Psychology between a man and a woman – Stages of relationship
Hi all. In this article we are going to talk about the stages of the relationship between a man and a woman and their psychology. Now we are going to break down the popular myths about relationships that the internet is overflowing with. You will look at the relationship from a scientific point of view and find answers to many questions… So, let’s get right to the subject.
Stages of the relationship – the psychology between a man and a woman
I recently came across a post on the internet called “Stages in a relationship that every couple needs to go through.” I was horrified by this perspective, and also by the fact that the people who compiled this post are completely unfamiliar with human nature and biology.
I forwarded this post to about 5 girls I know and 4 of them agreed that this is what happiness in personal life looks like and that they want this kind of relationship. These reflections prompted me to create this article.
So, I will now briefly describe the stages of the relationship that I saw in this post, and below I will give my commentary on each of them:
Stage 1 – Idealization
My comment: nature works in the following way, when you meet a person of the opposite sex and you like him, your body releases a huge amount of pleasure hormones, so you basically do not care about any minor flaws in a person, you simply do not notice them.
Nature is designed for people of the opposite sex to have sex and reproduce (fulfill their biological function), not to argue about which drawer to keep your socks in and how to cook borscht.
Stage 2 – Satiety
My comment: here nature kind of hints to people that okay, you have multiplied, everything is cool, you have fulfilled your natural function, it’s time to slow down. The release of happiness hormones in large quantities ends, the world with your beloved no longer looks so perfect. If the pleasure hormones continued to be released endlessly, your nervous system would face an overload. That’s why happiness in large quantities is also bad for you.
So, when you’re just starting a relationship with a person and you’re in a state of euphoria, know that it won’t always be like this. The euphoria will pass with time and that is normal…
I also recommend you to read: Why married men have mistresses (opens in a new tab)
Step 3 – Differences
My comment: why does this happen and what is the real issue here? And the point is that people are not inherently monogamous (and in this post we see a monogamous system of relationship building). It’s not inherently our nature to live with one person for life, it’s evolutionary.
The species homo sapiens has been on the verge of extinction for most of evolutionary history, humans are indeed weaker than many animal species. And when a species is on the verge of extinction, it cannot be monogamous, it needs to reproduce constantly for the species to survive (this is why humans want to have sex so often, unlike many animal species, which are only willing to mate at certain times).
Neither men nor women are monogamous-it is a scientific fact.
A monogamous species falls in love once and for life, but I am sure that almost everyone who reads these lines has already been in a relationship with more than one partner in their lifetime, and that is not monogamy.
People are partially monogamous or temporarily monogamous. We become attached to a partner, but only for a certain amount of time. It has to do with offspring. After all, a child in the first few years of life is at its most defenseless, it needs two parents to raise it. Therefore, a man and a woman cannot live without each other when they begin a love story. And when this period of a couple of years passes, people let go and there is no such attachment between them anymore, boredom sets in.
Of course, there are other situations of relationship development, but in this article we are talking specifically about love.
Step 4 – Restoring the relationship
My comment: and this is where my disagreement begins to show as much as possible. The phrase “If partners make an effort to develop patience” especially cuts my ear. Unfortunately, many people think that patience is a very useful quality and they have patience not only in relationships, but also in work, business, career, socializing with friends, etc.
And what do such people turn their lives into? That’s right, into nothing but patience. They endure all the time and they pull the weight. And then suddenly it turns out that you didn’t live your life the way you wanted to, because you were patient.
And yes, patience is not the same as patience. It’s one thing to have patience in order to get steep results in the long run (for example, you can’t get pumped up in 1 day, you need to have patience and plow around in the gym for at least 6 months to see any changes. Or you can’t build a successful business in a week, you need to be patient and work on the project for at least half a year) is a good kind of patience.
But it’s quite another thing to endure a job you don’t like, a bored partner, an angry boss, or toxic friends – that’s the kind of patience that will lead you to unhappiness.
Here (in the post) the author shows patience as a tool that endows people with wisdom – bullshit that has nothing to do with reality. If you tolerate anything in a relationship, it will turn into outright crap.
Also recommended reading: Signs of a toxic relationship with a man (Opens in a new tab)
Stage 5 – The Debt and Respect Phase
My comment: Now the word “Duty” and the post author’s illusory idea of love cuts my ear. For some reason a lot of people build their relationships on debt. Someone owes someone something forever. For example, she owes him to cook because she was born a woman and he owes her to fix faucets and pay for her shopping because he was born a man.
Come on, it’s the 21st century! Partners in a relationship should be independent, free people who don’t owe anyone anything. They should only be in a relationship with each other because they feel good together. Not because he can’t cook a meal without her and she can’t pay for her shopping and that’s why she needs a man.
The word “Must” shouldn’t be used at all when it comes to love and relationships.
