for the very outline of freedom in which you both will be comfortable. Roughly it looks like this: “I did not pick up the phone all day today, and tonight she defiantly silent. Next time I’ll have to write her at least a couple of words, that I am very busy.” He’s kind of a spring in his step – he moves away, watching the reaction, watching his feelings, assessing the situation as a whole, then he moves closer, doing the same thing (watching your reaction, assessing his own feelings toward you, etc.). Ideally, if the man manages to find the golden mean at the first stage, because otherwise in the eyes of the woman the situation looks different: “Everything was fine – he did not leave me even a step away, darivala candy, loaded with sms, worried about my health, wanted to meet my parents faster … And now the man became aloof, alien, less and less calls and writes, he probably got what he wanted! Then you are both in dissonance – a partner from the fact that he had not yet felt the boundary, and you from not understanding his actions.
This is the main idea why the chosen ones become distant, but there are, of course, other, equally important reasons. Why else would a man become distant?
- He fell in love, which means that he became weak and vulnerable. If a man feels it – he becomes afraid. What is the best way to fight his fear? That’s right, by secluding yourself, sorting it out.
- A man becomes distant if he feels pressure in his direction. He just wanted ease, but a woman builds relationships differently. Hence the cat and mouse game.
- It’s just his personality. There are touchy men, there’s nothing you can do about it. A wrong move by a woman and that’s it – get him out of the “cave” of silence. This is more like manipulation, that is, a man by distance to achieve his whims and desires.
- If his chosen one is constantly criticizing him, scolding, humiliating. Here a man will distance himself in order to rethink his priorities, to make important decisions for himself.
- He needs to rest. This is especially the case with those men who work more than 10 hours a day. If a woman does not understand/accept his way of life and is capricious, scandalized that her chosen one pays little attention to her, he distances himself in order to just breathe out and restore his mental equilibrium.
- A man doubts his choice. If he has enough inner strength, he will say so directly and take a pause. In other cases, the man is simply distancing himself, less and less likely to get in touch, avoiding his chosen one in every possible way. Often this is the beginning of the end, there is nothing you can do about it.
- Man gives himself away because he feels like a secondary partner. If a woman is strong-willed, active – he has the impression that she will cope without him. And yet the stronger sex needs to feel supported, a rock, a breadwinner, otherwise the emotional charge quickly fades.
- He has a problem. Not necessarily with you, life is not just about a man and a woman. He may be worried about his job, his parents, his future, buying a car, his business. And as the stronger sex a priori humble interlocutors – it is better to experience their problems alone. To do this, he will move away, stepping aside, pushing you a little back.
- Faded passion. And if your man is a real hunter, who loves to get attention – there is no option. Extinguished the fire – and the partner will fade.
- You have very different life plans. He wants to live in a village near a river, and you want to live in a megalopolis on the 12th floor of a luxury apartment. He – a pedantic athlete, and you high-class party girl. And between you passion, unearthly love, but the man understands that you breathe different air, so he distances himself, preferring the mind over the heart.
- Coldness on the man’s part may mean that it is time to end the relationship. It flows slowly, starting with little things: you discuss the past day less and less often, meetings are shorter and shorter, kisses stop, hugs are more crumpled, etc.
- Another one shows up. Unfortunately, many women go through this. It is this reason that strikes at the heart. A man doesn’t leave right away, but becomes estranged gradually. In this period of time he has time to compare you, to find reasons for leaving, to prepare the ground for a future relationship.
- The partner was not something more than sex for him. This can be seen immediately, so women, lamenting that the man has grown cold, are lying, because they saw his attitude initially. A young man pulls you up when he needs affection, and goes away if he does not need it.
- If a woman has become antisocial. Men who are serious are categorical in this matter. Smoking, every night wine or worse makes a man distance himself, step aside to look at his relationship from the outside. The choice always turns out to be not in favor of the woman.
These are the most basic secrets of why men distance themselves from women. You can break down each reason into a couple more points, under his story: you’re a bad wife or mother (in his opinion), stopped taking care of himself, his parents are against your relationship, you want children, and the young man does not, you constantly argue or partner himself is secretive, weak, fearful, etc. The essence of it does not change – the cause is, and therefore it requires a solution.