Now let’s move on to “Love.” Love is just a biochemical process in our brain caused by the production of certain hormones and nothing more. When you are crazy about your partner in the first stages of acquaintance and relationship, it can also be called love.
But in this post, the author endows the word “love” with some sacred value, something supreme, which people have allegedly not yet had time to experience before stage 5. I.e. according to the author, it turns out that when people were crazy about each other, they were high, they were crazy about each other – it was not love, but ordinary chemistry. But when people were able to put up with each other, it’s another matter, it’s real love – AWESOME LOGIC (I said with irony).
I understand what the author of this post is trying to say, but I fundamentally disagree with him. This type of relationship he writes about is destructive and has nothing to do with a happy relationship.
Now to the phrase “Understanding one’s responsibilities develops a person” – I also fundamentally disagree with this statement. Overcoming one’s fears, realizing one’s dreams, going after one’s goals, learning something new, striving to achieve cool results, but not “understanding one’s responsibilities” can develop a person. How can understanding your responsibilities develop you? If anyone knows the answer, please write your opinion in the comments below this article.
Step 6 – Friendship
My comment: when sex with a person no longer stirs, and the partner does not deliver emotion, then life turns into boredom and domesticity. What is there to do in this situation? Right – just be friends. Because there is nothing else to do in such a relationship, except to be friends and talk sincerely on different topics.
I also recommend to read: Is there a friendship between a man and a woman? (Opens in a new tab)
Step 7 – Love
My comment: So, it is this stage, when emotions and feelings are no longer left, and love is scorched by time – the author calls the stage of “true love”.
Let’s now talk to you about this stage, but from a scientific point of view, so that the readers of my blog don’t fall into the trap of illusions.
We have already talked about the fact that at the beginning of a relationship a man and a woman secrete “happiness hormones” in large quantities. These same hormones are the root cause of why people get sick of each other. But over time, the happiness hormones are not released in such large quantities, but another hormone, oxytocin, begins to be produced.
Oxytocin is the hormone responsible for the attachment of partners to each other. This same hormone causes the mother to become attached to her child and to care for her child.
But what happens to a couple when the happiness hormones (dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, and others) are no longer produced and there is only attachment to each other? Man and woman become like relatives for each other, they have trust, warm communication (if the relationship is cool), good attitude towards each other, but no passion! They are already like relatives, but not lovers.
Passion is out of the question in such a relationship, everything becomes routine and ordinary. Someone claims that the passion in a relationship can be maintained forever, perhaps, but for some reason it all comes out very easily in words, and in fact many couples cheat on each other, looking for adventures on the side, and lying to their “love” in order not to get caught. Such an idyll…
So, what conclusion I can draw from the post in the social network about “Stages of relationship – the psychology between a man and a woman”.
This scenario looks very beautiful on paper, everything is so nice and environmentally friendly (if you do not take into account the words that cut the ear “should”, “should”, “duty”, “obligation”). But in practice, this format of relationship will be boring and unsuitable for most people.
And that’s it for me. If you liked this article – share it with your friends on social networks. If you still have any questions, post them in the comments. Bye!
The psychology of the relationship between a woman and a man
One of the most important and more popular topics is the psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman. And rightly so, because in a relationship with his other half, we realize ourselves and develop. In order to understand the relationship, we must first understand the differences between the sexes. We have different values and behaviors. If you don’t try to understand the fundamental difference between male and female nature, it is impossible to build a harmonious relationship.
Masculine and Feminine Nature
We are not just built differently for a reason. It is inherent in nature to behave accordingly. Because of one detail called mindset and reflexes. It helps to understand what laws the personality obeys. The main difference is that men’s brains work analytically and are able to concentrate on a minimum number of tasks to solve them as quickly as possible. In women, everything is tied to the department of the brain, which is responsible for sensation and perception. That is why the stronger sex lives by ideas, thoughts, goals, reasoning, and the weaker sex lives by emotions. A man needs to be alone, to put his thoughts in order, a woman needs to communicate, it is necessary to have the opportunity to express themselves.
Coming home from work, a man because of the excess of thoughts should be a little time to myself. Women overfilled with feelings and emotions and it is easier for her to speak out. To relations in the family formed in such a situation, it is necessary to give her side of the man 20 minutes of silence, so he put in order his thoughts. Male psychology in relation to women in this situation should correspond to her nature, it is necessary to be patient and let her speak out for 20 minutes. You should not give her advice, you just need to listen, look carefully and embrace, to establish emotional contact. She just needs this. With this approach the relationship in the family will be stronger.
The psychology of the relationship should be built on mutual respect. We have different points where the inner energy gathers. In solitude, a man becomes as a person, expresses himself with ideas, so he just needs it at certain moments. If he does not have a mission and purpose, he does not have an end point that requires all his skills and strength. A woman must understand his loneliness and support his endeavors. Now often modern ladies try to manipulate men – “where did you go?” He went to implement his ideas, this is his destiny. He will still go, but if there is support and assistance in self-realization, he will be happy to come back. A woman needs emotional relief and understanding. A man should know this, respect her desires and be able to listen when she needs it.
The inner energy that helps you achieve something in life accumulates differently in women and men. When it fills up, there is the power to make a difference in life. In men:
- When he is able to control his emotions, to keep his feelings out when making willed decisions.
- When he is responsible. It is extremely important to him to protect his family, his business, himself, etc.
A woman’s energy accumulates when she keeps her chastity, her faithfulness, her tranquility.
Where are the worthy partners?
In today’s world, it is very common to hear from single men or women that there is no worthy man around. Nature is very harmoniously created. All living creatures find a mate. Birds have their own family nests, and it is unlikely that a male or a female sits in a tree and sighs, where all the worthy partners have flown away. They have a nature-given way of behaving and everyone performs his or her assigned role in the pair. Humans, on the other hand, are given a great deal of freedom in this respect. We don’t seek to change ourselves for the better, but we want it from others. To find an appropriate woman, you first need to become worthy yourself. The psychology of man’s relationship with a woman should be aimed at creating support, confidence and protection. Similarly, in a woman’s situation, she should be a support and comfort. Change yourself and decent people will not make you wait long.
The psychology of men in relationships
When building a relationship is very important to let him make his own decisions. The worst thing a woman can do – she took a nail, a hammer, call a man and finger pointing to where and what he nailed. He needs to find his own way out. Leave it to a man. He himself will find a hammer, choose a nail and together with you will find a place to hammer it. This will emphasize his independence.
It is also necessary to respect his authority, not to suppress his pride and independence. It is necessary to bring up in a man a strong person. This is not difficult. It is enough to appreciate, to pay attention to his strengths and maintain self-esteem. It is his energy, sunny, requiring attention. If a woman can help and feed this energy with her attention, he will be highly appreciated, do whatever is necessary for her and will not leave for another.
A loving woman who believes in her man helps him grow and develop. It is important sometimes to step on her own throat and let the man do everything himself, even if it is contrary to her worldview. That’s why they say that behind every great man is a strong woman. When a woman knows how to give in to a man, she finds, oddly enough, real happiness.
A woman in a man seeks refuge from all the contradictions that are in her. She needs protection from excessive feelings and emotions. The most common complaint of women – he doesn’t listen and doesn’t hear me. And since by nature they need to speak out, the lack of attention from men very hurtful, and a woman reacts very sharply.
To escape all the accumulated energy, thoughts and feelings that fill the mind, a woman must scandalize. Without this there is no way. Men need to understand and accept this. It may even be worth saddling her at some points. But if he also begins to scandalize, he will lose his credibility in her eyes.
The energy of the weaker sex is harmonizing. A man needs to give impressions and show care. Become a leader, to take full material and emotional responsibility. Women are not called the weaker sex for nothing. If you contradict your nature, to control everything, to earn and support a family, to become a strong and independent person, a woman will still not feel safe and satisfied. She will not be able to discharge her emotional load, and this is very important. It will be difficult for a real man to be with such a woman.
Psychology of family relationships
One of the main goals in life is to create and maintain a family. In today’s world, divorce often occurs because of an unsatisfied relationship between a man and a woman. The psychology of family relationships should be based on respect for the personality of the spouse. In order for a marriage relationship to be successful, there must be:
- A shared living space;
- mutual feeling of love and respect;
- common interests, goals, values;
- distribution of roles in the family;
- boundaries of what is acceptable in relation to each other;
- The presence of each spouse’s personal space;
- tolerance and understanding, etc.
One of the most important points is the distribution of roles. Everyone in the family shall have their own purpose, rights and responsibilities. Most often there are quarrels precisely because the roles are not distributed or spouses violate the boundaries of their responsibility or do not respect them. It is important in the psychology of relationships between family members to distribute roles so that everyone gets a role according to their abilities and desires and feels that their contribution is important and meaningful to all.
A family is not only a union between a man and a woman, but also, usually, children. Raising a child is important to get right. After all, they are the future man and woman, which means you should treat the child accordingly. Mom in the eyes of the boy should be a woman to help and protect. You can not dominate over him, to order, otherwise he will grow up a man, incapable of acting and making decisions. You need to help to express themselves, to educate the boy in independence and responsibility. The psychology of the relationship between the man and the girl should be built on the same principle. The father must be a protection for his daughter, to patiently listen to her, to help, to give impressions and emotions.
The family is a small team, cohesion is important here. You need to get together often, do something nice or useful. Try to eat dinner together, play together, clean together, go for walks, go on vacations, etc. This is the basis of a happy marriage. Also, do not be afraid of conflict, because it is a way of resolving difficult situations.