Advice from a psychologist: What a woman to do if a man in a relationship noticeably alienated
So, you know the reason for which your chosen one gets away all the more. But it did not get easier? Man writes less often, he stopped noticing you, not always pick up the phone, answering one-word sentences, refuses to travel together … What is the next step? Of course, to return the old days!
How to properly establish a relationship with a guy who has noticeably grown cold to you?
The most important rule is to save your strength and nerves, be patient and confident. The man is distancing himself to immerse himself – remember that. Do not get in his way! Stop running after him, know how to be in a relaxed state, always stay deflected from him. If a man is distant and then draws closer – be wise, accept him, respond to calls or texts. If he writes “I want to meet,” go for contact, but just don’t run to him with all your might. Respond to his messages cryptically, vaguely, something like “I’m busy for now; I’ll sort things out a bit and be sure to meet; Let’s call later,” and so on. You’re going to be offended by ignoring his appearance – he, if there are no strong feelings, will stop the game altogether.
But it’s important not to flirt. Everything must be in moderation. The goal is to show that he is not the meaning of your being. You go on living, regardless of whether the person is present or not!
Now back to the stages of the relationship.
If a man gives up already in the early stages – alas, he is not interested in you. It happens: you are good, beautiful, mannered, but alien. You can try to win his attention, to reveal a new way, to change some of their habits, principles, but psychologists advise not to do so. Sublimate your energy in an important matter, the man leave alone! What do we do? Go on, live on, smile at others, breathe with full breath. Without problems, burdens and suffering.
If you are already quite close (or even married), and the man moves away, misleading you, psychologists advise to use the rule 4 DO NOT:
- Do NOT look for flaws, problems, blame in yourself;
- NOT to run, chase, catch up and pursue the truth;
- DO NOT allow depressive, sad thoughts (found another, fall out of love with me);
- NOT to try to punish, to get revenge, to hurt a man.
If there are so many inhibitions, what should you do, you may ask?
Talk about it, of course. Straightforward, but without pressure or raised tones. Discuss the problems and the reasons why it reeks of coolness from a man. Agree that if he needs a break (cool down, privacy), he can openly tell you about it. Well, you, in turn, promise to provide him with silence, privacy and peace. You both will feel better that way.
Watch your own speech, demeanor, gestures in dealing with the man. Work on the relationship synchronously, do not put it in the rank of “martyr” or “victim”, puffing and nadryvayuschaya for both. Say frankly, sincerely his desire to fix everything.
Be spiritually self-sufficient. When a woman is soft on the outside, but strong inside – a man has no reason or desire to move away! Raise your own self-esteem for this, do not neglect your life, achieve your goals.
Seek help from your loved one more often – the realization that you are needed can melt even the thickest ice.
Become an anchor for a man – confident, strong, calmly freeze in place. This position can hold even the most heavy and capricious ship, not allowing him to get lost in the chaos of the waves, or crash on the rocks.
If it’s getting close to parting
It’s not always a problem that can be solved. The whole shakiness of relationships is that they do not depend on just one partner. Even if you really want to and try your best – it’s not enough if the other half wants peace and a break.
What should a woman do if the man decided to take a break in the relationship?
The first thing is to try to understand and forgive him. As long as you are driven by anger, resentment, and spite, nothing positive will happen! Free from negative emotions, you will be able to accept his decision calmly, judiciously, switching to your needs.
No need to go over yourself, sacrificing your inner world. If a man sees that a woman is ready to smash for his sake – he feels rejection, squeamishness, antipathy. Know how to enjoy freedom, as far as possible. Become nice, kind, remember that inside you live a girl who wants and deserves a good attitude, love, affection, care. Let them conquer you, dispose of, and not vice versa!
If a man is distant – give time. Him and yourself. Love yourself anew, follow your dreams, get out of the other man’s life. Remember, if a man loves you – he’s all aware of it and, by all means, return your goodwill. If not – you won’t make nice by force! Start a new life, and to this sad experience, treat philosophically, deriving from it all useful and valuable. Appreciate yourself and your time – no one will return it to you!
Women need to understand that distance for men is quite normal, such is the male psychology. The main thing is that it was not a habit and did not destroy your relationship. Do not lose emotional connection with your partner, do not let crises disrupt your well-being, be sincere in your words and actions! Know how to be happy!